Water Heater 127, Kristabella 0

Posted By on January 10, 2011

I am currently engaged in an epic battle with my water heater, people.

Remember last week? When I so stupidly thought it was just an unlit pilot light and that I had fixed the problem? Well hoo boy was I wrong. Because it? Still isn’t working!


I called them out on Saturday to look at it, after I noticed that while I could light it, there was only lukewarm water hours later. So then I became that girl, on her belly in the hallway of her condo, staring at a one-inch window on the bottom of a water heater, looking at a flame. A flame that WOULD NOT STAY LIT!

So the dude came, four hours late mind you, and it started! And he’s like “it’s fine! Don’t call tomorrow if it goes out! Just kidding! Not really, I don’t want to work tomorrow.” NO! Really! HE SAID THAT! And it was lit and heating up water and I was like “OK, dude, now get the fuck out so I can shower this stank off me.”

I got cocky and overjoyed at my hot water and all the possibilities! Running the dishwasher! Doing laundry! Taking a hot, hot bath!

And in those 10 minutes of cockiness, the stupid pilot light went out. And I couldn’t get it to re-light. So I decided the only thing to do was to drink a whole bottle of Tempranillo. It wouldn’t help with the smell, but it would make me feel better.

I finally sucked it up and took a shower at the gym on Sunday. I don’t like showering in public places, and my gym is not that fancy, but it has warm water, so it was fine. Well, it was more than fine. Being clean was GLORIOUS!

I figured that I would work from home on Monday, the plumbers would be less busy and bam! I would have hot water by the end of the working day!

But again, that fucking water heater reminded me what a formidable opponent he was. Because he wasn’t going down easy.

The plumber got here around 1 PM. He replaced a part (the thermocouple, which is what everyone thought was wrong with the water heater), the thing started up, it stayed on for more than 10 minutes and we called the project complete. He left and said they would mail me a bill.

I AGAIN rejoiced (BECAUSE I AM A SLOW LEARNER) and figured I would have a really nice shower at the end of my work day.

“Not so fast,” said the water heater.

Because my life has been all water heater, all the time since last Thursday, I am officially obsessed. I am constantly listening for the burner to turn on and constantly pulling open the little door to look for a flame. I’m not sure what it actually looks like when it is working properly, because every time I look for a flame, THERE ISN’T ONE!

I called the plumber back and left a message. And then two hours later, I left another message. And tomorrow morning at 7 AM, I plan to call and leave another message. Because, fuck it. This water heater is broken. Just put a new one in. I Googled all of this and basically some part is probably broken on the gas valve. And that costs as much as a new water heater. So let’s cut our losses, water heater. You win. And now, I’m going to kick your ass to the curb.

You may be a worthy opponent, but this is MY HOUSE and I always win in my house.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


6 Responses to “Water Heater 127, Kristabella 0”

  1. Raven says:

    We are fighting a similar battle with our dishwasher. It’s a never-ending “will it” or “won’t it” mystery game. OY.

    Not having a shower is WAY WORSE though…I can always just hand wash the stupid dishes or order take out.
    Raven´s last blog post ..business in the front- party in the back

  2. Mahnee says:

    Keep me posted….this is so unreal….plumbers that come to Gram’s house ALWAYS want to do the most expensive thing.

  3. Candy says:

    This is how The Terminator started. The machines are winning.
    Candy´s last blog post ..Ingrid

  4. Tara says:

    Speak kindly or they will all go on strike…I am speaking of your dishwasher…stove and refrigerator!!1

  5. You always win in your house? But I thought you have cats! 🙂

    I’m just sayin’ because WE have cats, and we never win a damn thing! lol
    Liz J in Central Illinois´s last blog post ..New Year Cats!

  6. Kristan says:

    When our water heater wouldn’t stay lit at work a couple years ago, it turned out to be a leak in the gas line (not IN the building, thankfully, but still out on the street somewhere). I would definitely call your gas company and ask them to check it out.
    Kristan´s last blog post ..Digesting