Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on April 14, 2010

I had planned on writing last night and sharing my photos and the awesomeness that was my trip to Houston. But I came home and I had to spend the most of my evening cleaning up cat puke.

As I’ve mentioned here before, my cats like to puke. They use this as punishment because they know how much I hate to clean it up. So it is not odd to find piles of cat puke when I get home from work. But last night was a bit different. There was quite a but of it and it was all liquid and bright yellow.

After I cleaned up the messes and fixed myself some dinner, I noticed that Kitty Kitty was the one doing all the puking. And she was really kind of struggling and dry heaving. And then I noticed she hadn’t eaten anything. That was when I started to become a little concerned.

As the night progressed, she got more and more lethargic. And if you’ve met Kitty Kitty, you know she’s anything but lethargic. She’s a big hyper furball. When I could even get her off the couch with the promise of treats, I got really concerned.

But this is where kids and pets differ, I would imagine. I could have gone to the Emergency Vet right then. I looked one up. But I knew it was going to cost me a fortune. And in the back of my mind I thought “she’s been like this before. She’s a puker!” So I decided that since I was working from home today, I would call the vet first thing and get her in there sometime today.

Kitty Kitty hates to be held. She will squirm and squeal until you let her down. But as I was going to bed last night, I figured it was better if she slept with me and not on the couch. So I picked her up to bring her into my bed with me. She didn’t even flinch. She just went along with it. I was half-convinced I was going to wake up to a dead cat body.

She made it through the night. The carpet in the bedroom wasn’t as lucky, as it was the recipient of most of her puking. I got us an appointment at 1:30 and then I just spent most of the morning watching her, clearly not feeling well, and assuming the worst. And then I started crying! She’s my baby kitty! I can’t lose her! I was convinced it was BAD!

Long story short because OHMAHGAWD I have spent an entire post (and over 400 words according to WordPress’s word count) talking about my cat! It is no wonder I am single! Anyway, the vet didn’t find anything wrong. They gave her some fluids and took some blood to make sure it isn’t anything serious. I also got some tummy medicine for her that should calm the acid in her stomach. Because apparently I’m not the only one in this household to get attention for acid reflux. This bitch is totally copying me!

Or Rhi mentioned she might be worried about her weight. Which could have some truth to it as she tried numerous times to jump off the scale in the vet’s office before it could read her weight. Guess I should stop feeding her so many treats.

(Seriously? A whole post about my cat? What has come over me?)

So she’s better. I’m better. I don’t know how parents of HUMANS do it because my stomach was a mess all day today worrying about her. Maybe it is better if I don’t have kids.

And poor Simba was waiting right by the door when we got home from the vet because I don’t think he knows what to do with the whole house to himself.

(You know my friend Melissa asked me to go out for drinks tonight. I really should have gone. Maybe I could have had something more interesting to write about. Or at the very least NOT used “my cat is sick” as an excuse. Seriously, just hand me the Old Maid card now. Game. Over.)

But I am really glad she’s OK. And thank you to all my Twitter and FB pals who were with me on this harrowing journey. She may be a puker, but I do kind of love having her around.

Category: Crazy Cat Lady, Spinsterville Here I Come | 16 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on April 12, 2010

So yesterday I returned home from a wedding weekend extravaganza in Houston. When I opened my front door of my condo, I saw this:

That is my back door OPEN. The one that goes to the balcony. The balcony that is OUTSIDE. MY HOUSE WAS OPEN ALL WEEKEND!

First thing I did is looked to the coffee table and saw my laptop. WHEW! Second, I looked for the cats. Simba was in his usual spot, sleeping on the blankets in the laundry basket that I need to take to the laundromat because my washer is too small. I wasn’t too worried about Simba. He is a smart cat. He knows that if he were to run away, things would be dire. He knows how good he’s got it in my house.

But Kitty Kitty, she likes to bolt any chance she gets. She likes to try and sneak out the front door when I leave in the mornings. She thinks there is an awesome world out there that I am DENYING her. I figured I had seen the last of her.

I went out to the balcony and looked for her. I called her name. Finally she came running. She had been hiding in her usual spot under the futon in my second bedroom.

*DEEP SIGH OF RELIEF*

Then I turned on the heat because it was like 55 in my house! Brrrr!

Here’s the thing, as I was leaving Chicago on Friday morning, sitting on a plane bound for Houston, hoping that I didn’t stink like all the beer I drank the night before, I thought “I bet you the back door isn’t locked. And I bet you I’m going to come home to a wide open door, no cats and a ransacked house.”

Thankfully I forgot about this thought. Otherwise I would have had ruined my awesome weekend. And really, there was nothing to do at that point since no one has keys to my place. (NOTE TO SELF, GIVE SOMEONE A SPARE SET OF KEYS!)

But as soon as I landed in Chicago Sunday afternoon, I was worried about what I was going to come home to. I prayed that everything would be OK. And as soon as I got off on the elevator, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. It was COLD in the hallway. It’s never cold in the hallway, unless some window (or DOOR) is open.

And my fear was confirmed – Door. Open. WIDE. OPEN.

After I found the cats and killed the flies that had come in, I then proceeded to make sure no one was in the house. I armed myself with pepper spray and pulled back the shower curtain, opened all the closets and looked under the beds. No one was there. I really got away scott free. But I slept with the pepper spray on the nightstand just in case.

Oh, and you’re wondering, I’m sure, how the door came to be unlocked? Let’s just say I had a visitor on Thursday night after going out to a bar and this visitor is a smoker and there is no smoking in my house. And said visitor is an idiot and didn’t lock my door, which is why I will never be calling/texting/seeing said visitor ever again.

Also, I woke up with this on my arm after hanging out with said visitor:

So not only does this visitor not know how to lock a door, said visitor also gave me some sort of rash/allergic reaction. (My friend Teri said she had something similar and the doctor said it was an allergic reaction, generally to food or a preservative. SO SAID VISITOR CLEARLY ALSO DRUGGED ME. Or something.)

But I’m very, very, very thankful that this all turned out for the best. And that my kitties are still OK and still puking on my carpet like nothing has changed.

And tomorrow I’ll tell you all about my awesome trip to Houston and how it was just what I needed.

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So because I was so lucky and got away with no harm to my house, etc, I feel like I should pay it forward. Like donate money to charity or volunteer my time or SOMETHING. I want to thank the universe for doing a good thing for me. Any ideas internet? I have to help someone else for me being so lucky.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Crazy Cat Lady, The Hizzouse, The Luck of the Polish | 13 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on April 6, 2010

Tonight was the first night I went walking for exercise in a long time. In fact, I realized when I got home that I had not done any kind of exercise since I have been in my condo. I shall remind all of you all that I closed on my condo last April. I have lived here almost a whole year. A whole year! NO WONDER MY PANTS DO NOT FIT!

I’ve been saying for a long, long time that it was time to get back on the wagon, the living healthy wagon. I needed to stop eating so much crap and I needed to start working out again. Clearly it has been all talk. Until tonight. Tonight I FINALLY stopped talking and actually did something.

The weather here has been so nice. We’re having an actual spring and being outside isn’t miserable. I figure I need to take advantage of this while I can before it either starts snowing again or it is as hot as Hades.

So tonight I decided that instead of stopping at the pharmacy on my way home to get my prescription, I would walk to CVS to pick it up. I figured it was about a 3 mile walk round trip, which isn’t a ton, but a shit ton more than I’ve done in the last year. The weather was so warm and my only hope was to make it there and back without getting caught in the thunderstorms they were calling for.

I almost lost my nerve. When I got home and saw my couch, man, all I wanted to do was sit down and catch up on my DVR. But I didn’t! I changed into my workout clothes! I even then almost lost my nerve, debated just getting in the car and driving to CVS, but I DID NOT! I pulled through! I told my laziness to fuck off!

It was a really nice walk. The weather was warm and beautiful. And it was new scenery, since I had not walked around anywhere near my new house. As I got to CVS, the temperature started to drop. I figured it might be because I was closer to the lake (a whole FOUR BLOCKS CLOSER). Well, I PRAYED that was the reason because it was like 80 when I left my house so all I was wearing was a t-shirt and shorts.

Clearly I was wrong. I’ve paid enough attention to the weather to know that usually when they are predicting big storms, the temp drops. In fact, I even KNEW it was going to get cooler. Turns out I didn’t know when it was going to get cooler. And I didn’t expect it to happen in the middle of my walk home.

It was pretty chilly. It forced me to keep up a decent pace, which was good. I had brought money with me, since I had picked up my prescription, so I half thought about taking the bus. In fact, I was at a busy intersection, waiting for the light to change so I could cross and I saw my bus coming up the street. I seriously considered getting on it and just taking that home and calling it a day. But I didn’t! WHAT HAS COME OVER ME?

Thankfully the cold wasn’t too bad. I mean it wasn’t ideal, but it also wasn’t snowing and my teeth weren’t chattering. I was glad to get home, though, and be inside where it wasn’t so windy and cool.

But I did it! I actually did some physical exercise. ALERT THE MEDIA!

And now you’ll have to excuse me, I need to go make my lunch for tomorrow and I’m pretty sure it will take me about an hour to get to the kitchen. See how far away it is?

Category: Working On My Fitness | 18 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on April 4, 2010

My Lensolution is over! And I’m still posting! Will you look at that?

So my Lensolution didn’t go as well as planned. But I did blog more than 20 days. And Lent is like 40 days, so that’s not half bad. I think it was better than what I had been doing before Lent started, so I consider it a big WIN! And had I not gotten the Death Plague, I would have posted even more.

Did everyone have a nice Easter holiday? Or Sunday, for those of the non-Christians out there?

Mine was very nice. I went to church with my mom and Grandma and then we went to my aunt’s house for the day. It was a nice day. I got to hang out with my sister, yelling into her belly to make the baby learn to love me. “HELLO BABY!” I wanted her to move or kick for me because I’ve never felt a baby kick. Baby did not oblige. She may not like me so much now for yelling, but as soon as she makes an appearance, she will be thankful that she has me as an Auntie because I’m going to spoil her rotten!

I went to church. You did read that right up above. I go on Christmas and Easter because it makes my grandma happy. She’s a strict Catholic and goes to church every week. She feels better when I’m there because at least she gets to show me off to her friends and try to find me a husband. (She wanted me to talk to an attractive young man because he was tall. She didn’t really get that he was like maybe 21, so that is almost illegal.)

Church and me, is not really a good mix. I know I should sit there and really listen and feel the power of Jesus sweeping over me or whatever it is that people feel when they are in church. But I’m so cynical. And also a people watcher. So I kind of tune everything out and just watch the people for an hour. For instance today I witnessed:

• A snotty church lady who takes her ushering duties very seriously. She was probably over 70 years old and wearing a short skirt and purple, suede, knee-high boots.
• She asked us to move to the middle of the pews and we just looked at her and didn’t move.
• A pony-tailed man who saw that his pew neighbors were Hispanic so he assumed he needed to speak to them in Spanish.
• A family of three in front of me, a mom, a daughter and a son. The daughter was very unfortunate looking. She was really, really skinny. Like she had to be anorexic. But she had the worst the haircut I’ve ever seen. Like it was really unattractive. So if the goal was to distract people from your skinny body with awful hair, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
• (I should burn in hell for making fun of people in church but Easter mass is LONG!)
• When the priest was talking about the meaning of Easter, and how Jesus rose from the dead, the power went out for a second in the church. Not ONE person said anything! No one yelled out “HE IS RISEN!” or “HE IS WITH US!” or “PRAISE JESUS!” Not one person!
• Well, I may have whispered it to my mom.
• There was a guy wearing a hat in church. Apparently this is disrespectful. Because when he walked past us to get in line for Communion, both my mom and my grandma snickered and said “He’s wearing a HAT? IN CHURCH?” And then the woman in front of us turned around and looked at my mom and said “he has cancer.”
• So I said “it’s OK mom. You’re already in church. You can get instant forgiveness!”

I might have to start going regularly just for the people watching and blog material. I don’t think Jesus cares, right? Just as long as I go?

Category: All in the Family, Church Lady, Holidaze | 13 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on April 1, 2010

So Tuesday I trekked up to Milwaukee to hang out with Ali and her family. She’s in town for Passover, which is going on right now for the next lots of days. And since Milwaukee is a lot closer than Atlanta (or Toronto), I figured I would take some time off work to go hang out with her and experience my first Passover Seder.

Since having Ali (and Metalia) come into my life, I am much more knowledgeable about the Jewish faith. In fact, sometimes I’m pretty sure I know more about Judaism than Catholicism. I have experienced the Sabbath and Rosh Hashanah. Last year I was in Atlanta for Yom Kippur, but decided to head out of town that day since that involves fasting and really, the best part about Jewish holidays is the food!

Up until a few weeks ago, all I knew about Passover was that you couldn’t eat bread or anything with grains. You’re only allowed to eat unleavened bread. Just the idea of no bread made me want to pass over celebrating this holiday. (Pass over, get it?) But then I realized I love Ali and her kids and I was like “I’m not going to let a crumby cracker stand in my way of hanging out with the Martells!”

So Passover is kind of  a big deal. (I know this because of Twitter, of course.) Knowing this and seeing so many people tweet and post about it, it got me a little nervous. I’m not good when it comes to religious things and I have this huge fear that I’m just going to do something like touch the sacred cup and give the entire house full of people bad luck for the year just because I had unleavened bread stuck in my throat and needed to wash it down! (Clearly I think too much and have insane worries.)

So I spent a better part of the last week on Wikipedia figuring out what exactly was going to go on. I learned after my first experience at Ali’s mom’s house, when I walked in loud and yelling in jeans and flip flops during the blessing during the Shabbat lunch, that it is best to come prepared, lest I make an ass out of myself and get shunned. Mostly I was researching on Wikipedia because this tweet from Ali’s husband kind of freaked me out.

But then I found out that Passover involves having to drink wine. YOU HAVE TO! And not just one glass, but FOUR GLASSES! This is a celebration I can get behind! Pass the Matzo!

Ali’s stepdad (who is the Mayor, BTW) was very good at explaining things. And the books they were reading from were in both English and Hebrew so I could follow along. Of course spending the whole time flipping to the pages that told me when the wine drinking was going to happen.

The one thing I like about Judaism, where it differs so greatly from Catholicism, is that questioning things is encouraged. As a Catholic, you’re supposed to take everything as it is said and obey it. No ifs, ands or buts. But in Judaism you’re not only allowed to question things, you’re encouraged to. In fact, a lot of the Passover “event” is doing just that. Which I only encourage to a certain point because LET’S EAT ALREADY!

Yeah, because we didn’t eat until about 10 PM. The fact that everything was SO good (minus the parsley that I ate before I was supposed to and the horseradish root) helped make up for my growling stomach. And the wine. The wine helped. (Yes, I ate the REAL horseradish and it cleared out my sinus. Because Ali and Gabe told me I had to and I didn’t want to get sent to Jewish jail/hell or something.) (Again, irrational fears.)

I really enjoyed myself. It was fun, as always, to hang out with Ali, Gabe and the kids. I got to play SPIT with Emily (and totally kicked her ass too), laughed at Josh when he got hit in the face multiple times with a ball and told him to learn how to catch better and had Bella show me how to decorate a cookie on the iPhone. And I’m planning to go up and bother them again on Saturday, whether they like it or not. Because I AM A MARTELL STALKER!

I’ll admit, I did not enjoy driving home at midnight. Because it is construction season in the Midwest, which means I had to take detours, including one through the streets of Milwaukee. Thank GOD the detour signs were well placed and I didn’t get lost. I also did not enjoy getting home at 2 AM and not getting enough sleep. But it was totally worth it!

So now I know for next year to take the day off afterward. Oh yes, I did just already invite myself to next year’s Seder!

Category: All Things Blogging, Holidaze, Lensolution 2010 | 9 Comments »
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