Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on December 1, 2010

Last Saturday night, I went out with my stepmom and my sisters to celebrate my youngest half-sister’s birthday. She turned 18. I cannot put into words how old that makes me feel. She’s legal! That little baby! How is that possible?

In honor of her birthday, we went to dinner on the street that shares her name:

(Actually, it was a total coincidence. But that didn’t stop us from making her climb a pole.)

After dinner we went downtown to look at the lights and the decorations in the windows on Michigan Avenue. I ended up driving, so I parked in a parking garage. I am too impatient to look for street parking downtown. And since I got a free meal, I was OK paying for parking.

After freezing our butts off outside, we decided to call it a night. My stepmom, sisters, et al headed back to their car (my stepmom’s boyfriend DOES look for street parking downtown) and I headed to mine in the garage. It was a very well-lit garage, one you had to pay before you went back to your car.

I went to the lobby to pay and as I got off the elevator, there was a guy standing by the pay machines. He seemed normal enough, had a cup of Starbucks coffee in his hand. As I approached, he asked for $4. The parking was $14 and I guess he was $4 short. I told him I had no cash and proceeded to pay my parking fee with a credit card.

He then proceeded to tell me he tried to pay with his card, but he was overdrawn because of some large car loan or something. I tried to hurry up and pay without seeming freaked out. I was like “oh man, I hear ya! Money troubles suck! Yuck!”

Then he kept asking if I had any other bills, because he could make change for me. I told him I didn’t have any cash on me. It was actually a lie because I had $40 in my wallet to pay for my cabs on Sunday to and from the bar. But I wasn’t going to give him that money. I just wanted to get to my car and get home.

We rode the elevator together. He was one floor below me and got off and went to his car. I wished him luck and headed up to my floor to my car.

As I was driving home, I was kind of mad at myself because here it is the holiday season and I couldn’t spare any money for this poor guy? I mean, I have $14. I could have paid his parking fee so he could have gotten his car out. Pay it forward and all that. Why am I such a cynic that I assume everyone is bad and going to attack me? Wouldn’t I have wanted someone to help me out if I was in the same situation? Where’s my good cheer and helping out the common man?

But I always trust my gut. And something about this situation seemed shady. I’m pretty sure the fact that I was VISIBLY carrying my pepper spray helped me avoid a bad situation. It was later in the evening. There was no one in that garage. He could have easily followed me to my car and done things I don’t even want to think about.

On top of it, who parks in a parking garage in the city of Chicago, DOWNTOWN, when you know you don’t have money? I mean, you had enough money for coffee at Starbucks. And why are you asking for $4, yet have change for  bigger bills, if I had them? Were you waiting for me to put my guard down and open my wallet and then you would attack?

WHY IS THAT MY FIRST THOUGHT?

I am a generous person. I am generous with my time, my money, etc. I love giving, be it hugs or cupcakes. I have no issue with being generous. I give to charities. And I would rather do that, or give a dollar to a bum on the street, than have given this dude money in this situation. Yeah, it may come back to bite me in the ass karmically, but I would rather be a cynic than be beat up and thrown in a trunk of some random dude’s car.

So am I just way too cynical? Has years of city living jaded me? Or does my being jaded and cynical keep me safer?

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Edited to add: I would like to ease all your fears that getting in the elevator with him was not by choice. I tried stalling as long as I could. The longer I stalled, the longer he stalled. And rather than go into a creepy staircase with him following me, I thought going in the elevator CLEARLY armed with my pepper spray was better. Trust me, I have already told myself that if something similar happens again, I’ll claim I need to go outside to get something, ANYTHING.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Chi-town, Deep Thoughts, Transit Tales | 26 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on November 29, 2010

Did everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving? Mine was lovely, thanks for asking. Although I had to work on Friday, I got to work from home in my PJs, which is always a mighty fine thing. It was nice to have a break from the daily grind for sure.

I started a new tradition at Thanksgiving this year – MIMOSAS!

I going to go ahead and say this was the best idea I’ve ever had. I even tricked my Gram into having one, which probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done since she’s wobbly stone cold sober.

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The following was a conversation that happened on Thanksgiving. I’m still kind of amazed by the awkwardness.

My Mom: I got a new alarm clock! It tells time! It was $17.99! And has TWO alarms! It’s fancy! $17.99! $17.99! $17.99!!!

Me: Was it made it 1799 or something?

(roars of laughter through the crowd)

Person X: Ha, that’s funny. Did you just think of that off the top of your head?

Me: *blinks* *blink* *blink* *blinks*

Me: Um, yes.

So, did this person think I was George Costanza and just had a litany of jokes in my head? Like I was just waiting for someone to make a comment about 1799? DON’T HATE BECAUSE I’M WITTIER THAN YOU!

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I made a pie. It was delicious.

The filling is peanut butter, cream cheese and whipped cream. It was so good I could have eaten just that.

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The best part about Thanksgiving, after the booze and the stuffing? This girl!

Clearly taking after her Auntie already. Can you believe she’s almost 6 months old already? Where does the time go?

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Overall, it was a great holiday and a nice relaxing weekend. How was your long weekend internet?

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, All in the Family, Holidaze, Hooch Hilarity, Mmmm Food, NaBloPoMo | 9 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on November 25, 2010

Look at me! Posting three days in a row! Remember when I used to post five days in a row, regularly? Me neither.

So today is Thanksgiving. This is one of my favorite holidays. I’m sure I’ve said it before on here, because this is the fifth time I’ve written a Thanksgiving post on my blog. (Weird that I can’t even post once a week but I’ve managed to post every Thanksgiving for 5 years. Go figure.)

Anyway, I do like this holiday because it is all about food. And drinking. And it isn’t about gifts and isn’t as chaotic as Christmas. Plus, leftovers.

My mom usually hosts Thanksgiving. I prefer my mom hosting because that means I can drink. I usually drive my mom and Gram to whomever’s house we’re celebrating at, so when my mom hosts, it’s a damn free-for-all for me. (See Christmas last year when I was so drunk and ended up drinking vodka and Capri Sun. By choice.)

I also prefer my mom hosting because I can bully her into new traditions. I can make different food, bring new desserts and the piece de resistance, I can convince her that we need to start a new tradition that means mimosas before dinner!

Which is probably why I found myself in the grocery store on Monday after work with some items for Thanksgiving, and 5 bottles of wine. As soon as I unloaded the cart, I noticed someone was in the lane behind me. It was a NUN, in full habit, buying instant coffee and The Nativity movie on DVD. I swear, she snickered. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

I should say all the things I’m thankful, like you, my friends and my family and booze. Or about how I’m thankful for online conversations that start off with “these people getting pissed about the TSA patdowns are pissing me off” and end with “MY TAMPON IS A BOMB, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

I’m thankful for good food, a roof over my head, good friends, good times and good memories and many more to come. And I’m thankful that when I need to bitch about something, or report on the weather or what I had for lunch, I always have access to Twitter and Facebook.

Most of all, I’m thankful for inventions like this:

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your friends and family!

Category: All Things Blogging, Holidaze, NaBloPoMo, Videos, Vlogging | 5 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on November 23, 2010

I wasn’t going to post tonight. I had every intention as I was composing post ideas in my head on my commute home, but once I got home and saw the couch and my PJs and the sink full of dishes and the piles of laundry, I decided to say eff it. And then I was crying during Glee and I’m a little obsessed with the Sookie Stackhouse books (just started number three. I’m WAY behind) and well posting wasn’t a priority.

But then I found this beaut of a photo on my phone:

You guys, I don’t remember much of this evening past leaving the bar that kicked us out before 2. I vaguely remember the cab ride and paying the man, and I remember trying to be very quiet with my keys opening my front door, which doesn’t happen when it’s 4 AM and you’ve been drinking since 7. I DEFINITELY don’t remember taking this photo. But I love that I’m always a blogger because you know I was all “I’m so putting this on my blog as proof!” HA!

(Also, please ignore how dusty my oven is.)

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Since my posting has been so sparse, I never got to tell you that I got my hair cut short in August, right before Rhi’s wedding and my trip to Portland. I’m sure you noticed from the photos, but I never got to do a proper “HEY! I got my hairs did!” post. I just got it done again a few weeks ago, it needed some highlights and I needed the bangs trimmed. This is what it looks like now:

Look! I’m learning to use the self-timer on the camera!

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I also bought my first pair of skinny jeans. I still feel a bit weird in them, but I’m learning to love them! Even fat, hippy girls like me can wear skinny jeans!

Although, unless I have a shirt like that covering up my hips, I don’t feel comfortable in them.

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Have you always wondered what I do most evenings, since I clearly must be too busy to post? I do things like this:

And I post to Facebook with the caption “Sent to kitty jail. Her crime? Excessive shedding.”

Then I take more photos and try and get her to give me the perfect “I’m free BITCHES!” face:

This is more of the “do that again, whore, and I’ll ruin your favorite pair of shoes” look.

#spinstertweets

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Oh! In case you didn’t know, I’m also now posting every Tuesday over on Food Lush! Go check out my first post on the most amazing meatballs you’ll ever have!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone! Or a great Thursday, my Canadian friends! I’m thankful Canada is America’s hat.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging, Crazy Cat Lady, Land of Random, NaBloPoMo, Spinsterville Here I Come | 9 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on November 22, 2010

Thank you all for you comments on my last post about whether I should sleep with the door open or closed. There wasn’t much of a consensus, people were either on one side or the other. So basically, I’m still sleeping with my door open. Because, well I am a creature of habit.

But I will say, I am thinking more about it. It’s probably not a good thing. Also not a good thing, watching this week’s episode of Blue Bloods where there was a serial rapist on the loose and one of his victims said he got in her place somehow with all the doors and windows locked. AWESOME! That will help me fall asleep, NO PROBLEM.

(Also, side note, are you watching Blue Bloods? Because you should be. It’s a great show. It has Tom Selleck and Donny Wahlberg and Bridget Moynihan and that cutie kid that was on American Dreams. SO GOOD.)

In other news, I’m shocked to say this but I am tired. What’s shocking about this is that I literally slept all day and night on Sunday. No, really. I think I got 20-plus hours of sleep.

See, Saturday night I went out to dinner with my friend and her parents and some other friends. We had a good time and the wine was flowing. We went to another bar after dinner, then took my friend’s parents home and then proceeded to go to two more bars. One of those being a 4 AM bar. I was out drinking until 4 AM. Apparently all that red wine made me forget I’m 33, not 23. Also, I’m sure all that red wine made it look like something died in my mouth.

I woke up the first time around 11 AM on Sunday, mostly trying to put the pieces together of the evening/morning and impressed that I actually changed into my PJs and turned all the lights off. (If you know me, you know that not sleeping in my clothes is a feat most days.) After about 10 minutes of my head pounding, I went back to bed. Until 4 PM.

By this time, I was hungry and quite parched. So I went to Taco Bell for some food. I should probably point out that I wore my snowflake pajama pants to Taco Bell. After inhaling an obscene amount of Mexican food, I watched some TV and then went back to bed about 6:30 PM.

I was good until about 10:30, when I was wide awake. Probably because I had just slept for more than my cats sleep in a day. At this point, tossing and turning wasn’t the answer, so I got up to watch some TV, check Twitter and read my book. I dozed off again at about 1 AM and was hoping I was going to be sound asleep for the rest of the night.

I wasn’t, but it wasn’t too bad. I debated about getting up at 3:30 when I was wide awake because I have always read that if you’re up, you should just get up and start your day. But after about 10 minutes of thinking that, I passed out again.

I was sure I’d be up at 5:30 or so. I figured I could write a blog post or two, make my lunch, get my clothes out. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I fell back asleep and my alarm woke me up at 7:30.

Do they hold sleeping competitions? Because I’m sure I just won the gold medal.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Hooch Hilarity, Land of Random, NaBloPoMo, The Lazies | 7 Comments »
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