Bear Necessities

Posted By on October 27, 2008

Today’s post is a public service announcement for all of you out there in Blogland. Apparently there is an epidemic of human hibernation and I am here to give you some necessary information.

Alternate title of this post: You might be getting ready for hibernation if…

1. You are constantly shoving food into your face hole.

Are you storing up food for the long winter months? Looking for food to give you nourishment and energy while you’re asleep? Eating all that you can now because there will be months of no food?

For instance, I am clearly getting ready for hibernation because I cannot stop eating. I graze all day long because I’m pretty sure that all this food I’m eating is going to be the last food I’m going to see for months. I must eat all of it RIGHT NOW. And also, I must stop at Baskin Robbins on the way home and buy 2 containers of ice cream. Because this body needs some more layers of fat for the long winter.

2. The weather turning cold makes you want to curl up into a ball in a den somewhere just to get warm.

It is just so cold. My feet are cold, even though I’m wearing slippers AND socks. I work on my laptop just to get warmth from the computer to radiate through my frigid body. Of course, this could all be solved if I just turned on the damn heat.

3. So, so tired.

Are you constantly tired? Do you wake up just to be exhausted minutes later after doing small tasks? Do you consistently take long naps over two hours each, more than once a day? Do you routinely get more than eight hours of sleep a night and still need daily naps? Does walking to the kitchen to fill up your wine glass make you tired enough to sleep for a long time, like say through the winter? Then you might just be ready for hibernation like myself.

If all three of these things are true, you may be slipping into hibernation mode for the winter.

Or more likely, you’re just an unemployed, lazy person, who might also need to learn a little self-control and stop stuffing buckets of fried chicken into her pie hole.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


26 Responses to “Bear Necessities”

  1. Laura says:

    Uh oh, I think it’s the unemployed status that does this, because I am also unemployed at the current moment and this post describes me perfectly, right down to the socks and slippers combo.

    Lauras last blog post..Pizza, Glorious Pizza

  2. Diana from The Netherlands says:

    All right, time for some action!
    1) go to the gym every day – I know you hate it, but you will get energised afterwards and after 7 days of working out you feel so much better. Thinner, more energy, your skin glows and you feel happy and sexy
    2) do not change your eating yet, not too many changes at once. This will follow later on automatically.
    3) get a temporary job. Even if it is in a shop or at Starbucks, you need to be around people and I am sure that you will learn from each job. Meanwhile keep looking around for a real good job, but due to the crises don’t be surprised if it is not until May that you will get your dreamjob.
    4) try to be happy and healthy. Think about it and think what will make you happy and try to do something about it. Are you looking for a nice man, then start dating via Internet of via friends. Are you looking for a job? Do your best and get of the couch. Do you want to loose weight? Go to the weightwatchers meetings for a while and start excercising. Changes are always very hard to begin with, but easy if you are actually doing them.

    You are too young and too nice to get so depressed. I understand that life sucks at this moment, but you need to do something about it and make your own happiness. Good luck my dear.

  3. Dingo says:

    If you stuff fried chicken into your piehole where do you stuff your pie?

  4. stef says:

    haha! you just described me. 🙂 i find myself standing (even though i’m oh, so tired) with my behind right up against the radiator. at the same time, i also alternate putting one foot against it, then the other. i drink lots of hot chocolate and tea. i’m usually still cold. i know i’d probably be less cold if i just became a little bit more active. but meh, i can’t be bothered….

    stefs last blog post..rain, rain, go the hell away already.

  5. Mahnee says:

    Wow! The Netherlands isn’t just a different country….it’s like a whole different galaxy!

    I waited over 30 minutes for a bus this AM & the wind is really whipping out there so I’m going to eat some Ritz peanut butter crackers…I never eat like this. Plus, I’m still in my jacket and we all know I have the sweats most of the time. Time to hibernate…and not have to come out in the cold to go to work!

  6. What if you sit with your computer on your lap PLUS both your dogs cuddled up next to you, and when your hands get too cold to type properly you shove them in the armpits of the closest dog?

    Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..30 Things to be Proud of

  7. ali says:

    turn on your heat, woman!
    gabe has the same principles and i want to stab him in the eye when he’s all…”i don’t turn the heat on until November” 🙂

    alis last blog post..oh what a night…this sex is on fire…

  8. Janice says:

    While I have turned my heat on, I refuse to turn it to a degree everyone else finds normal and so layers and blankets are my friends. While working out, not eating Ben and Jerrys, and being part of the working world are all great things, reality has its place. I say good job on the prepping for hibernation. It ain’t as easy as everyone thinks 🙂

    Janices last blog post..Oh the fashion torture

  9. Kristie says:

    Me thinks you might want a hobby? I don’t think hibernation is one of them. But it sounds sort of fun!

    Kristies last blog post..Honest

  10. Mouncie123 says:

    Don’t hibernate yet Kristabella, long winter yet to come…(sorry)

  11. Nancy says:

    All of the above


    I prepping for the hibernation too.

    Nancys last blog post.."Raindrops on Roses and Wiskers on Kittens…"

  12. Ree says:

    Guess what I got in the mail today! the terms of my severance agreement. Woo Hoo. We can hibernate together. (Well, not together, together, because, y’know, Mr. Hot would not like that too much…)

    Rees last blog post..More MeMe

  13. Noelle says:

    Sounds like what happens to me if I ever go a weekend day without plans. Scary stuff.

    Noelles last blog post..Can I rant about Halloween for a minute?

  14. bikerchick says:

    I feel ya, sistah, and I raise you one! I do the exact same thing this time of year and I’m not unemployed. My best friend and I have a contest– who can get home from work and wind up in pajamas, slippers and a robe faster? Whoever finishes first calls the other one and it’s the honor policy. (And the rule is you have to hang up your work duds before you dial.) So far last week, I bested her time every day, winding up in jammies before 6 pm every night. Only then can the “piehole cramming” commence. Extra credit if you stay holed up in the bedroom all night. Swell life, huh?

  15. I have the solution to all of the above: keep the wine bottle beside the bed. You won’t know if it’s day or night, so your naps will just be a good night’s sleep. You won’t be stuffing your pie hole with food anymore, just alcohol. And most importantly, you won’t have to go to the kitchen to refill your glass.

    Amanda Nicoles last blog me

  16. kirida says:

    I have all these symptoms and I have a job. I especially suffer from putting food into my mouth hole. It’s chronic.

    kiridas last blog post..Hey US Americans!

  17. Elle Charlie says:

    I think I am getting ready to hibernate. I also have been canceling plans because it’s too cold to leave the area directly in front of the fireplace for any reason other than to eat or sleep.

    Elle Charlies last blog post..Finally picking up the phone

  18. I take long walks or jogging to keep my circulation going.

    A little wine would also help keep you warm.

    archondigitals last blog post..Quality Comments and Giving Back Some Love

  19. jen says:

    Are you wearing a hat when you’re in the house? Last Monday I was on the sofa with socks, sweatpants, sweatshirt, hat (with ear flaps) under a comforter.

    The heat’s now on – only 65 though – I still need a blanket.

  20. rye says:

    Thanks, now I’m craving fried chicken. And wine. YUM!

    ryes last blog post..almost impressive

  21. Stacey says:

    I’m always ready for a nap. Sleep is my favorite hobby.

    Staceys last blog post..Hooah

  22. Evil Genius says:

    :reading this post while chowing down on Edy’s Drumstick ice cream, with a heating pad on her back because of PMS and a chill that won’t go away…

    …and just after ending training for the day for her soon to be new job, but yet currently unemployed:

    Yep. I’m ready for my nap now.

    Evil Geniuss last blog post..A Dose of Happy

  23. slynnro says:

    This is why I don’t go to the grocery store- I eat it all at once.

    slynnros last blog post..Scenes From a Marriage: It’s Been a Long Time Since We Had a SFM, Don’t You Think? Ed.

  24. Kerri Anne says:

    Despite contracting some ridiculous form of The Black Death, I’ve actually been feeling MORE motivated with the impending dark and the changing of seasons from Summer to Fall to (dreaded!) Winter. There is always something about Fall, the possibility, the HOPE perhaps, that makes me excited and anticipatory of something fantastic happening. Here’s to a fantastic winter for us both, amen.

    Kerri Annes last blog post..I’m Being Followed By A Moonshadow. Or Maybe It’s Just A Supersonic Military Helicopter.

  25. Carrie says:

    Ugh, I hate mean commenters. What a bunch of douche bags. Unfortunately, the article was linked to on Chicagoist, so thats prob. why there are so many comments.

  26. Angella says:

    Turn on the heat!! For me?

    Angellas last blog post..The Back Roads To Kelowna