Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on August 17, 2011

Did I ever tell you about my irrational fear of pink eye? It wasn’t like an overall fear, it was more of a fear I had when I was working at a job, 2 jobs ago, that was in a not-so-nice neighborhood on the South side of Chicago. And the only Dunkin Donuts was at a gas station where a lot of police hung out. This made sense, since we were mere blocks from the main courthouse and jail.

Anyway, I was convinced, CONVINCED, that I would get pink eye germs on my hands from touching the doors at this gas station/Dunkin Donuts. I would be insane about not touching my eyes after I got my coffee until I got into the office and washed my hands. Any other time, I would touch bird poop and then touch my eyeball and not flinch. But this door? Hell to the no.

That fear has gone by the wayside, thankfully. Mostly because I no longer work at that place. And the Dunkin Donuts I go to now is right next to my building and apparently my brain thinks the door handles are pink-eye-free.

That and I carry around hand sanitizer and have a huge bottle on my desk that I use the minute I get in the office. I mean, I take public transportation. I’m not stupid.

My new irrational fear is lice. And it is all her fault. And his too.

See, before I was going to Toronto, I was chatting with Ali about the weekend and the fun times we were going to be having. At one point some things were up in the air because Ali was possibly going to be without someone to watch her kids. Because there was a lice outbreak amongst some other cousins and obviously Ali wasn’t going to send her three kids to a house where there was a chance those three kids with THICK, THICK hair were going to get lice.

(Are you itchy? Because just talking about it makes me itchy!)

It was all good. Measures were taken and the lice were killed and our lovely BBQHer weekend went on as planned.

But since then? I’m convinced I have lice. So much so, that I’m Googling lice. And scratching my head like a crazy person who wears paper shoes.

I know I don’t have lice. For instance, if I don’t think about it, I can go hours and hours without scratching my head. But once I start thinking about it? Well, let’s just say I’ve typed this post with one hand as the other hand has been scratching my scalp.

It doesn’t help that I take public transportation. And I think about those seats on the train that are covered in fabric and I just think about the amount of bugs in the fabric on those seats and how I’m going to get lice from one of the homeless people who ride the train. I spent a lot of time this past weekend on public transit so of course THIS DID NOT HELP.

And now I’m off to take a shower with bleach to kill these imaginary bugs. Before I scratch the skin on my scalp raw and REALLY have something to complain about.

I figure at worst the cats will see them and can eat them out of my hair, right?

*Also the name of my band’s debut album.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Crazy Cat Lady, Medical Mishaps | 9 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 9, 2011

I’m back from Toronto and #BBQHer. And I had an AMAZING TIME! In fact, so much so, I want to go back right this minute and am looking up flights RIGHT NOW! (Clearly, this is why I’m in debt.) (So I guess I have something to show for it.) (And I’m A-OK with that.)

I was sad to leave.

It was such a perfect weekend. Well, until I was dropped off at the airport on Sunday evening, but that was no fault of the Martells and all the fault of Mother Nature. She’s been out to get me since I wrote this post.

I arrived Thursday night, met a hot customs agent and then tried to pick him up. He was not impressed because when he asked if I had brought gifts, I showed him my bag of Dunkin Donuts coffee. And he was all “coffee, really? Some friend you are!” And I tried to tell him “no, you don’t understand! This coffee is so good and you can’t get it in Canada!” And then he stamped my passport and wished me on my merry way.

After arriving at the Martell Bed & Breakfast, we chatted, the kids went to bed and then we watched Jersey Shore. People, if the first episode in Italy was any indication, this will be the best season ever.

Yeah, buddy!

Friday morning, I went downtown to the St. Lawrence Market and walked around the market and downtown Toronto by myself until lunch time, when Ali was done working. I remember 2 things about my morning – 1) there was some sort of big news conference outside the market with some person that no one in Toronto, or Canada, knew. Well, according to my Twitter. 2) I had this corn muffin at the market that was probably the best muffin I have ever eaten. I want another one, or 12.

After lunch, we picked up some food and drinks for the ensuing inaugural BBQHer event, which was dinner and wine. And in my case, even more wine. The lovely Sam joined us and it was so much fun. We stayed up until 3 AM drinking and talking. And laughing. Lots of laughing.

Saturday morning, after I slept off that giant 1.5 L of wine, was more talking and drinking (coffee, this time) and laughing. Then we made our own grilled pizzas and had lunch together outside. (FYI, the food all weekend was amazing. I even wrote about Gabe over on Food Lush.)

After lunch, we headed out to the Toronto Beer Fest which, let’s be honest, is my idea of heaven. Except for the fact that they don’t give you unlimited number of beers and you have to buy tokens. I sampled many a Canadian brew and even donned moose antlers. Which I’m pretty sure makes me 1/2 Canadian already.

Sunday was spent sleeping in and relaxing. We had a lovely brunch, played some games (ALI WINS EVERYTHING!!) with the kids and watched a Toddler and Tiaras marathon. It is Isabella’s favorite show. And well, I had never seen it before and it is impossible to look away when it is on.

I left for the airport super early because Gabe mentioned that the customs line would be insane. And since he travelled back and forth between Atlanta and Toronto every 2 weeks for a whole year, he would know. He was so right. The wait was over an hour. There were a few families there with small children and all I kept thinking was “travelling with kids is hard enough, let alone waiting in an hour-long customs line!”

Little did I know at the time, that it didn’t matter. Because my plane would not take off for another three hours. We were delayed. Then we got on the plane, only to sit on the tarmac. To then race across the airport because our runway changed. To then head back to the gate because there was a ground stop in Chicago due to weather and we were running out of gas. To then waiting for the ground stop to be lifted. To then having the ground stop lifted and then having to wait 30 minutes for the fuel truck. To then finally leaving, after sitting on the tarmac for a little bit longer.

Overall, I landed at 10:30 PM, which isn’t too bad. Thank God for the hour time difference. But then our luggage decided to not show up. Not just mine, everyone on our flight. The flight number had disappeared from all the baggage claim screens and yet, NO BAGS. Finally, at a little after 11:30, I got my bag and headed outside to catch a cab home.

NOT SO FAST, KRISTABELLA!

The line for cabs was like 100 people deep. Not surprising, since everyone was delayed coming into Chicago. Thankfully there were tons of cabs and the line moved quickly. I think I made it home a little after midnight and was in bed about 20 seconds later. (Not really, because I’m always WIRED when I get home, no matter how badly I want to sleep.) Also, the cats were very excited to see me and have me turn on the AC again.

And as tired as I was, I CANNOT WAIT for the next time I get to do it all over again!

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging, Gotta Have Friends, Travel | 8 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 3, 2011

Some of you in this blog universe of ours are aware that there is a blogging conference going on this upcoming weekend. I have been the last three years. This year, I will not be attending.

There were a few reasons for it. One, money. I mean, San Diego is far and I’ve already spent a lot of money this year on my trip to Jamaica. Two, time off. I was hoping to have a new job some time before August 2011 (WHICH I DO, YAY!) and knew getting time off wasn’t going to be easy. Three, last year was super overwhelming and hot damn there were a lot of people. Four, a lot of my people weren’t going. And while I do have many, many friends that are going, my roomies weren’t going. And once you’ve roomed with the same people so many times, why switch it up? We had it down to a routine!

So instead, I’m going to Toronto to visit part of my home base. Because she too is not attending this year. And we have dubbed the weekend BBQHer because……well, I don’t know. I think because he BBQs?

Don’t worry, we won’t be eating people. That I know of. Canada is a whole other country.

But apparently there is a fun weekend of activities planned! Including the Toronto Beer Festival! And catching up with my favoritest people! And games with three adorable children! And grilled meat! I am so excited, I have no words!

I’ve been to Toronto once before. I never wrote about it on here. Mostly because I may have not mentioned the trip to my boss at the time, who thought I was working from home. (Actually she was on vacation, so she didn’t care at all.)

Well, if this is working, then I was doing just that.

We also went to a pumpkin patch. There was a petting zoo. And they had a hay ride and some weird ride that made me dizzy for the rest of the trip. And then, on the customs form on the way back, they asked a question about being around LIVESTOCK and FARM ANIMALS and I LIED! I said I wasn’t because was I going to be detained? I DIDN’T EVEN PET THEM! I JUST TOOK PHOTOS! HOW COULD GOATS BE HARMFUL?? WE LIKE FARM ANIMALS IN THE UNITED STATES!

(Wow, this post is just full of confessions! I really am an honest person! Swearsies!)

So now I’m going to go finish packing. And try to focus on making it through work tomorrow and not filling out any of the wrong forms for customs lest I get detained and this girl doesn’t get her American goodies!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Peace out, friends! Have a wonderful weekend!

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging, BlawgHer, Gotta Have Friends, Travel | 7 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 2, 2011

I am out of things to post about. Like there is literally nothing rolling around inside my head except a few marbles.

So it isn’t that I am too lazy to post (that’s part of it), but I just have no ideas. My life isn’t that interesting and thank cheesus, no more birds have pecked my toes. Although, I do feel a phantom pain on the tip of my toe every time I see one of those rats with wings.

I recently decided to switch from Weight Watchers meetings to the online only membership. There is a significant price difference and it goes along with my whole stance on reducing my debt and unnecessary spending. And since the last meeting I went to I sat there annoyed the whole time because it was a repeat topic, I figured it would be better all around for me to switch to online. I wasn’t getting anything out of the meetings anymore and the people there just annoyed the shit out of me.

I have been neglecting Weight Watchers for a long time, a few months at least. Probably since Jamaica. I hadn’t weighed in since the end of June. I’ve been eating like the world was ending and not tracking anything. Part of this is due to busyness and parties and things to do. The other part is because of laziness and once you fall off the wagon, it’s easy to stay there. It’s like a comfy bed. And Lord knows I like to sleep.

In the past month or so, I’ve attempted to track and stay on plan and…it just hasn’t worked. There was always something. Like last week, when I had no money in my checking account and I decided to eat boxes of Stove Top for dinner because I had it and it was free and I couldn’t afford to go grocery shopping. And I’m pretty sure a box of stuffing for dinner isn’t the most WW friendly food item to eat for dinner.

I’ve put back on a lot of the weight I lost. I’m kind of bummed about that. Things that were fitting loosely are now getting a bit tighter. It’s been hot so I’ve been wearing a lot of dresses, which are a lot more forgiving of weight gain. Which is good and bad.

I haven’t worked out since I got my new job at the end of March. I have been paying for the gym and not going. It had taken me awhile to get into my new routine with commuting and it is exhausting. I used to get up at 8 a.m. Now I get up at 6:30 and get home at 6:30. It’s not a huge difference, but it was enough at the beginning to get out of the gym routine and that’s all it takes. See note above re: wagon and comfy bed.

But today, today, I have decided to take control again. (Wow, does that sound like a commercial or what? Where’s Jennifer Hudson?)

I weighed myself this morning. It wasn’t one of those shameful ones to just see how far I had fallen. It was my new starting point. It was the weight I recorded in my weight tracker online this morning. Tuesdays will be my new weigh-in day. (Not right after the weekend, yet not right before.) And I’m aiming to track everything I eat for at least five of the next seven days, honestly, even though I’ll be in Toronto starting Thursday night.

I know it won’t be easy, but I also know I CAN do it. I HAVE done it. I need to remember that when I want to give in, when I want to eat a box of stuffing washed down by a large order of cheese fries.

So watch out arm flab and muffin top! Let’s do this thing!

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, WW | 10 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on July 28, 2011

You guys will never believe what happened to me the other night as I was standing on the platform waiting for my train home.

As a bit of background, all our train stations are very proactive about keeping the pigeons away as best they can. There are barbed-wire like pointy things on any surface that a pigeon can land, for the most part. The CTA does their very best to keep you from getting pooped on while waiting for your train.

But the train platforms are outside and open. So pigeons can still fly in and hang out on the platform. And they will, looking for dropped scraps of food. But don’t feed them, there’s a $200 fine.

All this to say, they aren’t much of a nuisance. Until the other night. And then it became like a combination Birds-slash-Dr. Dolittle.

I was just minding my business, waiting for the next train. I saw a pigeon, ONE pigeon, on the platform looking around. Then all of a sudden four of them flew in from nowhere and the dude next to me was almost decapitated, since pigeons are stupid (although not as stupid as you’d think, seeing as they’ve learned to avoid the third rail) and this one flew right at the dude’s head.

Both of us decided it was best to move when we looked down and it was like feeding time at the zoo.

(There were at least five more than this. Swearsies.)

Now, let me point out that I’m waiting at one of, if not the, busiest platform on the system. Every single train line goes through this stop. It’s ALWAYS crowded. The passengers don’t have a place to hang out, let along the birds. So to see this many in one spot was weird. Add that to the fact that there are mutant animals in the book I’m reading, and I was readying myself for the locusts.

So I moved down and continued to check Twitter on my phone. The rats-with-wings stayed where they were. The Train Tracker said my train was approaching and it couldn’t come soon enough. I like my eyeballs and do not want them to get pecked out.

And that’s when it happened. I felt something. A painful pinch on my big toe. I looked down and one of those fucking birds was pecking at my toe. A PIGEON PECKED AT MY TOE!!!!

My foot odor problem must be worse than I thought if the garbage-eating birds thought my feet were food.

PECKED. MY. TOE.

Just when I figure my life can’t get any weirder.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Chi-town, Transit Tales | 5 Comments »
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