I Should Cut Them Myself Next Time

Posted By on April 14, 2009

So remember when I got bangs? And before I did, Rhi was all bossy and said “don’t get them if you don’t get free bang trims.” And I was like “who is this Rhi person, anyway?”

Well, I would get free bang trims. If my hair salon wasn’t like 50 miles from my house. See, it is cheaper out in suburbia and I love, love, love the girl who does my hair. So yeah, what I spend in gas, I could probably use to get my hair cut at a salon in the city that I could walk to, but then my hair wouldn’t be awesome. And I would be mad. Because I like to be all “it’s only hair, it will grow back.” But I only say that because my stylist doesn’t fuck up my hair.

Anyway, so about a week and a half ago, I went for my eyebrow wax. And since I get them done in a salon, and since my bangs were poking me in the eye and having daily fights with my contacts, I thought I’d get them trimmed. Since I’m such a good customer there, I figured they would trim them for like $10. Which they did. Problem is I ended up looking like Janeane Garofalo in Reality Bites.

OK, I exaggerate. Just a little.

Here is what they look like:


Not too bad, I know. But also TOO SHORT! And shorter bangs make my face look fatter. And I know what you’re saying “no, the box of cookies you jammed into your pie hole makes your face look fat.” To which I say “touche, my friend! But I like the illusion!”

See the problem is, when I sat in the chair she asked, “do you want them at brow level?” And I said yes. And since I had just had my eyebrows waxed, there was no missing the RED UNIBROW that was my brow level.

When she asked, it wasn’t like I looked like this:


Because that would be at brow level. But sadly I’m not constantly walking around in a surprised state. I’d get a headache.

So lesson learned. My eyebrow wax salon might be good at just that. And next time, I’ll trim them myself. Or wear a damn headband until my next hair appointment.

(So I just looked at my old post from when I first got bangs, and they are like the same, short length. So apparently this was a post about nothing at all. But I still love my stylist best!)

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


32 Responses to “I Should Cut Them Myself Next Time”

  1. Ritz says:

    Your idea of brow level must be just like mine. (You still look cute though) I’ve gotten really picky on who cuts my bangs after I ended up looking like I was 5 again. Just the bangs though, not the wrinkle-free skin and shimmering grey-free hair.

    Ritzs last blog post..The Twins are Pissed But They Got Lovely Parting Gifts

  2. Deidre says:

    I always look like Pat Benatar when I get my hair cut: http://www.decoybetty.com/2009/04/whatever-we-deny-or-embrace-for-worse.html

    I like them – your fringe – very cute!

    Deidres last blog post..The Best Second Date Ever

  3. I love how you ended this post. I laughed out loud. I think you look great, seriously. You pull off bangs so much better than like 99% of people I know with bangs.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..Odds and ends

  4. tutugirl1345 says:

    Try sweeping them to the side if they make you unhappy- it’ll at least break up the line of your bangs. But I really think you look cute!

    tutugirl1345s last blog post..Community

  5. slynnro says:

    I’m not going to bullshit you friend- they’re too short. But this post is hilarious if it makes you feel any better.

  6. You totally need Trim Perfect and you can do them yourself!


    Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..This is Why The US Is FAT

  7. -R- says:

    I love this post so much.

    -R-s last blog post..Then And Now

  8. Mahnee says:

    A month or so ago when my bangs were long and driving me nuts, Gram offered to cut them. I ran screaming from the house! When I was a kid, my “bangs” barely reached my forehead..and I’m going to let her trim them now??? No thank you. I ended up cutting them myself which, my hairdresser later said, effed up my next haircut but there was nothing else I could do.

    Thanks for making me laugh this early in the morning!

  9. I’m with Tutugirl. When my hair god gave me suicide bangs last fall, I ended up brushing them to the side for three months until they grew in.

    But, I think your bangs looks great and your color is fabulous!

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..The handwashing diet

  10. They look cute! I am jealous, but I know if I cut mine like that I would immediately regret it and try to grow them out, resulting in months of frustration. So I can just live vicariously through your cuteness!

    nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…

  11. Julienne says:

    During my last hair appointment I got bangs and I said OUT LOUD, “My hair shrinks a LOT when it dries so cut them long and we can go shorter if we need to once it’s dry”. He said, “Okay” OUT LOUD. Please note that it took 6 weeks for my bangs to be long enough to not look like I was six years old and took the scissors to myself. If he was trying to avoid having to avoid me coming back for my free bang trim by giving me a hack job? Well played Andrew, well played.

    Juliennes last blog post..Romance and reality.

  12. mouncie123 says:

    I am laughing my head off I just tried the whole lift the eye-brow thing and mine does the same thing…LOL!!!

  13. Rhi says:

    Okay, so when I get my FREE BANG TRIM, my Carl insists on cutting them a bit short. Probably so he won’t have to cut them for free again. Anyway, like 5 days and they’ll be perfect. I PROMISE YOU.

    Rhis last blog post..Thalon

  14. Summer says:

    Funny because I’m usually the one jacking up my bangs. I get scissor-happy when a stray hair creeps into the mix. In a few months, I look like a third grader, and my stylist curses at me everytime she sees me. But you’re in luck, because this makes me an expert at styling too short bangs. Blow dry them as straight as you can get them, then sweep them A LITTLE to the side. I love your color though, and the bang cut is not that bad. Trust me.

    Summers last blog post..Restraining Orders, Bob Seger, Gingerbear

  15. I am with you on driving to BFE-wherever for stylists, and (just in case Al Gore is reading) I will buy whatever carbon offsets are necessary for decent hair.

    If it helps with the too-short bangs, your color looks fabulous. Almost – *almost* – makes me want to go back to the dark side, but I can’t pull it off like you can.

    Legallyblondemels last blog post..The Grace Day, Part 12

  16. Jen says:

    Do what I do when they trim the bangs to short, for a week or two I pin them back either with bobby pins or a barrette or a mini clip. After that amount of time they have grown enough again to be bareable! I like your color as well!!!

  17. ali says:

    too short.
    but, good news..THEY GROW!

    alis last blog post..the snugglebummer

  18. Amber says:

    Aw, you look cute! And at least it will take longer for them to need to be trimmed again, no?

    I’m pretty sure I’m going to go for bangs with my next cut – they’ll at least cover the huge spot I keep getting on my forehead – but I have to say, the upkeep is what puts me off: I just know my salon won’t trim them for free…

    Ambers last blog post..The Second (Head) Coming

  19. JRM says:

    I lurve them!

  20. bikerchick says:

    Krista, you look cute. Next time you could ask whoever trims them to use a thinning shears– it takes off some of the volume that contributes to the “curtain effect.” You are brave for brow waxing. The only time I was waxed I had PTSD from the enthusiasm the eastern European cosmetologist used on my, uh, affected area. ::shivers at the memory::

  21. Sheri says:

    I literally have no forehead, so those would be the perfect length for me. I don’t think they look bad. But maybe if they were wispier (a word?? i dunno, cuz I just made it up). Just give them a couple of weeks and your do will be fine.

    Sheris last blog post..Sickety Sick Sick

  22. Moose says:

    Last time I cut my own hair I wasn’t allowed scissor access for the rest of the decade.

    Mooses last blog post..He’s Still Offended

  23. Angella says:

    The surprised look part seriously made my day.

    I cannot. stop. laughing.

    Angellas last blog post..Call Me

  24. LOL! At least you didn’t try trimming them yourself. That, I must warn you, is a dangerous endeavor. Ouch.

    Caryn Caldwells last blog post..Eileen Cook dishes on publishing, embarrassing moments, and her new book

  25. Zandor says:

    I like how your bangs look. Right now mine are actually getting almost too long. I’m away at school though and there are no good places here to get a hair cut. I’m really tempted to cut them myself, but I know that would be bad. I kind of want to get that trim perfect thing that someone linked to although that is probably also a bad idea.

    Zandors last blog post..The Mom List

  26. regan says:

    When I had bangs I never went in for trims. I always just pretended like I was rocking the Heidi Klum bangs in my eyes look on purpose. I think I was the only person that believed it.

  27. Jen says:

    Run don’t walk and read…
    http://www.STLtoday.com/food and look
    for the BACON bit (links to bacon scarves, bacon salt, bacon-infused booze, and bacon of the month clubs….)
    I just read the article and thought I KNOW who to forward this to…

  28. jen says:

    If anyone gives you crap, you can tell them next time you’re going for the Betty Page look instead of the Janeane Garofalo/Reality Bites (who I adore and love it when people compare me to her). Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Betty Page AND you’ll bring a whip.

  29. Darcey says:

    This is why I love that my stylist is not only a close friend, but is close in proximity, too. However, I have been letting them grow a little more than I’m used to, and actually like how they look better than when they’re freshly trimmed. And surprisingly, after a week of getting used to it, they don’t annoy me when they brush the tips of my eyelashes.

  30. Scarlet says:

    I think they look good. They’ll feel just right in a few days.

    Man, I miss bangs sometimes.

    Scarlets last blog post..Up All Night

  31. Sara says:

    See, if you got botox the bangs would be the right length.

    Saras last blog post..Woman orders magazines for her neighbor, goes to jail

  32. auntie says:

    my hair lady always asks me if i want my bangs to hit my eyebrows when my hair is wet or when it’s dry. that way, she knows to make allowance for whatever state my hair is in. takes care of the problem!

    aunties last blog post..How long can one person have PMS before it actually kills her? The answer to this and other vexing questions when we return.