DINAO Week 14 – The TV Pitchman Edition

Posted By on August 27, 2009

Welcome to another edition of Death Is Not An Option. This week’s theme comes from the lovely TUWABVB, who suggested I do famous TV pitchmen.

As a reminder, the object of this game is when given an option of two people below, you have to pick one to sleep with. The caveat being death is not an option. You have to pick one! All the other rounds can be found here.

And away we have it!

Round 14 – The TV Pitchman Edition

The Kings of the Infomercial Edition

Billy Mays vs. Ron Popeil

billy-mays ron-popeil

The How You Doin’ Edition

Shamwow Dude vs. Joey Tribiani

shamwow joey_mleblanc

The “These Two Have Nothing In Common” Edition

George Foreman vs. Matthew Lesko

George_Foreman lesko

The Exercise Men Edition

Richard Simmons vs. Tony Little

richard-simmons-2 TonyLittle

The Annoying Ad Ladies Edition

Flo the Progressive Lady vs. The Orbit Gum Lady

Progressiveladyflo orbit-gum-girl

The “Please Let’s Never See These Guys On A Commercial Again” Edition

The Free Credit Report.com Guy vs. The Verizon Guy

free credit dude verizon_guy

The Animal Edition

The Geico Gecko vs. The Aflac Duck

gecko duckPic

Leave your choice in the comments!

Have a great weekend!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


26 Responses to “DINAO Week 14 – The TV Pitchman Edition”

  1. whoorl says:

    But death IS an option! Billy Mays is dead.
    .-= whoorl´s last blog ..I Think I’m in Love — Members Only Bomber Jacket =-.

  2. Mahnee says:

    OK…this one is tough…but woohoo!!!! DINAO Friday always makes me feel better!
    1. Ron Popeil and his pocket fisherman (I think both of these guys are dead)
    2. Joey – he’s so pretty
    3. George Foreman
    4. Tony Little – I got hair standing on end just looking at Richard Simmons picture
    5. Flo – can’t like that Orbit chick
    6. Verizon guy – he actually doesn’t annoy me totally
    7. Aflac Duck cuz I’ve always had a “thing” for ducks..granted, they were wooden or ceramic or whatever & took up most of the house during my duck decorating days. Besides, Gram LOVES the gecko..calls him her boyfriend!

  3. The only one I had a little bit of an issue with was Tony Little and Richard Simmons. But then I realized the Tony Little is built and can probably jack hammer pretty hard. So as long I didn’t have to touch his hair, I think I would be all over that pretty hard.
    .-= Dutchess of Kickball´s last blog ..My Ghost Story =-.

  4. lceel says:

    Richard Simmons? Why, why, WHY would you want to sleep with a gay guy?

    And I’ll take the Progressive insurance person – because I want to see that surprised look on her face – just once.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Friday Haiku – Remembering P.A. =-.

  5. Bikerchick says:

    I am boycotting this round because you missed two players: The Caveman dude (is he from some insurance?) annnnnd…. Mr. Slowsky from Comcast! We are waiting for your humble apology. That is all.

  6. Amity says:

    Popeil (he might have some interesting devices to try out! :o)

    Tribiani, all the way…

    Foreman. He’s a champ, right?

    Tony Little, if I must, but there’s gonna be a lot of bitching about the Gazelle along the way.

    Progressive Lady. Hot and sassy.

    The Free Credit Report.com Guy and The Verizon Guy–sandwich, plz.

    The Geico Gecko vs. The Aflac Duck–hard to choose. Can the gecko talk to me with that sexy accent while I cuddle with the billowy duck? [too much?!]

  7. Amity says:

    also, LOL @Dutchess of Kickball

  8. Scarlet says:

    hold on, will comment after done vomiting.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Uprising =-.

  9. tmc says:

    1. Ron Popeil. I’m pretty sure he’d fall dead asleep right after and I could steal his wallet & all his crappy kitchen gadgets.

    2. Joey Tribiani, hands down.

    3. Matthew Lesko. He’s SO ENTHUSIASTIC! George makes everything about him.

    4. Tony Little. He at least LOOKS like a fitness guy.

    5. The Progressive Lady because she’s a little boho. The Orbit Gum lady is a bit too prim for me.

    6. The Verizon Guy. He’s stalkerish but always there when you want/need him.

    7. The Aflac duck. At least he’d be warm and cuddly.
    .-= tmc´s last blog ..Friday Fragments: Brevity is key. =-.

  10. paperdiva says:

    you are one twisted (albeit hilarious) sister!
    1. Billy Mays. RP just looks too creepy.
    2. seriously? no contest. Tribiani.
    3. Foreman. He’d probably call out his own name!
    4. you should be tarred and feathered for bringing Richard Simmons into this! Tony. In a landslide.
    5. Orbit Lady. I bet she’s secretly kinky!
    6. Verizon Guy.
    7. The duck.

  11. Darcey says:

    1) Billy Mays – RP gives me the heebies.
    2) Tribiani – I just need him to say “How You Doin’?” and I’m his.
    3) Foreman – Lesko reminds me of the bad guy (played by Christopher Lloyd) in Who Killed Rodger Rabbit?
    4) Probably Tony. But I bet the only position he’d know is the Gazelle. (Think about it.)
    5) Progressive chick – I think she knows how to get down.
    6) Verizon Guy – geeky sexy, kinda.
    7) Um, beastiality? Really? Ok, fine, Aflac duck.
    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Always Busy =-.

  12. Beckie says:

    1. Billy Mays – clearly he parties harty and Ron Popeil would just set it then forget it…
    2. Hands Down – Joey Tribiani – I’m doin you baby!
    3. Foreman – I loves the chocolate
    4. Gross gross gross – but Tony only because he’s possibly less gay than Richard
    5. Orbit Gum Lady – we’ll make dirty mouths then clean them!!
    6. Verizon guy – the credit guy looks slimy/greasy…maybe once he cleans his credit he’ll be doable
    7. Wow – I feel like there’s no right answer here…but I’m a sucker for an accent so I guess the Gecko but only if the money I could be saving with Geico can watch (if I’m gonna be kinky let’s go full on kink baby!)

  13. tracey says:

    Well, NOT Billy Mays. Ew. The whole “dead” thing is a bit of a stretch for me..

    2. Both of them. A couple of times….

    3. George. Hands down.

    4. Tony Little. I guess… Then again, I have a feeling that an hour in a bed with Richard Simmons would involve a lot of TALKING, so maybe that wouldn’t be so bad?

    5. Girls? Ugh… The brunette insurance lady, I guess. Only because I don’t like the British accent of the Orbitz girl…

    6. Free Credit Report Guy! He’s so grunge-like that it’d be like my high school boyfriends….

    7. This is just so wrong. But if I have to sleep with an animal, I’ll take the gecko. He’s at least humorous and speaks more than 1 word.
    .-= tracey´s last blog ..A little bit of this, a little bit of that… =-.

  14. Candy says:

    I can no longer contribute to these, as I always come away feeling unclean. But I will tell you…I’d totally do the Free Credit Report.com guy. And FLo the progressive girl is oddly hot.
    .-= Candy´s last blog ..Another Stolen Meme =-.

  15. Candy says:

    Now I have to share because it’s in my head.

    F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to the E D I T, RE to the PORT to the DOT to the COM. Come on everybody grab a bike and sing along…
    .-= Candy´s last blog ..Another Stolen Meme =-.

  16. Angella says:

    I just can’t do it, friend. Or, more specifically, do any of THEM.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Rites of Passage =-.

  17. 1. Popeil – for old times sake
    2. Tribiani
    3. Foreman
    4. Little – Simmons? Seriously?!
    5. Orbit Gum Lady – Fabulous!
    6. Free Credit Report Guy
    7. Aflac Duck (if I were into that sort of thing, WHICH I’M NOT)
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Revenge is Sweet (Literally) =-.

  18. Deidre says:

    1. I don’t know who these people are so I am going to have to go with mays based on looks alone – which is surprising because i hate facial hair.
    2. Joey. Obviously.
    3. Foreman
    4. The Little
    5. I am going with the orbit gum chick, maybe her shiny teeth would distract me?
    6. Free Credit Report guy
    7. Geico
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..It is/was my birthday, and I’ll be snotty, even if I don’t want to be. =-.

  19. Ree says:

    Bill Mays – even though he was a cokehead.
    BARFTonyBARF – you didn’t say I couldn’t puke.
    Free Credit Report Guy
    Aflac – (fuck a duck. dude.)
    .-= Ree´s last blog ..Haiku Friday – Is it April? =-.

  20. caleal says:

    Wow. Some of these are pretty hard.

    1. Billy Mays- Way more exciting.
    2. Joey Tribiani- because the ShamWow guy punches hookers.
    3. Matthew Lesko- Because I like his suit.
    4. Tony Little- because Richard would cry.
    5. The progressive lady- because she’s quirky.
    6. The Verison guy- because the Credit Report guy angers me more than anything.
    7. The Gecko- I don’t know why.

  21. Sara McG says:

    Oh man….

    1. Ron Popeil because I am not a necrophiliac
    2. Joey because I don’t like getting punch in the face during sex
    3. George Foreman becuase I’ve always wanted to have sex with a black man
    4. Tony Little, as much as I hate long hair on men it might be fun to pull
    5. Progressive Lady because she is enthusiatic about everything
    6. Verizon Guy cause I love a dork
    7. Geico Gecko because he seems like a romantic
    .-= Sara McG´s last blog ..Peperony and Chease =-.

  22. regan says:

    1. Mays because don’t cokeheads have trouble getting it up?
    2. Joey. Anyone that picks the ShamWow guy is obviously blind.
    3. Lesko. He’s so frantic that I bet the sex would be over before you even realized it.
    4. Tony Little. I can’t believe I just said I would have sex with Tony Little. But Richard is so much weirder.
    5. I’ll take the Orbit lady. Flo seems like she’s led a sheltered life and would need to be cuddle after having her first lesbian experience.
    6. Free Credit Guy. Yeah, I’ve always thought he was kind of cute.
    7. Gecko because I like his accent and I think the duck is voiced by Gilbert Gottfried. Can you imagine the noise he would make when climaxing? ugh.
    .-= regan´s last blog ..why you should never buy Samsung appliances but should always shop at Lowe’s =-.

  23. Hilly says:

    1. Billy Mays – he’d be all loud and aggressive in bed.
    2. Joey Tribiani, obviously. How you doiiiin?
    3. George Foreman. I mean hey, I eat off of his grill at least 5 times a week.
    4. Tony Little. I think he’d at least be able to get it up for me.
    5. Progressive Lady. I prefer brunettes.
    6. Verizon Guy. I imagine him saying, “Can you feel me now?”.
    7. Gecko. Hello, hot British accent!
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie Sunday: Gee, Your Vacation Smells Terrific! =-.

  24. Tiffaney says:

    I’m with Darcey. But the only thing that worries me: I hope the name “Little” is just an unfortunate coincidence…

  25. TUWABVB says:

    Thanks for the shout-out honey! Sorry it took me so long to respond, but mom has been in town and I haven’t been on the Internet for more than 5 minutes at a time!

    First question, am I choosing the live or dead Billy Mays?

    Also, good call on the Progressive Lady vs. the Obit Gum Lady – that it a stalemate of annoyingness!
    .-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..When Pills Are Not Enough =-.

  26. CT says:

    I’m with Darcey. But the only thing that worries me: I hope the name “Little” is just an unfortunate coincidence…