Posted By Kristabella on October 19, 2010
I’ve been busy, people. I have barely been home in the last two months. In fact, the weekend before last was the first weekend I was spending at my own house since LABOR DAY! That’s like a month and a half! And then I spent most of my day at the Apple store because of a possessed iPhone.
It’s a known fact that I spread myself too thin. While I can be the laziest person known to man, I also am willing to give up my lazy time to hang out with the people that I love.
That’s what I did this past weekend. Skyler turned five last Tuesday, so I drove up to her house on Friday evening after work to go to her birthday party that she was having with her friends. She’s so grown up and has two boyfriends in her class. SO CUTE!
On Saturday morning, I woke up early (earlier than I get up for work, FYI) and got ready to go sit outside and watch Skyler play soccer. She had two games, so I was outside in the chilly fall morning for two hours watching her run around on a soccer field. She even scored a goal! That was before she decided she just wanted to stand in the net and play goalie, even though there are no goalies in the U6 soccer league. Apparently two games is one too many for five year olds because she was D-O-N-E, DONE with that soccer nonsense about halfway through the second game.
After soccer, I drove from my brother’s house to my mom’s house for party number two – a combo birthday for Skyler and Gram. Most of the family was coming, including a little baby that I hadn’t seen in awhile. Can you believe she’s four months old already?
It was a grand old time. There were excellent appetizers and then we ordered pizza for dinner. I stuffed myself silly.
But at some point, oh about 5 PM, I kind of lost my shit. See, I live by myself. I like that. I like having time alone sometimes. I also like to spend time on Saturdays watching college football, especially now since Sarah and Laurie convinced me to write weekly recaps over on Draft Day Suit.
So I took a break. I went into the TV room to relax and watch some football. And then, because it is a small house and there were a lot of people in it, I didn’t get to spend enough time by myself. And then there were a lot of people around and it was loud and I lost it. I yelled and threw a bit of a fit and tried to find a spot to regroup, alone, and basically failed.
I decided I should go home. On top of my crabby mood, I wanted to watch the Ohio State/Wisconsin game, which was on cable, which my mom doesn’t have. Finally, about an hour later, after cake and ice cream and goodbyes, I was on my way home. Sitting in traffic. Which did a lot for my mood, as I’m sure you could imagine.
On my way home, I felt bad. I shouldn’t have lost it and gotten so angry. But, you know what? We all have bad days. We women, especially, have those kinds of days, when good ol’ Aunt Flo stops by for a visit. Combine that with being exhausted and just wanting 10 minutes of quiet, and well, you can see why I lost it.
I started to feel guilty on my drive home. I thought about how selfish I was being because I wanted to be by myself, when it was a family gathering. That I can suck it up for ONE DAY and not be all by myself and enjoy the company of others. But then I talked myself out of that. I had just spent a majority of the weekend with others, doing things for others, so I was the opposite of selfish. I do a lot for my family. I don’t mind it at all. I love that my nieces and nephews love me to pieces and that I am a big part of their lives. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
But I also like my life. I like quiet evenings on my couch with my stupid cats. I like spending winter weekends inside, in my PJs, just watching TV and catching up on my DVR. I need these days. They help keep me sane. They help me not spread myself too thin. And they help me keep it all together. They help me be the best person I can be, to everyone in my life.
Is it just normal to feel guilty when these kinds of things happen? Are we expected to be perfect at all times? How do you handle those stressful times?
And don’t even get me started on the fact that I immediately beat myself up, because if I can’t handle a day like that, how will I ever be able to handle being a mom, especially if I end up being a single mom?
Oh, happy birthday to my blog! She turned four today! I think I will give her a shot, a beer and a piece of cake!