I’m Blaming It On The Cookie Dough

Posted By on April 19, 2009

I took a nap this fine, rainy Sunday afternoon. And by afternoon, I mean after 3 PM. We are all smart enough people to realize that in doing so, I’m going to be a crabby mess on Monday because I’m going to be tired and whiney because afternoon naps mean I am UNABLE to go to bed on time at night time.

I had my reasons. One, when I was driving home from my brother’s, my friend Lara asked me if I wanted to go to the Cubs/Cardinals game tonight. Part of me was going to say no because I have shit to do. Like packing. But then I smacked myself in the face because HELLO! CUBS GAME!

There was a high chance the game wouldn’t be played. It’s been raining since last night. And is still raining. But just in case there was going to be some odd break in the skies, I took a nap so I could be rested for the hypothetical game. They postponed the game until July.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I was tired enough to take a 2 1/2 hour nap on a Sunday. Well, as I mentioned, I spent the night at my brother’s house on Saturday night. And as I think I’ve mentioned before, my bedroom is in the basement (yes, it is still my room even though I haven’t lived there in four years) is directly under the tiled floor of the kitchen. And two of the residents of the house are children – loud, running children who get up way too early. So while I usually sleep well there, I don’t always sleep enough.

This time was different, though. See I didn’t sleep because I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack.

I’ll pause here while that sinks in.

I’ve written here before about the ideal sleeping conditions of that basement. The last time I slept over, I rolled over and since it was so dark, I didn’t know where I was. And then actually thought I was in a crib. Needless to say, I’m not convinced my brother and SIL aren’t filling that mattress in the basement with hallucinogens.

Anyway, I went to bed just fine, Saturday night. About an hour or so later, I woke up in a jolt, like I was startled. I was immediately confused because why was it so dark and I was sleeping pretty much on top of this:


But I got super wound up and my heart was pounding and the room was spinning. I then think I started freaking out. And I wasn’t sure why. When I finally remembered where I was and what was going on, I realized that my left arm was hurting. Badly.

I went up to the bathroom, just to calm myself down. And then I realized my arm was KILLING me. It wasn’t like tingling or anything or felt in any way like it was related to my heart. It took me a few seconds to remember why it was hurting, but I finally remembered that I spent a majority of the evening on the couch, lying sideways and resting my head on my hand and putting all sorts of awkward pressure on my elbow and left arm.

I was 99% sure that was the cause of the weird pain. But then, because of the hallucinogens (there is no other explanation), I convinced myself it was a heart issue. And then proceeded to do nothing about it besides tell myself that the only way not to die in my sleep was just to NOT fall asleep. Clearly, that is reasonable.

So I was lying there, half awake and paying attention to my heart beating and my breathing. And then because I’m a fucking idiot, I would get so upset with listening to my breathing and paying attention to it (no, don’t ask me why I thought my breathing was indicative of a heart attack) that I would forget to breathe and then  proceed to freak the fuck out because I WAS DYING. And then I would take a breath and be fine. Clearly my sore arm, that was sore for a very good reason, was giving me panic attacks.

I would finally start to relax and then start to fall asleep, and right when I was getting to that point where I was getting into a deep sleep, into the REM cycle, I would somehow remember HEART ATTACK! and then would bolt myself awake. This went on for hours. HOURS!

Finally, I got over the anxiety and finally fell asleep. I think it was between 3-4 AM. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I were at home, but I was sleeping below the stampeding kids, so I didn’t get to sleep in.

So there’s my long-ass explanation of why I’m so tired. I told my brother about it this morning when he asked how I slept. And he was like “if you thought you were having a heart attack, why didn’t you come get us?” And I was like “because I was drugged and that part of my brain that remembered how to walk up the stairs was not working. Also, I knew it was just a stupid sore arm.”

I think I’m joining a gym on Monday. And no more cookie dough ice cream right before bed.

But my visit with my niece and nephew was a lot of fun. I hadn’t seen them in two months. And I even got a free manicure from my 3 year old niece. See, aren’t my nails pretty?


I got some weird looks when I handed over the cash to the guy at the drive-thru window at Taco Bell. I’m also pretty sure I’ll forgot to take it off before I go to work tomorrow.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


17 Responses to “I’m Blaming It On The Cookie Dough”

  1. Julienne says:

    I hate the completely irrational panic that can hit you in the middle of the night. You know you shouldn’t be freaking out, but your mind just isn’t working correctly.

    When I got my wisdom teeth out I was in bed, falling asleep when I remembered a story about a girl who died in her sleep after hers out because there was a complication with her medication. I lost my mind and decided to watch TV all night. My mom came out and I told her why I was up and she said she would check on me every hour. I was like EVERY HOUR?! I could be dead for like 58 minutes by the time you check on me!

    See, completely nuts but I completely understand!
    And glad you’re okay 🙂

    Juliennes last blog post..Romance and reality.

  2. Mahnee says:

    Oh, you’re your mother’s daughter.

    Love the manicure. WTF is that thing in the picture that you said you were sleeping on top of?

  3. Sheri says:

    I’ve woken up in a panic before….it sucks. Glad to hear your heart is still beating. And when you shower, you can usually clean up the extra nail polish on your cuticles. I’d hate to waste a perfectly decent nail job, even if it was given to me by a 3 year-old.

    Sheris last blog post..Knock knock–Anyone home???

  4. Angella says:

    That is one sweet manicure. Something for me to look forward to with Emily 🙂

    Angellas last blog post..Sunday Afternoon Nap

  5. tmc says:

    Oh dear! I’m sorry you had such a rough night. I recently had a similar sort of scare… it’s amazing the weirdness that runs through your mind.

    tmcs last blog post..Changes on the homestead

  6. Those are some pretty nails. Maybe if you wear them into work people will think you’re a bit speshul and give you simple tasks, like being in charge of birthdays or something.

    Amanda Nicoles last blog post..small graces: part 38

  7. ali says:

    i have a matching manicure, courtesy of Isabella 🙂 like we just stepped out of a salon…

    alis last blog post..perspective

  8. TUWABVB says:

    Love the manicure! How cute that she did your nails.

    Yea, I hate that arm pain is a symptom of a heart attack – I’ll get a pain from a hangnail and I’m always convinced it’s more serious.

    TUWABVBs last blog post..He is a boil on the butt of humanity!

  9. jen says:

    And oddly enough, radiating jaw pain is also a symptom, which is just weird.

    My friends mother recently woke up in the middle of the night with what she thought was heartburn, she got up the next morning, got dressed, visited w/her husband’s friends before turning to her son (my friend) and whispered, “I think you need to take me to the ER, I’ve been having chest pains since around 3:00 AM.”

    She’s fine (thank goodness), but I would have, in no uncertain terms, made sure that everyone knew
    I wasn’t feeling well. (Who am I kidding, I make everyone’s life hell when I have a cold…)

  10. Katie says:


    I just came across your blog via your commenting on Ali’s blog.

    Pretty sweet manicure, that’s kinda how my fingernails look after I try painting them…

    Katies last blog post..21

  11. DAMN YOU. Now I want cookie dough!!!

  12. Ree says:

    I’m glad you weren’t having a heart attack. Although that would get you some extra help with the whole packing and moving thing, right?

    Rees last blog post..MM – Outrage

  13. Jacki says:

    LOVE the manicure! Of course as I’m sitting here wearing a face full of makeup put on by my step-daughter. I think she’s getting some sort of revenge out on me.

  14. Roshan says:

    This is hilarious. Loved your writing. I only get up in the middle of the night feeling that I’m being watched.

    Roshans last blog post..I Saw Three Ships In The Sky

  15. slynnro says:

    This post needs some kind of Lifetime movie name….Basement of Terrifying Dreams.

  16. That’s one ballsy Taco Bell cashier to start throwing around judgmental looks from behind his drive-thru window.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..The best medicine

  17. kim says:

    I am so sorry you had a rough night! Next time, please come and get us. I’ve been through that before…it’s so scary. I wish I could have been there for you! I have some meds that could have helped you…next time let us be there for you…remember you did drive an hour+ for me in the middle of the night about 1 1/2 years ago. Thanks again or that! Love ya! And Congrats on the closing today!!!