So I Had A Bad Day

Posted By on October 19, 2010

I’ve been busy, people. I have barely been home in the last two months. In fact, the weekend before last was the first weekend I was spending at my own house since LABOR DAY! That’s like a month and a half! And then I spent most of my day at the Apple store because of a possessed iPhone.

It’s a known fact that I spread myself too thin. While I can be the laziest person known to man, I also am willing to give up my lazy time to hang out with the people that I love.

That’s what I did this past weekend. Skyler turned five last Tuesday, so I drove up to her house on Friday evening after work to go to her birthday party that she was having with her friends. She’s so grown up and has two boyfriends in her class. SO CUTE!

On Saturday morning, I woke up early (earlier than I get up for work, FYI) and got ready to go sit outside and watch Skyler play soccer. She had two games, so I was outside in the chilly fall morning for two hours watching her run around on a soccer field. She even scored a goal! That was before she decided she just wanted to stand in the net and play goalie, even though there are no goalies in the U6 soccer league. Apparently two games is one too many for five year olds because she was D-O-N-E, DONE with that soccer nonsense about halfway through the second game.

After soccer, I drove from my brother’s house to my mom’s house for party number two – a combo birthday for Skyler and Gram. Most of the family was coming, including a little baby that I hadn’t seen in awhile. Can you believe she’s four months old already?

It was a grand old time. There were excellent appetizers and then we ordered pizza for dinner. I stuffed myself silly.

But at some point, oh about 5 PM, I kind of lost my shit. See, I live by myself. I like that. I like having time alone sometimes. I also like to spend time on Saturdays watching college football, especially now since Sarah and Laurie convinced me to write weekly recaps over on Draft Day Suit.

So I took a break. I went into the TV room to relax and watch some football. And then, because it is a small house and there were a lot of people in it, I didn’t get to spend enough time by myself. And then there were a lot of people around and it was loud and I lost it. I yelled and threw a bit of a fit and tried to find a spot to regroup, alone, and basically failed.

I decided I should go home. On top of my crabby mood, I wanted to watch the Ohio State/Wisconsin game, which was on cable, which my mom doesn’t have. Finally, about an hour later, after cake and ice cream and goodbyes, I was on my way home. Sitting in traffic. Which did a lot for my mood, as I’m sure you could imagine.

On my way home, I felt bad. I shouldn’t have lost it and gotten so angry. But, you know what? We all have bad days. We women, especially, have those kinds of days, when good ol’ Aunt Flo stops by for a visit. Combine that with being exhausted and just wanting 10 minutes of quiet, and well, you can see why I lost it.

I started to feel guilty on my drive home. I thought about how selfish I was being because I wanted to be by myself, when it was a family gathering. That I can suck it up for ONE DAY and not be all by myself and enjoy the company of others. But then I talked myself out of that. I had just spent a majority of the weekend with others, doing things for others, so I was the opposite of selfish. I do a lot for my family. I don’t mind it at all. I love that my nieces and nephews love me to pieces and that I am a big part of their lives. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

But I also like my life. I like quiet evenings on my couch with my stupid cats. I like spending winter weekends inside, in my PJs, just watching TV and catching up on my DVR. I need these days. They help keep me sane. They help me not spread myself too thin. And they help me keep it all together. They help me be the best person I can be, to everyone in my life.

Is it just normal to feel guilty when these kinds of things happen? Are we expected to be perfect at all times? How do you handle those stressful times?

And don’t even get me started on the fact that I immediately beat myself up, because if I can’t handle a day like that, how will I ever be able to handle being a mom, especially if I end up being a single mom?

/pityparty

:::

Oh, happy birthday to my blog! She turned four today! I think I will give her a shot, a beer and a piece of cake!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

20 Responses to “So I Had A Bad Day”

  1. Kathy says:

    I know EXACTLY what you mean. I’ve tried to blog about it a million times but it never comes out right.

    My niece and nephew are at my house ALL the time. 90% of their life is at our house (at least of their awake hours).

    And I feel the same way you do! It’s totally frustrating because sometimes you just NEED to be by yourself and do your own thing. And then you do and you feel bad because of it. Kristin, you don’t know how much I understand you.

    When my other two nieces are in town it’s even worse. More family = less time alone.

    *sigh*

    Anyway, my point is that it IS okay to be want/NEED to be alone to regroup!

    HUGS!
    Kathy´s last blog post ..It Never Rains!

  2. Jenn says:

    A) Little kids + soccer – is there anything funnier? 2) Top photo of the baby totally looks like you, and AND) How is ‘me time’ any more selfish than wanting/having children? What are the first two words in the following sentences: I want kids. I want to be alone. No difference, IMHO. It’s all about choices.

    That said, at the risk of dropping a big ol’ bomb in your comments…I cannot imagine becoming a single parent by choice. Babies need Daddies. Please…don’t everybody scream at me for that. I know that kids can grow up to be President or whatever from a one-parent home. I’m just saying that in an ideal world, junior gets to have a Mom AND a Dad.

    Sorry you had a bad day. The only one who expects you to be perfect all the time is you, so cut a sistah some slack. Turn the music up loud and sing along; this, too, shall pass.
    Jenn´s last blog post ..OMG- its Nothing

  3. Raven says:

    Everyone needs their own time. When I was a single parent I had mine after Sprog went to bed at night or whenever I had a babysitter/he spent the night at a friend’s house or the weekends he went to his dad’s. Of course that last one isn’t going to be there for you if you are “just” the single parent and not a divorcee but the first bit will obviously be an option.

    IMO family time gets overwhelming even when you like them :) Especially when you have woken up early and spent all day around little ones.
    Raven´s last blog post ..this is a post- there are people in it

  4. Genevieve says:

    Mate, you need to cut yourself a little bit of slack – I totally get exactly what you mean, and feel the same way myself. Everyone needs their own space, and when you live alone, you become used to having a certain amount of time and space to get your thoughts and stuff together – the same way that I guess couples and families become accustomed to sharing their lives and space. I love that you have articulated so perfectly exactly how I have felt a million times. And I adore my family, like you do, but I also love sitting on my couch in pj’s with my kitty and just doing my own thing. And, it’s ok to feel like that.
    Genevieve´s last blog post ..devvo so devvo

  5. Jessica says:

    You shouldn’t feel guilty about needing time to yourself – but, since you actually care about your family, you will. It’s a conundrum. If you do end up being a single mum, you’re also lucky that you’ve put in all the family time – you’re gonna want to leave your kid somewhere every once in a while ;)
    Jessica´s last blog post ..You say its your birthday

  6. Cellar Mouse says:

    I totally get it. Whenever I want to be alone because I have spent a day with friends and family I feel so insanely guilty.

    I tell myself if I am ever fortunate enough to become a mother that the 9 months of pregnancy will give me time to adjust to not being alone. Maybe?

    Happy Blog Birthday!

  7. Lisa says:

    The thing I miss most about being child-less? Time to myself. I pay other people now to watch my kids, so I can have time to myself. Hear that? I PAY people so I can have time to myself. My idea of heaven? Two hours at a Barnes and Noble bookstore, at a table in the cafe, with a giant stack of magazines and a tasty beverage and nice pastry. ALONE.

    I also really miss going to the bathroom by myself. Enjoy it while you got it :-)
    Lisa´s last blog post ..I recovered the dining chairs AGAIN

  8. jonniker says:

    Dude. You’re me, before I had Sam. And now, it’s really okay. It’s really, really okay. Your pre-kid behavior and proclivities have no bearing on what kind of mom you’ll be, unless you’re, say, an alcoholic or a crackhead, in which case you have other issues.

    I am the same way. You will be FINE.

  9. Angella says:

    What Jonna said. I STILL need my alone time, which is why I tend to stay up later that I probably should some days.

    I also lose my shit on a regular basis too, if that makes you feel any better. :)
    Angella´s last blog post ..The Wild- Wild West

  10. Cass says:

    Me time is seriously important for some people, myself included. This was my biggest concern when I moved in with my BF because when I had my own apt I could easily just have a day and say “I’ll see you tomorrow”. But the key to “me time” is to recharge, seriously once every 2-3 weeks I need one of these days otherwise I feel horrible, I’m crabby and just no fun to be around. I basically told the BF to have a guys night on that day and down the line when there are kids he’ll have to take them somewhere away from me.

    It’s not selfish, it’s just what your body & mind requires to function. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
    Cass´s last blog post ..This girl needs a little fashion help

  11. Hilary says:

    I know exactly how you feel. There is definitely not enough time in the day to do everything you want to and everything you HAVE to do. Sometimes you feel like you are doing everything for everyone, or at least what everyone else wants to do, and there is no time for you. It is natural to snap. I spent half last week in my office with my door closed crying out of frustration…. When I left, I felt I was so cranky to everyone I was close to….I felt so guilty. However, no one really even minded. They understood I just was stressed and needed a break. I always feel guilty in my mind, even when I have nothing to feel bad about.
    Hilary´s last blog post ..Just another manic Monday

  12. We just got back from a “vacation” that involved seven days with the in-laws, a wedding, and a day with my family. I am SO ready for some alone time, it’s not even funny.
    Operation Pink Herring´s last blog post ..Heat lightning

  13. Amber says:

    I think this is totally normal – or it is to me, anyway: I get to a certain point and I just need my space, no matter how much I like the people I’m with, or how much I’ve promised myself not to freak out about being around them all day. I really, really admire people who’re able to just be “on” all the time, but I suspect those people are probably in the minority (or are superhuman).

  14. Christen says:

    I do that all the time: gogoGO and then crash. Usually accompanied by a hissy fit or crying jag just for extra fun. Good times for all!

    So, how is it selfish to want/need some time for yourself? Especially given how much of yourself you give to those around you? Yeah, probably not ideal that you flipped out on people, but shit happens. And don’t beat yourself preemptively over how you might deal with hypothetical children in potentially stressful situations. Have you ever been in a car accident? If so, that doesn’t mean you’re not qualified to drive ever again. Simplistic analogy, but the best I can come up with today. Basically: be nice to yourself.
    Christen´s last blog post ..Currently Accepting Submissions for Posts

  15. Melissa says:

    To me, needing alone time is perfectly normal. I think it’s because I’m an only child and I had a ton of alone time growing up. It’s complicated sometimes, because I have a husband and two kids. They have all come to understand that’s just me, and I operate best when I’ve had some “me time” every day. The people who know and love you will understand. They want what’s best for you.
    Melissa´s last blog post ..Dotcetera Sunday for the love of all things polka dot

  16. jen says:

    The last time I went to CT to visit the family, I made absolute certain that I had some “Jen time,” even if it meant I had my alone time at the gym or going for a walk. It made the near 24/7 time with family more bearable for all of us. You have to take time for yourself.

  17. Amy says:

    I am going on year 2 living with my boyfriend so I understand. I am an only child but I grew up around a LOT of cousins. No matter how much you love someone or how much you do something for them, you will feel guilty for wanting that little bit of alone time. I just got done playing host to family that came in town. I loved it but I am mentally exhausted from having to plan each and every day with something ‘fun’ to do.
    So, relax and clear out your DVR! You deserve it :)
    Amy´s last blog post ..Bullet Points Rock

  18. Like everyone else said, it’s totally normal to need some alone time. I know I do, or else I’d totally lose it with my children on a regular basis. It’s just a matter of finding some balance — like when you tried to go off by yourself for a bit just to regroup.

  19. Kerri Anne says:

    I LOVE my friends, and my family, and love love love spending time with them, but yeah, alone time is so crucial. I NEED it, and when I don’t get it, I am a very cranky version of myself, for sure.

    I think the key is balance, which of course you already know. Hang in there babe, and hurrah! for getting some awesome Martell time soon and very soon.
    Kerri Anne´s last blog post ..Good Things- Currently Stuck In My Head Edition

  20. Yeah, but we don’t jump from single person to person with lots of family in our personal space overnight. It’s usually a slow progression of 1 more person at a time, you know? You’ll be fine as a mom. You feel differently about your own noise and your kids become part of “your” noise. Trust me.

    Of course, I still hide under the bath tub water every other day to block out the noise…
    Tracey – JustAnotherMommyBlog´s last blog post ..The Misadventures of Halloween 2010