Have You Missed Me? The Only Possible Answer Is Yes.

Posted By on September 21, 2009

Oh, hello. I have a blog. DID YOU KNOW THAT? Because apparently I have forgotten.

Actually, I didn’t forget. I just came down with a case of The Lazies and The Uninspireds and then it was MY BIRTHDAY and I was celebrating and killing brain cells, which meant I didn’t get enough sleep and only wanted to zone out in front of the television and didn’t want to blog. Which, you’re welcome. Had I blogged, it would have been a series of posts where I stared blankly at my laptop screen for a few hours and then posted this:


Which would be what my head typed out as I passed out on the keyboard.

So what I have been up to? Do you even have to ask? Clearly NOTHING, since I haven’t posted but once in the last two-plus weeks.

Here is a little (read: boring) recap of my life:

  • It was indeed my birthday last Monday. I am now 32, which means I’m slowly having the 30s ripped out of my hands and inching closer to the big four-oh. Which means, if I want to have babies, I better do it soon, lest my uterus become a barren wasteland full of tumbleweeds and dried cacti.
  • My birthday was AWESOME! I went out the weekend before to celebrate. I had an afternoon date with my friends Shelly and Schwerer at the spa. We had a blast relaxing and catching up and getting pampered. After that, I had dinner with my mom, sister and my sister’s boyfriend, Nate. And then we headed to the German-American Fest and stood around drinking steins of beer. We ended the night at a fabulous dive bar with a Formica kitchen table circa 1973. It was a GREAT night.
  • On my actual birthday, I went to the Cubs game with my friend Lara. We had a great time, the Cubs won and I got carded at every place I went! Which then prompted me and Lara to yell out, every time, it’s my/her birthday!
  • I haven’t been carded in about 4 months.
  • After the Cubs game we ended up here. It was an interesting place. They show porn on the TVs. Like old porn. Some of it was in black and white. Since Lara and I didn’t want to watch porn, we decided to play Photo Hunt on the trivia machine. Turns out, the trivia machine is risque too. All the photos were of butt-ass naked chicks doing Playboy poses. GOOD TIMES!
  • It was definitely one of the most memorable birthdays I’ve ever had! It was a GREAT TIME!
  • I was going to blog last Wednesday. I had worked late and after I got home after dropping off books at my friend Melissa’s house, I was going to actually break my blog silence.
  • But Melissa was leaving for Germany the next day and was already in vacation mode. All it took was one question “do you want a glass of wine?” and I knew I wouldn’t be home for awhile. Three hours and almost 2 bottles of wine later, I was on my way home.
  • I kind of LOVE impromptu evenings like that.
  • Until I wake up the next morning.
  • My brother and his family came over this past Saturday to celebrate my birthday with me. My brother had chores. He put in a new shiny deadbolt for me on my front door and now I feel safe because I paid extra for the super safe one. He also attached the water line to my fridge so my ice maker would work. Because what fucking developer that builds a NEW condo doesn’t actually do that himself? My stupid fucking developer and his overcharging ways.
  • The cats were a little distraught. Having small children around, chasing you and locking you in a room is new to them. And they lost their shit. And their lunches. After Noah and Skyler left and couldn’t torment them anymore, both cats puked. One pile was on my bed. YOU WIN CATS! I get it! You don’t like children!
  • Now the cats are freaked out by the ice maker and the sound of the cubes falling into the tray. Kitty Kitty jumps about 7 feet in the air every time this happens. And then I laugh.
  • Probably why I found puke AGAIN on my bed on Sunday night.
  • On Sunday I drove up to see THE Ali Martell and her lovely kids to celebrate the Jewish New Year. I told Ali there was proof that I loved her so much since I actually got dressed up on a Sunday and drove to a place where I couldn’t watch TV when the Bears were playing.
  • I apparently have to be in WISCONSIN for the Bears to do well.
  • Sorry Bears, I’m not moving to Wisconsin.
  • I love Ali’s kids. I think they love me too. I hope so, since I’m seeing them again on Thursday when I go to Atlanta.
  • Ali’s mom makes the best grilled cheese. I’m pretty sure this is due to high amounts of real butter. But I’m going to pretend like it is made with magical grease that has no fat or calories and just melts in your mouth because it is made WITH LOVE.
  • Ali needs to move closer to me. The end.
  • My friend Jessica turned me on to the show Hoarders. I simultaneously love her and hate her for this.
  • Hoarders is a good appetite suppressant. When you’re feeling hungry, watch the episode with the lady who hordes food. MAGICAL DIET! YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO EAT AGAIN!
  • It has also made me clean my house more. I’ve cleaned more in the last 3 weeks than I did for the first FOUR MONTHS I lived here.
  • I’m a little worried I may have lost a lot of readers with my lapse in posting. I hope you’ll stick with me. My creative juices are flowing once again. So be prepared for a whole slew of mediocre posts!

So internet, tell me, what have YOU been up to? I’VE MISSED YOU!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


27 Responses to “Have You Missed Me? The Only Possible Answer Is Yes.”

  1. tracey says:

    Hey babe. Still reading.

    Happy Birthday!

    Cat puke sucks.

    Long week over here, too.

    That is all.

    Over and out.
    .-= tracey´s last blog ..Ending one and beginning another. =-.

  2. Jen says:

    It sounds like you had a GREAT birthday! Yay! Also, it’s awesome that you have such a handy brother who can do useful things around the house. Also, are you kidding re: that you think you may have lost readers with your somewhat prolonged silence? Clearly you underestimate us. Who else will tell us stories about Romeo-esque taxicab drivers and nights of debauchery? Pfft.

  3. lceel says:

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but I missed you. *whine*
    I felt deserted and lonely and don’t do that anymore, ‘K?
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Tuesday Tale – Inferno – Nightmare’s Dance =-.

  4. Mahnee says:

    Welcome back! My morning coffee always tastes better with a dose of Kristabella.



  5. Pam says:

    whew! I was worried! from afar! welcome back! (and happy belated birthday!)

  6. paperdiva says:

    Happy Birthday darlin’! You have great weekends. I think I want to crash your parties!
    Everyone knows your uterus doesn’t actually dry up and form cacti until 35 at the earliest, so you still have a few years left!
    .-= paperdiva´s last blog ..first puck! =-.

  7. Kate says:

    I’m glad that you are back!

  8. Candy says:

    I didn’t realize it was your birthday. I’m a horrible blogfriend. So anyway, happy belated birthday. I considered going to the dentist as your birthday present, but…nahhhhh.
    .-= Candy´s last blog ..That’s A Horse He Didn’t Want To Ride =-.

  9. -R- says:

    Of course I missed you!

    You went to Wisconsin? Ew. =)

    When are you coming back to visit Minnesota, Miss World Traveler?
    .-= -R-´s last blog ..Fashion Faux Pas =-.

  10. Jackie says:

    Without coming off as kinda stalker-ish, I saw you at Home Depot buying said super safe deadbolt, and wanted to say “hi” and that I read your blog and really enjoy it and blah, blah, blah. But I’ve never ran into a blogger that I read before and thought that might be weird. Oh well.

    Happy belated birthday!

  11. It sounds like a great birthday.

    I’ve never heard of “Hoarders” but now I’m going to be checking it out.
    .-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..Fall! =-.

  12. Cheryl says:

    Hoarders? I LOVE HOARDERS!!!!!! It’s one of those guilty pleasures, much like Cheaters. I know, not very pleasant to admit these character flaws, but there it is. I am a bad TV junkie. I should start a self help group.

  13. Just Shireen says:

    You’re like the 18th person to mention Hoarders in the past few weeks. I’m going to have to watch this show, aren’t I?
    .-= Just Shireen´s last blog ..Are You Ready For Some Football? No, No I’m Not. Please Go Elsewhere With Your Pig Covered Ball* =-.

  14. Yv- says:

    You were missed. Don’t EVER worry about losing us. You’re too rad to ever stop reading about.
    .-= Yv-´s last blog ..The Idea =-.

  15. Beckie says:

    You were very much missed!!! And I’m a total hoarders addict. I can’t even explain all the emotions it makes me feel – but I had my son sit with me and watch one so he would understand why mommy is a neat freak. My grandmother was a pack rat (although perhaps she was just a few shopping trips away from hoarder….) and I’m always afraid it’s in my blood and if I slack it will take over. (irrational fear is my real name but you can call me beckie…)

  16. Darcey says:

    I haven’t missed you all that much since I can only think about closing on my house today. And the fact you’ll be here in two days. And I will stop thinking about closing on my house and instead think about being a homeowner.

    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Woodfire Grill =-.

  17. Sheri says:

    Let’s see….I wished you a happy birthday via facebook, (do you even read facebook anymore)…

    I went to the Cubs game on Tuesday, first time since my oldest son was 6….he’s 20 now and the last time we went Harry Carray was still alive. Got to watch my beloved Jeffie pitch the last inning. Drank at Murphy’s, the Cubbie Bear AND Captain Morgan’s…

    Today is a teacher’s meeting about our middle son, Nate. Should be fun. Pray hard.

    Don’t have cats, but I know from experience that dog puke sucks too!!!

  18. Angella says:

    I want to come play with you and Ali!


    OF COURSE I’ve missed you. And not just your blog, my friend.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Baby Love =-.

  19. bikerchick says:

    Yes! We missed you terribly! Keep the mediocre rolling– I haven’t had this much fun reading bullet points since the last PowerPoint I had to write this morning. Since you’ve been gone from teh interwebz I’ve been hanging my head and slamming the feedreader shut every time I see nothing new under “k.” Simply nothing else is worth reading if you haven’t posted.

    Hoarders? Horrors! I saw one episode about a guy in NYC whose kitchen had been unusable for a million years until they had an intervention. After it was over, I used up all the hot water in the shower and wasn’t sure I was clean enough to be seen in public. Thanks for making my skin crawl all over again. 🙂 Welcome back, of course, and happy belated bday.

  20. ali says:

    What is this Hoarders you speak of? I MUST KNOW!!

    also…was, of course, lovely to see you again, miss. especially since you came bearing coffee. heh.
    can’t wait to see you in two days! yay!
    .-= ali´s last blog ..of course. =-.

  21. Ree says:

    what have I been up to? the usual shit. times 7. sigh.
    .-= Ree´s last blog ..This is not a post – it’s a placeholder =-.

  22. Amber says:

    I missed you! I’m glad to see you back, but I’m also glad you took a break, because sometimes we all need that. And happy (belated) birthday 🙂
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Gym Etiquette, revisited =-.

  23. em says:

    Just delurking to say welcome back–your blog is fantastic! I’m a wierd cat lady, and notice your kitties throw up a lot. Have you ever had their thyroids checked? My cat threw up ALL THE TIME, so I took her to the vet, and it was the thyroid. Medication helped, and my carpets/bedspread never looked better. Who knows, but just thought I’d share. Gotta love those kitties:)

  24. Alice says:

    oh my god, HOARDING FOOD? just TELLING me about it is enough to make me not want to eat, i’m certain i do not actually want to SEE this as well.
    .-= Alice´s last blog ..if nothing else, just click the merkin link =-.

  25. Raven says:

    Did I wish you a Happy Birthday yet? My days are all bleeding together. I think that means I am officially old, as if turning 35 in Jan didn’t already mean that, but whatevs. Happy Birthday regardless of lateness!!
    .-= Raven´s last blog ..two for tuesday =-.

  26. michele says:

    ha. that bar with the porn sounds so crazy. i think i would be looking around for my mom to come yell at me constantly. like twitching.

    and what up with the water line not connected to the icemaker? that is ridiculous! but believable. gah.

    ok, so i am getting pissed at the city of chicago not presenting you with a husband. you love beer, the cubs, the bears and trivia. what the fuck else are chicago men looking for? my gawd.
    .-= michele´s last blog ..June is for Camping =-.

  27. Glad you are back and that you had a lovely birthday!
    .-= Sensibly Sassy´s last blog ..Good Fences Make Good Neighbors…Someone Get Me A Fence! =-.