Here’s Johnny Kristabella!

Posted By on August 4, 2010

Obligatory pre-BlogHer post ahoy!

In the last two years I’ve gone to BlogHer, I have never written something beforehand telling people about me. So I would hand out business cards and people would come here and either read a post that I DID NOT EVEN WRITE, or a post where I asked them to choose between which two hideous people you would have sex with.

So third time is a charm and now I have learned!

Hi, Internet! I’m Kristabella! And clearly I’m insane!

Here are some things you might want to know about me:

I’m tall. I’m about six feet tall with no heels.

I’m pale. I’ve been dubbed once “a different shade of pale.” You will not be able to tell the difference between my skin and that of white sheets/tablecloths.

I talk. A LOT. And when I’m drinking? You can’t shut me up. Please, shut me up. And don’t worry, I won’t be offended. I know this about myself and appreciate people who tell me to shut my yapper.

I like to drink. In fact, you are more than welcome to give me your drink tickets. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in three weeks, so I AM DUE.

I drink a lot of red wine so I end up with reddish-black teeth and tongue. It’s tres attractive.

I also laugh a lot. Mostly at jokes I make.

I created the #spinstertweets hashtag on Twitter. I’m hoping it will become all the rage and get me a book deal.

In reality, it’s pretty sad I tweet so much about my cats and single life that I could create a hashtag.

You can talk me into a lot, like stealing Cheetos.

I may seem super outgoing, especially with liquid courage, but the thought of 2500 women all in the same place freaks me the fuck out just as much as the next guy.

I love reality TV. I can talk to anyone about it. Please seek me out to talk about Jersey Shore while giving me your drink tickets! We’ll be friends for life!

This is what I look like. This is me and my niece. She’s my mini-me.

My bangs won’t look this good in the summer humidity. They will be very Farah Fawcett-esque.

So if this post hasn’t scared you off and you see me this weekend in New York, come say hello! We can hide out behind the fake trees together.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

11 Responses to “Here’s Johnny Kristabella!”

  1. Raven says:

    I am excited to see you again!
    Raven´s last blog post ..polyvore

  2. Lisa says:

    I’ve only been blogging about 2 months and it didn’t even occur to me that hey, I could go to BlogHer, esp since its in NYC and I’m about 3 seconds away! But no, I didn’t think of it until after all the tickets were sold out. Waah. Maybe next year. Have fun!

  3. tracey says:

    You silly girl. Have fun! I’ll miss seeing everyone this year.
    tracey´s last blog post ..If you could see the carnage I came home to- you wouldnt judge a repost

  4. gorillabuns says:

    just hope you are over the kristin johnsons while drinking said wine.

    hope you have a wonderful time!

  5. Scarlet says:

    Kristabella is AWESOME! I’m jealous of anyone who gets to hang out with her this weekend.

    2500 chicks kinda scares me. WOWZERS!!!!!!!
    Scarlet´s last blog post ..Fakey Fake

  6. Rhi says:

    I cannot believe that you’d even THINK of hiding behind a fake tree with someone other than me.

  7. Melissa says:

    i got curious about DINAO, so read through the archives. lost my shit on tony little v. richard simmons. literally tears running down my face. hope you have fun in NYC! let’s drink some wine next week.

  8. HMS says:

    Kristabella, we’d like to invite you to become one of our Authors in Alexandria. Invitations have been extended to you by email as well.

    You may mirror your existing posts from here or elsewhere or produce original posts there, on anything you wish, as you desire. For your contributions and participation we will blogroll you with no reciprocation required. See our Guidelines for Authors for full details.

    Come contribute your perspectives and opinions to the ongoing conversations there or, even better, start some new – and different – ones of your own. Contact us through the site for full invitations and instructions.

    Oh, and please bring your tree if you come. Currently we are only graced with shrubberies.

  9. Angella says:

    It was so good to see you! And, um, to be gchatting with you right now while I’m waiting for my flight.

    Looking forward to your recap, lady!
    Angella´s last blog post ..Let’s Start At The End

  10. MojitoMaven says:

    Finally meeting you made me smile BIG!
    MojitoMaven´s last blog post ..the 411 about mojito maven

  11. Aaaah, preconference talking points. That would have been useful for me to read before we met and I marveled about your height. Plus, I had all kinds of anti-Angelina/Sammi stuff to share! Next time, next time….
    thecoconutdiaries´s last blog post ..Taking New Jork From Dee Balls