Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on May 31, 2010

I keep forgetting it is Monday. It feels like Sunday. Although, this is better than thinking it is Friday when it is only Thursday. I do that a lot. It is always the worst disappointment in the world. It’s like learning you won the lottery and then someone being all “SIKE!” (That was for you Dotty!)

My weekend was pretty uneventful, just like I like them. Just relaxing enough to make me really wish I had a few more days off to do all the errands I planned to do this weekend.

There was a running theme this weekend – I am old.

Friday, I went to the Cubs game with my mom and they lost, badly. So I drank beer and made sure my drunk mom didn’t fall (I failed at that when I convinced her to climb over the seats at Wrigley) and that she didn’t get left behind at Sluggers (WIN!). We came back to my place while it was still light out. We napped and watched TV  and ordered pizza for dinner. I think the plan was to rally, but we were both in bed early. Like before 11 PM. And I was sober. (Mom, not so much.)

Mom stayed over Friday night, so on Saturday I took her home because her and Gram had chores for me. I did my chores, we went to Target and then my Grandma told me she would pray for me at church. And that I should go with her because there is a tall guy she sees every Saturday. And she would hook me up with her friend’s grandson, but she found out that he doesn’t like to drink or go out to bars and Gram was all “Oh, then he’s totally the wrong guy for Kris!” (I tried to deny it, but what’s the point?)

I finally went home and got ready for the Hawks game that night. The plan was to have a beer at my friend Melissa’s house before we headed out to the bars and well, we ended up staying for the whole game because it was less crowded and there were no drunk douchebags at Melissa’s, besides myself.

My friend Ang made the trek into the city from the burbs with a friend of hers from MN, so we went out after the game ended. We met Ang’s sister and her boyfriend out and then I proceeded to attempt to flirt with the bartender. I knew he was too young, but her was cute! And I was drunk! And the Hawks won!

He looked like Matthew Lillard. Not as weird looking, but he could have won a look-alike contest. Except, this was the WRONG thing to tell him. He HATES Matthew Lillard. (I didn’t realize people had such strong feelings for Matthew Lillard.) I tried to make conversation and everything came out of my mouth I regretted as soon as it I said it. It was the worst display of flirting ever! It was like those people on that reality show with that magic guy. You know, this guy:

Mystery, Magic, same thing.

We ended up leaving that bar before I made more of an ass of myself and I wouldn’t be able to ever come back. We went down the street and met a bunch of weird, shady douchebags, so we didn’t even finish our beers and took off.

Sunday I did nothing. I only left the house to get dinner because it was hot as balls out. So I caught up on Glee and napped and went to bed at like 10:30 PM. Apparently my body was like “We do not stay up this late on Sundays, lady!”

Today was another momentous day for my old-lady self. I read my book on the couch, napped and wrote out my grocery list. I finally got a bug up my ass to finally switch TV stands. So I moved the TV and other items from the entertainment center to my new TV stand. And in the process I forgot I’m almost 33 and not 18 and that TVs and furniture are heavy. And so I tweaked my back, AGAIN. So basically I’ve spent the rest of Sunday admiring my new TV stand in use, not moving very much, so as not to anger my lower back. (I did go grocery shopping, which was stupid because I think I just made it worse.)

Who knew the iPhone could capture such good photos of 90210 on TV?

(Speaking of the OG 90210, my youngest half-sister is going to be 18. She went to prom in what looked to be Brandon Walsh’s replica old Mustang. So I commented on the photo, making myself laugh out loud, wondering if she went to prom with Brandon Walsh. And if Cindy and Jim were around. And then I laughed and laughed! I never heard back from her, so when I saw her recently, she’s all “I don’t know who that is.” And then I died. Of old age. The end.)

So now I’m going to apply some Ben Gay, drink some Mylanta and put on my house coat and slippers and head to bed. And all other things I imagine old people do.

How was your long weekend? When is the next one??

Categories: A Day in the Life of Me, BORE-ring, Lametown, The Hizzouse, Whine & Cheese
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