Welcome To My Life – The Crazy Biker Edition
Posted By Kristabella on January 26, 2010
So in my lapse in posting, I have forgotten to tell you one of the BEST blog stories EVER! I swear, after it happened, I was like “THIS! This is why I have a blog!”
A little over a month ago, a week before Christmas, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at my normal salon. I went on a weeknight because I was busy over the weekend, which is when I prefer to go. I go every 4 weeks. My eyebrows don’t take a break in growing. In the summer, they generally grow faster and I have to deal with caterpillars above my eyes. Thank God for bangs!
Anyway, that was not the point of this post. So my appointment was later in the evening, so I figured I would head to Trader Joe’s for something for dinner. I figured since Trader Joe’s is always crowded, this would kill some time. But I forgot that Trader Joe’s is always so crowded it annoys me, so I forced myself to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.
So I had some time to kill before my appointment. I drove over to the salon and parked on the street. Since I had about 20 minutes, I figured I’d just sit in my car, listen to the radio, check Twitter and play a game of Solitaire. Plus, it was raining, so I didn’t feel like getting out of my nice warm, dry car.
The lady at my salon is usually on time, so with about 10 minutes to go until my appointment time, I figured I’d just head into the salon. It was close to closing time, so I hoped I could get in a bit early. So I stopped checking Twitter, shut off my car and started to open the car door.
Note: As a city driver who has experience parking on city streets, I always look before I open my door. And I did on this particular evening, but as I mentioned it was DARK and RAINING.
So as I open the door, I almost hit a guy on a bicycle. I didn’t see him! I swear!
Since I’m far too nice of a person, I apologized profusely, yelling at him from afar that I was sorry. Oops! My bad!
That was until he stopped, got off his bicycle and started racing towards me that I was like “Oh hell no, Lance Armstrong!”
So Lance Wannabe starts lecturing me. Telling me I need to look before I open the car door. And that he could have been seriously injured. And I apologize again, and DO NOT mention that it is DARK, RAINING and that he is wearing ALL BLACK!
Apparently Lance doesn’t like my tone. He doesn’t feel my apology is sincere. So I’m all “whatevs, Lance. I apologized, you’re still able to walk, MERRY CHRISTMAS!” and I walk into the salon.
As I go to take my coat off, Lance CHASES me into the salon (IN! TO! LIKE COMES ON IN!) and starts lecturing me again! Telling me I need to fix my attitude. And at one point says “do you hear how you’re talking to me?” And because I value my life, I DID NOT say “DO YOU REALIZE YOU JUST CHASED ME INTO A HAIR SALON?” Because really, Lance? Politeness is OFF the table at this point, SIR!
Thankfully I love the lady who owns the salon and she stepped in and was all “OK sir, we’re done here” and the dude was on his merry way. And a guy who was in the salon getting his hair cut was all “if he comes in again, I will kick his ass for you.”
And all I kept thinking was 1) this shit ONLY happens to me and 2) I am so thankful I have a blog to share this on.
Really, Lance Wannabe? WHO DOES THAT?
:::
In other news, I forgot to tell you guys I’m writing over at Draft Day Suit. I’ve written two posts so far, and will be writing plenty more, so please go check it out, add it to your readers, comment, tell your friends!
About the author
Now I’m totally going to be thinking “Oh hell no, Lance Armstrong!” whenever I see a biker being ridiculous around town. And trust me they are ridiculous A LOT. Like the wearing all black thing at night IN A RAINSTORM. People do that ALL THE TIME here. Are you (or I) supposed to have x-ray vision? Clearly, I need more bike-friendly superpowers.
.-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..“You can’t create fate because then it’s not fate, it’s Voodoo.” =-.
I totally would’ve called him out for the wearing of all black and riding a bike. MOM VOICE CAN’T BE STOPPED!
.-= Raven´s last blog ..a return to “normal” =-.
Oy. That is so crazy…also, amazing. I wish I had a blog, because my favourite story of all time is once when I (admittedly) jaywalked across the street to go to my gym, stupidly, right in front of a police car. I did see the flashers go off but thought that they were going to chase an actual, um, criminal? But instead, they were flashing it at ME!!! Cop dude CHASED ME INTO THE GYM, screaming at me, and gave me a jaywalking ticket. It pretty much was the best thing ever. And, yes, what idiot bicycles @ night wearing all black?! Where there at least reflectors on his clothing?
I still say you should have hit him.
I really dont think Lance would have done this. Certainly the rider should be refered to as Lucifer, rather than bestowing the honor of calling him Lance.
You have the best stories, somehow I think you draw the crazies to you. It is like a signal that goes out. Don’t worry, it could be worse my signal calls on all horny old men to hit on me. At least you get good stories out of your people.
That’s got to be one of those situations where Lance knew he was in the wrong and backing down would have made him look stupid. What an ass. I say park there every day for a week…he’s bound to show up again…and time it this time. WHAM!
.-= Candy´s last blog ..Will My Hands Ne’er Be Clean? =-.
you always seem to be getting into trouble when you drive, eh?
hahaha.
.-= the alimartell´s last blog ..The one I intend to keep…mostly because it does’t involve drinking any extra water. =-.
Ok, as an urban cyclist, let me put in a word for us “crazy bikers”. Riding your bike in the city is hard. People drive too fast, come too close to you, honk, yell things like “get on the sidewalk!” (which is illegal, btw! But thanks for the advice, jerks!), open their doors without even looking, pull out without even looking, ride two inches from your rear wheel… ET CETERA. I get a lot (A LOT) of shit for riding my bike in the city, like when people are behind me at an intersection and can’t make a right on red because I’m “in the way”… I have been yelled at, honked at, nearly hit multiple times. Joel has been hit by cars twice.
However, this guy is ridiculous and totally in the wrong. You did your best to watch out and you APOLOGIZED. He should have had a light. They are dorky and annoying and 100% necessary. It makes me angry when cyclists act like this because they give us all a bad name and create animosity with drivers.
Anyway, that’s my rant on behalf of urban cyclists everywhere. We’re not all assholes!
Dumbest thing I saw was a cyclist going the wrong way on a one-way street, at DUSK, in all black and nearly got hit—then yelled at the driver of the car. Hello??!! Take some responsibility for your own actions. *huff*
.-= busywithkids´s last blog ..When you give good, good things come back to you =-.
You were far more polite than I would have been I’m afraid. I get really polite when I know I’m in the wrong or if I’m so flabbergasted but once he came INTO the SALON all bets are off. 🙂
I had a similar situation once with a car that was going slower than the speed limit for no reason & had a few cars backed behind him (I was the first). He stopped his car, got out and came to my door, instructing me to roll my window down. I cracked it an inch and told him to get back in his car or I’d be calling the police immediately.
.-= Cass´s last blog ..Girls Next Door =-.
He was cycling at night, and wearing ALL BLACK? I suspect that won’t be the only time our Lance finds himself on the wrong side of someone’s car door, or worse. Glad you’re OK, though, that sounds pretty scary!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really. =-.
I hate when people who are fitnessy choose to wear all black or dark colors at night. Like that one teetiny reflective dot on your shoe will make me see you well enough to stop at 40 mph. Fuckers.
.-= paperdiva´s last blog ..iced =-.
That’s the thing about Chicago. You sometimes forget that there are bat shit insane people in the flesh milling about. I once gave a big hearty middle flinger to a car off who ran a red light, almost hitting me as I tried to make a left hand turn at Clybourne and Fullerton (or Fullerton and Damon — one of those crazy diagnol streets). Said car chased after me shouting obsenities for a few miles.
Teh crazy it is everywhere.
.-= JRM´s last blog ..This is a great song. So going to add it to my cardio play… =-.
i have to say i am SO HAPPY he came into the salon after you. have additional random bystanders get to witness his crazy ups the awesomeness by a power of 10.
.-= Alice´s last blog ..i’m officially a Pole Master! (believe me, i already know all the dirty puns you can make with that title.) =-.
i think i would have said, “i take back my apology! i WISH I HAD HIT YOU! maybe then some sense would have been knocked into your dumb ass.”
of course i say i would say this but we all know the best responses are after the fact.
glad you weren’t pummelled to death with his helmet!
WHY YOU?!? Seriously…it’s not the purse because you showed us a picture of that and your purse is fine. Is it your coat? Just kidding…Jason tells me I attract the crazy in people. I’m starting to believe him but as long as it doesn’t rub off we are good.
This story? Is twelve shades of awesome. I am both relieved and saddened that nothing like this has happened to me (yet).
.-= Erin (Snarke)´s last blog ..Pants and Stuff and Things =-.
WHO DOES THAT?
(This story cracked me up, yo.)
.-= Angella´s last blog ..Not Guilty =-.
makes me wish you hit him…hard
.-= Sensibly Sassy´s last blog ..Here’s Winkin’ At You Kid =-.
This guy was most likely from Portland. We have a high population of asshole bikers.