Mish Mash, I Was Taking A Bath
Posted By Kristabella on May 24, 2010
The title of this post has nothing to do with anything. It will be a mish mash of things, yet there will be no mention of me taking a bath. I don’t really take baths. Which is a shame, since I have a nice jacuzzi tub. But I’ve only used it like twice. Want to know why? Because those tub jets are a pain in the ass to clean! So I wish I just had a normal tub. Or maybe I should start charging people to use my “jacuzzi”? I could open a day spa.
So I feel like I have to mention the fact that I only posted like twice last week. And then I’m sure you were all “what happened to Kristabella? Did she poop herself and die of embarrassment? Did she end up in the hospital because she pooped so much? Did she get caught itching her asshole because the poop problems have given her hemorrhoids?”
Well, it is none of the above. I was just lazy. Which is the story of my life, right? Actually, I had every intention to post something Thursday night. But then I watched the season finale of Grey’s and was PACING MY LIVING ROOM, so I couldn’t get up enough energy to think about anything besides SHOOTERS! AND BLOOD! And WORST SWAT TEAM EVER!
Although, I should have ended up staying up late and writing a post because I ended up not sleeping well and having nightmares about crazy gunmen. I mean, if I’m going to bother to dream about Grey’s Anatomy, couldn’t I at least be having sex with McDreamy, McSteamy or that new hottie, Avery?
So yeah, that’s what is new in Kristabellikstan. I think my poop issues have finally decided to get better. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking that I stopped the antibiotics over a week ago so I couldn’t still be having issues. YOU WOULD BE WRONG! Because as a nice commenter pointed out, I apparently had some sort of ailment, like Anus Explodus, that was causing this issue with me. It was brought on by the antibiotics and basically all the good bacteria in my colon was all “ABORT! ABORT! We’re being attacked!” And then that’s why I pooped. A lot.
So nice commenter Mia said to avoid carbs. She said that carbs were the devil. And really, at that point last week, I would have done anything to not poop 5 times a day. Lo and behold, it worked! Carbs ARE the devil to Anus Explodus. And now I’m doing a lot better and eating a lot of cheese. It’s really a perfect world.
And I think that is enough poop talk for this century!
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In other news, do you know what grubs are? Apparently they are some sort of bug that eats and destroys your lawn. I don’t know these things because I don’t have a lawn and I prefer that to having to keep up with a lawn.
So how do I know about grubs? Because this is the billboard I see every damn day on my way home from work. If I’m lucky, I get stuck at the light when all I can see is this:
Which hides the very disgusting critter on the front of the bag. Don’t believe me?
All I know is EXCELLENT MARKETING CAMPAIGN SCOTTS! I don’t even have a lawn and I want to buy your product to make sure I never have those creepy crawly things anywhere near me or my house!
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Finally, my sister is due to have her baby any minute. She’s technically due the 8th of June, but she’s super swollen and the doctor is worried about pre-eclampsia, so she might be having this baby sooner rather than later. She goes to the doctor on Wednesday to see what the verdict is.
Anyway, I bring her up because we had her baby shower on Sunday afternoon. It was a big party, there were like 50 people there. We played that melted candy bars in a diaper game and you had to guess which candy bar it was. It was enough to make me vomit. But I was at a good table and we got 100%! So I won a plant! And I tried to pawn it off on anyone, but I had no takers. Not because I don’t like plants, but because of of this:
I have since moved it to the top of the entertainment center and I just caught Simba trying to make a flying leap up there.
What’s new with you internet? Anyone want a plant?
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I’m with you on Greys! What were those SWAT guys doing? Glad you are feeling better!
.-= Bren´s last blog ..Long time no blog! =-.
Put the plant on your balcony. And remember to water it. You’re going to come home to having Simba tackle the plant off the entertainment center. He’s just such a plant lover!
Scotts just called Gram to have the preventive grub application on her lawn. It’s like over $100 so she said she’ll deal with it if she gets grubs. I’m not walking on the grass after seeing that picture though.
Anus Explodus… nuff said.
I don’t think we have those grubs in Oregon. Also, if you put your plant on the patio, will the grubs get to it?
Lovin’ the poop talk. 😉 But seriously – cutting out carbs helps reduce gas too. Just sayin’…
.-= Angella´s last blog ..Vegas, Baby =-.
I would like to point out that at 4 AM this morning (FOUR AM!!) I heard a crash and I went out in the living room to discover Simba on top of he entertainment center, eating the plant, amongst all my broken picture frames.
I threatened to throw him in the shower and then moved the plant to the balcony. He then stared at it wistfully through the patio door for about 15 minutes.
.-= Kristabella´s last blog ..Now That It’s Clean =-.
I wonder if that plant is one of the 18 varieties of catnip – which is a member of hte mint family and distantly related to marijuana.
As for the poop issues – cheese? Really? Are you trying to shut that end down for a week or so? Is that what you’re after? Eat some yogurt – get your bacteria back where they should be – and go back to your ‘normal’ eating habits – or you’re liable to not crap for a month. Which may seem appealing, at the moment, but in a couple of weeks? Not so much.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Tuesday Tale – Blocked =-.
wow, thanks for the poop-sick shout out. glad you are feeling better except for THE ITCH. i have no helpful suggestions for making it go away faster other than drinking water because THE ITCH is an unfortunate sign of dehydration after THE POOP SICK. one day it will just disappear and you can be happy again.
i once read that grubs are crap in your garden but excellent in your compost. make of that what you will.
also: babies! YAY!
Sorry, I had to take all my mom’s half-eaten plants after the cats got them. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had to actually buy a plant for that reason.
I don’t have plants in my house either, for the same reason as you – – I have cats! Cats + plants = disaster….. 🙂
.-= Liz J in Central Illinois´s last blog ..Grace In Small Things: 21/2010 =-.
I have to keep all of my plants in high places so Iggy won’t make out with them. But thankfully he can’t jump like a kitteh can.
Also, re: Grey’s: BEST FINALE EVER. Or anyway, the one that gave me the most anxiety. I wanted to punch Gary Clark in the face. I also admittedly wanted to punch Bailey in the face, too, and April? Can we talk about how I was actually pouting about April NOT getting shot? But AVERY. I LOVE AVERY. And the way he makes googly eyes at Christina, even though she’s busy making googly eyes at her scalpel, and, well, Owen, too, I guess.
.-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Lost & Found =-.
I passed one of those wonderful billboards at the Southampton St exit off of the Express in Boston. It was really what I wanted to stare at while waiting at the light.
ugh. i can’t have plants OR flowers OR nice things THANKS A LOT CATS. sulk.
glad to hear your poop situation is better 😉
.-= Alice´s last blog ..basically i should have just waited and posted this one =-.
I hope for June 8. Babies born on June 8 ROCK!
I also have an amazing Jacuzzi that I never use despite the fact that I love it. I could easily sit there for hours, but since I live on the beach we always get sand in our water. Is there anything grosser then easing yourself into a tub of bubbly tan water? We tried full house filters, and the clog up in less than a week, leaving barely a trickle of water….
I can’t have plants in my house thanks to my cat. He doesn’t knock them down. Instead he likes to snack on them, and then proceed to have multiple hairballs. Fun!
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Adventures in the air =-.
I knew what grubs were, just not what they looked like.
thanks for the nightmares i’ll be having tonight…
.-= alimartell´s last blog ..Paychecks are overrated anyway, yes? =-.