The Puking Incident – A Re-Enactment
Posted By Kristabella on April 15, 2009
I’ll warn all of you right now that this post may only be funny in my head. I haven’t had a lot of sleep lately.
So remember when I ranted on Sunday night about my cats puking EVERYWHERE? Including on my BED? Well, in the comments, Amanda Nicole was all “maybe she is sick.” And I was touched because here was a stranger that cared more about my cats than I did. But that was mostly because I was pretty sure my cat wasn’t sick and that she was just a bitch. My theory was proven the next night when I came home to no puke whatsoever.
I know this because, unfortunately, I know my cats. And I can pretty much guarantee the following is how it all went down. Maybe. Something like this.
(A few things to note – Kitty Kitty is the girl cat, the barfing, furball cat. Simba is the boy cat, the tan, puke-free, sane cat.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Casa Kristabella some time Easter Sunday
Situation: Cat food bowl EMPTY!
Oh my God! What will they do? How will our two cats, Kitty Kitty and Simba, survive hours alone, with no food?!
Kitty Kitty paces around the living room and looks to Simba and says:
Simba wakes up from his nap, from all her SCREAMING OF DOOM AND GLOOM, and looks to her to calm her down when…
“Oh good Lord,” Simba says. “This is going to be one long-ass, motherfucking day if she’s puking like this.”
Simba reminds Kitty Kitty that they have the WHOLE HOUSE TO THEMSELVES! There are plenty of things we can do!
Just then Simba looks to distract her and tell her something when…
“Look!” Simba yells! “Look what we can do! Look here, cat! Something fun to distract you!”
“I DO NOT GET IT!” Kitty Kitty whines. “We will never be fed. NEVER! My life is going to be cut so short! I’ll never get married! I’ll never have kittens! I’ll never kill a bird!”
Simba swats her in the face to get her attention to tell her she needs to snap out of it. She needs something to take her mind off of it. The Owner Giant will be home soon. He just knows it!
Just then, Kitty Kitty gets real quiet, almost whispering, “I can’t go on Simba. I just can’t. Tell the Giant how much I loved her and that I puked in her shoes in the closet. But remember to remind her this is ALL HER FAULT!”
Just then, there is a rattling at the door. It sounds like keys! The Giant Human is home! “We’re saved!” yell the two cats in unison!
And the Giant Human learned her lesson to never be lazy enough to let them run out of food again.
The End.
P.S. This is why I’m still single.
About the author
I am so glad this is all cleared up. Thank you.
Amanda Nicoles last blog post..small graces: part 37
Haha! I almost died laughing reading this.
Jennies last blog post..Bird Watching
LMAO!!!! That Simba is still one fine looking cat!
cats = EVIL
that is all.
alis last blog post..the snugglebummer
Kitty Kitty does kind of look like she’s going to barf in those pictures.
nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…
Fucking hilarious. Also, Simba is adorable.
I forsee a collab between teh kittehs of puking doom, and Amalah’s talking deoderants.
This post is all the funnier to me because hubby just Plurked that my cat barfed at home.
That was hilarious. Simba’s eyes are amazing. I don’t even like cats (usually), but I want one now.
Summers last blog post..The Power of Bubbles
This is totally along the lines of what I think is funny. TOTALLY 😉
Mariannes last blog post..Easter-ish
Never owned a cat…only dogs here. But they puke too. I have a great story if you ever want to hear it.
Sheris last blog post..Knock knock–Anyone home???
That was hilarious – and your cats are adorable (coming from a dog person that’s meant as a huge compliment). Sorry about the barf.
I found a lone turd on my living room carpet this morning. I suspect my dog dreamt that she was outside and then woke up about 5 seconds too late. There’s no other explanation since it was so tiny, and my dog has been house trained for like 14 years.
Hilarious.
pseudostoopss last blog post..Name something you do after work on a weekday.
Again. Voices in my head for both kittehs. Seriously.
I am in tears.
jcristgs last blog post..come again another day
OMG! I am in tears too and cannot stop quietly laughing (I’m at work). You totally cracked me up with this one. We have 4 cats and often wonder what they are thinking too. That was great.
Melisas last blog post..Easter Egg Hunt
Oh, good grief, woman! My stomach hurts from laughing so hard.
Angellas last blog post..How To Toilet Train Your Child
It’s a tough choice – barfing cause I’m starving (and really, you’re starving, you should want to keep the food in Kitty). Or the 4:00 AM wake up call with the 10 pound (feeling like 25 pounds walking on me) cat walking all over me and mewing cause if she doesn’t eat now all will be lost.
Our cats are DEFINITELY related.
I also have one that pees outside of the cat box – like mere INCHES away from the cat box – if we close the bathroom door too much at night. Seriously, if it’s too dark, she stages a one-cat peeing revolution.
Your cats are pretty cute, by the way. I especially love the super furry one =)
I am a vegetarian. I live on a farm. We feed our dogs raw meat – I don’t feed the dogs, gross! But my parents went out of town and I had to take care of everything and the first morning I fed the dogs and then my dad called to ask me how it went – “oh, fine, fine” I say and then my dog walks over the front door step and pukes…and then eats it. Gross!
Deidres last blog post..Savers – A day of Soxy.
I laughed so hard I cried. I’m still laughing. So some goodness comes from Kitty Kitty’s barfing? Maybe? Sorry about your shoes though.
ballerinatoess last blog post..Grace in Small Things, Part 23
I just nearly wet my pants. Also, THIS IS WHY I HATE CATS.
(I’m sorry. I do. Can we still be friends?)
metalias last blog post..For Maddie and Thalon
this pretty much made my entire week.
Eileens last blog post..But can you write your name in the snow?
Ha. That story was hilarious.
Zandors last blog post..Free Condoms
AAHAHAHA. i love this. i love this times one million.
my cats don’t puke (much), but my boy cat (who is the asshole stupidface one; my girl is the calm sweet one) pees on my shit when he’s annoyed / bored / angry / alive. like IN MY LAUNDRY. or in the basket i keep all my bras in. it’s awesome.
Alices last blog post..nose peeling = acceptable trade off
You have outdone yourself this week, Miss Kristabella.
slynnros last blog post..The Lesser Evil? I BEG TO DIFFER.
what a cute cat!! I love cats very much.
wamucardss last blog post..There Is Help At Hand for Those Struggling With Their Wamucards Mortgage
Perfect! 😉
And Simba does have beautiful eyes.
Rees last blog post..Haiku Friday – Friday sun? Time to have fun.
Usually when my cats puke they’ve been eating some non-nutritious thing they shouldn’t eat (string, candy wrappers, whatever they find in the garbage . . .)
Staceys last blog post..Good News, Bad News
LMAO!!!! This was hysterical! Your Simba looks a little like my sassy Peter. They have the same expressions.
Sarahs last blog post..Justifiable Homicide
This is hilarious! Being a crazy cat lady too–my son sarcastically calls me “The Cat Whisperer”–I can vouch for the evil behavior of felines. One of mine peed in my suitcase all over my neatly packed NEW outfits because they know when the suitcases are out, it means the big person is going somewhere and there will be no evening treats.
Cult Divas last blog post..Fame Is A Bitch
No, no, DOGS have Giant Owners…. Cats have STAFF.
Nans last blog post..Zen And The Art Of Homeschooling
i LOVE iT!!!
THANK YOU FIVE STAR FRIDAY!
iamthedivas last blog post..Falling in Love With a Straight Girl
Yes this is exactly why you’re still single, I’m glad you realize that. Also though a section of your website is Bacon…