BlogHer Aught Eight – The Cheetos Caper

Posted By on July 22, 2008

Yesterday in the airport I started writing my BlogHer recap post. I knew that everyone would be looking to hear all about the weekend and the hilarity that ensured. And it ensued, let me tell you. But when I sat down to write, I was so overcome with emotion. I was sad that I was leaving behind so many people that I feel like I’ve known forever and that I know I will be friends with for a very long time. And I was so happy that I decided to come and meet all these fabulous, amazing people.

I was nervous about coming, just like everyone else, I’m sure. Even Heather B., who was going to her third BlogHer conference, was nervous. It can be very overwhelming when there are ONE THOUSAND women all in the same room. It is hard to find all the people you want to meet. It is hard to put your nerves aside and go up to your favorite blogger and tell them “ZOMG! I love you! You’re awesome!” knowing full well that your favorite blogger probably doesn’t even know who the hell you are.

But as nervous as I was, I had the GREATEST time this weekend. Once you move past the whole freaked out feeling of being in a room with a bunch of people you don’t know, once you grow a pair and just go talk to anyone and everyone because THEY ARE JUST PEOPLE WITH BLOGS LIKE YOU, you will have a good time. You will meet people, people who are technically strangers, and realize that you’ve met some the coolest people ever.

On Sunday as we were all sitting in the lobby, we were sad. We wanted more time to spend together. But we also weren’t sad. Because I know I will see these people again. I know that Slynnro and I will go to Toronto to see if Ali does actually have kids, or if they really are mythical hobbits like we think they are.

This experience is really what you make of it. And if you are determined to meet awesome people and have a great time, you will. I know I did.

And now enough with the sappiness. I gave myself a toothache and really? I don’t need to go to the dentist ever again after this year. On to the good stuff! In bullet form!

  • Unlike Ali, I did drink at BlogHer. But nothing too bad where I couldn’t wake up the next morning. It is hard to drink a ton when you’re talking to everyone and when they limit you with drink tickets.
  • Stara and I are way too fucking honest. Not only did we not shoplift anything from any store in Union Square, even with the perfect excuse, we both HONESTLY told the woman at the door of The People’s Party that we had already been there and gotten our drink tickets.
  • Friday night I didn’t have a problem with drink tickets. People kept handing them to me. Including Amy, who tried to give them to someone else and when they turned down FREE DRINKS, I snatched them out of her hand. I’m so glad Amy is pregnant. And that I introducd myself when she was giving away her tickets.
  • I guess my reputation precedes me. Or maybe it was the fact I handed out business cards with wine glasses on them.
  • Someone in the pre-conference guide said we should NOT say that we just have a personal blog. We should have a pitch. I fucking stressed about a pitch for like two weeks because I write inane drivel! I was so ready to tell that person in the guide to shut their fucking meat face.
  • But then no one actually asked. No one actually cared that I had a personal blog. Because everyone, mommybloggers included, ALL have personal blogs.
  • And then Maggie Mason said it was OK to say you have a personal blog. And I was all “that was Maggie Mason’s way of telling that pre-conference guide person to shut her fucking meat face.”
  • Speaking of Maggie Mason, she had a party on Friday night to launch one of her new Mighty sites. We weren’t invited. Dooce was there. There was no way a small-time blogger like me would ever get invited. So we crashed the party.
  • And I’m sure you’re all “how hard could it be to crash a BLOG party?” Dudes, there was a doorman at a BLOG PARTY. Thankfully Ali was there with the address written on her hand like that was an invitation.
  • It was not.
  • So we had to give our BLOG business cards out to some man with a camera to gain entry. “Maggie likes to know who came,” he says. OK dude.
  • At the party, I saw Dooce. She is a giant. Seriously, she’s got a few inches on me easily. And she is skinny. Girl needs to eat a sammich.
  • This is a dramatization of what it is like to stand next to Dooce.

  • Yes, Ali is really that tiny. And yes, my face is that fat.
  • At this point, I was pretty drunk and decided I was going to talk to Dooce. So I introduced myself, shook her hand, maybe told her my name and then asked her where she got pants that were long enough. I think it sounded a bit like “hey! You’re tall, I’m tall, where do you buy your pants?”
  • And then she said H&M and that her pants were the smallest size H&M carries. And then I looked at my thigh that was the size of her WHOLE BODY. So I turned around and drank another free beer at the party we CRASHED.
  • At some point in the party, I was offered a sum of money to steal the wig off The Bloggess’s head. I chickened out. Instead I was offered money to steal a bowl of Cheetos from the party and make a run for it.
  • I did.

  • Then I offered Cheetos to anyone on the street that wanted them.

  • And then I offered them to the cab driver. And then I told the cab driver that if I lived here, we could go on a date. We could go to Burger King and order food and drive off without paying.
  • The Cheetos helped us meet a nutjob in the hotel lobby that only had a Boston accent when he said the word retarded.
  • We’re not sure how that word came up in the conversation. Hopefully not about the Cheetos.
  • The following morning we went to a panel moderated by Maggie Mason and found out she’s adorable and funny and we all felt bad for stealing her Cheetos. And crashing her party.
  • But I’m sure even she would find it funny.
  • Stara and I MISSED the drama at the keynote with Dooce and Stephanie Klein (seriously, will someone explain to me how she gets in on the keynote? With Dooce?)
  • I have to say that Whoorl has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. She could be mean and people would be distracted by her fabulous hair. But she’s not! She’s cute and nice and funny. I’m so excited I got to spend time with her.
  • I met so many fabulous people. I don’t know if I can even link them all here. It was great to meet/see Jennie, Katie, Kristie, Raven, Rhi, Angella, Emily, Kim, Sarah, Heather, Susan, Chris, Bossy, Jennster, Tracey and so many others that I’m probably forgetting. It was also awesome to meet so many other NEW (to me) bloggers that have already made it into the feed reader. (I feel bad even linking because I KNOW I’ve forgotten someone.)
  • I think I’m totally over the whole being nervous around “big” bloggers, the ones who were established way before I even knew what blogs were. The bloggers at BlogHer are all great, amazing people regardless of site traffic. We are all just people with websites, really.
  • But that didn’t stop me from squeeeing when I got to take a photo with a certain blogger.

  • And yes, I realize I freaked out less when I worked with professional athletes.
  • As much as one can feel like a schulb around the fashionable Slynnro and Whoorl, I did learn that green and hot pink are colors that will look good me. And that I am definitely a different shade of pale.
  • And if you can’t take the hard truth, stay away from The Honesty Group.
  • I laughed A LOT. I laughed at my own jokes. I laughed when I made people laugh and I laughed when Stara pointed all this out.
  • Milk cartons with guns ARE funny. Especially on a shirt.
  • And nothing says fun with a bunch of bloggers like hats. McDonald’s Bag Hats, to be exact.

I didn’t take enough photos this weekend. But you can see all my photos here. And ALL the BlogHer ones here.

I can’t wait until next year!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


39 Responses to “BlogHer Aught Eight – The Cheetos Caper”

  1. HouseofJules says:

    I really would love to go to BlogHer next year. All the recap posts I’m reading are making me totally jealous. So glad you had a great time! You deserved a nice getaway! How did Bacon do?
    House of Jules

    HouseofJules’s last blog post..Whether it’s “snack” or “sack” is debatable; what’s certain is that it’s extraordinary

  2. amanda says:

    Brilliant, I could have used some of those Cheetos after walking the entire weekend with my wee one on my chest.
    Love the height differential!

    amanda’s last blog post..SlogHer

  3. 1. You are freaking hysterical.

    2. I totally squeed too when I met Amalah.

    3. I totally would have given you the wig. Or at least a lock of hair.

  4. slynnro says:

    I felt like Cheetos was your story to tell, and you did an excellent job.


    WAH. I want to go back.

    slynnro’s last blog post..IIIIIIII haaaaaaaad the time of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.

  5. Amber says:

    I am seriously blown away by the fact that you got to meet Amalah AND Dooce. I mean, in our world, that’s like meeting royalty….

    Amber’s last blog post..List-tastic, baby!

  6. Beej says:

    yeah, but what did BACON do?

    Beej’s last blog post..Faster than Batman and Bigger than Texas

  7. How did I miss the Cheetos???

    It was SO awesome meeting you!!! xo

    Kimberly/MommaK’s last blog post..She’s 9

  8. Oh, you know I’m always down for some Stephanie Klein drama so if you’re feeling gossipy, clue me in!

    thecoconutdiaries’s last blog post..The Corruptor

  9. Kristabella says:

    Just to clarify, the drama did not involve Dooce and Stephanie Klein. It just happened at their closing keynote panel.

    I wasn’t there, so I’m not even going to talk about it. But I’m sure plenty of people will.

  10. Carrie says:

    Wow, it sounds like it was an amazing weekend! I’m so jealous that you got to meet Dooce and Amalah. I always imagined that Dooce would be really standoffish. You’ve gots to fill me in on the drama! When are we having our next book club???

  11. Okay, so you perfectly described my anxieties about attending one of those conferences, so it’s nice to know that everyone feels that way and that you had a great time.

    Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..Why I’m not running for President

  12. jodifur says:

    so jealous. I totally wish I could have gone.

    Drama, what drama?

    jodifur’s last blog post..My Poor, Poor, Poor, Baby

  13. Erin says:

    I cannot believe you met Amalah AND Dooce! AND you crashed a party! That is awesome! I cannot wait to go next year! I will totally wear a McDonald’s bag on my head! I have no shame!

    Erin’s last blog post..Weekend In Crazyland!

  14. Raven says:

    It was great to finally meet you in person, thank you for picking me up at the GAP!

    Raven’s last blog post..So was it like high school?

  15. -R- says:

    I’m glad you had such a fun time!

    -R-‘s last blog post..Tentative Good News

  16. Kristie says:

    Crashing parties is the only way to go, for sure.

    Kristie’s last blog post..Is everyone tired of BlogHer recaps?

  17. Katie says:

    I had such an awesome time and loved meeting you! I am slightly jealous that you got a picture with Amalah though. And also, I never got my picture with Bacon!! Wah!
    P.S. I’m the blogger formerly known as Le Petit Chic…update your link, girl!! 🙂

    Katie’s last blog post..This Crazy Little Thing Called Blogging

  18. Candy says:

    I can’t be more jealous. Of them, not of you, because THEY got to hang out with you, the freakin’ funniest person who ever tipped a beer. I am afraid of the trouble we could get into together.

    Candy’s last blog post..I think I did, I think I did…

  19. Noelle says:

    This reminds me about how little I know of the “famous” bloggers. Glad you had a nice Cheeto-eating time!

    Noelle’s last blog post..Going for gold

  20. ali says:

    i’m pretty sure there was nothing funnier than that cab ride…or maybe the random dude from Boston.

    ali’s last blog post..i will never learn…and i suffer from the wonk-eye

  21. Lys says:

    You definitely look like you had a blast. Will have to keep BlogHer ’09 on the horizon.

    Lys’s last blog post..Instinct Says One Thing… My Brain Seems To Agree..

  22. Heather B. says:

    The other day I was sitting on my flight after waking up from a nap. And I started laughing hysterically about the conversation that Ali and I were having in the lobby and how you had to mediate because she was asking the wrong question and I was giving the wrong answer. And even right now I am laughing my ass off alone. In New Orleans. Where only one person thinks I’m funny. Fail.

    I should just suck it up and come to Chicago again, shouldn’t I?

    Heather B.’s last blog post..Storytellers

  23. I’m sad I didn’t make it to BlogHer. I would have loved to have met you!

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..I Can Haz Nuggetz: A Fast Food How-to

  24. Rhi says:

    It’s OVER. WAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Rhi’s last blog post..Why am I dreading this?

  25. jennster says:

    lmfao- good god this is one hell of a recap!!!!! HAHAHA… dude. all this? awesome! you? awesomeR.

    jennster’s last blog post..why blogher is so awesome (and a little scary)

  26. Julie C. says:

    Glad you had such a fab time! Good for you… Hope y’all made it to Barney’s and got seated on the patio. Good ol’ SF. Ahhhhhh.

  27. The Muse says:

    You are so going to have to make room for me in the crash space for BH ’09. I’ll make t-shirts, betches.

    The Muse’s last blog post..Past, Present, Future

  28. Lori says:

    Your site is linked to on Amalah’s blog today – your wine-themed business cards must have made a great impression! Sounds like you had a lot of fun – SF is always good times. But where was the party that had a bowl of cheetos? 🙂

  29. Laurel says:

    Ok, I am freakin’ JEALOUS of your weekend. Particularly those cheetos, which look delicious.

    Laurel’s last blog post..Whip It Up #3: Crispy Scallion and Asiago Potato Pancakes

  30. Ashmystir says:

    I am so jealous!!! Glad you had a blast.


    Ashmystir’s last blog post..Just died laughing!!

  31. Nic says:

    You do realize that next year you’re required to be attached to me and my friendly bottle of vino the entire time, right?

    Nic’s last blog post..Capellini with Fresh Ricotta, Roasted Garlic, Corn and Herbs – Whip It Up week 2

  32. Sarah says:

    It sounds like you had a GREAT time. I’m SO going next year!

    Sarah’s last blog post..The Dark Knight

  33. Sounds like it was SUCH fun – – someday I will make it to a BlogHer Conference . . . SOMEDAY!

    But please do dish about the drama, willya? Inquiring minds want to know . . . 🙂

    Liz J in Central Illinois’s last blog post..A Turn-Around – – Finally

  34. andi says:

    What an awesome summary! Especially since you linked to moi 🙂

    Ah, drama. I do loves me some drama. Good thing there was plenty to go around. For my part, I left the top-secret party (that I also totally crashed) and missed you stealing the Cheetos. Boo!

    andi’s last blog post..The first of many BlogHer posts

  35. whoorl says:

    Jesus, Kristen. Way to make me all warm and fuzzy and shit.

    Seriously though, how did I miss the Cheetos? I would have gone to town on that bowl.

    whoorl’s last blog post..Elsewhere

  36. whoorl says:

    Kristin! I meant KristIN. (I’ve been drinking again.)

    whoorl’s last blog post..Elsewhere

  37. My god, do I wish we’d hung out more.

    Nothing But Bonfires’s last blog post..How I Would Do BlogHer Differently Next Year

  38. I love reading everyone’s recaps, because I feel like I have a full picture now and like I was actually there!

    Btw, does everyone spell your name KristEN? Because they do mine, and I’m all like, “no, it’s the proper spelling of the name. With an I.” Then inevitably I always get the dumb ass at the restaurant who puts my name down as Khrysten or something equally as lame.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Oh, Canada

  39. Manic Mommy says:

    CHecked out all the pics and the stories! Sounds fun! Dying to hear about Dooce and Klein!

    Manic Mommys last blog post..Life Is A Highway …