Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on August 9, 2010

You guys, I’m bloghausted. It is currently 7 PM and I really want to just go to bed now. Even though there are dishes in the sink, a stinky cat box that needs to be cleaned and a pile of dirty laundry that needs to be washed. But all I want to do is sleep.

So if you aren’t aware, I was in New York City this past weekend for BlogHer. This was my third one and I had an effing blast. Not only was it in a great city, I was surrounded by 2,500 bloggers, people who don’t get offended when you get on your phone to check Twitter at the lunch table (well except for the one lady who didn’t appreciate it when we were Twittering from the elevator).

I went into this BlogHer with no expectations. I had been to NYC one time before, so I had done a lot of the touristy things. Plus, this time it wasn’t on my stomping grounds so I didn’t have the pressure to think of restaurants and bars in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

I learned early on that one of the only ways to enjoy BlogHer is to really have no plans, no expectations. There are so! Many! People! that it is hard to see everyone, let alone talk to everyone. You just have to play everything by ear. It’s how you end up finding cute little cafes with awesome mac and cheese or sitting outside a hotel getting weird looks for wearing a McDonald’s hat on your head.

This year’s BlogHer was different. Not a bad different, just a lot different than past years. I first went in 2008, when there was a then-record 1,000 people at the conference. Compared with the 2,500 people from this year (not including the people who came to NYC but didn’t have passes), that San Francisco conference in 2008 felt like an intimate dinner party.

The problem I had with it being so big was that there are so many people there that I wanted to see. And there were so many people I didn’t get to see or meet. And that’s a bummer. But thankfully I did get to see a lot of old friends and meet some new ones.

And now I’ll attempt to recap my awesome time in NYC in bullet form:

• On Thursday night, I went to dinner with Regan and Slynnro at Colicchio & Sons. It was one of, if not THE best meals I’ve had in my life. We had 2 bottles of prosecco, my first taste of sweet, sweet hooch in three weeks. And it went right to my head, just like you’d imagine.

• I had the heirloom tomato salad, which was so tasty, but I didn’t eat all of because I knew that would probably give me off the chart heartburn. My entree was the skirt steak and short rib with edamame. It was so delicious! The short rib was so tender, it reminded me of my Grandma’s pot roast. For dessert we shared the funnel cake and chocolate-filled donuts. That Tom Colicchio, he fries a mean hunk of dough!

• I had the awesome pleasure of meeting Jenbshaw and Shauna Glenn at lunch our first day there. Ali has told me all about the fabulous Aiming Low ladies and of course they are just as awesome as she’s always said! Shauna Glenn and I are kindred spirits and I have now dubbed her my new BFF, whether she likes it or not. (We killed it on the dance floor at the Sparklecorn party Saturday night, which was one of the weekend’s highlights!)
• I finally made it to Ground Zero. It’s sad that almost nine years later they are still working on it. And also sad that it looks nothing like it did and it could just be another construction site in New York.
• Finally got to meet Isabel, who invited us to her FABULOUS TERRACE to just sit and chat and enjoy the lovely NYC weather and city living. Isabel is one of the nicest people in the entire world and I was so lucky to spend time with her at her house! Plus, we went to Dylan’s Candy on the way to her house and I love candy and three floors of candy is like my heaven.
• The Expo hall this year was insane! Insanely good! I got so many great things, so much so I had to ship it home!

• Spent time with some of my favorite people

• And there were so many others! I’m afraid to link to them all, lest I forget anyone. But let me just say, if I saw/met you this weekend, it was so much fun and I’m so glad we got to hang out. I enjoyed this weekend immensely. You are all AWESOME!

Can’t wait for San Diego in 2011!

Category: All Things Blogging, BlawgHer | 19 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 4, 2010

Obligatory pre-BlogHer post ahoy!

In the last two years I’ve gone to BlogHer, I have never written something beforehand telling people about me. So I would hand out business cards and people would come here and either read a post that I DID NOT EVEN WRITE, or a post where I asked them to choose between which two hideous people you would have sex with.

So third time is a charm and now I have learned!

Hi, Internet! I’m Kristabella! And clearly I’m insane!

Here are some things you might want to know about me:

I’m tall. I’m about six feet tall with no heels.

I’m pale. I’ve been dubbed once “a different shade of pale.” You will not be able to tell the difference between my skin and that of white sheets/tablecloths.

I talk. A LOT. And when I’m drinking? You can’t shut me up. Please, shut me up. And don’t worry, I won’t be offended. I know this about myself and appreciate people who tell me to shut my yapper.

I like to drink. In fact, you are more than welcome to give me your drink tickets. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in three weeks, so I AM DUE.

I drink a lot of red wine so I end up with reddish-black teeth and tongue. It’s tres attractive.

I also laugh a lot. Mostly at jokes I make.

I created the #spinstertweets hashtag on Twitter. I’m hoping it will become all the rage and get me a book deal.

In reality, it’s pretty sad I tweet so much about my cats and single life that I could create a hashtag.

You can talk me into a lot, like stealing Cheetos.

I may seem super outgoing, especially with liquid courage, but the thought of 2500 women all in the same place freaks me the fuck out just as much as the next guy.

I love reality TV. I can talk to anyone about it. Please seek me out to talk about Jersey Shore while giving me your drink tickets! We’ll be friends for life!

This is what I look like. This is me and my niece. She’s my mini-me.

My bangs won’t look this good in the summer humidity. They will be very Farah Fawcett-esque.

So if this post hasn’t scared you off and you see me this weekend in New York, come say hello! We can hide out behind the fake trees together.

Category: All Things Blogging, BlawgHer | 11 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 3, 2010

Do you remember this post I wrote about the asshole parkers in my parking garage at work? You all gave such good links for things I could buy and post for these jackasses. I was giddy with the possibilities!

In fact, I was pretty close to buying a set of these:

Or these from Etsy:

But thankfully I have delayed these purchases and these confrontations. Because apparently someone doesn’t like my method of punishing you in the parking garage by parking so close you can’t get in.

I’m not 100 percent sure it was in the parking garage, but the lack of paint and the fact I really jammed in this douche in a white Range Rover last week has me thinking he’s the culprit.

So I’m on the hunt for him in our parking garage. OH IT IS ON!!!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Land of Random, Rants & Rants | 13 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 1, 2010

It is no secret that Ali and her family are some of my favoritest people in the world and I love all of them to pieces. The highlights of these last 12 months has been the time I’ve spent with them in Atlanta or Milwaukee. Say what you will about the internet and blogging, but it has given me some of my best friends, people I would have never met otherwise.

This past weekend I went up to visit the Martell clan in Milwaukee. Ali has been up there the whole month of July, but because of the Kristin Johnsons and some other issues, we haven’t been able to meet up. I was super bummed because I know that weekends at her mom’s are rough with Shabbat and the kids not being able to watch TV, leave the house or play video games.

So we decided that this past weekend, poop or not, I was going up there. Thankfully the poop issue seems to be almost gone (I say seems and almost because I don’t want the cruel hand of bowel movement fate to slap me in the face) so I didn’t have to worry about that.

It was a great weekend. It was just what I needed. I needed to get away and be around my peeps and laugh and stuff my face with good food, including this cake, which you all need to make right now. My diet went out the window with my first taste of this cake on Friday night, and I was dreaming about it for hours after my third piece Saturday night. (It was my dinner. And I have no regrets about that whatsoever.)

Meeting blog friends in real life is always so much fun. It’s even better when you get to meet their families and see their blogs come to life. When I go to visit the Martells, I’m as excited to see Ali as I am to see all of them. In fact, I’m pretty sure Emily thought I was coming to visit just her. Which, maybe I was, since she thinks I’m famous!

And she’s not the only one. It’s nice to know everyone looks forward to seeing me too!

I mean, it would be kind of awkward if I kept inviting myself over to see them and they didn’t enjoy seeing me as much as I enjoy seeing them. I’d be like Urkel. Or Kristabella the Menace.

We did what I do every time I see them, we spent the day in our pajamas. (On Shabbat! I was shocked!) Emily and I played spit (I beat her YET AGAIN!) (Yes I just got cocky about beating a nine year old at a card game.) We laughed, ate donuts and cake for dinner and they got me hooked on the Settlers of Catan game. (I’ve already downloaded the app so I can get better and maybe win once.)

It was a perfect weekend, hanging with friends who feel just like family. Just what the doctor ordered (in addition to antibiotics that still make my mouth taste like rancid food). And thankfully I won’t miss Ali too much, since I’ll see her again on Thursday when I get to NYC for BlogHer.

So, internet, what did you do this weekend?

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging | 8 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on July 28, 2010

I have been very tired lately. I tell myself it is a side effect of the antibiotics I’m taking for my poop bacteria. But I’ve noticed a lot of people at work complaining about the same thing. (The tiredness, not the poop.) Is there something in the air? I’ve been going to bed early every night for over a week now and getting plenty of sleep, and yet I wake up and an still so exhausted. And I’m getting good, deep sleep because I hardly toss and turn and only wake up to pee since I’m drinking so much water.

And then I think “well, considering everything I’ve been ingesting the last three weeks has ended up flushing down the toilet, maybe I’m not getting the nutrients I need to be at a normal energy level.” And maybe that + medication is making me a walking zombie. Add that to the fact I haven’t been really drinking coffee because it hasn’t been sitting in my stomach well, and it’s lucky I don’t nap under the desk at work a  la Constanza.

Everyone is going to tell me to keep working out. But see, the problem with this issue of the Kristin Johnsons, is that it’s not as easy as it sounds. Last night I got about halfway through Day 2 of Couch to 5k and had to jump off the treadmill and run to the lockerroom, lest there be a poop-tastrophe on the gym floor. No amount of sanitizing spray could clean that up.

So until I kick this and get done with the antibiotics (SEVEN MORE DAYS!), I’m going to try to take it easy, eat bland things and hope I never have this bacteria ever again in my life.

The one really annoying side effect to this medication is that it leaves a weird taste in my mouth. I had read that in the leaflet and then laughed because really? That’s a real side effect? Suck it up pansies.

And then, as is usually the case with my life, I got this known side effect. And let me tell you, it is nasty. It is kind of a mix of a metallic taste/the taste of your morning breath after going to bed without brushing your teeth the night after a bender. And it doesn’t go away. Drinking plain water tastes like I’m drinking it as it is filtering through a cat’s asshole. I have to add Crystal Light to every bit of water I drink. (Look at that! I touted my review posts twice without planning to! Remember this is the last week to enter the drawing!)

The thing that helps the most with this is eating. Especially things like peanut butter, that stick to your tongue and linger. Peanut butter is a Godsend this week. Except, because this side effect taste is so nasty and never goes away, I’ve pretty much consumed an entire jar of Skippy in three days. So much for the diet and eating right!

I’ve finally found a balance. I use the mix-ins in my water at work and when it is really bad, I go get some iced tea or something acidic from the little store in the office building to wipe the taste out temporarily. And today, I finally bought some gum and that has helped tremendously. The only problem with that is then my fruit punch Crystal Light tastes a little minty. But that? Still better than the nasty taste on my tongue from the medicine.

Has this ever happened to you? Does it go away?

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Medical Mishaps | 19 Comments »
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