And Now, For My Next Trick, I Shall Jinx Myself!

Posted By on April 20, 2009

For those of you on Twitter who actually read my tweets, this will probably be old news. But I don’t care because I’m going to share it ANYWAY! Because it is exciting and long overdue!

I’m finally going to close on my condo! THIS CENTURY! Can I get a woot, woot?

Dudes, you have no idea how happy this makes me. I haven’t told this to a lot of people, but the longer this thing was dragging out, the more I felt like I was making a huge mistake. I thought that maybe it was fate telling me to turn the hell around and run the other way. QUICKLY! I debated about just cancelling the whole contract and losing my earnest money and renting for a bit longer. Because as I’ve shown, when I let my mind wander, I can convince myself of most anything. INCLUDING HEART ATTACKS!

This is also why I watch so much TV. Distractions, I needs thems.

So finally, I will be closing on Friday. The official word came down from my lender this morning and all parties were notified and HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO BE A HOME OWNER! FINALLY!

It has been a really hard process. On one hand, I am super thankful that it worked out this way. Now I get to move in May and not double up with rent and a mortgage. This is exactly what I wanted. On the other hand, this went on for too long and probably gave me an ulcer. Because when you keep telling people it is delayed and that you have no closing date yet, people, especially people who have been through the whole buying process, they tend to give you a look. A look that says “I’m so sorry. Clearly you are not financially stable enough to buy. It’s the only reason for the delay. Better luck next time, sweetie.”

And well that look doesn’t really help with the ulcer and the constant worry.

I FINALLY found out the reason for this delay. See my lender, he is severely lacking in the communication skills department. He tells us nothing. I mean, he’s the man with the scoop. No one else in the process knows anything unless he tells us. And he told us nothing.

Until Friday.

See, Thursday night, after yet another email telling me the loan was still delayed, I finally reached out to my realtor (still awesome!) and was like “I’m not gonna lie, I’m totally starting to freak the fuck out. I mean, does a loan stay in underwriting this long and then they just pull the plug? Am I going to end up homeless???”

She said she thought it was because of new regulations, etc. and that they were just backed up with all the loans and re-fis. I mean, she didn’t know the reason for sure, but she had to talk me off a ledge. She later told me “you’re like my most laid back client, so the fact that you were freaking out had me freaking out!”

She finally got a hold of my lender on Friday morning and got the scoop. Almost a month after the original closing date, we finally got the dude to tell us the whole story. I’m sure my realtor yelling “MY CLIENT IS GOING TO BE HOMELESS!” helped him spill the beans.

The delay was because the property management company filled out the condo questionnaire incorrectly. Instead of yes/no answers, the dude wrote full answers. So when the underwriting people and the bank saw this, all sorts of red flags went up. New documents would have to be written to reflect this questionnaire. So there was much fanagaling and fixing documents and re-doing things, etc. Basically one guy who couldn’t follow directions slowed the whole process down. Because the guy who actually is in charge of my property, winters in Florida, so some underling was chored with filling it out. Which he did so. Incorrectly.

Whatever! I don’t actually care anymore. I’m glad the issue wasn’t with me. And it wasn’t with the building. And now I have a loan! And will be signing my life away on Friday at 1 PM! And will soon be able to wash my underwear without stepping foot outside. ISN’T IT GLORIOUS?

Now I just have to pack. I started last night and got through half a closet and one cabinet in the kitchen and already have five boxes. This is going to take awhile. I probably should have started in March.

But who cares! I’m going to have KEYS soon! And it will be ALL MINE! A washer! A dryer! A dishwasher! I’m so glad that I’m not going to regret purchasing dishwasher liquid!

And now I plan to cross my fingers until Friday. When I have to uncross them to sign the papers.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


38 Responses to “And Now, For My Next Trick, I Shall Jinx Myself!”

  1. Teri says:

    Congratulations! I wish that I was there to help you pack, clean, whatever you need. This is totally exciting. I hope that we can hang out at your new place the next time that I’m in town. Way to go!

  2. Julienne says:

    YES! Congratulations!

    Packing is the enemy, but being able to wash your underwear in the comfort of your own home is not! We won’t be getting our washer and dryer until June so I’ll end up having a month of mortgage payments before I get the perk of being able to do laundry!

    Juliennes last blog post..Paint store porn.

  3. That’s so great! I can’t wait to see photos of your place after you move in and get settled.

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..I feel the same way

  4. ok why why why must real estate be so stressful? It just shouldn’t be that hard. But congratulations that it finally coming to an end!

    Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..This is Why The US Is FAT

  5. Mahnee says:

    Woot woot!!!!!!

  6. Exciting! We need pictures, stat.

  7. Christina says:

    Awesome news! Woot woot!

    Christinas last blog post..One more check mark

  8. -R- says:

    A dishwasher AND a washing machine AND a dryer! You are going to be living it up!

    I am so happy for you. I am sure the condo will be great.

    -R-s last blog post..Turning To Mush

  9. Oooo, exciting! I bet you won’t be able to sleep until then! We’re moving at the end of this month and haven’t even gotten boxes yet, so you’re more ahead of the game than we are.

    Amanda Nicoles last blog post..everything but

  10. Summer says:

    Congratulations! The buying process is a major pain in the ass, but well worth it when you finally sign that last signature line and they hand you the keys. 🙂

    Summers last blog post..Words I Thought I’d Never Say

  11. Raven says:

    Congratulations!! I hated buying our house with a passion and I would’ve totally freaked the fuck out if we had been a month past closing so go you for not being on the actual ledge!

    Ravens last blog post..recent bargains/give aways/purchases

  12. Amanda G. says:

    Congratulations! My husband and I just signed a lease for an apartment after living with my mother in law for 1.5 years. We are excited! Having most of our possessions in storage has sucked.

    Amanda G.s last blog post..amandagranner: Moving, organizing, and ebay are consuming all of my thoughts.

  13. bikerchick says:

    w00t w00t! Awesome news! I was wondering where your transaction was, and am so happy for you there’s been a breakthrough. Hooray for clean underwear from inside the house!

  14. mouncie123 says:

    Yea KEYS!!!! WOOT WOOT my friend!

  15. Ree says:

    You said freak the fuck out to your realtor! hahahahahahaha. Perfect.

    Rees last blog post..One Year Later

  16. lainey says:

    Congrats! Just remember to sign your FULL name. My husband didn’t and we had to re-sign everything. Seriously, you have to sign your name 50+ times!

  17. jen says:

    Congrats! I dream of one day not having to decide what I’m going to wash because I have only enough quarters for one giant load (11) and 42 minutes of dry time (7).

    However, there is something to be said for doing all of your laundry in just over an hour.

  18. Amber says:

    Ah, that’s great news – congratulations! And, jinx nothwithstanding, I can’t wait to hear about the move!

    Ambers last blog post..The one where I win an award

  19. Carri says:

    Send the Pot Smokers a nasyy note before you leave!

  20. Darcey says:

    For this, you need to have a housewarming party. That involves lots of booze. And doesn’t happen until July so I can be there. 😉

  21. Sarah says:

    Awesome news! I think the packing and unpacking is the worst part though. Almost enough make you never want to move again.

    Sarahs last blog post..Justifiable Homicide

  22. Julie C says:

    Suh-weeeeeet! I am so freakin’ happy for you… You deserve a happy ending after hanging in there so long. Packing sux but you’ll get through it, one box at a time. If I lived there I swear I would come help you pack. In exchange for some pizza. 😉

    Julie Cs last blog post..She’s Flippin’ Crazy…

  23. Angella says:

    I am doing the Happy House Dance for you.

    And possibly squeeing.

    Angellas last blog post..Reflection

  24. Scarlet says:


    Scarlets last blog post..Rain Song

  25. Jess says:

    Woot woot!!!! Guess this will impact your drinking this weekend, or will it? packing and drinking definitely could be blog-worthy :). It could be like a treasure hunt at the new place.
    Congrats again!

  26. The one thing I remember the most from closing is that your name starts to look really weird after a while.

    Also, they get really picky about the name you sign. Since I was “Matthew” and not “Matt” on the documents, I had to sign “Matthew”. Except, problem is, my signature doesn’t use “Matthew”. I don’t know how to sign that.

    I have no idea how they could tell the difference anyway, since my very sloppy signature might say “Matt Stratton”. It also just as likely says “Llama Studman”.

    @mattstrattons last blog post..Tech Tip – I have new favorite BlackBerry Twitter App – ÜberTwitter!

  27. Eileen says:


    Huge congrats.

    Eileens last blog post..A word on publishing…

  28. slynnro says:

    You can shack with me and the Pooples. I mean, we don’t have a guest bed. But we have blankets!

    slynnros last blog post..On Being a Dessert Girl.

  29. TUWABVB says:

    I know I ALWAYS comment with a parallel story from my huband’s job, but I swear – he’s been having so much trouble with lenders lately. They think they basically run the show now that mortgages are harder to get – they don’t respond and nor adhere to any timeline except their own. He actually had a lender hang up on him the other day because he was so frustrated he dropped the f-bomb (never usually done in a business context) and when he called the guy back, he said “I may have been unprofessional for swearing, but you have been unprofessional in your complete disregard of this buyers’ needs.” They finally pushed the loan out of underwriting after over 60 days! Asshats!

    I’m just so glad it’s happening FINALLY! Congrats!

    TUWABVBs last blog post..It’s a Hell of a Town

  30. lceel says:

    Ree and i will have to take you out to celebrate.


    lceels last blog post..WTF is Manga?

  31. jen says:

    I thought you’d just moved in and not said anything about it. Silly me. It has taken a long time hasn’t it?

    jens last blog post..Quest of another kind

  32. Moose says:

    Is there some special mortgaging god we can pray to?

    Mooses last blog post..If You Can’t Find Me Tomorrow, Check Australia

  33. Sheri says:

    OK….weird, but I was just thinking, “I wonder if she’s moved and maybe I missed it”

    Congrats!!! And harder to me than closing is moving, which is why, even though our house is too small, I have no plans on ever moving again.

    You’ll have to take more pictures after you move in!!!

    Sheris last blog post..Knock knock–Anyone home???

  34. metalia says:

    I am so, so excited for you. How excited? ALEX’S HAPPY SCHOOL PICTURE FACE EXCITED. That is my new standard of joy, you see. And, well, I’m sure you can guess my new standard for expressing displeasure.

    metalias last blog post..Really, when are school pictures NOT unintentionally hilarious?

  35. regan says:

    Yay! And packing is the worst. One time Google paid for movers to pack for me and since then I’ve whined every time I have to pack myself. Which has only been once, but that’s one time too many.

    Hey, I’ve got nothing going on, want me to come pack for you? I can’t promise half your stuff won’t get broken, but at least you won’t have to do it yourself.