Irrational Fears*

Posted By on August 17, 2011

Did I ever tell you about my irrational fear of pink eye? It wasn’t like an overall fear, it was more of a fear I had when I was working at a job, 2 jobs ago, that was in a not-so-nice neighborhood on the South side of Chicago. And the only Dunkin Donuts was at a gas station where a lot of police hung out. This made sense, since we were mere blocks from the main courthouse and jail.

Anyway, I was convinced, CONVINCED, that I would get pink eye germs on my hands from touching the doors at this gas station/Dunkin Donuts. I would be insane about not touching my eyes after I got my coffee until I got into the office and washed my hands. Any other time, I would touch bird poop and then touch my eyeball and not flinch. But this door? Hell to the no.

That fear has gone by the wayside, thankfully. Mostly because I no longer work at that place. And the Dunkin Donuts I go to now is right next to my building and apparently my brain thinks the door handles are pink-eye-free.

That and I carry around hand sanitizer and have a huge bottle on my desk that I use the minute I get in the office. I mean, I take public transportation. I’m not stupid.

My new irrational fear is lice. And it is all her fault. And his too.

See, before I was going to Toronto, I was chatting with Ali about the weekend and the fun times we were going to be having. At one point some things were up in the air because Ali was possibly going to be without someone to watch her kids. Because there was a lice outbreak amongst some other cousins and obviously Ali wasn’t going to send her three kids to a house where there was a chance those three kids with THICK, THICK hair were going to get lice.

(Are you itchy? Because just talking about it makes me itchy!)

It was all good. Measures were taken and the lice were killed and our lovely BBQHer weekend went on as planned.

But since then? I’m convinced I have lice. So much so, that I’m Googling lice. And scratching my head like a crazy person who wears paper shoes.

I know I don’t have lice. For instance, if I don’t think about it, I can go hours and hours without scratching my head. But once I start thinking about it? Well, let’s just say I’ve typed this post with one hand as the other hand has been scratching my scalp.

It doesn’t help that I take public transportation. And I think about those seats on the train that are covered in fabric and I just think about the amount of bugs in the fabric on those seats and how I’m going to get lice from one of the homeless people who ride the train. I spent a lot of time this past weekend on public transit so of course THIS DID NOT HELP.

And now I’m off to take a shower with bleach to kill these imaginary bugs. Before I scratch the skin on my scalp raw and REALLY have something to complain about.

I figure at worst the cats will see them and can eat them out of my hair, right?

*Also the name of my band’s debut album.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


9 Responses to “Irrational Fears*”

  1. Christa says:

    I recently became afraid of the puffy chairs at a local bookstore. I love to sit in them, but all of a sudden I started thinking about how everyone loves to sit in them.

    My new rule is that I don’t sit in them if I’m wearing a dress or skirt.

  2. Lindsay says:

    The way to keep yourself from lice is to put tea tree oil in your shampoo! I teach elementry school and we constantly have lice and I am the offical checker as no other teacher will do it. But I’ve never had it! 🙂

  3. Renee says:

    Lice cannot live in chemically treated hair. So, if you color, relax or perm your hair you won’t get lice.

  4. Cheryl says:

    I completely understand, as I had a guy work in my yard last week who told me three days later that he got flea bites in my yard. Which apparently he didn’t notice for 3 days? So as soon as I hear that I start scratching myself raw. Turns out it wasn’t fleas at all, he had poison ivy which he got while hiking. Logically I knew it wasn’t possible, but I couldn’t help but scratch all day long.

  5. Andrea says:

    I think Irrational Fears is a great album name. I’d buy it.

    I get a little obsessed like that about spiders lately. When I go on the patio to water my plants, and I see a spider or get my hand caught in a cobweb, then the rest of the night I’m all crawly feeling, thinking there are spiders crawling on me. After I came back from vacation, I had a strange bug bite that took more than a week to heal. It was super itchy and red, but in my mind I kept thinking “what if it’s like those urban legends and a spider laid eggs in my arm and then baby spiders are going to hatch out”.
    Andrea´s last blog post ..Italy: First stop, Rome Part 2

  6. alimartell says:

    Lice is one of my huge, huge fears…since there always seems to be a notice coming home from school all, “a child in your child’s class has head lice….”


    Knock wood, we haven’t had it in our house…but good god, I hope we never get it. yeeeeeeks!

  7. Alice says:

    i had lice as a kid. twice, i think. i mean, i went to farm school. these things happen. it’s really not that bad, even if you DO get ’em 🙂

    (i was more grossed out when i first got oliver as a wee kitten, and he had fleas. like, crawling around in swarms on his face and crap.)
    Alice´s last blog post woes

  8. Alice says:

    (er. to clarify. there were not fleas crawling around in his ACTUAL crap. this is getting gross[er].)
    Alice´s last blog post woes

  9. Angella says:

    Now I’M scratching my head. 😉
    Angella´s last blog post ..It’s Complicated