This Is What I Get For Being Neighborly

Posted By on November 23, 2009

Oh, hello there dear reader. Apparently I have a blog. I seemed to have forgotten that fact. I apologize, but I seem to have come down with another case of The Tireds. Most of last week, I went to bed before 10 PM. And then there was the night I went to bed at 3 AM and decided to drunkenly text the cop, but we won’t discuss that here, now will we?

So how are you fair readers? Are there any of you left out there? From my stats, it doesn’t seem like it, but I will keep on keepin’ on.

Did you all have nice weekends? Mine was pretty low key. My brother and nephew came over for a bit on Saturday afternoon, I got an eyebrow wax, I napped a lot and I saw New Moon. Nothing too exciting.

But I did want to tell you about on odd thing that happened to me this weekend.

As I mentioned, my brother and my nephew Noah came over on Saturday afternoon for a few hours. My SIL and my niece were going downtown to have lunch at American Girl Place. Skyler got the doll for a combo Christmas and birthday present from my SIL’s mom. And since Noah is almost eight and against all things girly, he did NOT want to go. And since my brother didn’t want to park downtown, they came to hang out with me. The kids really like my balcony. Old Auntie has it so sweet in her high-rise living! (I’m on the third floor.)

Anyway, after they left, there was a knock at my door. They were back again, apparently they forgot some of Noah’s toys. After they left a second time there was another knock at my door. I figured they needed to pee or wanted a drink for the road or something.

Turns out, it wasn’t them. It was my neighbor from down the hall. I had seen her once before. She lives at the end of the hall and has a very large dog that lives with her. One time they were locked out and she was just sitting in the hall with said large dog. I ran down the stairs as fast I could. Did I mention it was a LARGE dog? Like a Doberman or something?

Anyway, so the chick knocks on my door. I’m caught off guard because that has never happened. Not in the 6 months I have lived here, nor the four years I lived in my apartment. It basically has never happened to me, recently, that I can recall. I give off an unneighborly vibe, apparently. Or had.

Since I don’t know any of my neighbors, I figured I should be nice and accommodating because I don’t want them to think I’m a bitch. But I also don’t want them to ever knock on my door again, unless it is to offer me free wine. That I will take from them and drink alone in my house.

Neighbor girl asked if I had a plunger I could borrow.

First thought: Um, what?

Second thought: Do I even have a plunger?

I had her come in for a second so the cats wouldn’t run out the door and checked for her. I did indeed have one. So I lent it to her. She told me that she’d be back when she was done. And then I sat down on the couch and thought about EXACTLY what I had just done.

Of course, I first Twittered about it. Because I was like “that wouldn’t be the most ideal way to introduce yourself to a neighbor would it? Hahahaha! Better her than me!” And then I thought more about the plunger and what she’d be doing with it and then I barfed in the sink. Which wasn’t smart, since I didn’t have a plunger if my sink got clogged.

After about 20 minutes, she didn’t come back. I figured it was because she realized the grossness of this and would just BUY me a new plunger instead of giving me the tainted one back.

I was wrong.

About 25 minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I opened it and saw Neighbor Girl holding the plunger. Except Neighbor Girl, who had previously been in a sweater and jeans, was now in a tank top and visibly sweaty. Like she has just spent the last TWENTY FIVE MINUTES USING THE PLUNGER! THE PLUNGER SHE WAS HOLDING IN HER HAND! SHE WAS SPENT!

She handed it back to me, saying “it finally worked!” and then decided this, THIS, was the time to introduce herself and shake my hand! So I did, because I’m TOO NICE and do you remember that she has a LARGE DOG?

And then I took the plunger, tossed it in the garbage and washed my hands with bleach. For about 13 minutes.

I will never be able to look her in the eyes again. She’ll always be known to me as Deuce.

(I swear, I can’t make this shit up.) (Pun intended.)

I should have just lied. This is what my mom gets for teaching me manners and to help people out.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


25 Responses to “This Is What I Get For Being Neighborly”

  1. Raven says:

    Here is a thought that might help you shake off the cooties:

    She has large dog. Large dog probably sheds a whole heap. She probably bathes large dog in her own shower in the condo. Condo shower was probably clogged with dog hair and wouldn’t drain. She used the plunger IN THE SHOWER. Not as yucky!

    (I am she of two giant shed-y beasts that have caused this very same issue more than once)
    .-= Raven´s last blog ..why I will never watch twilight or any of its sequels =-.

  2. Bren says:

    We are still here! I’m with Raven – it could have been a sink or a shower (though my husband seems to need a plunger in each bathroom – yuck!). I’m with you on throwing it out though! The fact that she brought it back is simply disgusting!
    .-= Bren´s last blog ..Me see! =-.

  3. I would have lied and said I didn’t have a plunger, even though I actually have two.
    .-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..The Martha does Christmas, 2009 edition =-.

  4. Jen says:

    Of course we are still here! And I am hoping, hoping that Raven is right and that she DID NOT USE IT IN THE TOILET OMFG. Gross.

  5. Mahnee says:

    I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

    I hope the plunger was taken OUTSIDE to the garbage. Yes, there could have been other reasons to use it but I keep coming back to the grossest one.


    And don’t even get me started about your Gram and the need for plungers….DAILY!!!!

  6. Rhi says:

    I live in an apartment, and my apartment came with a plunger. I hope that all of the other apartments also came with plungers to that I don’t have to ever deal with this.

  7. lceel says:

    I would have given her five bucks and told her to go to the corner hardware store and buy one. Or a guy.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Tuesday – and More Meanders 11-24 =-.

  8. Jaime says:

    Well, if you were a LITTLE quicker on your feet, you could have lied. But it didn’t occur to you, did it? You poor thing!

    Well, now you know for next time. Do I have a plunger? Nope! Sorry.
    .-= Jaime´s last blog ..Literal Definitions: Nerdom =-.

  9. Moose says:

    I think I need to rinse my eyeballs with bleach after reading that. EEEEEEP.
    .-= Moose´s last blog ..The Relaxer =-.

  10. That is both odd and disgusting. But also hilarious!
    .-= nancypearlwannabe´s last blog ..Living Proof That Martinis Only Make You Stronger =-.

  11. Jen says:

    I am a Google Reader reader.

    My weekend was also low key and basically, I slept through a lot it but it was needed. I am really looking forward to this weekend.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Almost Thanksgiving & A Giveaway! =-.

  12. Angella says:

    So, so SICK.

    Did I ever tell you about the time a water saleslady knocked on our door and asked to use the bathroom? And then dropped a huge load? That stunk up our entire downstairs? WHO DOES THAT?
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Don’t settle =-.

  13. mouncie123 says:

    Gag! Nice way to introduce herself she should be all red faced from that.
    By the way you so don’t get to mention the Cop and not tell us! How dare you. I check this blog daily for updates. You need to start taking vitamins girl!

  14. Alicia says:

    I am a new follower and need the blog updates to get through a boring workday! gotta live vicariously through someone..please give cop update. and to comment on the plunger thing- i never really thought about that when i moved to my apartment. yes, one was there…but really that is very icky. is this new? if not, have many poepl had used it? I have not had to use it and will now throw away. yuck yuck

  15. Alicia says:

    – side note- Have a great Turkey Day

  16. Amber says:

    Lol! If it’s any consolation, it makes a great story! I don’t think we even HAVE a plunger, now you mention it. Anyone coming to our house for plungers would leave empty-handed, I’m afraid. Which is perhaps just as well…
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Confessions of a Shopaholic. And Bruno. =-.

  17. Corey says:

    I am also a Google Reader reader. heh

    NASTAY. Although, this is kind of like a PSA for the rest of us. The answer to “Do you have a plunger?” is ALWAYS NO!

    Have a great Thanksgiving!

  18. Jennie says:

    LOL!!! That’s hilarious. It made me think – you may wish to drop in on your other neighbors with a Christmas cookie tin or something and introduce yourself. That way, when you knock on their doors asking for a plunger in your moment of desperation due to cat hair in your drain, at least it won’t be their first impression of you. 😉

  19. Lys says:

    You are a brave gal – karma points for sure for lending her a plunger and I hope it was for the dog clogging up the tub issue 🙂
    .-= Lys´s last blog ..Colin Cowie’s Thanksgiving Table Tips… =-.

  20. Darcey says:

    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Darcepedia Day =-.

  21. i think its just not that big a deal. you never realize you need something like a plunger until it is too late. even still, she could have gone to the store to buy one. all plungers go to the yucky places. just don’t lick one and i think it is all ok to be used by whoever.
    .-= michele (mouthy_broad)´s last blog ..June is for Camping =-.

  22. jen says:

    Of all of the things I would ask to borrow, a plunger is probably last on the list… I would simply stop freaking out, turn the water off then hightail it to the nearest hardware store.

  23. Ree says:

    Oh. Eww.
    .-= Ree´s last blog ..Do Not Point With Your Feet =-.

  24. I borrowed a plunger once. But I anticipated the subsequent eepiness of it all and rinsed it with bleach after I got done. I told the owner that I did indeed rinse it with bleach and then with clean water and then dried it, because I knew how incredibly gross the whole thing was.

    They looked very uneasy and told me I could have just kept it. LOL! I made someone nervous! LOL!
    .-= iamstillbroken´s last blog ..Cuddling in the Cutlass =-.

  25. regan says:

    How was New Moon? I planned on seeing it while we on vacation at my mom’s (free babysitter!) but it didn’t work out because jparks pinched a nerve in his back and can’t sit or ride in the car. I think he was faking it just so he wouldn’t have to see New Moon. bastard.
    .-= regan´s last blog ..that star can twinkle =-.