At Least Loser Was Spelled Right

Posted By on October 29, 2008

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a reporter for the Chicago Tribune about an article they were doing for Halloween. The reporter wanted to do a story on people who hated Halloween and why they hated it. In her research, she found my blog and this post.

(For those of you who don’t want to click over, I basically hate Halloween because when I was younger, my alcoholic father ditched me at my brother and sister in a line for a haunted house to go get drunk in a bar. He stayed there the whole night. As we inched up the front of the line, getting the pants scared off of us by guys running at us with chainsaws and MY FATHER not there to protect us, we had to get out of line because we had no money for admission and dad was passed out at the bar. Basically it is a sad story and pretty typical for those days. I have loads of stories just like those, as most kids of alcoholic parents do.)

Anyway, this reporter asked me if I wanted to be interviewed for the story. I thought about it for most of the day. After the initial elation of being contacted by the Chicago Tribune and them wanting to interview me, I started to freak out. I had a few issues. One, would the reporter mention the blog in the article? Would this article be higher on Google when you searched my very common name? Like would a future employer be able to find it? Two, did I want to share this sad story with so many people? Like way more than the small (only in numbers) readership of my blog?

It was really the second point that hung me up. It’s such a depressing story. And yeah, it probably shouldn’t have ruined Halloween for me, but in all honesty, even before the haunted house incident, I wasn’t a big fan. I’m not super creative when it comes to costumes. I LOVE candy, but always hated the idea of dressing up to get it. It was a lot of walking, from house to house. And nowadays, adult women use the holiday to dress like sluts.

I finally agreed to the story because hey, how many times is the Tribune going to be wanting to interview me? I mean, until I publish this book I keep telling myself I’m going to write. The interview went well. The reporter was really nice. She originally got the idea because her husband, too, hated the holiday. She asked about the blog and getting fired for it and overall, I thought the interview went well.

Well, the story ran today in the Tribune. You can read it here. And thanks to my friend Michelle for the heads up!

Of course once I found out, I posted the link on Twitter. I mean, I have to keep up with the Slynnros of the world and her mention in the Dallas Morning News. After I twittered the link, Scarlet texted me and was all “that’s so cool you were in the Tribune! I left a comment!”

First thought: It is comment enabled?

Second thought: I’m sure no one left any comments besides Scarlet.

Third thought: This isn’t going to be good.

As always, I should always go with the third thought. If any of you have ever read comments on news sites, like from newspapers or TV stations, etc., you probably notice that these people tend to be fucktards with OPINIONS. Not just regular opinions, but OPINIONS.

They weren’t all bad. After awhile, as per usual in that kind of forum, they just tend to start attacking each other. But, to save you the trouble of reading through four pages of misspellings and bad grammar and OPINIONS, I will show you the best comments about me.


Oh Brother

Chicago, IL

Geez – Could it be that they are just negative, boring, nothing to look forward to losers? It’s not even a holiday you idiots!Give me a break! Get over it and stay in doors for goodness sake, no one cares what you think. Those of us who enjoy Halloween are going to still enjoy it. It’s fun and it’s for kids anyway!

Get a Life!


Oh Brother is right! And I am pretty boring. And unemployed. Thanks for the newsflash.



Chicago, IL

 Why is this even news? If you dont like halloween so be it, if you do well happy halloween to you!! to each its own. Big Deal. Stop winning!!


I’m convinced this is Daisy from Rock of Love. Only because I’m convinced she can’t spell and doesn’t know the difference between winning and whining. And Daisy? I will stop winning, because I’m a LOSER!



Naperville, IL

“But after they arrived, Johnson said, her dad left his children in line while he went across the street to a bar. “This made me laugh. It’s almost as good as the dad who left his toddler in the car while he went to a strip club… and told the kid that “monsters would eat him” if he got out of the car. 


I’m guessing Cyclone is that dad who left his toddler in the car. (This one actually bothered me because it isn’t funny, if you knew the whole story. And then I remembered that HIS NAME IS CYCLONE.)



United States

Waaah! Well, I don’t celebrate Arbor Day, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, or Easter. Write an article about me!More than a few 18-24 year olds in my college town seem to enjoy the holiday. And I think Ms. Johnson’s issues lie with her dad, not Halloween. 


Oh Matilda, if you were interesting, maybe someone would write an article about you. Instead, you win the Captain Obvious award for pointing out I have issues with my father. Maybe someone should interview you for your clearly top-notch psychoanalyzing abilities.



Columbus, OH

Everyone does not have to love everything. Don’t like it, don’t participate, but these people sound like crybabies to me. Your parent was an idiot, go to therapy, work it out but don’t blame Halloween. Had trick or treating on Sunday where I live, loved it, my 3 year old grandson loved it.


At least Judy has provided me with some way to solve this problem. I suppose I shall try therapy at her urging. Because I’ve never tried that before.

And my favorite comment:


Bitter People

Des Plaines, IL

You can write an article about the same people around any major holiday. All these people have some issues. The article is more appropriate for Psychology Today.


Oh, your little screen name says it all, doesn’t it? And don’t you love that he singles me out? Like I have daddy issues, so I must be single! Well right you are, Bitter People. Clearly from the little bit of my life and the quotes in a small newspaper article that featured me, you must know everything there is to know about me.

Let me tell you, this was a fun way to spend an evening.


As a reminder, Bacon is still taking questions! Don’t forget to leave questions for Bacon in the comments. He’s spending all his days formulating answers to all your very poignant and important questions! Plus, with this kind of good response, Bacon can easily stretch this into 2 separate posts!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


40 Responses to “At Least Loser Was Spelled Right”

  1. eek that made me nervous for you reading those comments. some people really don’t have anything else to do. they should take their advice and just not participate if they don’t like it!

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

  2. Isn’t it empowering to take other people’s BS misspelled and grammatically incorrect comments and lacerate them? I do the same thing on my blog and it makes me feel SOOO much better!

    These pathetic lame-o losers out there think that anonymity means basic civility can go out the window, which I think is an accurate reflection upon their (insert angry 4 letter word) character.

    I’m glad you don’t like Halloween! You know what? I don’t like Christmas!

    Tokyo Cowgirls last blog post..color me tokyo

  3. HouseofJules says:

    I almost had to breathe into a paper bag when embarking on those comments after the article. GAH! Did you read my post today having to do with idiotic commentary? You’ll relate to Julianne Hough (from DWTS) in an all-new way!!! Anyhoo, keep your chin up, you’re the bomb.
    House of Jules

    HouseofJuless last blog post..Jenny Hough*, the loser of the family DNA lottery, has the same response to anything sibling-related

  4. I’ve seen a lot of really bad stuff in comments sections of newspaper and local TV stations, and I’d always think, “why, oh why do I continue to read these?” It was the one who referred to Barack Obama as “half-breed Barry” who made me finally commit to never reading them again.

    You have to enjoy the irony of someone typing out a complaint about someone else having the nerve to not like something.

    Superfantastics last blog post..Just Shy

  5. I’m always amazed when I read the comments on a news story. Some people have no ability to self-edit. And some people are just complete idiots.

    nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…

  6. rye says:

    That is SO Daisy from Rock of Love! Good call!

    And I’m certainly not excusing ANYTHING these idiots said, but every famous person deals with jealous a-holes trying to ruin their success … now how’s that book of yours coming?? 🙂

  7. Mahnee says:

    I will not comment on the Tribune site
    I will not comment on the Tribune site
    I will not comment on the Tribune site

    I have been tempted to comment in the past on the Tribune site…but you’re right…these people are morons. There was an article last week about “spirit week” (?) at some junior high & the kids got in trouble for (I still don’t believe this) “Hit a Jew Day”. 90% of the comments were outraged, etc., but the other 10% were douche bags.

    Most of the time, the commentors fight with each other so it gets old really fast.

    You ARE the bomb! And I love you lots and lots.

  8. Ginny says:

    In the immortal words of Salt-N-Pepa…opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one. Don’t let them get you down! The anonymity of the interwebs just adds to people’s ability to be douche-a-rific! If it makes you feel any better, I spend my first 15 minutes of work everyday reading your blog because it makes me laugh and brightens my day 🙂

  9. Here’s my standard response to trolls:

    “Well you can stand in line to kiss my dimpled white butt.”

    Okay, I don’t actually say that, but I definitely think it.

    This is my mantra and I encourage you to use it on occasion. 😉

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..Cooking with Graceful

  10. Ree says:

    Seriously… people who comment on news articles are the worst I’ve ever seen.

    I’m asking someone to hold a copy of the Trib for me so I can have you autograph it.

    Rees last blog post..Dell Hell

  11. ali says:

    And then I remembered that HIS NAME IS CYCLONE

    best. line. ever.

    you are awesome. i love this post.

    alis last blog post..oh what a night…this sex is on fire…

  12. OMG I was totally convinced that it was only the idiot who living in my area that write RIDICULOUS things in the comments on the paper’s website. I am so glad to know that that isn’t true.

    Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..30 Things to be Proud of

  13. dabby says:

    I can assure you that leaving utterly stupid comments on local news sites is the highlight of the day for ridiculous people.

    You know what gets me? The news commenters that bust out with the “WHY IS THIS NEWS” whine. It’s called human interest, fucktards.

    dabbys last blog post..I don’t care if Monday’s blue, Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too

  14. Yay on you for turning typically nutso newspaper comments (and yes, they are almost always crazy – why is that?) into a funny, positive thing. Speaking of positive, congratulations on the interview – the story about your dad is a brave thing to address publicly.

  15. bikerchick says:

    ::there there, kb:: good for you for your honesty. those f-tard commenters are the same voyeurs who spread the haterade because they think it somehow keeps it deflected from them.

    You know what? True confession ahead: I hate Christmas. Hate it, hate it, hate it; proudly. I escape out of the country every year at that time, the earlier the better. Do you think the Trib will run a story on me now?

  16. -R- says:

    I wish online papers would get rid of comments. There is really no point to them.

    Stop winning! is my new catchphrase.

    -R-s last blog post..Babies and Cable Access

  17. I hate most people and this is a prime example why: THEY’RE ASSHATS. The only holiday I truly enjoy is my birthday and I celebrate it for at least a week, sometimes more. Maybe that makes me an asshat, I don’t know. See what Bacon thinks.

    It’s great that you were in the Tribune and that you are able to share your story. I’m sure there are people who benefitted from hearing it. You rock. Keep it up.

    Anonymous New Yorks last blog post..Oh My! Daring Baker FAIL

  18. Erin says:

    Wow…seems like a few people in Chicago need a new hobby!! Don’t even worry about it, you’re still awesome!

  19. whoorl says:

    People are dicky.

    (At least Gawker didn’t post about you “subjecting your neuroses to the masses” after being featured in the New York Times.)


  20. Noelle says:

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: newspapers should not have open comments. It’s just a breeding ground for people who are pissed that no one’s ever publicly asked their opinion.

    Noelles last blog post..Meow Meow Kitty Mommy

  21. JRM says:

    Oh that is funny (not your Dad leaving you at the house of horrors part…). I hate Christmas and I get a lot of the same reaction.

  22. Too funny! Why do people feel the need to add negative comments to a human interest piece? Could it be that they’re negative, boring, nothing to look forward to losers who have issues with their parents, and think seeing their opinion posted on the internet makes them a valuable member of society?

    Of course, my first thought on reading what you’d said was that this Kristen girl must’ve been a hell of a loser to have been scared by fake chainsaws. And I bet she ended up unemployed, eating fried chicken, unshowered, on her sofa, watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I was about to enter it in the comments there, but since I’m too cool for that, I decided to just add it here instead.

  23. Amber says:

    Seriously, these people have something very, very wrong with them to be getting so angry over the fact that someone doesn’t particularly enjoy Halloween. And you’re totally right – newspaper comment sections seem to bring out the absolute dregs of society – I have no idea why, but it’s true.

    Also: I, too, hate Halloween, and I don’t even have your very valid reasons for hating it. In fact, I wrote a post about hating it last year:

    So I am a “winner” too! Yay!

    Ambers last blog post..Fully Booked. Thank God.

  24. Thank god they didn’t post your URL…can you imagine all of those idiots hijacking your comment section just as they did for the article? So you don’t like Halloween (and for good reasons!)…they need to get over it!

    La Petite Chics last blog post..Making Your Own Thanksgiving Centerpiece

  25. Angella says:

    What a bunch of IDIOTS! You, however, cracked me up per usual.

    I hate thinking of costume ideas too. I suck at it.

    Angellas last blog post..The Back Roads To Kelowna

  26. Evil Genius says:

    Sheesh, I’m suprised some of those people who commented (in the Trib) could even read. I wanted to tell “Oh Brother” that he needed to put the paper back in his shoes ’cause winter’s a’ comin’.

    And you’re not a loser. If you are a loser because of your reason, then I’m REALLY a loser for my reason for hating Halloween. E-mail me if you want to hear it.

    Haters Unite!!!! 🙂

    Evil Geniuss last blog post..A Dose of Happy

  27. Scarlet says:

    Wowzers, Penny! These people suck at life.

    Scarlets last blog post..Bassoon Reed

  28. slynnro says:

    Those comments made me really angry, as your friend and as a FUCKING HUMAN BEING.

    slynnros last blog post..Fond Memories of Being Super Hopeless and Not So Fond Recollections of My Current Attitude

  29. Kristie says:

    I say fucktards to al those asshats. It’s not like you made the reporter do a story about you. Sheesh, people don’t think they have a social responsibility because it’s the internet.

    Kristies last blog post..3 weeks and a thank you

  30. Lori says:

    Enabling comments, whether it be on blog posts or news stories or whatever – there will always be trolls with nothing better to do then bring people down. I know it’s hard, but its probably best to not read them. They just don’t know how great you are!

  31. Kerri Anne says:

    There really IS something frankly manic and borderline retarded about all online news site comments.

    I hope you didn’t let those jerks get to you. The fact that every single one of them had nothing better to do than leave snarky comments on a Chicago Tribune article? Speaks volumes about how ridiculous they are.

    I also think news sites shouldn’t open up articles, blog-related or otherwise, to comments. Mostly because they are never anything worth reading. See again: manic and borderline retarded.

    Kerri Annes last blog post..Good Things: Love Is In The Air

  32. I will always find it just a little funny that the nastiest, most negative commenters are people who have apparently slept through every English class ever offered them.

    Kristin, you’re ballsy and fantastic.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..Lessons

  33. LiteralDan says:

    Comments on newspaper sites always make me laugh as hard as when listening to preteens whine about their problems. I can imagine how it might not be as fun when people are directing their pointless whining rage at you, but try to pretend it’s not, and laugh with the rest of us!

    Congratulations, by the way. I was only interviewed for the Tribune website (insert “waa-waaaaa” sound effect), and now I feel kinda like a worthless pile of newspaper-commenter.*

    * Newspaper commenters are mostly just the people who aren’t coordinated enough to successfully submit their illogical, invalid opinions to the print editors.

    LiteralDans last blog post..Corporate Intelligence, Vol. 5

  34. metalia says:

    Okay, I keep going back to “stop winning!” and laughing hysterically. Because I am a spelling nerd.

    metalias last blog post..My Latest Obsession

  35. aka Alice says:

    You have a good reason for not liking Halloween…I don’t as good a reason, but I don’t like it either. There’s just something wrong with teaching children that if they dress up and ask people for candy, they’ll get it…

    Oh, and duh…someone asked you for the interview (stating the obvious)…not like you volunteered…GAH!

    Oh, and also…those people are idiots who can’t spell and should just go back to school to learn some basic grammar.

    I haven’t commented on your blog in awhile, but can ya tell this one got me riled…

    aka Alices last blog post..Who is Evolet?

  36. aka Alice says:

    GAH…in the midst of my outrage I left out “I don’t have…” I guess I’m a jerk too.

    I just knew I was going to do that.

    aka Alices last blog post..Who is Evolet?

  37. Miss Jones says:

    I saw that piece in the Red Eye and thought it might have been you. 🙂 And gawd, do those commenters ever suck! I want to “report abuse” on all the meanies.

  38. V says:

    I heap loads of scorn back at Tribune commenters on your behalf. There is no adjective too colorful that can capture what a bunch of asshats they are.

    Vs last blog post..Frank Sinatra

  39. People are such dicks.

    Especially people named Cyclone.

    Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..The Sex Talk

  40. JESUS, people can be ass-hats.
    Well, uh is it still okay to congratulate you on the interview? Because I still think that’s pretty damn cool. Now quit bitching.

    Totally kidding. Keep on bitchin’! xoxo

    The Over-Thinkers last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Pink Surprise Edition