Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on November 17, 2011

If you’ve read more than one blog post on this here site, I’m pretty sure you’re aware that I love to sleep. It is my most favorite thing to do in the entire world. That is not an exaggeration. I would gladly sleep 10-12 hours a day if I was able to. No joke.

Because of this, my main goal in life is usually to find things that save me time in the morning when I’m getting ready for work so I can sleep more. Even a precious seven minutes I get when I slap the shit out of the snooze button.

I’ve learned to make my lunch ahead of time, only wash my hair every other day, get my work bag all set out and ready, etc. I also get my clothes out the night before. This saves OODLES of time when you aren’t staring into your closet hemming and hawing over what to wear.

I even get my clothes out and hung the night before. See, because I learned this magic trick that if you spray the clothes with water, smooth them out and let them hang to dry, you will never have to iron again. You don’t need that Downy Wrinkle Reducer people. That is just fresh smelling water. Just water. There are no wrinkle-reducing chemicals in there. I just saved you hundreds of dollars! YOU’RE WELCOME!

I hang them like this:

When I was contemplating doing NaBloPoMo, I was trying to think of ideas for posts and she mentioned doing an outfit recap like she does on her blog. My problem with that is a) I never have time to take a photo in the morning (see above re: slapping the snooze button) and b) I leave my house in work clothes and tennis shoes. My work shoes are in my bag and I don’t put them on until work.

So maybe, instead, I’ll show you my clothes as they hang on my hallway closet doors and post a weekly outfit review. What say you?

:::::

Also, wish me luck! I’m having my oral surgery tomorrow!

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, NaBloPoMo | 5 Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Kristabella on November 16, 2011

I suppose I could tie this into The Brady Bunch. I mean, Peter’s famous line when he was trying to get a personality and was talking like Humphrey Bogart was “Pork Chops and Applesauce.”

So I will tie it into that because fruit does not belong with savory things. Pork chops and applesauce? Together? Touching on a plate? Not in my house!

This is stems from my daily perusal of food blogs. See, we’re almost a week out from Thanksgiving. That means all the blogs I read are talking all things Thanksgiving. I don’t really mind, since who doesn’t love Thanksgiving food? But the thing I’ve noticed is that all these fancy recipes for stuffing have fruit in them.

Why would you put fruit in stuffing? DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

I will eat fruit in only two things – banana bread and apple pie. Any other mixing of fruit in things is a NO. Sweet and savory at the same time? EVEN GROSSER. Fruit does not belong with meat, in salads, in layers between cake, drizzled on cheesecake or on pizza. People. No. Just no.

I used to think I was the only one like this. Years and years of being at parties and gatherings with perfectly good cake ruined by a layer of fruit in the middle and I was the only one turning it down. Who are all you people that think this is good?

But then Twitter came around and I no longer feel so alone.

And now Megan’s tweet will be my new life mantra. Fruit: The solitary food.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Mmmm Food, NaBloPoMo, Rants & Rants, Twitter | 10 Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Kristabella on November 15, 2011

Disclaimer: Mom, don’t read this.

So today was a shitty day. It just started off stressful and then didn’t get much better. And then I moved cubes at work today, to a different floor, and I miss my old neighbors. And I’m PMSing so basically I’m just a ball of sadness.

I came home to watch TV and NOT eat my feelings. Because that doesn’t go well with my diet plan, nor my keep-my-pants-fitting plan. I did good! I had a salad, some of this chili that I made (MAKE IT NOW!) and a glass of milk. Then I had some bread and butter, since I was craving it, but it was reduced calorie bread and light butter.

So as I was making myself feel better about my life by watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, there was a knock at my door. I tried to ignore it, but I knew that they heard me in here, talking to the cats and watching TV. So I answered it, bra-less and clad in snowflake pajama pants. It was the new neighbor across the hall. She was letting me know her place got broken into and they took her laptop. She came home and her door was pried open.

Just great.

I let her know I didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary (which would be anything since I’ve been neighborless for months) (plus the cats jump like 10 feet in the air at any sudden noise) and told her I was sorry. She let me know the cops were on their way and I reminded her to call the property manager.

By the way, what is the etiquette for this? Should I have invited her in? Should I have offered to wait at her house with her? I’m sure I did it wrong, but I was BRA-LESS!

The cops came by to ask me some questions.

This set off a whole different string of worries – should I comb my hair, put on a bra, look presentable IN THE LEAST? I mean, what it if was some hot cop who was turned on by snowflake pajama pants? YOU NEVER KNOW.

They asked when I got home and then asked if I had heard anything. They took my name and number and I reminded them of the cameras we have in our lobby. They asked me like six times what time I got home. I told them 6:45, but I don’t really ever look at the clock. I mean, now I’m probably a suspect because not only do I not know what time I got home, I also didn’t hang out with the girl in the hallway when it happened!

So yeah. Now I will be “sleeping” with my pepperspray tonight and locking my bedroom door (Melissa!). And when I say “sleeping” I mean, staring at the dark ceiling of my bedroom for eight hours until the alarm goes off.

At least I’ll remember to take my middle-of-the-night antibiotic!

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, NaBloPoMo, The Hizzouse | 4 Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Kristabella on November 14, 2011

I don’t know how to whisper. It is a problem that has afflicted me since I learned to speak.

I don’t have an inside voice. I have a voice. And it’s loud and you can hear it inside or outside.

I never really got in trouble for it growing up, that I can remember. I’m usually told to “use my inside voice” and then I try. I have finally learned, at 34 years of age, that I need to whisper. My inside voice is what I imagine whispering to be. I am unable to actually whisper. Which makes it hard to talk about people behind their backs.

This isn’t a good thing to have in the workplace. Especially at new places of employment. People hear a raised voice and they think any number of things – shouting, anger, frustration. But with me, it’s not the case. I get amped up sometimes, and then I get excited and I TALK REALLY LOUDLY.

I generally don’t need to calm down. I’m an excitable gal. I get going easily. I cannot talk in a low, monotone voice at all. I’m not upset, I’m just using the VOLUME of my voice to convey something. Trust me, you’ll know when I’m pissed.

I’m always amazed at people who can whisper. I mean, I’ve always worked in a cubicle village. Whispering is key if you don’t want anyone to hear what you’re saying. I hear people talking to each other or on the phone and the volume is so low and I’m JEALOUS! How do you get your voice that low? Also, why aren’t you talking louder so I can eavesdrop on your conversations? And are you talking about meeeee?

My friend Teri is the same way. When she and I get together, her husband Kirk likes to be as far away from us as possible. One, because he can pretend he doesn’t know us, and two, because he’ll still be able to hear what we say no matter how far away from us he is.

It’s all just part of my enchanting charm. And probably why I’m still single.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, NaBloPoMo, Spinsterville Here I Come | 5 Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Kristabella on November 13, 2011

So I started working out again. Mostly because all the weight I lost since last December has slowly crept its way back on. Well, not mostly. That’s the reason. It’s time to get serious again about getting healthy.

I was doing so well before I got my new job. I drove to work and the gym was on my way home. There was no excuse. Now with commuting, I basically have to come all the way home and pick up my car and head to the gym. Needless to say, that never happened. I would get off the bus and walk home and call it a night. For the last 8 months.

Well no more! Last week I went back. I’ve been paying for the gym for all these months and finally am getting my money’s worth. And now maybe I’ll stop having to buy fat pants.

You want to know how you know you haven’t been to the gym in forever? It’s not that you’ve forgotten where your sports bras are. Or that you can only do level one on the elliptical machine. Or that 20 minutes of physical activity makes your heart feel like it is going to explode out of your chest.

It’s this.

Yep. Totally different name. That’s not embarrassing at all.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Healthy Living, NaBloPoMo, Up In The Gym, Working On My Fitness | 4 Comments »
Tags: