Cat Scratch Fever

Posted By on June 29, 2010

So Monday morning was my first work day as a someone who has a dog. Someone who has to deal with walks and picking up poop and feeding animals and keeping cats and dogs away from each other.

On morning number one, I failed miserably. So much so, I ended up having to go to the doctor with my ailments.

I should back up, shouldn’t I?

I got up Monday morning and as I was brushing my teeth, I heard a rustle in the kitchen. I rushed in to find Kitty Kitty backed into a corner in the kitchen, hissing at the dog, hair standing on end and losing her shit (not literally, thankfully). I tried to get the dog out of the picture and yanked at her collar. It’s a break-away collar so it came off in my hand. My next thought was to get the cat out of the situation since she was so fucking freaked out and rendered stupid, that she didn’t realize she could jump on the kitchen counter and get away from the dog, who cannot jump.

This will go down as probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.

Dear people of the world, do not try to pick up a cat that is so pissed off and is hissing and looks like this:

Because that’s what I did. I figured I could pick her up, she’d know I would do her no harm, and I could get her into a room with a door and away from the dog.

But she was freaked out and she bit me. And she didn’t just bite me, she BIT me. Like 2 deep puncture wounds that started bleeding immediately. It caused such a ruckus that it woke up my sister and she came out thinking we were being robbed and asked if everything was OK. I responded, as I had my hand in my mouth so I didn’t bleed everywhere, that things were indeed not OK and I needed her to take the cats and close her door. She did and the rest of the morning went off without a hitch. Except my hand was KILLING ME!

It started to swell right away and the bleeding just wouldn’t stop. I wasn’t too worried at first. But then as the day went on, my hand continued to swell and I couldn’t make a fist. And then Nic told me I had to go to the doctor because cat’s mouths are dirty and I could get Cat Scratch Disease, which is a real thing! I KNOW!

So I did. And I got a prescription for antibiotics in case I get an infection. (You know it must have been bad for me to willingly go get antibiotics after my last episode.)

But it still hurts. And it feels like it is more swollen. And I’ve dubbed it “Shrek Hand”.

And lest you think my hands are normally this fat, here is a comparison. I have man hands, but not Shrek hands.

So if you need me for the rest of the week, I’ll be slowly trying to type without crying. Because that Shrek hand? Hurts like a mofo!

And now I better go take the dog out because I don’t want to add “picking up dog poop in my house” to my “Crappy Things That Have Happened This Week” list.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


16 Responses to “Cat Scratch Fever”

  1. Jenn says:

    ROFLMAO – sorry! I wouldn’t normally laugh at another’s pain – but that is a hilarious post. Shrek hands!!
    Jenn´s last blog post ..Oh- For the Love of Bike

  2. Aly says:

    Hey, from one man-hands lady to another, I think that’s a huge difference. Kitty Kitty has some serious fangs on her! I’ve had punctures but never like that.. yeeeow.

    Hope it’s better soon! x
    Aly´s last blog post ..London- Still

  3. Mahnee says:

    Sorry…but the Shrek hands got me!!!!!! Too funny. Hope the sweilling is going down and the pain is better.


  4. Holy crap that’s swollen! I guess I thought cat scratch fever came from… you know, scratches? But biting sounds worse!
    nancypearlwannabe´s last blog post ..He’s Too Darn Pretty To Die

  5. -R- says:


    I hope the swelling has gone down and that you’re feeling ok. And that your cat is feeling less psycho.
    -R-´s last blog post ..Portrait of a Young Artist

  6. Schwerer says:

    OMG! I hope you are ok!!!!! That sucks!

  7. Sarah says:

    Ouch! My hand hurts just looking at that! I have 2 cats and 1 dog, one of the cats took 2 years to get used to the dog, it was awful. And yeah, it is a painful lesson to stay away and let them work it out. Hope it gets better soon!

  8. Angella says:

    Aw, K. That SUCKS. Hand pain is the worst because you use them for EVERYTHING. Sending hugs. xo
    Angella´s last blog post ..Breaking Down Barriers

  9. Alice says:

    holy COW dude. that’s some hand. i’m very sorry :-\ my uber-skittish cat got startled while she was walking all over me last night, and no joke, scratched my.. uh.. LADY BITS. i immediately thought of your predicament and just PRAYED that i wouldn’t have to go in for cat scratch fever on the vajay.

    (so far, no shrek ladybits.)
    Alice´s last blog post ..The Not-So-Olympic Olympics

  10. Kerri Anne says:

    Oh, babe. Here’s to this weekend being SO MUCH BETTER than this week. And boo! to Shrek hands, though you calling it that is just further proof why I love you.

    (Man hands, UNITE.)
    Kerri Anne´s last blog post ..Good Things- Cinematic Ecstatic- Edition

  11. mouncie123 says:

    And they call the dog a Bitch…hmmm

  12. gorillabuns says:

    you have cat scratched fever and i have fist bump fever. man, who knew hands were so sensitive?

    I hope you heal quickly!

  13. Eek that looks really painful! I hope your antibiotics start working asap!
    Sensibly Sassy´s last blog post ..Oh Leo

  14. hilary says:

    Wow! Poor you! When I first read of your house guest I was amazed how adaptable your cats were. My cat would definitely not stand for any animal visitors (not that he likes people visitors, or appreciates that his grandpa and his grandpa’s girl friend are coming over tonight and staying for the next 9 days). But another animal, he would definitely put his paw down. I once made the mistake of petting and feeding a stray cat. He got so furious, my sweet indoor cat, bolted out to scare away the trespasser, with murder in his eyes.
    hilary´s last blog post ..It’s just like riding a bikejust with your thumbs

  15. tracey says:

    Bad kitty! Bad KITTY!
    tracey´s last blog post ..I dont want to forget this

  16. Deidre says:

    OUCH! Hope it heals sooon! OUCH, again.
    Deidre´s last blog post ..Embarrassed to Live Free or Die