Aye, Mamma Mia!
Posted By Kristabella on January 20, 2010
I’m a very honest, law-abiding person. I don’t break the law. Yes, I did have a fake ID and I generally speed about 1o miles over the posted speed limit, but other than that, I am a total square. I was a band geek for Pete’s sake.
For instance, I just noticed that I was given an extra $700 in my most recent paycheck. And while I wanted to keep my mouth shut and say nothing (HELLO, FREE LAPTOP) I just couldn’t. There was no way I could not tell someone. Maybe I wouldn’t have said something right away, but after the worry ate a hole in my stomach, I’d let them know. It wasn’t as if I would ever spend that money. I can talk a big game, but it wasn’t mine, and I knew it.
Anyway, so last night I went to see Mamma Mia with my friend Schwerer. The show was excellent. Surprisingly, with all the Broadway shows I’ve seen, I’ve never seen Mamma Mia before. I didn’t even see the movie. The musical was EXCELLENT. The second act is a snooze fest until the end, but the end more than makes up for it. Especially when the cast comes out to perform an encore and encourages the audience to sing and dance along! Good times!
We saw the show out in the suburbs near my work. We met for dinner and headed over to the theater in enough time to get our seats before the show started. We both drove separately, so we followed the signs for the parking lot with the rest of the theater-goers. The problem is that it wasn’t until you were in the parking line, the ONE WAY, line, that they said it was CASH ONLY. So I panicked. Because I had only $5 with me. And the parking? WAS TWENTY DOLLARS!
So I pulled off to the side and called Schwerer, praying she had $20 on her I could borrow. Turns out, she ONLY had $20, which was enough to park her car. And since I was in a line of cars and there was no exit, I freaked out and pulled up to the booth hoping the lady would cut me some slack. Or at least tell me how to exit.
They wouldn’t take just $5, sadly. But they did take checks and she was surprised I didn’t have my checkbook on me. I honestly don’t even know the last time I WROTE a check. So no, I don’t have my checkbook with me, parking lot lady. IT IS TWENTY TEN! (Nope, still doesn’t sound right.)
Thankfully she did show me how to exit and told me I could park next door in the hotel’s parking garage, as they took cards. And, bonus! The hotel parking garage was cheaper! But I had to walk up a snowy hill to get to the theater, so it was a wash.
Like I said, the show was great, until the end when some chubby man in spandex and platform boots lectured me about donating money for Haiti. I understand the tragedy and have donated money, but this was not the place. Talk about buzzkill after seeing such an uplifting, energetic, happy show!
Anyway, the show ended and I walked back down the snowy hill to the parking garage. The garage said to take my ticket with me, so I did. I assumed there would be pay machines somewhere. I didn’t see them anywhere, so I figured at the very least, there would be a pay machine near the exit for those of us idiots who forgot to pay. Because this is how it is in EVERY parking garage in the city of Chicago.
Apparently the suburbs are different. There was no pay box. And the machine that took your ticket didn’t look like it took credit cards either. So I panicked.
There was a car in front of me, and after hemming and hawing, I decided at the last possible minute to GUN IT and follow the car out of the garage. I thought the gate arm-thingy was going to snap off and I was going to get arrested. It did hit my car, but bounced right back up.
I drove the rest of the way home just waiting to get pulled over by the cops for skipping out on my parking fee. I was a nervous wreck driving home. And I literally couldn’t fall asleep because I felt so GUILTY that I skipped out on paying at a HOTEL parking garage. Like they aren’t making money hand over fucking fist anyway. Like my $5 was really going to break their bank.
But it didn’t matter. It was the principle! I broke the law! I STOLE PARKING! I almost busted through the gate! I SHOULD BE THROWN IN JAIL!
I’m still half expecting that I’ll get some sort of bill in the mail because they have cameras or something and they will trace my license plate. And I’m sure there will be a photo of my scared face, ducking in my car to get out of the way of the gate arm thingy that was coming down…on the roof of my car, NOT my head.
And somehow, in my mind, this is way worse than having a fake ID. A fake ID I got from the actual DMV.
So tell me, what is the worst thing you’ve done? The biggest law you’ve broken?
But don’t tell me anything too bad, I don’t want to have to feel guilty that one of you once stole money off an old lady or something. I have enough stomach problems as it is.
About the author
College friend and I were (OBVIOUSLY) nineteen during an internship for the US military at a base to remain un-named because I’m STILL scared they will come find me. At the ID office, we handed over whited-out and TYPED OVER (I’m dating myself here – Wha…? What’s a typewriter?) birth certificates. The guard…well…uniformed man of some sort, they all looked like guards to me….not once, but TWICE slid the forms back across the counter to us with the order “Make SURE all of this is correct”. We held strong and got our ID’s only to get outside and read a very scary statement on the back that included the words ‘fraud’ and ‘federal prison’. Best part, though, we saw him at the NCO club that night and he sent us drinks and a ‘wink’ from across the bar!!
That was over twenty years ago, by the way. Lord help me if there’s no statute of limitations….maybe I shouldn’t have posted that??
you are such a criminal!!!
.-= ali´s last blog ..The One Where I Take Zero Credit. =-.
I admit to doing a hit and run on another car. I was backing out of a friend’s driveway and I backed right into a car parked on the street opposite the driveway. I put a HUGE dent in the side of their car (no damage to mine) but I panicked and drove away. I still feel bad about it since I’m sure those people were pissed off. I would be if someone did that to me. But, I did it and there’s nothing I can do about it now.
My husband and I got complimentary tickets to Mamma Mia for Tuesday night. We also had no idea that parking cost $20! I was irritated that our “free” evening was costing us money. Also, could that theater be any more in the middle of no where? We only had an hour to eat dinner and since we didn’t know the area we ended up eating at Denny’s. Fun. The show was good, though.
I stole lipstick from KMart when I was 12. And got caught. Oh man, did I get caught.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Another First =-.
My.husband breaks rules all the time and yet I.can’t because it weighs on me! Once I went to a bachelorette party and found 10 bucks outside the house. I took it and did.not try to fins the owner. It would have ended up in the srippers gstring. So are they going to put me in smal bills jail?
My paycheck was once $2000 over what it should have been. My husband couldn’t believe it, but I called to let them know right away. Even though I really, really wanted the money. Really.
And that kind of guilt would have eaten me up too. I’m still all torn up about the mess my kid left in Starbucks the other day.
.-= Mama Bub´s last blog ..Taking a break from ark building =-.
What a reprobate you are. I’m honored to know you.
.-= Candy´s last blog ..Will My Hands Ne’er Be Clean? =-.
OK, so I totally cried when I got my first speeding ticket because I honestly didn’t know it wasn’t OK to go fifteen miles over the speed limit on this mostly deserted freeway. Super stupid of course in retrospect, but EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING IT. I was getting passed like I was barely moving and so I literally set my cruise control fifteen miles over, and yaaaay! super expensive ticket and a cop who literally glared at me while he was writing it.
OH! And the best part? I got pulled over outside of a tiny tiny town in Washington State where (I think for entertainment purposes alone) they print speeding tickets IN THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER, and randomly enough, my best friend’s extended family lived in and around that town and so they totally saw my name in the paper next to HOW FAST I WAS DRIVING. Awesome.
Oh! And one time I skipped out on paying a seventy-five cent bridge toll because, there are still toll bridges? And I had ZERO change in my car and as I was coming across I explained that, and they don’t take debit cards or checks or whimpering pleas that, seriously I have NO change, and so the lady at the booth told me to go on through and that there was an ATM right around the corner, so I could go get SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS. I did not visit that ATM. And you know what? I don’t even feel (that) guilty.
.-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Because My Brain Is Otherwise Occupied =-.
You see? this is why I love you. The only things missing are the booth and the beer.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..100 Word Challenge – Breakfast =-.
my best friend in I in college got caught stealing PENNY candy and eating in (in the store) at a grocery store on st. patricks day. To be fair, we were highly intoxicated…and it is NOT my fault that they put the ATM machine right next to the penny candy bins where anyone can just open the lid, put in your hand, grab some candy and enjoy!
not sure why we thought this was ok…or how we would not get caught. we were wearing home-made matching tshirts and headbands that had sparkling light-up shamrocks on them….
we were stopped immediately when trying to leave by a man who told us that penny candy still cost money (even a penny) and stealing was stealing…he says this as im shoving candy in my mouth… we apologized profusely and refused to go back ever again!
Haha! JUST TODAY, I got an extra bag of pretzels from the vending machine, and kept it. (Lest you think my confession horribly lame, I will say that my behavior for a brief time in college likely precludes my ever running for public office.)
.-= metalia´s last blog ..The First Rule Of Baby Fight Club Is… =-.
I don’t think I can be friends with a crook.
I kind of love that you gunned it through.
I used to have a lead foot and had a few speeding tickets…I’m pretty boring. Maybe we should plan a caper for New York. 😉
.-= Angella´s last blog ..Help for Haiti =-.
i have to admit, i hit a car in a parking lot late one night. actually, it did more damage to my car with a little scratch on thiers.
Man, thanks for making me feel about not doing anything about it.:)
Like you I’m a law-abiding citizen. The only time I ever break the law (and really, I don’t think this counts) is when I’m speeding.
Oh, and oral sex is illegal in Rhode Island (punishable up to 10 years in prison), so I guess I’ve broken that law too. But really… that doesn’t count either.
.-= SillyJaime´s last blog ..Random Thoughts Today =-.
Dude, you are a rebel!
As far as I am concerned, you are a fucking hero. $20 for parking is cra-zay! Like tickets don’t cost enough-let’s take every other cent they may have brought with them!!
.-= paperdiva´s last blog ..brace yourself-today’s the day =-.
Um. I got lights-and-sirened for (accidentally) misusing a center turn lane right before Christmas … I’m such a bad-ass.
.-= inkpuddle´s last blog ..Love Harder =-.
I parked in teh same parking lot several times and left without paying. After a certain time at night, like 10 pm, they just leave the lot unattended and leave the exit arm up. The first time I left without paying, I didn’t even know I was supposed to pay. Then I found out that there is a drop box you’re supposed to leave your money in. Even after I found out, I still left without paying a few times. And I don’t feel bad about it for some reason, even though I’m usually sensitive about these things.
.-= -R-´s last blog ..Argyle Socks =-.
Oh, by the way, this was a couple of years ago, and nothing ever happened.
.-= -R-´s last blog ..Argyle Socks =-.
You such a good girl!!!
I was once pulled over for speeding. I stopped in the parking lot of my own business which happens to be an insurance agency. I did not have my proof of insurance card. When the officer asked for my card, I told him that I did not have it but that my name was on the giant sign on the building. He laughed at me and gave me a warning. *whew*
This is why I love you.
I drove with an expired driver’s licence for four and a half months.
My ex best friend/former room mate in college was sleeping with my boyfriend while he and I were still dating. So I hated her. She was a total stoner with no memory whatsoever so I used it to my advantage. I knew her mom made her keep a spare $100 in her wallet for emergencies (I KNOW! A HUNDRED DOLLARS!) tucked in a secret pocket. So I took it. Who knows how long it took her to realize it was gone, and even when she did I’m sure she was so baked she thought she spent it on weed.
I bought shoes with it.
.-= samantha jo campen´s last blog ..Dream a little dream =-.
I cheated on a Math test in high school and felt so guilty, I went and told the teacher after school. He said sit and retake the test, I did, he graded it and i got a C, he gave me an A for being honest!
Ha ha ha… I have totally done the same thing. And I also worried about it all day, but mine was $20 worth of parking, not $5!
.-= nancypearlwannabe´s last blog ..I Missed Delurking Day. Again. =-.
I am SO LIKE THAT. I cannot stand breaking laws. Even itty bitty ones. Right now, my license plate is expired and I FREAK THE FRACK OUT everytime I drive. I HAVE to get that taken care of because it’s giving me an ulcer.
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..Sugar and Spice and All that Jazz =-.