Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on February 23, 2010

But! It has photos! Of a traveling bear!

Tuesday nights are hard for me to blog, well most every night is these days (including Monday with two episodes of Intervention and one of Hoarders), but now that Lost is back on, I have no desire to blog after watching a new episode because I’m trying to wrap my head around everything that just happened. And I know a lot of people aren’t liking this season so far because it seems to be slow, but I am loving every second of it! Fake Locke! The cave! The numbers! Alternate timelines!

Anyway, so since my brain isn’t working too well, I thought I would fill you in on Noah the Bear’s travels.

You guys are so awesome! So many of you have offered to help and I’m just AMAZED. My SIL is so impressed with the fact that strangers are helping him out. And I tell her it is the power of the internet. And it doesn’t hurt that Noah the Boy is so ADORABLE!

I’ve gotten some photos to pass on to my nephew. I know this project probably doesn’t get a grade, but I’m at least hoping he will have bragging rights for the rest of the year because his bear went EVERYWHERE! Because of all of you!

Like he has been to the Olympics!

(Side note: Someone at the 80s party that I don’t know asked me if I was playing a part when she overheard me telling a story and I said “like” so many times and she was SURE it was on purpose and that no one would actually talk that way NOT as a joke. And well, that was LIKE the first time in my life I was ever speechless.)

On with the tour!

Noah has been to the White House!

And to the new bridge over the Hudson in Upstate New York!

And he did touristy things in New York City!

And even got to meet some of New York’s finest!

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It’s not too late to take Noah the Bear around your fair city! This project isn’t due until April 16, so if you thought you missed the deadline, fear not! If you want to participate, leave a comment or drop me a note at fullofsnark (at) gmail (dot)  com and I can send you the PDF of Noah the Bear to print out.

Honestly, I can’t tell you all how much it means to me that you’ve helped out my nephew like this. It warms the cockles of my cold, black heart. I know so many of you have plans for him, so I can’t wait to see where Noah will travel to next!

Category: All in the Family, All Things Blogging, Lensolution 2010, Noah the Bear | 13 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 22, 2010

Is Lent over yet? My God, imagine if I were to give up something good, like booze or meat or cheese. I would be the unhappiest person on the planet. I mean, I’m struggling enough with this blogging Lensolution, could you imagine if I really gave up something? And yes, I plan to talk about the blogging Lensolution every day during Lent. Although, it needs a new name. Maybe PoLent? BlogLent? Something.

So I’m reaching to find topics to write about. Which is probably good, since my brain should think about more than reality television, cheese and sleep. But I think it is also bad because man, there are going to be some craptastic posts in the next however-many-days-it-is-until-Easter.

Remember my story about the crazy biker? The one who CHASED me into the hair salon to tell me how much of an asshole I was for almost hitting him with my car door? Well, it happened again.

I know, I KNOW! You’re thinking “damn woman, look in your side mirrors and this will not happen!” But! I’m telling you that since that incident, I HAVE looked in my mirrors and I’ve turned around and I’ve been so careful! I swear, there is something about this neighborhood.

Why yes, yes it did happen in the same neighborhood. It was about 1/4 mile from the last incident. (It’s my old neighborhood, so I still go to everything there since it isn’t that far from my current abode.)

Last Thursday, I went to the eye doctor. Remember, I had my pupils dilated? So I parked on a major street outside my eye doctor’s office. As I was sitting there, getting my purse together, I saw a guy zoom by on his bike. It was a nice reminder to MAKE SURE I CHECKED FOR BIKERS. So I did. I looked in the rearview mirror, I looked in the side mirror, I turned around to look behind me to make sure there were no bikers in my blind spot or within a 1/2-mile radius of my car. When I saw NO ONE, I opened the door. And THERE WAS A FUCKING BIKER! I swear I looked! He was zooming really fast so one of two things happened: 1) he was going so fast that in the split second from when I turned to grab my purse he came out of nowhere, apparently going 70 miles an hour or 2) he came from the side street that was behind me and that’s why I didn’t see him.

I apologized profusely, AGAIN, and told him I was sorry. He was not happy and of course STOPPED his bike in the street to tell me I could have taken his arm off. Like I fucking swung my door WIDE open on a four-lane, major thoroughfare in Chicago. IN RUSH HOUR. He didn’t appreciate my apology so I told him to go fuck himself and went into the eye doctor’s office. Not running, per se, but walking at a faster pace than normal so that in case he decided to beat me with his U-Lock, there were witnesses. Thankfully, I wasn’t worth his time.

And now I’m scared for when I have to go back to pick up my contacts. I think I’ll park on a side street. Or take the bus. Or post a sign like this on my car as a warning:

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Lensolution 2010 | 15 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 21, 2010

Hey look! Here I am blogging! This will be the first week I do it five days in a row! Wish me luck! Although, I think Lensolution needs a new name that doesn’t sound ophthalmology related.

So on Friday night I went to an 80s party. This was the same party I went to last year at Jen Lancaster’s house. Why yes! I totally did just name drop because I went to a party at Jen Lancaster’s house and that is something I will never tire of saying!

Last year for the party, I wasn’t all that prepared. I went shopping last minute and put together a Flashdance-esque outfit. It worked. It was 80s enough that I passed the test.

This year I wanted to amp it up, so I made sure to be prepared. I bought an 80s sequined dress off eBay for $10 and then decided to pair said dress with every bad 80s trend I could find – side ponytail, big bangs, neon, neon and MORE neon, leg warmers and more neon. Here was the final look, which was hard to photograph because I’m tall and it’s hard to get everything in the one shot. Especially when your stupid cat thinks this is an opportunity for her to get her photo taken.

It’s hard to see in that photo, but those are neon green, glittery fishnets. And they were probably one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever worn. How come no one tells you that fishnets are so annoying?

Here is another photo, which shows my awesome bangs:

How did I used to do this regularly to my hair? I mean, I didn’t follow the trend for a long time (I remember the shock and horror when I stopped “doing” my hair! HOW DARE I?!?) but I did wear my hair like this at one point in time. I think I even wore it like this for school photos. And I’m pretty sure it didn’t take me 30 minutes to do it, like it took me on Friday night. Thank God for strong hold hairspray!

The party was a lot of fun. There were plenty of fellow bloggers there, which is always nice. Especially when some of them only ever see you at and 80s party looking like this. There were some great costumes, the theme this year seemed to be 80s characters – Madonna, Magnum P.I., Robert Palmer and his back-up dancers with the guitar. A good time was had by all!

And, now I’ve found the cab driver repellent – MALL HAIR! Both cab drivers didn’t say a single thing to me.

Category: All Things Blogging, Lensolution 2010 | 22 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 19, 2010

So, Lensolution Day 2? Kind of a FAIL. Which I knew would happen. Which is why I didn’t make it a goal to blog every day. Because sometimes a friend will text me at 7:30 on a Thursday night and ask if I want to go out for drinks. And if I ever say NO to something like this because I have to sit on my couch alone, with my cats, and blog, then you should feel free to come over to my house and slap the shit out of me.

I love my blog and my blog friends and social media in general. But I am also single and a human and I need to get out. I can’t complain about not meeting anyone if I spend all my time inside my house, alone, on my computer. And let’s be honest, I prefer that. Because it is my comfort zone. So while my first reaction to her text was “ugh, I’m tired and I don’t want to be out late, yada, yada, yada” I quickly told myself that NO! I was going out! Even if I didn’t meet anyone or got home late, I was NOT being lazy. (Although, sitting on a bar stool drinking beer could still probably qualify as lazy. But I wasn’t wearing fish pants! And I talked to cute boys! They were 12, but still!)

But I made sure we went someplace dark since I had just been at the eye doctor and got my pupils dilated.

Category: Lensolution 2010 | 6 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 17, 2010

So, Lensolution Day 1 and I already just want to call it all off and crawl into bed and watch TV and play Words With Friends on my phone.

BUT! This is why I did it! This is why I chose this particular Lensolution! Because I knew it wasn’t going to be easy! I knew I would always want to choose beddy bye or Words With Friends over blogging! And that is the problem! One that needs fixing!

And thank God for small miracles and shared living!

My neighbors have a dog. It’s a big dog, or it has a big bark. He’s pretty quiet. He’ll bark if you walk past his door, but other than that, nothing too bad. I’ve never had to complain. But sometimes there is another dog in there. It is a small, yappy dog. One that barks A LOT. I imagine it barks each time it blinks. That’s how it seems. And then when little Yappy starts barking, the big dog starts barking. And then my cats lose their shit. And I pray they don’t lose their shit and/or their urine all over my condo.

I think they dogsit Yappy. He’s not here all the time. This is the second time since I’ve lived here that I remember Yappy. And it is the sameYappy. Of this I’m sure. I am thankful Yappy doesn’t live here full time.

Anyway, so tonight I’m sitting on my couch, watching the Olympics, updating Twitter, playing three-letter words in my WWF games (lazy trifectaright there) and I hear a scuffle in the hallway. I hear Yappy barking, big dog barking, man yelling and then swearing and banging. I OF COURSE run to the door to listen and peep out the peep hole to see what is going on. Unfortunately I live in a long hallway and my hole peeps to an empty wall. And the action was happening WAY at the end of the hall, out of the reach of my peeping hole. So I just kind of keep listening. Whatever is going on, it’s still raging and the yelling and barking has gotten louder.

So what do I do? I do what any sane person would do. I open the door and peer out to see what the fuck is going on. I figure if anyone asks, I shall deny my nosiness and just want to make sure no one was harmed. I look out and I see a bunch of people in the hallway, yelling. I see dogs, plural, barking. I see people I think are my neighbors.

It doesn’t look like anything more than an argument. The people across the hall seem to be really upset. But I’m not sure why. I’m sure the dude is just TIRED OF THE YAPPING! And I almost thank him for saying something on the behalf of the rest of us because SHUT UP YAPPY! But decide against it and go back inside.

Things start to calm down and I figure whatever kerfuffle that happened is now over. But then, OF COURSE, it starts back up again with the barking and the yelling! So I OF COURSE open the door and peer out to see just what the hell is going on. I don’t even care that everyone knows I am nosey and can see me peering out. I don’t even care that this is what I’m wearing from the waist down:

FISH PANTS! LEOPARD SLIPPERS! And I wasn’t even wearing a bra! PEOPLE SAW ME IN THIS! MANY PEOPLE! DOGS TOO!

Finally it dawned on me that I am indeed not invisible and I should go back to my position of snooping through the peep hole and with a glass up to the door.

And then it all broke up. And I went back to the Olympics and the meatballs I’m making for the pot luck tomorrow.

After about 20 minutes or so, I heard Yappy. And I heard talking. And I heard the neighbor girl say she wanted to apologize to the dude across the hall. So I paused the TV and snuck over to the door to watch and listen to find out the scoop!

It wasn’t that exciting. Apparently Yappy tried to bite the dude, but didn’t. Because Yappy wasn’t on a leash. And madness ensued and the dude got very frightened. And the only way for them all to communicate about all of this over the yapping dogs was to YELL! And they were sorry and girl would keep Yappy on a leash.

BUT THEN! THEN! I saw girl walking towards my door and oh shit! She was knocking on it. I had a Friends moment and thought maybe she could see me peering out. But I didn’t say “I can see you!” But, I should probably answer the door. But I should wait a few seconds and shuffle my feet so she didn’t think I was standing right by the door, yes? YES!

I answered it. She was a lovely girl. She felt very bad for causing the kerfuffle. I assured her I was only looking out the door to make sure that no one was hurt or needed help or was being attacked. It had nothing to do with curiosity. I’m pretty sure she didn’t buy it. And then she walked away to apologize to the rest of the neighbors.

Thankfully she didn’t ask to borrow a plunger.

Category: Lensolution 2010, The Hizzouse | 14 Comments »
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