Sometimes I Hate Myself

Posted By on December 21, 2008

This afternoon I had a meltdown of epic proportions. (Just a note, this is apparently my new saying. Everything is “insert thing” of epic proportions these days – snowstorms, ice storms, etc.) It wasn’t a pretty day in Kristabellikstan.

I had a bit of a busy weekend. Saturday morning I drove up to my brother’s house so he could fix my brakes. And because we had some snow and wind chill of epic proportions (see?), I stayed over there on Saturday night. Which meant I had to rush to get all the things done on Sunday that I had planned, which included a hair appointment and three weeks of laundry. Which, I learned is exactly the number of pairs of underwear and socks that I own, if you were wondering.

I left my brother’s house this morning leaving just enough time to come home, shower, change, brush my teeth and grab my tower of laundry and head out to the salon. I had a total of 20 minutes to do this. I got it done, but there was a lot of rushing and a lot of swearing. I made it to my hair appointment with plenty of time. As my stylist came to get me, I realized I didn’t have my phone in my purse. Which meant I couldn’t show her this post so I could show her BANGS! It wasn’t the end of the world because she cuts hair for a living so she knows how to cut BANGS! And I figured that my phone was sitting on my passenger seat.

Except it wasn’t. When I got out to the car, I SEARCHED for that thing in the car, in my purse some more, outside of the car, under the car. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I figured that I must have had it on my lap in the car and it fell into the snow when I got up and someone stole it. Because people are assholes.

There was a slight possibility that I left it at home. But that was slight. I was pretty sure I looked at the phone on my way to getting my hair done. But since I drove 100 miles (50 from my brother’s and 50 to the salon), I couldn’t be totally sure. All that time in the car ran together.

The plan after my hair appointment was to go to my mom/grandma’s house, since it is close, and they have a washer and a dryer. And I can do my laundry for free. And I was out of clean underwear. So I drove to my mom’s, cursing the whole way at how STUPID and CARELESS I was with an EXPENSIVE phone. I was pissed. And I was also like “this is why I must have had that dream about someone stealing my wallet last night!” I figured I was cursed.

I pulled up on the street by my mom’s/grandma’s house and attempted to drive over the icy snow to park. It wasn’t a ton of snow, but apparently with the temperature -3 degrees and wind chills of -30, the snow was frozen SOLID. I know this because as I tried to straighten my car, it wouldn’t move. It was stuck. No amount of gunning it or turning the wheels would get it out. So then I threw a FULL-ON hissy fit. Big, fat, sobbing tears that froze to my face the minute they left my eyeballs.

As a Chicagoan who parks on the street, I keep a shovel in my trunk at all times. I don’t really need it in the summer, but it is a pain to carry upstairs. Plus you look kind of silly carrying a shovel in June. So I got out my shovel and then proceeded to try and unstick my car. All while cursing so loud that the people flying overhead out of the airport HEARD ME!

It did not budge. The neighbor guy came over to help. We worked on getting that mother fucking car out for 30 minutes. I swear, if he wasn’t there, I’d still be there. He got behind the car and pushed and I finally got out and pulled into the garage through the alley. Which probably would have been a good idea at the beginning, but I really didn’t think I’d have any trouble parking. Because I’m an asshole.

Once I got inside after the ordeal, I was SO MAD and still so pissed about my phone and WOE IS ME! MY LIFE IS IN SHAMBLES! And the tears! Oh so many tears!

I started my laundry and my brother called my Mom to tell her that the people at the hair salon had found my phone (huzzah!) and had been calling people in my contact list! My faith in humanity had been restored, 100 fold. (Seriously, between the neighbor helping and someone turning in my phone, I definitely need to pay it forward.) I quickly got in the car and drove down there right before they were closing up shop. It was a Christmas miracle! I did not have to buy another phone less than 2 months after getting the first!

On the drive to and from to pick up the phone, I really started hating myself and my obvious OVER-REACTION to the whole thing. I was mad at MYSELF for losing my phone. And the car getting stuck was just more ammunition. And I went fucking ballistic. I snapped. And I hate that I had such an over-the-top reaction. And lashed out at anyone around me (or on the phone with me).

After I got my phone, I called my brother to apologize for snapping at him. I apologized profusely to my mom and grandma for being such a whore. I knew I was wrong and I tried to make it better. As I called my brother, I passed a guy on the side of the road, sitting in his stalled car. It hit me then that things could be worse. I was PISSED about losing something so superficial like a phone. Something I don’t NEED. And this dude was stalled in his car on a busy street, on a Sunday, on one of the coldest days I can ever remember. That made me dry my tears and just suck it up and get the fuck over myself. My life is NOT bad. And I had no one but myself to blame for my carelessness.

I hate that I get so upset and overworked about things like that. Obviously it is a stressful time of year and that doesn’t help matters. But it does NOT excuse the way I acted. I’m hoping the next time a situation like that arises, I’ll be able to handle it much better. Because I hate that me.

But I do love the new me with bangs.


About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


41 Responses to “Sometimes I Hate Myself”

  1. The bangs look awesome!
    And ya know what? Frustration of epic proportions happens, you are just reacting like a human. Don’t sweat it.

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..Dear Santa,

  2. Melissa says:

    I knew I would love you with bangs!! I’m sorry you had a rough day. I’m pretty sure I would have lost it, too. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let it out and move on.

    Either that or put your fist through a door (not that I’m talking from experience or anything ;))

    Melissas last blog post..My Christmas Crazy Or Santa’s Landing…

  3. Your hair, it is AWESOME!!!!

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..Holiday Homes Tour

  4. I think that happens to just about everyone, ESPECIALLY when you are dealing with snow. It makes me cranky, too! I think that the simple fact that you’re recognizing this about yourself is huge. Most people act like assholes all the time and don’t even notice!

    I used to be about 9,000 times worse about this than I am now– it’s still something I struggle with, but I’ve made a really conscious effort over the past several years to take a chill pill when I feel myself getting crazy and it’s really made a massive difference. I still have my moments, but they’re fewer and further between. Good luck. 🙂

    Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoats last blog post..The Mother of Invention

  5. slynnro says:

    Been there, done that. Over a bookshelf I couldn’t carry and having no boyfriend to carry it. OH, the ridiculousness.

    Love the bangs.

    slynnros last blog post..Taking a Page from Whoorl: Oklahoma Trip Haikus

  6. jodifur says:

    love it!!!!!!!

    jodifurs last blog post..It’s a Dinosauriffic Hanukkah

  7. Jenn says:

    Very good look for you!

  8. moo says:

    bangs! You look phenomenal!

    (and I’m glad they found your phone. it’s like an f’in c-mas miracle)

    moos last blog post..greed

  9. jcristg says:

    Don’t beat yourself up too badly. We all have those days! Plus, the bangs are awesome.

    jcristgs last blog post..catching up

  10. whoorl says:

    Look at you!! Soooooo cute.

  11. ali says:

    oh, i’ve been there too. my poor, poor husband. he gets the beauty of my meltdowns. they are usually on fat days when none of my clothes fit. women are awesome.

    ps. bangs! love!

    alis last blog post..snowmaggedon and ginger-casualties

  12. Rhi says:

    I have been Little Miss Meltdown as of late. Not being able to leave the house makes me crabby.

    But, your bangs do not make me crabby. I love them.

    Rhis last blog post..Friday Bullets: Ice, Ice Baby Edition

  13. Thank goodness someone found your phone! That is awesome. It’s like a Christmas miracle!

    Also: the bangs are hot.

    nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Christmas Decorating

  14. Sheri says:

    I’m the fit-thrower of my family.


    Sheris last blog post..Random Bits of Randomness

  15. Wonderful hair!

    And I think a good fit-throwing of EPIC PROPORTIONS does a girl good every once in a while, so have at it.

  16. Candy says:

    Lady, if I’d lost that phone I’d have cried too. Hell I almost cried for you. LOVE THE BANGS!!!

    Candys last blog post..In Which I Yell “FIRE” in a Movie Theater

  17. That right there, is what we like to call a Panic Attack!

    Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..Chicago VS Las Vegas

  18. Moose says:

    Oh how I know the My Life is In Shambles tears. Also the Sobbing From Exhaustion and Tears of Bitter Rage At Events Out Of My Control. Yes.

    Glad you found your phone! I know that relief. 🙂

    Mooses last blog post..Pizza Delivery and a Keg of Beer Will Be On My Next Credit Card Statement, Courtesy of My Delinquent Wallet

  19. Jessica says:

    Love the post, but hate that you’re feeling so down. Please totally totally ignore me since this is really presumptuous, but I feel like you may be, down deep, upset or stressed or disappointed about bigger things… I know that sometimes when I have something I really feel wrong about, it manifests itself though these types of events. Hope you have a better day today and Merry Christmas! Things will be better when this cursed weather is out of Chicago. 🙂

  20. Ree says:

    Oh mah holy honkin’ hell. Gorgeous!!!! I love them.

    Rees last blog post..Open House at the Hotfessionals

  21. Darcey says:

    Yep, epic proportion levels of loving the bangs. For serious.

  22. Elle Charlie says:

    Oh, very cute bangs!

    Elle Charlies last blog post..Negative? That’s affirmative.

  23. Jill says:

    “of epic proportions!” I love it!! Great post!

    It’s ok to throw a hissy fit every now and then. But I know what you mean – I do it too and then remorse immediately sets it. Good thing, though – something else usually pisses me off right away and I don’t have to feel bad about my previous hissy fit for too long!!

    Jills last blog post..Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Festivus! Yada Yada Yada!!

  24. Angella says:

    Yay, bangs!



    Angellas last blog post..Holiday Haiku

  25. deidre says:

    The bangs look great!

    I have days when I can’t see how to be calm and have total massive freak outs.

    deidres last blog post..The Seven Things You Never Needed to Know Post That Will Move the Dreaded Feelings Post Down the Page

  26. I LOVE THEM!

    Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..Likely Excuse

  27. Fairy Godmother says:

    It’s OK to throw a hissy fit once in a while. Especially after all that happened. I’m a slammer and a crier. I love to slam doors. Any door, it doesn’t matter where it’s at as long as it’s a door. Didn’t know that about your Fairy Godmother did you?

    I LOVE the bangs! Can’t wait to see you in person.

  28. Bethy says:

    So she did know how to cut BANGS! Very cute.

  29. Issy says:

    Love the haircut…bangs look great on you!

    And don’t worry about the meltdown…losing a phone and getting your car stuck are very meltdown-worthy. Hell, my hissy fits are usually over something stupid like not being able to find a matching sock or something.

  30. -R- says:

    Those bangs are the perfect length. They look awesome.

    Everyone is entitled to the occasional hissy fit. I’m glad your faith in humanity was restored in such epic proportions.

    -R-s last blog post..The Photo Shoot

  31. Vanessa says:

    LOVE the bangs! Perfect length, perfect sass. Know what? Stress is everywhere, running rampant through our country. Sometimes with that much stress it doesn’t take much to feel over the edge or have an over the top reaction. But you have fantastic bangs!

  32. Vanessa says:

    Just sayin’!

    Vanessas last blog post..Holiday Home Tour

  33. Giggle Pixie says:

    Oh honey, I’m so sorry for all you had to go through to get to this point, but the new bangs? TOTALLY worth it.

    Now go strut your stuff over the holidays baby!


    Giggle Pixies last blog post..The Closest I’ll Get to Holiday Cheer in 2008

  34. If you can’t yell and scream at your family, then who CAN you yell and scream at?? If it makes you feel better, my little brother just called to tell me he got 3 Ds and an F his last semester of college but he will be waiting until after New Year’s to tell the ‘rents. Think that has something to do with the fact that they’re taking him to The Bahamas as a pre-graduation present? Did I get to go to The Bahamas when I graduated? Nooooo.

    Bitter, party of 1.

    thecoconutdiariess last blog post..The Hour I First Believed

  35. SO adorable! And your hair color is amazing, too!

    And people are assholes. You just happened to leave your phone with some of the nicer ones 😉

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..The Littlest Angel

  36. Kristie says:

    Nice hair! And hey, I’d be pissed if I lost my phone, too.

    Kristies last blog post..Insert witty title here

  37. Aww, I know how you feel. I totally overreact to all sorts of unnecessary crap, but eh? That’s me (and apparently you), especially when I lose something or if things are piling up. Don’t beat yourself up.

    Bangs? Look super fly.

    Anonymous New Yorks last blog post..A Song About December

  38. SpecialK says:

    I REALLY hate being human, and most of the time, I REALLY love it when other people are. So I just have to say thanks to all of your stories sharing your “hissy fits!” I think we eat up these stories (and those we hear about celebrities) because it validates our own sense of not measuring up…
    Bart Simpson, we love you!
    Check out my blog sometime…I have you on reader!

    SpecialKs last blog post..Eating Special

  39. Fronz says:

    Rockin’ the Bangs! Sweet look!
    I’m glad everything worked out. It’s so true – our closest friends and family always see that frightful side of us. I’m sure you’ll handle it better next time. To live is to learn!

    Fronzs last blog post..Baby Urban Outfitters Model? I think so!

  40. How did I miss this post?! You look incredible … seriously smoking.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..The best I found this year