Posted By Kristabella on June 8, 2010
Internet, meet my new niece, Madeline Jane.
She came into the world this morning, weighing in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.
I went to the hospital after work today to meet her.
I think she already likes me best.
I bought this for her to wear.
She is just perfect.
Her big brother Tommy thinks so too.
I am the world’s proudest Auntie. Welcome to the world baby girl! I’m so glad we finally got to meet you!
Posted By Kristabella on June 7, 2010
If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, this is probably not news to you. But for the rest of you, I am currently housing a 21 year old college grad in my spare bedroom. Who is that, you may ask? It is my half-sister Alix, her of the recent graduation.
So I’m like 11 years older than her. I babysat her when she was a newborn. I still think of her (and her sisters) as those little girls. But now they are adults and driving and of legal drinking age and MAN, I am OLD!
She was living in an apartment in the city with a few roommates. One of them happened to be her ex-boyfriend. He liked to sometimes hit her. So I stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. As much as I love living by myself and being able to sit on my couch with no pants on and spend hours and hours of my days watching crap reality television and picking my asshole, my comfort and lazy lifestyle was not a priority when it came to her safety.
So last Thursday, I had a roommate for the first time in six years. Although, it isn’t really like a roommate since she’s not paying rent. But I am going to make her clean for her shelter. Mostly because she likes to clean and I do not.
It is going well. I’m as shocked to admit that as you all are to read it. I actually had a very busy weekend so I wasn’t home a lot. And she was working so she wasn’t either. So she didn’t get a real gauge on the amount of TV I watch.
Thursday night we moved her in, got some dinner and I introduced her to the magic that is The OCD Project on VH1. You know she’s only my half-sister because she doesn’t watch ANY reality television. WHO ARE YOU?
She ended up passing out on my couch before 9. So we didn’t get to have the “no boys/no sex/no parties” chat. If I’m not having sex in my house while she is here, neither is she! Also, I couldn’t really allow others to sleep on the futon in my second bedroom in the future knowing she did the nasty with some dude she met at a bar on it.
Anyway, Friday night we both went our respective ways to watch the Hawks game. I was on the South side and debated about just staying over at a friend’s house so I didn’t have to drive. But then the game was HORRIBLE, I was sober and I ended up going home. It was really hot, humid and rainy, so the air conditioning was on. And since I keep my A/C at like 71 during the night, I figured I needed to let Alix know where the extra blankets were, in case she got cold. Because I knew she wasn’t going to be coming home sober.
So I sent her a text. I was such an old lady. But it gets cold in here! I am a good hostess! She finally rolled in around 2 AM, I think. I only know this because I heard her trying to get in the front door. She couldn’t figure out which was the right key. I knew the nice thing would have been to help her, but then it isn’t as funny.
On Saturday I headed out to a street fest to stand around and drink steins of beer and wish my friend Sarah good luck on her move to Ohio. Alix actually called when she got off work and wanted to meet us out. Us 30 somethings! I was shocked. I figured she wanted free beer. I think I had enough tickets for a brat.
I was at this street fest all day. I walked the trek back and forth from the ticket booth/port-a-pottys/beer line multiple times that day. And then I walked through it with a hot, young blonde and all of a sudden there were A LOT of guys talking to her and coming up to her.
Story of my life.
And to make it worse, the cats already like her better than me.I think Simba is plotting a way to get her to take him home with her.
Whenever that is. And it better be soon, right Alix? RIGHT?!?!?
Posted By Kristabella on June 2, 2010
Up until last night, I had never grilled in my life.
I’ve always been afraid. I mean, the closest I’ve come to grilling is putting a chicken breast on my old George Foreman Grill. I preferred that because there is no FIRE involved. There are no visible flames. I am not in jeopardy of burning my eyebrows off, nor burning my house down. It suited me just fine.
In my old apartment, I had a grill. It sat in pieces in the kitchen for years (no really, YEARS) because I didn’t want to put it together. It was used and dirty and I am lazy. I finally put it together. And then I was afraid to get the propane tank filled. Because EXPLOSION! So I just had a put together grill that made me look cool if you saw my balcony.
Last Labor Day, I invited my mom and Gram over. I wanted Gram to see my new place and I wanted to cook out on the grill for them. So I got the propane filled and got the grill all ready to go. And then when we went to light it, the damn thing didn’t light. (Come to find out I put it together wrong. Because I gave up waiting after YEARS of my brother promising to come over and hook it up for me.) So since we had food all prepared to go on the grill, I went to Home Depot and bought a Weber grill. And then my mom grilled the meal and I sat on my couch because FIRE! SCARY! RUN!
And there my grill sat. Until yesterday evening. I FORCED myself to cook on it. I went to the store and bought meat and veggies for skewers. I soaked the wood sticks so they wouldn’t burn. I marinated the chicken and steak. I was going to cook with OPEN! FIRE!
I ran into a few hitches. One, the charcoal I bought last year, that already had the lighter fluid on it, dried out. So it wouldn’t light. So I ran to 7-11 to get some lighter fluid. In my pajamas. Which is just shorts and a T-shirt, but this particular t-shirt happened to say “This shirt would look a lot better on your bedroom floor.” (It was free. And is so soft and comfy.) I’m nothing if not klassy.
I finally got it lit and let the fire burn over the coals. I was also making sweet potato fries (Moose’s AWESOME recipe), but they took forever to cook and didn’t get crispy, so I gave up and threw them in the oven. I ended up losing quite a bit of time, but finally got the skewers of meat on the open flame.
Ain’t that a sight? Mmmmm, meat cooked on fire. Caveman proud.
When I cook at the beginning of the week, I make enough for the whole week. So I had 12 skewers to grill. I ended up overcooking the chicken just a tad, because I freak out about raw chicken. It still tastes great and has that nice grilled taste. But it took forever to cook and I finished up about 9 PM and didn’t eat until late and well, basically I woke up with a tummy ache. But it was worth it!
And now I’m not afraid! So I’m going to be a grilling machine! Watch out Gabe!
Posted By Kristabella on May 31, 2010
I keep forgetting it is Monday. It feels like Sunday. Although, this is better than thinking it is Friday when it is only Thursday. I do that a lot. It is always the worst disappointment in the world. It’s like learning you won the lottery and then someone being all “SIKE!” (That was for you Dotty!)
My weekend was pretty uneventful, just like I like them. Just relaxing enough to make me really wish I had a few more days off to do all the errands I planned to do this weekend.
There was a running theme this weekend – I am old.
Friday, I went to the Cubs game with my mom and they lost, badly. So I drank beer and made sure my drunk mom didn’t fall (I failed at that when I convinced her to climb over the seats at Wrigley) and that she didn’t get left behind at Sluggers (WIN!). We came back to my place while it was still light out. We napped and watched TV and ordered pizza for dinner. I think the plan was to rally, but we were both in bed early. Like before 11 PM. And I was sober. (Mom, not so much.)
Mom stayed over Friday night, so on Saturday I took her home because her and Gram had chores for me. I did my chores, we went to Target and then my Grandma told me she would pray for me at church. And that I should go with her because there is a tall guy she sees every Saturday. And she would hook me up with her friend’s grandson, but she found out that he doesn’t like to drink or go out to bars and Gram was all “Oh, then he’s totally the wrong guy for Kris!” (I tried to deny it, but what’s the point?)
I finally went home and got ready for the Hawks game that night. The plan was to have a beer at my friend Melissa’s house before we headed out to the bars and well, we ended up staying for the whole game because it was less crowded and there were no drunk douchebags at Melissa’s, besides myself.
My friend Ang made the trek into the city from the burbs with a friend of hers from MN, so we went out after the game ended. We met Ang’s sister and her boyfriend out and then I proceeded to attempt to flirt with the bartender. I knew he was too young, but her was cute! And I was drunk! And the Hawks won!
He looked like Matthew Lillard. Not as weird looking, but he could have won a look-alike contest. Except, this was the WRONG thing to tell him. He HATES Matthew Lillard. (I didn’t realize people had such strong feelings for Matthew Lillard.) I tried to make conversation and everything came out of my mouth I regretted as soon as it I said it. It was the worst display of flirting ever! It was like those people on that reality show with that magic guy. You know, this guy:
Mystery, Magic, same thing.
We ended up leaving that bar before I made more of an ass of myself and I wouldn’t be able to ever come back. We went down the street and met a bunch of weird, shady douchebags, so we didn’t even finish our beers and took off.
Sunday I did nothing. I only left the house to get dinner because it was hot as balls out. So I caught up on Glee and napped and went to bed at like 10:30 PM. Apparently my body was like “We do not stay up this late on Sundays, lady!”
Today was another momentous day for my old-lady self. I read my book on the couch, napped and wrote out my grocery list. I finally got a bug up my ass to finally switch TV stands. So I moved the TV and other items from the entertainment center to my new TV stand. And in the process I forgot I’m almost 33 and not 18 and that TVs and furniture are heavy. And so I tweaked my back, AGAIN. So basically I’ve spent the rest of Sunday admiring my new TV stand in use, not moving very much, so as not to anger my lower back. (I did go grocery shopping, which was stupid because I think I just made it worse.)
Who knew the iPhone could capture such good photos of 90210 on TV?
(Speaking of the OG 90210, my youngest half-sister is going to be 18. She went to prom in what looked to be Brandon Walsh’s replica old Mustang. So I commented on the photo, making myself laugh out loud, wondering if she went to prom with Brandon Walsh. And if Cindy and Jim were around. And then I laughed and laughed! I never heard back from her, so when I saw her recently, she’s all “I don’t know who that is.” And then I died. Of old age. The end.)
So now I’m going to apply some Ben Gay, drink some Mylanta and put on my house coat and slippers and head to bed. And all other things I imagine old people do.
How was your long weekend? When is the next one??
Posted By Kristabella on May 27, 2010
Today was craptastic. Tonight is a full moon and apparently the entire world had their underwear in a bunch all day today. I was definitely not the only one who was cranky all day.
It started when the bitch at Dunkin Donuts got pissed because I DARED to use a coupon to save a dollar on my iced coffee. And with that, whore, with that dirty look, you lost the tip.
Then I got to work and it got worse. I don’t even know what the deal was. EVERYTHING was pissing me off. I took deep breaths, I took breaks, I walked away from my desk, but I could NOT shake the bad mood. Thankfully I was busy so the day went by pretty fast. Until right before I was supposed to leave and then I got HULK SMASH ANGRY because someone was being not nice to my friend.
Want to see me get pissed and angry? PISS OFF PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME! I will go all freaking crazy mama bear on your ass because if my friends/family are hurt/sad/upset, I am upset.
So, I’m going to post something light! Because I don’t want to anger the full moon gods any more.
Although, this post might anger someone even crazier.
Do you watch Real Housewives of New York City? Do y’all know how crazy Kelly Bensimon is? Well, after talking shit about her on Twitter, she now is following me! UNPROMPTED! I don’t follow her! She FOUND me! WTF?
And then I immediately forwarded it to show everyone and then thought “Oh fuck! SHE FOUND ME! I FEAR FOR MY LIFE! She’s CRAY CRAY CRAZY!”
No more tweets like this:
Or this:
Honestly, she has some sort of serious mental issues. And now I fear she’s going to hunt me down.
WHO WANTS JELLY BEANS?!
Have a great long weekend everyone! I’ll be working only a half day and spending the rest of the day drinking beer at Wrigley for my first Cubs game of 2010!
