Inside Voice

Posted By on November 14, 2011

I don’t know how to whisper. It is a problem that has afflicted me since I learned to speak.

I don’t have an inside voice. I have a voice. And it’s loud and you can hear it inside or outside.

I never really got in trouble for it growing up, that I can remember. I’m usually told to “use my inside voice” and then I try. I have finally learned, at 34 years of age, that I need to whisper. My inside voice is what I imagine whispering to be. I am unable to actually whisper. Which makes it hard to talk about people behind their backs.

This isn’t a good thing to have in the workplace. Especially at new places of employment. People hear a raised voice and they think any number of things – shouting, anger, frustration. But with me, it’s not the case. I get amped up sometimes, and then I get excited and I TALK REALLY LOUDLY.

I generally don’t need to calm down. I’m an excitable gal. I get going easily. I cannot talk in a low, monotone voice at all. I’m not upset, I’m just using the VOLUME of my voice to convey something. Trust me, you’ll know when I’m pissed.

I’m always amazed at people who can whisper. I mean, I’ve always worked in a cubicle village. Whispering is key if you don’t want anyone to hear what you’re saying. I hear people talking to each other or on the phone and the volume is so low and I’m JEALOUS! How do you get your voice that low? Also, why aren’t you talking louder so I can eavesdrop on your conversations? And are you talking about meeeee?

My friend Teri is the same way. When she and I get together, her husband Kirk likes to be as far away from us as possible. One, because he can pretend he doesn’t know us, and two, because he’ll still be able to hear what we say no matter how far away from us he is.

It’s all just part of my enchanting charm. And probably why I’m still single.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


5 Responses to “Inside Voice”

  1. Mahnee says:

    You’re always a hoot in church when you TRY to whisper!

  2. lceel says:

    I have NO idea why you’re still single – you are amazing – and I love you verve, vitality – Life – but then, I’ve only met you once! Then again, you’re not one I’ll ever forget.

  3. Katie says:

    My husband and brother-in-law like to try and refuse to take me and my sister to a restaurant together. Apparently our volume buttons are broke.
    Katie´s last blog post ..Late Night Theology (Alternate Title – “Will This Make Sense In The Morning?”

  4. Alice says:

    haha, i’m cracking up… how can you not know how to whisper!? i didn’t know this was a skill people had to develop! or could be lacking!
    Alice´s last blog post ..preparations

  5. TMae says:

    I have no inside voice either. I have a voice, or quiet. You pick. Though, sometimes, I’ll pick for you. Depending on how whether or not what you’ve said requires me to speak up. Chances are, it does.


    I don’t understand quiet talkers. Mostly because I can’t hear them. Maybe I should get my hearing checked.

    Or maybe they should SPEAK UP.
    TMae´s last blog post ..Fuck Rick Perry and the conservative agenda