Oh No She Diii’n’t!

Posted By on September 22, 2009

I have a confession. I text when I drive. I check the internet when I drive. I’m constantly refreshing Twitter on my phone when I’m in my car.

I realize this isn’t safe. But I also try to limit most of my phone activity while driving to stopped traffic, stop signs and stop lights. If my car is moving more than 5 miles an hour, I’m generally not using my phone to type or read anything online. I say generally because well, I’m not perfect. And sometimes I have to finish typing something up when the light turns.

I’ve gotten a lot better. Because I realize how stupid this is and how DANGEROUS it is. So now I really do limit it to stop lights and stop signs. It makes my commute 100 times faster in the morning when I know I can spend downtime sitting at stop lights catching up on Twitter. It also makes me less ragey and a nicer person in the mornings. Which is saying A LOT because I hate mornings. “Morning” shouldn’t start until at least 11 AM.

Let’s flashback a few weeks or so ago when I was driving home. I was sitting at a three-way stop sign that for some odd reason is very congested. I think it is mostly because people are assholes and don’t wait their turn. Isn’t that always the case at stop signs?

So I’m sitting at this stop sign, STOPPED, about 8 cars back, waiting for the line to move and for me to be able to make my right turn. While I’m stopped, I get a text from Darcey. I decided to write her back, since I knew my reply was going to be short. So as I start typing, the line starts moving. Isn’t that how it always is? So I move with the traffic, inching closer to the stop sign, keeping one eye on my phone and one eye on the road. We aren’t going more than one MPH and I’m aware of my surroundings. This probably won’t win me any good driver awards. In addition, one thing I inherited from my father was my long legs and my ability to use said long legs to operate the car steering wheel and steer the car. I can actually turn corners with my legs. Look Ma! No hands!

I finish my short text and I hear someone honking. I look up and see that yep, we are indeed STILL stopped. And I think “who the fuck honked? It is a STOP sign. We’ll move eventually! Calm the fuck down!”

At this moment, I decide to look over to my right at the car next to me, in a move of solidarity, like “right lady? Why the honking at a stop sign? HOLD YOUR HORSES! Can I get an AMEN to that, stranger lady in the car next to me?”

And that’s when I see it. I see the lady in the car next to me, looking back at me, and wagging her finger, like you would do to a toddler who just stole a cookie off the table right before dinner. And it takes me a half second to realize that she, this stranger woman in the car next to me, is wagging her finger at me. Wagging. Her finger. AT ME! ME! And that she was the honker! Because she wanted my attention to WAG HER FINGER AT ME! TO WAG HER FINGER AT ME FOR TEXTING IN THE CAR!


Because I was IN SHOCK, I could do nothing but get all slack-jawed-yokel on her and stare at her in disbelief. With my patented What The Fuck Face.


Because did this stranger woman just WAG HER FINGER AT ME? It’s almost like I could hear that ho-bag tsk-tsking me through the CLOSED WINDOW.

That only lasted two seconds before someone else honked at me because at least this time I was actually holding up traffic at the stop sign. Because I was stopped and staring. At the woman in the car next to me. WHO WAGGED HER FINGER AT ME.

So I went through the stop sign and made my turn and when I got to the light at the end of the street, I Twittered about it.

Take THAT, you finger-wagging skank face!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


36 Responses to “Oh No She Diii’n’t!”

  1. tracey says:

    This? This is ME wagging my finger at you.

    Tsk tsk Kristin! COME ON girl.

    It’s going to be illegal soon, right? Be prepared, hon. Tickets suck.
    .-= tracey´s last blog ..Did you Know? Did you? Well? DID YOU?!? =-.

  2. Jennifer says:

    A finger wag? I have no words, it’s beyond pathetic. And I love your WTF face!
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Jenn & Geoff, Granville Island =-.

  3. Hilly says:


    People are way too nosy for their own good!

    I totally do the same thing…text, twitter, email – all in the car. I don’t judge. 😉
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie’s Confession Booth: Fall Edition! =-.

  4. lceel says:

    I’ll wag something at you.

    Somehow, in my head it sounded better than it looks in print. Because from my tone of voice you would have understood more than the words are saying.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Should or Shouldn’t =-.

  5. Mahnee says:

    “Look Ma, no hands”????????????


    There has NEVER been a better finger wagger than your Gram…it’s like that index finger of hers moves apart from every other part of her body and and has a life of its own.

  6. paperdiva says:

    I will admit to occasionally texting while I drive. The whole time I keep saying to myself ‘stpuidstupidstupid’. I’m a bad example. But I don’t internet in the car. (My phone won’t.) I can only imagine the trouble I would get into if I was on the web!
    .-= paperdiva´s last blog ..weekend recap =-.

  7. Wow. I mean, I can see someone getting pissed if you’re doing it while driving, but while you’re stopped? Holy hell…RUDE.
    .-= Sincerely, Jenni´s last blog .."How the Other Half Hamptons"… and a request! =-.

  8. My husband drives with his knees, too. It makes me bonkers.

    I’m not a big fan of texting while driving, but that was just uncalled for. Now if you were driving down the highway texting, then maybe. But not at a stop sign. Love your face, though.
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..It’s the Climb =-.

  9. Scarlet says:

    It’s illegal here now. When that first happened I tried really hard to not text and drive anymore (although, to clarify, I’m like you where 99% of the time I’m stopped…hello, it’s Northern VA, it’s always trafficy). Then I read that you only get a ticket if you’re pulled over already so now I am texting again, but less. My friend made me promise I wouldn’t text while on my 8 hour drive home from South Carolina, but omg, that drive is long and I needed some entertainment! I only texted him while at rest stops so I technically didn’t break my promise (to him).

    Oh, and I’m a really good knee driver, too!!!

    Oh, and also, I don’t have to look at my phone to text so how is that different than when people are changing their XM radios and GPS???

    Hi, I wrote a lot.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..My Little Corner Of The World =-.

  10. well at least you know that texting while driving is something you want to cut back on…but her finger wagging was just as distracting as if you were texting up a storm. Oh my.
    .-= Sensibly Sassy´s last blog ..Good Fences Make Good Neighbors…Someone Get Me A Fence! =-.

  11. Beckie says:

    I text while driving. On the highway. On the backroads. At stop signs. You get the idea. And I still manage to shift. I’m sure those laws were made by people who just plain suck at multi-tasking. (haha) No judging here.

    Next time wag a finger back at her (the middle one).

  12. slynnro says:

    Once I was on the phone with a customer service person and it became apparent I was driving while talking to her and she lectured me on the matter.
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..A Random Collection of Mildly Amusing Things =-.

  13. Libby says:

    I saw a guy playing Tetris while driving the other day. That is waaay worse that texting.

  14. Yeah, um, if that had occurred in Virginia, then I would have been that women in the other car. Only, I would have been gesturing wildly with both hands AND talking to you through both sets of closed car windows.
    .-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..The Uniform Project =-.

  15. Darcey says:

    Ooops. I got you in trouble.

    But yeah, I do the long-leg-knee-driving, too. Which you’ll soon experience while we’re driving through traffic to Athens on Saturday.

    And I get a lecture from CB for talking on my cell while driving – he has to write up his employees if they’re caught doing it, so it is his big Thing.
    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Woodfire Grill =-.

  16. Nina says:

    Hihi this is one funny post 🙂 Just came over from Amber, enjoyable detour indeed! Many greetings from Germany
    .-= Nina´s last blog ..There it is again – that lock of hair that won’t sit still =-.

  17. Angella says:

    That face is awesome. Just, awesome.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..The Space Between =-.

  18. Lori says:

    Finger-wagging? How old was this lady? Funny.

    People on their phones in the car scare me, though, and it’s probably one of those things where it has to affect the person personally before they stop. My mom’s friend’s son died last year while texting on the freeway. Sad to go to an 18 yr olds funeral. And this past April my best friend was in a really bad car accident – ran a red because she was on her cell and didn’t notice it was red. The Tahoe she hit flipped over and there was a 4yr old in the car. Having to head over to the emergency room that night had me praying all the way and promising not to text/talk in the car anymore if she was okay. That was really scary.

  19. jodifur says:

    I check my phone all the time when I am driving. And I have a kid in the car. It’s terrible. I know.
    .-= jodifur´s last blog ..Only Because You Asked: House Pictures =-.

  20. The finger wagging would make me want to drive my car into the side of hers, that’s how awful my road-raginess has been lately.
    .-= nancypearlwannabe´s last blog ..Work: Now With 100% Less Library =-.

  21. Ree says:

    And this? Is why I don’t miss driving. 😉
    .-= Ree´s last blog ..I’ve come to realize…a meme is a good way to fill up space =-.

  22. Metalia says:

    I hate driving, and I’m a nervous driver, so I operate a car WITH HANDS CLENCHING THE WHEEL AT “10 AND “2.” Which is to say, I would be wholly unable to simultaneously drive and text. The finger wagging is HILARIOUS and totally deserving of your patented “WTF?!” face. Which, btw, kind of needs a lolcat slogan on it; I’m just not sure what it should SAY.
    .-= Metalia ´s last blog ..Ruminations on superior blogger outreach, and Nicolas Cage in a bear suit. =-.

  23. ali says:

    I just checked my email while driving for the first time this week. and then I got honked at. by three people. clearly, I am not capable of all that multitasking.
    .-= ali´s last blog ..sometimes I hate things on principle. and I channel my inner 90s. =-.

  24. Just Shireen says:

    I don’t understand people like that. I really don’t. The other day I turned right on red and I had my windows down and was singing along and some pedestrian yells, “Pay attention! The light was red!” So, I did what any mature person would do. I stopped the car, leaned out my window and calmly said, “It’s called ‘right on red’ asshole!”

    I…I may have some anger management issues when it comes to road rage.
    .-= Just Shireen´s last blog ..Are You Ready For Some Football? No, No I’m Not. Please Go Elsewhere With Your Pig Covered Ball* =-.

  25. Candy says:

    Well you certainly showed her. I text when I drive too. I’m so ashaaaaamed.

    For the record, if someone is driving like a tool AND I find their not hands-free on their cell phone, I curse at them and shake my head so that they see it. But only if they’re driving like tools.
    .-= Candy´s last blog ..Jersey Girl Goes To Jersey Boys =-.

  26. Marianne says:

    LOL … “WTF face…”

    Oh Kristin … That wasn’t me, but man… you people who do everything while you drive EXCEPT drive… You all totally deserve that shaming. Jeebus. JUST DRIVE.

    And the comments … they are killing me… it’s *not* nosy when you’re sharing a road and your being a “multi-tasker” might kill me.

    I still adore you and think you’re awesome!
    .-= Marianne´s last blog ..Do you think I should change my header? =-.

  27. Deidre says:

    hah! that is so funny. Finger wagging. oh jeez.
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..Speaking the King’s English =-.

  28. Judy says:

    OMG! You guys are SCARING me… I have to agree with Marianne. Please stop! Finger wagging is silly, but it’s not half as bad as being killed in a crash. Everyone thinks they can handle multi-tasking… and some of them are dead because of it! I hope I am not near any of you multi-taskers when i drive. And driving with your knees… what’s up with that? OMG!
    .-= Judy´s last blog ..Blocked!! =-.

  29. Denora says:

    I text, twitter, check e-mail, and web surf while I drive, though it’s illegal in my state. I’ll admit it. Living in Southern California, I spend a LOT of time sitting on the freeway not moving. I am not going to hurt anyone by texting while driving less than 10mph, just like you’re not going to hurt anyone by sitting at a stop sign. I say you should have wagged a particular finger back at her!
    .-= Denora´s last blog ..Step Out Again! =-.

  30. You should have totally texted her hate mail RIGHT THEN.
    .-= Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah´s last blog ..Wonderful Wine What? =-.

  31. gorillabuns says:

    i do have to admit i ran a stop light the other while i was talking on the phone. hands-free mind you.

    as i see it, the only reason to get honked at is if you are merging in front of me with no signal while trying to take my front bumper off. and then, you deserve to be ramrodded by my vehicle as you shoot me the finger for the whole mile ahead because you look like the biggest stupid fool with your middle finger waving all over the car and outside the window. but we all know you would never do this to me.
    .-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..a guide of what NOT to do…. =-.

  32. I would honk at you too if you made that face at me. That’s the best WTF face I’ve ever seen, and my own son makes a pretty damn good one.

    You know, I get that it should be illegal and I’m even kind of for it being illegal, but there IS a big difference between talking/texting while driving at freeway speeds and talking/texting at a dead stop.

  33. regan says:

    That’s my new favorite picture of you.
    .-= regan´s last blog ..obsessed =-.

  34. Eileen says:

    Okay- love the face.

    Now the finger wag- some studies are showing people who text while driving are worse than drunk drivers in terms of response time. I work at a rehab hospital so I have to be all “CUT IT OUT.” We like you too much for you to an eggplant
    .-= Eileen´s last blog ..Waitress Spit =-.

  35. Kristie says:

    OMG lady, that was THE BEST FACE EVA.

    I’m totally going to get in my car and twitter about this going down the highway. I have a feeling that finger wagger lady would be displeased.
    .-= Kristie´s last blog ..The Blathering, Part 1 (Los Angeles) =-.

  36. Rhi says:

    I do this very same thing. And, I got honked at the other day. WHATEVER, IT’S STILL LEGAL!
    .-= Rhi´s last blog ..So…I went on vacation… =-.