Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on January 10, 2011

I am currently engaged in an epic battle with my water heater, people.

Remember last week? When I so stupidly thought it was just an unlit pilot light and that I had fixed the problem? Well hoo boy was I wrong. Because it? Still isn’t working!

GAH!

I called them out on Saturday to look at it, after I noticed that while I could light it, there was only lukewarm water hours later. So then I became that girl, on her belly in the hallway of her condo, staring at a one-inch window on the bottom of a water heater, looking at a flame. A flame that WOULD NOT STAY LIT!

So the dude came, four hours late mind you, and it started! And he’s like “it’s fine! Don’t call tomorrow if it goes out! Just kidding! Not really, I don’t want to work tomorrow.” NO! Really! HE SAID THAT! And it was lit and heating up water and I was like “OK, dude, now get the fuck out so I can shower this stank off me.”

I got cocky and overjoyed at my hot water and all the possibilities! Running the dishwasher! Doing laundry! Taking a hot, hot bath!

And in those 10 minutes of cockiness, the stupid pilot light went out. And I couldn’t get it to re-light. So I decided the only thing to do was to drink a whole bottle of Tempranillo. It wouldn’t help with the smell, but it would make me feel better.

I finally sucked it up and took a shower at the gym on Sunday. I don’t like showering in public places, and my gym is not that fancy, but it has warm water, so it was fine. Well, it was more than fine. Being clean was GLORIOUS!

I figured that I would work from home on Monday, the plumbers would be less busy and bam! I would have hot water by the end of the working day!

But again, that fucking water heater reminded me what a formidable opponent he was. Because he wasn’t going down easy.

The plumber got here around 1 PM. He replaced a part (the thermocouple, which is what everyone thought was wrong with the water heater), the thing started up, it stayed on for more than 10 minutes and we called the project complete. He left and said they would mail me a bill.

I AGAIN rejoiced (BECAUSE I AM A SLOW LEARNER) and figured I would have a really nice shower at the end of my work day.

“Not so fast,” said the water heater.

Because my life has been all water heater, all the time since last Thursday, I am officially obsessed. I am constantly listening for the burner to turn on and constantly pulling open the little door to look for a flame. I’m not sure what it actually looks like when it is working properly, because every time I look for a flame, THERE ISN’T ONE!

I called the plumber back and left a message. And then two hours later, I left another message. And tomorrow morning at 7 AM, I plan to call and leave another message. Because, fuck it. This water heater is broken. Just put a new one in. I Googled all of this and basically some part is probably broken on the gas valve. And that costs as much as a new water heater. So let’s cut our losses, water heater. You win. And now, I’m going to kick your ass to the curb.

You may be a worthy opponent, but this is MY HOUSE and I always win in my house.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Rants & Rants, The Hizzouse | 6 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 6, 2011

Happy New Year, kids!

I hadn’t expected to not blog until the 6th of the month, but here we are. Why is the beginning of the new year so hectic? Is it because for the weeks prior to Jan 1, I tend to spend time doing nothing but watching TV, eating cookies and burritos and playing Diner Dash until my phone dies? And then all of a sudden I flip the calendar and I’m expected to be productive again during my waking hours? What the damn fuck, world? That is a lot to ask!

Anyway, on top of this week being busy and having to work a whole five days in a row, I had plans after work two nights this week. Look at me! Social butterfly in 2011! Not getting my typical 10 hours of sleep a night! Who is this 2011 version of Kristabella?

Well, I know one thing. She won’t be able to keep it up for too long. But she is enjoying it while her 33-year old self can!

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In other news, my hot water heater broke this morning. I got up, late of course because I forgot about an early meeting I needed to be at work for, and then brushed my teeth, turned on the shower, got in and froze my ass off. I had been noticing lately that it wasn’t getting as warm as normal and I had to turn it on hotter. But I figured that was typical for this time of year when it is freezing in my house.

But this morning, I had the faucet turned as hot as it would go and it was not warm. At all. So I jumped out of the shower, naked and dripping and decided to look at the hot water heater. And then I saw this huge panel of directions that made no sense after just having woken up and not having any coffee yet. I think I pushed a button and then figured “hey, dumbass! Don’t mess with gas! Just get dressed and get to work for your meeting! You can figure it out later.” Sometimes my self can be so smart. And bossy.

So I turned it all off so it wasn’t leaking gas, washed my face and jumped in a cold shower for like 2 minutes, got dressed and went to work.

When I got home tonight, I noticed the pilot light was out. I was hoping that was all it would be. So I put on my thinking cap (after changing into my “working” clothes, AKA my pajamas), and read the lengthy instructions very slowly. I apparently did everything right and didn’t blow up the house because I now have hot water! Huzzah!

And according to a friend on Facebook, these kinds of things tend to happen when your hot water heater is around a lot of dust bunnies/cat hair. And seeing as my water heater is in a closet I never go in, that kind of explains the problem. Great. One more place to forget to vacuum.

I can’t wait to take a shower in the morning!

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Finally, I told you all that I started writing over at Food Lush, yes? Well, if I didn’t, hey! I started writing over at Food Lush.

This week I wrote a post about how I was afraid to cook shrimp. And asked the readers for help and also for yummy recipes. They are amazing readers and totally calmed my fears! And had good recipes to share to boot!

Their comments helped, as I came home Tuesday evening and attempted to cook this recipe. And I did! And it turned out so yummy! And I cooked shrimp! I am QUEEN OF THE CUISINE!

Seriously people, it was a good dish! Go make it! Don’t be afraid of sea creatures! Learn from me! #themoreyouknow

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging, Mmmm Food, The Hizzouse | 11 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on December 30, 2010

Since I haven’t posted on my blog in forever, I thought I’d do the year-end recap meme that everyone on the internet is doing these days.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Attended my first Passover Seder. Cooked food on a grill! Successfully! I went to Portland. I had never been to Oregon. I ate pimento cheese and realized it was created by God himself. Saw a football game at Camp Randall in Madison, WI and Jumped Around! I went to Canada and got a stamp in my passport!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t think I made any last year. I always resolute to exercise more and eat better. That again is my resolution this year. I’ve even joined Weight Watchers already and am on my way. Because I’m going to Jamaica in May and that will mean I will have to be in a bathing suit. In front of people.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

MY SISTER! We welcomed my niece Maddie in June!

Also, my friend Jenny had a baby girl, my friend Cindy had twin girls, my BFF Julie had a little boy a few weeks ago, the Hoddys had a little boy Max. I am sure I am forgetting someone. Damn, that’s a lot of babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

Canada! That was my first visit to America’s hat! (I would link to a post, but I realized I never wrote one.) I went to visit my second family, the Martells.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you didn’t have in 2010?

More money. Maybe a boyfriend.

7. What dates from 2010 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

June 8, when my niece was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Not punching a certain person or telling her off. Also, becoming an Auntie again, even though I had nothing to do with it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not blogging and writing enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes. I battled the Kristin Johnsons for months! And I went through a lot of toilet paper. And had to take samples! But now I can poop anywhere, which is a plus. No fear of public pooping for me!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My Kindle, my birthday present to myself.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mom, for having to put up with me for 33 years.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A lot of people on the internet, sadly. Also me, for getting caught up in all the drama on the internet.

14. Where did most your money go?

My mortgage and escrow, which was TOO much and I ended up getting back.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Have you met me? I get really excited about everything! My new niece! My Kindle! My birthday! Free shots! Reserved seats at a bar! TV shows! Someone @ replying to me on Twitter! My trips to Canada and Portland! Emails!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Chelsea Dagger

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) happier

b) fatter

c) Same, monetary wise. My life overall is richer, I’d have to say.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercised.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Having the Kristin Johnsons and spending so much time on the toilet. That killed a lot of my summer. Also, I wish I didn’t get caught up in gossip and drama so much.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We went to my aunt’s house and then I spent the day after Xmas at my brother’s house with Noah and Skyler. It’s becoming a new tradition! And we went sledding!

21. Did you fall in love with 2010?

Yes. With television shows – True Blood, Dexter and Blue Bloods.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Oh, there are so many. I will just say that I’m so happy I finally joined the rest of the human race and have seen True Blood and Dexter. People, go out and watch Dexter. IT IS SO GOOD!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Probably. I’m a fickle bitch.

24. What was the best book you read?

Hmmm, I read a lot. I really enjoyed the Hunger Games trilogy. And the Percy Jackson series. One of my favorites was Stay by Allie Larkin. When I grow up, I want to be able to write like her.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I don’t discover music. I listed to whatever they play on the radio. And then I sing along to it. I did a lot of that with Kerri in Portland, which was way more fun than singing by yourself in the car.

26. What did you want and get?

A Kindle. My mortgage payments lowered.

27. What did you want and not get?

A kitchen table.

28. What was your favorite film of 2010?

I do not see enough movies. This is sad. Eclipse? NO! I remember! Get Him to the Greek! (I saw it with Kerri, which made it even more awesome!)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned the ripe old age of 33. And on my actual birthday, I went to flirt with the hottie bartender at our Sunday watering hole. Only to find out later he had a girlfriend and moved to NYC with her. On my official birthday celebration day, I went to our football bar and watched football and drank a lot. Which is pretty much every Sunday during football season.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

It wasn’t a horrible year. I struggled financially at the end of it, so all I can think of is money. Yes, winning the lottery would have made this year much better.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2010?

Slovenly. Mumu-ish.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends, the ones inside and outside the computer. My family, especially my nieces and nephews. Television’s warming glow.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

The mid-term elections and the change of control.

34. Who did you miss?

The same people I always miss – Mike & Lori and Julie & Joe. I miss living in the same state as those guys. My trip up to see all of them this fall was a highlight for sure!

35. Who was the best new person you met?

Gosh, I met a lot of new people at BlogHer this year. I met my soulmate, Shauna Glenn, and we burned up the dance floor at the MamaPop party.

There were a lot of people I met for the first time that weekend that are AWESOME and I’m so glad I finally met them!

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Do not pick up a pissed off cat when she’s hissing at a dog. JUST DON’T.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I have no idea, but I like this song (Raise Your Glass) and I love Pink! And it pretty much sums up my life.

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks

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Happy New Year!

Category: All Things Blogging, Land of Random, Memes | 14 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on December 13, 2010

Well, that was not an intentional blogging hiatus. In fact, I really wanted to post. But last week started off with a trip to Pittsburgh for work and then I never really recovered and basically slept the rest of the week as much as I could.

Some people probably think they are missing out on SO! MUCH! when I go a week without posting. Those people would be wrong. Here is just a sampling of what I have been up to:

• I almost missed my flight to Pittsburgh last Monday. The security line resembled this, something I’ve NEVER seen at Midway airport.

• This was before 7 AM, mind you. And this was just the line for the TSA person to check your ID. You still had another line to wait in to get through security.
• I made it, barely, by running. In heels. Because of course my gate wasn’t like B3, it had to be B19 all the way at the end of the terminal. I only ran because I was PAGED! They paged me throughout the airport! “Pittsburgh passenger Kristin Johnson!” I wasn’t going to miss that flight, so I ran.
• And then it took me the entire hour flight to recover from being winded from my 1/4 mile jog through the airport.
• I need to go to start going to the gym again.
• Speaking of, I re-joined Weight Watchers. For the 17th time in the last six years. BUT! It’s a new program! And I can’t guesstimate anymore since everything is new! So this should help!
• Except I drank my week’s worth of points in beer and shots on Sunday while out watching football.
• This is why I’m fat.
• Other things I’ve been up to since I last posted? Not cleaning, not doing laundry and not moving from the couch.
• Oh! And I’ve started watching True Blood. And I am now hooked. And debating upping my Netflix account so I get more than one DVD at a time.
• I’m also reading the books. Both the show and the books are equally good.  And if you tweet about True Blood, fake True Blood characters will respond to you.

• I have also spent an insane amount of time scraping ice off my car windows. I don’t even want to talk about how it isn’t even technically winter yet.

And now I’m off to bed. Before I get hungry and eat all my points for tomorrow on string cheese.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging, All Things TV, Land of Random, Mmmm Food, WW | 10 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on December 2, 2010

I’ve been really stressed lately. I have been having a bit of money troubles and you never realize how much that eats away at your entire being until you get some relief.

See, my mortgage payment was increased over the summer. I needed to put more in each month to cover my escrow and my property taxes. And it wasn’t just a little bit more, it was quite a bit more. At first it was fine. And then a few months later, I was really struggling.

But then, I got my property tax bill. And I realized that all that money I had to pay last year for a special assessment was paying off – my property taxes went down. A LOT. So the amount of money I was paying each month to build up my escrow? TOO MUCH!

SWEET RELIEF!

Because I’m a NOOB when it comes to any of these adult kind of mortgagey manners, I figured you could just call your mortgage company and be all “look ass rapers, I’m not paying all this money into my escrow account, OK? Change my payment amount, bitches! Or else!”

Can you believe it doesn’t work like that at all? Apparently there are some not-so-honest people out there who will tell those kind of lies to like, get out of paying bills? Who are these hooligans?

So I called my mortgage company, expecting them to take my side seeing as I am honest and pay my bill on time and because HELLO, people are foreclosing left and right! I’m just asking to pay a couple hundred dollars less per month! And that won’t effect my principal or your interest!

Turns out they really research these things. And thankfully, I had just received my tax bill so I had PROOF! Written, documented proof from the county that the amount my mortgage company THOUGHT I should pay in taxes was not even close to the same amount that I HAD to pay in taxes.

So we opened a work order and they evaluated it. And I have been waiting on pins and needles every day since to find out the outcome.

That day came tonight. And it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! They are lowering my payment! AND I get a check for the extra amount that is in my escrow account currently. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!

So clearly when I found out the news, I did what every other adult would do – I texted my mom, did a cartwheel and opened a bottle of wine.

C-A-B-E-R-N-E-T spells R-E-L-I-E-F.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Hooch Hilarity, The Hizzouse | 19 Comments »
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