Posted By Kristabella on September 21, 2009
Oh, hello. I have a blog. DID YOU KNOW THAT? Because apparently I have forgotten.
Actually, I didn’t forget. I just came down with a case of The Lazies and The Uninspireds and then it was MY BIRTHDAY and I was celebrating and killing brain cells, which meant I didn’t get enough sleep and only wanted to zone out in front of the television and didn’t want to blog. Which, you’re welcome. Had I blogged, it would have been a series of posts where I stared blankly at my laptop screen for a few hours and then posted this:
Which would be what my head typed out as I passed out on the keyboard.
So what I have been up to? Do you even have to ask? Clearly NOTHING, since I haven’t posted but once in the last two-plus weeks.
Here is a little (read: boring) recap of my life:
- It was indeed my birthday last Monday. I am now 32, which means I’m slowly having the 30s ripped out of my hands and inching closer to the big four-oh. Which means, if I want to have babies, I better do it soon, lest my uterus become a barren wasteland full of tumbleweeds and dried cacti.
- My birthday was AWESOME! I went out the weekend before to celebrate. I had an afternoon date with my friends Shelly and Schwerer at the spa. We had a blast relaxing and catching up and getting pampered. After that, I had dinner with my mom, sister and my sister’s boyfriend, Nate. And then we headed to the German-American Fest and stood around drinking steins of beer. We ended the night at a fabulous dive bar with a Formica kitchen table circa 1973. It was a GREAT night.
- On my actual birthday, I went to the Cubs game with my friend Lara. We had a great time, the Cubs won and I got carded at every place I went! Which then prompted me and Lara to yell out, every time, it’s my/her birthday!
- I haven’t been carded in about 4 months.
- After the Cubs game we ended up here. It was an interesting place. They show porn on the TVs. Like old porn. Some of it was in black and white. Since Lara and I didn’t want to watch porn, we decided to play Photo Hunt on the trivia machine. Turns out, the trivia machine is risque too. All the photos were of butt-ass naked chicks doing Playboy poses. GOOD TIMES!
- It was definitely one of the most memorable birthdays I’ve ever had! It was a GREAT TIME!
- I was going to blog last Wednesday. I had worked late and after I got home after dropping off books at my friend Melissa’s house, I was going to actually break my blog silence.
- But Melissa was leaving for Germany the next day and was already in vacation mode. All it took was one question “do you want a glass of wine?” and I knew I wouldn’t be home for awhile. Three hours and almost 2 bottles of wine later, I was on my way home.
- I kind of LOVE impromptu evenings like that.
- Until I wake up the next morning.
- My brother and his family came over this past Saturday to celebrate my birthday with me. My brother had chores. He put in a new shiny deadbolt for me on my front door and now I feel safe because I paid extra for the super safe one. He also attached the water line to my fridge so my ice maker would work. Because what fucking developer that builds a NEW condo doesn’t actually do that himself? My stupid fucking developer and his overcharging ways.
- The cats were a little distraught. Having small children around, chasing you and locking you in a room is new to them. And they lost their shit. And their lunches. After Noah and Skyler left and couldn’t torment them anymore, both cats puked. One pile was on my bed. YOU WIN CATS! I get it! You don’t like children!
- Now the cats are freaked out by the ice maker and the sound of the cubes falling into the tray. Kitty Kitty jumps about 7 feet in the air every time this happens. And then I laugh.
- Probably why I found puke AGAIN on my bed on Sunday night.
- On Sunday I drove up to see THE Ali Martell and her lovely kids to celebrate the Jewish New Year. I told Ali there was proof that I loved her so much since I actually got dressed up on a Sunday and drove to a place where I couldn’t watch TV when the Bears were playing.
- I apparently have to be in WISCONSIN for the Bears to do well.
- Sorry Bears, I’m not moving to Wisconsin.
- I love Ali’s kids. I think they love me too. I hope so, since I’m seeing them again on Thursday when I go to Atlanta.
- Ali’s mom makes the best grilled cheese. I’m pretty sure this is due to high amounts of real butter. But I’m going to pretend like it is made with magical grease that has no fat or calories and just melts in your mouth because it is made WITH LOVE.
- Ali needs to move closer to me. The end.
- My friend Jessica turned me on to the show Hoarders. I simultaneously love her and hate her for this.
- Hoarders is a good appetite suppressant. When you’re feeling hungry, watch the episode with the lady who hordes food. MAGICAL DIET! YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO EAT AGAIN!
- It has also made me clean my house more. I’ve cleaned more in the last 3 weeks than I did for the first FOUR MONTHS I lived here.
- I’m a little worried I may have lost a lot of readers with my lapse in posting. I hope you’ll stick with me. My creative juices are flowing once again. So be prepared for a whole slew of mediocre posts!
So internet, tell me, what have YOU been up to? I’VE MISSED YOU!