Is It Called Sudafed Because Someone With A Stuffy Nose Tried To Say Stuffy Head?

Posted By on May 6, 2009

I’m sick. I have a cold. I thought, of course, it was the Swine Flu because I wanted to be part of the party! Also, I wanted people at work to force me to go home and rest because I didn’t need to be getting the whole office infected with Swine Flu. But alas, it’s just a stuffy nose with a little sore throat thrown in. 

I was convinced I’d be the first U.S. death because of Swine Flu, but then Yahoo killed my dream this morning with this story. I guess I need to aim for something different, something better. 

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I told Bacon it was all his fault that I was sick. All his “friends” are infecting the humans with their gross disease because pigs are really dirty. Like now we know where all those sayings about filth come from, sayings like “living in a pigsty” or “you’re a pig” or “you’re as infectious as those pigs” or something. 

Bacon proceeded to laugh his evil little laugh, “Mwahahahaha! It was all part of my evil plan to take over the universe, one piece of Bacon at a time!”

So I says to Bacon, I says “well, how can you take over the universe if you kill everyone off? Then it will be planet of the Pigs.” 

And then Bacon got all huffy and was like “it is just like you to ruin my ideas! You never let me flourish! You’re always stifling me!” And then he stormed out of the room and started slamming doors and Spit Hot Grease. 

Clearly Bacon is in his angsty teen years. 

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I actually went to bed before 8 PM last night. I was tired and felt like I had been run over by a truck. So I took some Benadryl to dry out my nasal cavities and then was drooling on the couch mere minutes later. So I figured “what’s the use in fighting?” and I went to bed. And the sun was still out. I cannot believe I fell asleep before the sun went down. I have no idea why I find this odd since I routinely take naps on the weekend when the sun is out and blazing. But something about going to bed pre-sunset on a weeknight is weird. 

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Last Friday I worked from home at the condo to wait for the gas man to cometh. I needed full functioning appliances and hot water. Because even though I will now be paying for gas, I still would like to take showers with warm water. I am happy to announce that everything works, including the carbon monoxide detector. Because the furnace is new, when the Gas Man fired that puppy up, it burned off oil or something or some gas many-type terms and HOLY SHIT THAT IS LOUD! The carbon monoxide detector is connected to both smoke detectors, so when one goes off, they all go off. Which, yay for safety, but BOO! HISS! for when you turn the heat on the first time. 

He said it was normal and we opened all the windows and about 10 minutes later, they went off. I’m sure my neighbors already love me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I move in a few days. I have done no more packing since Sunday. I did pick up some more tape, though. I’m getting close to being done. And I know just a few more hours of packing and it will all be set to go. Even if that packing includes shoving every last thing remaining into a garbage bag. Or a duffel bag! I have lots of those

I’m still freaking out a little bit, but I think I found the cause of the freaking out. See, as empowered as I feel about buying a place ON MY OWN and with no one’s help (minus awesome lawyer and awesomeR realtor), it kind of all hit me that I’m doing this all on MY OWN. Which means that projects I need done around the house, I need to have someone else do. I need to wait until my brother has some free time to install ceiling fans and a dead bolt lock because I can’t afford to pay anyone. And while I am pretty handy, I’m also not. 

And then it is just the idea of going shopping for things like blinds and fans and screen doors and furniture by MYSELF and it is all so overwhelming. And I can’t fit big things in my car, let alone carry them up to my condo by myself. So clearly what I am trying to say that I am fiercely independent and I hate having to rely on other people for these things. I also hate having to WAIT for these people to help because these people have their own things to do and cannot drop everything and come help me and WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? 

Seriously, I swear the biggest reason I want to get married is because I need someone to help me carry heavy things into my house.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

34 Responses to “Is It Called Sudafed Because Someone With A Stuffy Nose Tried To Say Stuffy Head?”

  1. Teri says:

    Totally wish I was there to help, my friend. You’ll do fine and everyone is so proud of you. Oh yeah, I also can’t wait to see your place!

  2. Raven says:

    It’s true that husbands are good about carrying stuff into the house but then they want to have an opinion about the stuff that you are buying! It’s crazy sauce! They don’t have any taste! They want hugely giant tvs that cover whole walls and lazy boy couches WITH CUP HOLDERS. UGH.

    I’d rather just pay to have stuff delivered. Ha!

    Ravens last blog post..becoming american

  3. tutugirl1345 says:

    Both of those things you just mentioned are actually fairly easy- you just follow the instructions that come with the parts (unless you have to drill holes for the dead bolt, in which case, Ugh.) I think you’re going to be amazed when you figure out what you actually CAN do, and it’ll eventually make you even more independent.

    And I agree- people should just drop their stuff to come help you. Its so freaking annoying when they don’t get that clearly you’re the most important thing 😉

    tutugirl1345s last blog post..Perhaps I should just nail myself to something

  4. Having someone around to carry heavy stuff is absolutely the reason you want to get married. 😉

    The great thing about home ownership is that it forces you to learn about stuff, including repairs and renovations. The internet is full of information on how to do things, so you can always do some basic research to see if it’s something you can manage. Check YouTube for how-to videos.

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..Pete speaks: My Moment of Athletic Glory

  5. Metalia says:

    I’m just waiting for Bacon to start cutting himself and listening to The Cure. His life is SO HARD AND YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. *slams door*

    Metalias last blog post..I swear, the "punch"segue is entirely coincidental.

  6. Mahnee says:

    You are already so knowledgeable (I just had to check the spelling on that) and talented with what you’ve done around apartments you’ve lived in that i have the utmost faith in you picking up a few more skills now that you own the condo.

  7. -R- says:

    When H and I first moved in together, the best part was having someone help me bring in all the groceries. He can carry them all in one trip! Yay for people who can lift heavy things!

    -R-s last blog post..Technology, yay!

  8. Jen says:

    Congrats, congrats, congrats, lady on doing it ALL BY YOURSELF!!

  9. I KNEW it was Bacon spreading this disease!

    nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…

  10. Marianne says:

    “So I says to Bacon, I says” <– totally laughed milk out of my nose. Totally.

    Mariannes last blog post..Making Time

  11. haha! Bacon! The Cure! Funny!

    I’m also fiercely independent, and it’s a goal of mine to eventually own my own apartment, by myself, without a man.

    However, I’m also a big hypocrite, because then I do things like make Ryan help me with moving, installing air conditioners, pick up furniture, bags of soil too heavy for me, and drive me to the costco. Sooooo yeah. My version of independence comes with a big side of “help!” from the boyfriend.

    Kitchen Vixens last blog post..On Throwing A Last Minute Party

  12. Summer says:

    Three cheers for Benadryl!

    Bacon is definitely acting out!

    And aren’t brothers wonderful for those sort of things. I have two. So when one’s busy, I enlist the help of the other one, and so on, and so forth!

    Summers last blog post..Quarantine

  13. TUWABVB says:

    Yes, they can carry heavy things, but then they also believe they get an opinion on the purchases. Just pay for delivery AND assembly and you’ll have the best of both worlds.

    I remember a particularly unorganized packing experience…moving from Soho to the Upper West Side and I found myself on the subway holding an omlette pan. I looked like a loon.

    TUWABVBs last blog post..An Early Mothers’ Day Tribute to My Mom (or Why I’ve Been Going to Professional Waxers Since the Young Age of 17)

  14. Ree says:

    I am also battling the cold from hell. I figure about my 3rd meeting, I’m going to end up face down on my desk…drooling into my keyboard.

    Rees last blog post..10th Birthday – Past In Polaroids 22

  15. Miss Jones says:

    Lotsa cute, handy, single men frequent Home Depot! 🙂

  16. Lori says:

    i know you will be fine. proud of ya, lady!

    Loris last blog post..funny 80s video

  17. Eileen says:

    Husbands are also handy for spider killing. Having said that- if one must a shoe thrown with vim and vigor from a distance will also kill them.

    This is my way of saying- I know you can do this.

    Eileens last blog post..As if high school wasn’t hard enough…

  18. Angella says:

    Maybe Bacon is a girl in disguise and she’s having her period?

  19. diana says:

    I had my own place pre-husband and while he can hold up his end of a couch – I am soooo much more handy that he is. He can change a mean light bulb, but the tool box is mine. The bug/spider removal situation however – all him. You will either become handy yourself (very empowering) or make certain to include the handy man requirements on the future husband application.

    dianas last blog post..Mazel Tov

  20. tmc says:

    Caution! I have a husband but he never lifts A THING. (I suppose this says more about my questionable choice of spouses vs., say, marriage itself. Oh, nevermind. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

    tmcs last blog post..Another Year Older (pssst, it’s mah burfdey)

  21. Moose says:

    OK: “I guess I need to aim for something different, something better.” is the funniest thing I’ve read today.

    I love you more than bacon.

    Mooses last blog post..Demonstrating Who’s Boss (Hint: Me)

  22. ali says:

    seriously, i won’t tell you how badly i want a “ali, you really shouldn’t come into work right now” from my boss. hahah

    also? i totally went to sleep at 8 one night last week and i’m totally not sick. there’s no shame in it. 😉

  23. stef says:

    that’s okay….the only reason i really want to get married is so i have someone around 24/7 to kill bugs for me. 🙂

    stefs last blog post..superhero on a segway.

  24. Caffeinatrix says:

    If you don’t watch Doctor Who then this will mean nothing to you but I literally said the same thing last night about the Daleks and their quest to takeover/destroy the universe

    well, how can you take over the universe if you kill everyone off?

    Still no answer on that…

    Feel better 🙂

  25. Sheri says:

    Tell Bacon to chill out, and if he needs wine I have some.

    My husband is a great guy but really, isn’t all that helpful, so I’d say stay single and pay some cute guy in your building to help you.

    And I just got Jen Lancaster’s new book…have you noticed your name on the back page??? You are my new hero!!!!

    Sheris last blog post..Oh Hell, I Dunno!!! I’ll Call This Mom Behaving Badly

  26. Darcey says:

    Oooh, I’m with Metalia, and don’t forget the guy-liner and random spiked cuffs and collars! And Bacon might start writing bad poetry and signing it with text-speak names that include lots of “x”s and random characters.

  27. Schwerer says:

    I will totally go shopping with you! Home Depot, Lowes, Menards, love them all! And totally cute boys, and should you need help, I have skillz and a very talented brother in law!

  28. slynnro says:

    I think I’ve already told you this, but the week before I met Aaron I bought a bookshelf and as I was carrying it down the stairs, I thought “Fuck this, I need to get married.” Enter man with large arms.

    slynnros last blog post..Help A Girl Out.

  29. Kristie says:

    Hey! I am SO EXCITED about your first home! YAY!

    Kristies last blog post..Garden!

  30. Sarah says:

    It’s totally worth it. My husband is the carrier of all things heavy.

    Sarahs last blog post..Funny Friday Video

  31. There’s so much to comment on, and all I can think of is: you went to sleep at 8 p.m. YOU LUCKY, LUCKY WOMAN.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..Mother’s Day Gift Guide

  32. regan says:

    Not all husbands are useful for household things, so pick carefully. Even though I have Jason I still had to pay to have the ceiling fans installed and the blinds hung because, while he’s cute, he’s totally not handy.

    Good luck moving! Which I suspect you are doing right this minute! yay!

  33. Kerri Anne says:

    I’m so! excited about your new place. And about us both being healthy. This cold is kicking my ass. Ugh.

    Kerri Annes last blog post..Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It; Say I’m The Only Bee In Your Bonnet

  34. amber says:

    Hee, that bit about bacon was great. Now I’ll smile every time I think of the Swine Flu.

    ambers last blog post..pieces of my heart