Let Me Look Into My Crystal Ball
Posted By Kristabella on July 6, 2009
Do you guys remember when I went to New Orleans? Man, wasn’t that fun to follow along with my drunken tweets. It seems like just last week I was there, drinking Hurricanes and partying with random strangers and sending tweets about a certain cute guy at the CareerBuilder booth. Oh wait, it was just last week. It feels like and eternity ago.
Remember this tweet?
And I did. And then hours later, after several alcoholic beverages, I didn’t want to leave you all hanging, so I gave you a preview.
Now, I’ve never had a psychic reading or a tarot card reading or any of that black magic. But I figured, if it worked for the Gin Blossoms, who is to say it can’t work for me?
(All of you people who are not from Arizona just went “Gin Blossoms what?” The Gin Blossoms song, Mrs. Rita, is about a palm reader on University Avenue in Tempe who told the boys they would be a famous band one day. So they wrote a song about her. And then she laughed and was like “I didn’t say you’d be famous for long, SUCKAS!”)
Honestly, I figured if you were going to pay money for this stuff, why not in New Orleans? That should be the best place to find out your future. Right?
I wasn’t going to do it. My co-worker really wanted to. She kind of coerced me into doing it. But I don’t want to know bad things. I’m fine living in my little bubble thinking I’m going to live to be 100. I don’t want to know if I’m going to die on the plane trip back to Chicago.
Figuring that this was all for show, we asked the psychic “you just tell the good stuff, right?” And she was all “oh no, honey. I tell it all, good and bad.” So I made my co-worker go first.
After she was finished, we asked her how it was. My co-worker seemed to be kind of shocked. She said this psychic was very good. Maybe not worth $50, but she definitely was good. I figured WHY NOT? When in Rome. So I plopped down in chair, prepared to be underwhelmed and skeptical.
Well color me a semi-believer! That chick was kind of spot on with a few things. Everything I’ve ever heard about Miss Cleo and other psychics is that they basically ask probing questions. So they are all “are you worried about your Grandma passing” And then you’re all “yes! How did you know?” And then the psychic is all “I feel you are very worried about your Grandma passing.”
This wasn’t like this. And believe me, I’m a born skeptic. The only thing I believe in is booze and that every chick lit book will end in a happy ending.
She first read my palms, told me I was going to live to be 95, would be healthy/am healthy and won’t be rich. She apologized for that. I was just glad she didn’t tell me I’d be living in a cardboard box by the river.
Then she tells me “this ex boyfriend you’re holding on to, you have to let him go. He’s no good and a negative influence. Let him go honey.”
I think this was the point I gasped. Yes, you could probably say this to most single girls, no? But she didn’t know I was single. I mean she probably knew, but she didn’t ask. And regardless, I have been holding on to my ex boyfriend for no apparent reason at all. Last time we saw each other, it didn’t end well and I realized he’s a douchebag. (Who also has this blog address, so I wonder if he still reads? What’s up Mike?) But there was always this little part of me who wouldn’t let him go. And wow, I’m still kind of shocked she said that.
She then said some other things, how I used to be very driven at work and that lately I’ve been dragging myself to be that driven person again. She also mentioned that I am always a happy person, always smiling on the outside, but on the inside I wasn’t smiling and I am sad. Which is very true, I even mentioned it here a little. She touched on my being insecure (also true because I’m a fat ass now and no man will love someone as fat as me) (no need to comment that this isn’t true yada, yada, yada. I know it is stupid to think that way, but that’s how I feel.)
Then she told me that there’s a goal I have, something I’m really trying to accomplish, something I’m working towards. She said that I need to stop forcing it and need to just let it happen. I need to stop stressing and just go with the flow and it will happen. It’s meant to happen so it will. (Obviously this could be taken ANY number of ways, but to me, this was my novel I want to write. I’m always putting pressure on myself to write it and that I have to do it NOW, but maybe I don’t. And I don’t have to feel bad that my novel is just a notebook full of ideas and notes right now.) (It actually kind of lifted a weight off my shoulders when she said it.)
And then she went into what I really wanted to hear, my love life. And whooo boy, did she have some promising news. I was going to meet someone in July or August, probably August. This was going to be my future husband. He was going to be 5-11, 5-12 (yes, she said 5-12) and have dar hair and light eyes and be light complected. His name would start with M. We would be married in the next two years. And we would have a good, strong marriage. And we would have two kids, a boy and a girl.
I was elated. I admit that as I get older, I wonder if marriage is in the cards for me. I know babies will. I will have a child, one way or another, in my life. Even if I have to do it on my own. (My mom even said she’d come over and clean my cat box for me so I wouldn’t harm the baby if I was single and preggo.) But it would be nice to have a hubby in the equation too. Honestly, I was worried that the worst news the psychic would tell me was that I wasn’t going to get married or ever have kids. (Oh, hi! I’m from the 1950s!)
Anyway, this is a long way to get around to the bullet point from my post yesterday. Only a few of you even commented on it. My SIL has been trying to set me up with this dude for awhile. He’s the uncle of one of my nephew’s friends. We tried in April and the weather screwed it up. And then the next time, I had my other nephew’s birthday party. So it was finally going to happen on 4th of July.
It was casual. He didn’t even know it was a set-up. He just figured he was coming to his sister’s house for a BBQ. Anyway, he’s kind of cute. (He does actually look like an older Robert Pattinson.) He’s 39 and guess what? He’s 5-11 and has dark hair and light eyes. His name starts with a C. But we found out, his middle name starts with M. I SHOULD RUN OUT AND MARRY HIM NOW, NO?
He’s a nice guy. Has a very dry sense of humor. (Bonus!) But he’s quiet and doesn’t seem to be very outgoing. He’s an old 39, where I’m an immature 31.
But I’m trying to ditch my Seinfeldian ways and give it a shot. Maybe he was like that in front of his family and a bunch of strangers. Maybe he’s really a party animal. I’m willing to give it a shot and find out. I am learning to not be so quick to judge and not write him off because he is very anti-fake sugars and has a disdain for all things NutraSweet.
Maybe I’ll at least get a free meal out of it.
(And wouldn’t it be funny if I just eat crow 6 months down the road if I’m all “remember that dude I was kind of meh about? NOT SO MEH NOW!”)
Only the Romanian psychic in NOLA knows for sure!
About the author
You cheated on me with another psychic? I feel so…so…discarded.
.-= witchypoo´s last blog ..SB Introduces Her Neighbours =-.
Go for it girlie! You never know. Maybe he’s anti-nutra sweet, but pro-bacon!
.-= ballerinatoes´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things, Part 24 =-.
Woo hoo, that is exciting news. And now I desperately want to go to NOLA and talk to this psychic about myself!
.-= Dutchess of Kickball´s last blog ..My Weekend Was So Busy I Need to Use Bullets =-.
aw, i like psychics now i want to go see her!
i went to one before after two of my friends went to her and she was all SPOT on with them but really only very vague with me. but she told me my next boyfriend would have dark (she said black but i’m saying dark ahhaha) hair so now every man i meet with dark hair i’m like, “oh hi. i’m shannon. let’s get married, yes?” hahaha. it was fun though.
and yay for a husband and babies! 🙂
” because he is very anti-fake sugars and has a disdain for all things NutraSweet” He’s a keeper!!! As long as he loves bacon of course. I drive by this pyschic’s house occasionally and everytime I think about going in – I wonder if she knows when I’ll actually do it….
P.S. – totally relax about the novel – it will suck if you force it (seriously, I’ve read forced novels and they bite big donkey balls); even if you don’t write it till you’re typing one handed while changing a diaper – it’ll be perfect if you just wait and write it when it comes naturally.
Wow, I have always believed that some people have better intuition than others. I’ve never seen a psychic but always wanted to.
Good luck!
.-= christina´s last blog ..Last few weekends…. =-.
Really, what’s the worst that can happen?
.-= Hank´s last blog ..George Will Has Something To Say, Too =-.
ooh this is all very exciting! I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.
Yeah, I read that yesterday about the set-up & thought, “I don’t want to be that 1950s girl who just asks about the guy,” so I didn’t comment. But now that you’ve mentioned it again, OMFG he looks like an older R. Pattinson???
Now you have me wanting to see a psychic, skeptical as I also am about these things; glad you had a positive experience.
.-= Legallyblondemel´s last blog ..Signs You Are No Longer Dating, South American Ed. =-.
Whoa. I want to go to NOLA and get my palms read now. And, yeah, give him another chance. When I’m uncomfortable, I barely say a word, but that’s so not my personality to anyone who actually knows me. Mike’s first impression of me? That I was quiet and dull. (He didn’t lead with this thought, thankfully.) When we started dating, he was all, “My god, you’re fun!”
Also, random, how do you get a screen shot off your computer? I know it has to be super easy, but I can’t ever figure it out.
.-= She Likes Purple´s last blog ..Five months =-.
Ooo, so intriguing! I would definitely give this guy a fair shot. I met my guy over 4 years ago when I totally wasn’t looking for someone but my sister and her bf casually set us up (I was completely unaware, but I don’t think he was). We aren’t the same in a lot of ways, but it works out to be a good thing. Can’t wait to hear more!
.-= Amanda Nicole´s last blog ..foreign fixes =-.
Like I said (but not in so many words) yesterday – you never know what could start out as “meh” and end up as “wow”!
I feel like we readers have been able to sense your underlying sadness lately… You are such a hilarious, interesting, joyful person, and I feel sad when I can sense your melancholy. I have had the whole “I’m too fat to be loved by a man” feeling A MILLION TIMES/MY WHOLE LIFE. It just makes you feel hopeless, and guilty, and awful. But I am a story of hope! Even though I am fat, I nonetheless did find and marry a man who loves me even so. I didn’t lose weight in order to meet him… I don’t know where this rambling post is going, except to say that I’ve been there, and I’ve felt that hopelessness, and sadness, and desperation. You are NOT hopeless. And even if you’re fat (I’m fat too, I’m not using that in a derogatory way whatsoever), that’s not a bar to finding a husband and having children in a traditional nuclear family. (And yes, we can all laugh that it’s very 1950s, but it’s true — I’ve always wanted that, and it’s ok!)
By the way, you probably already know about her, but I love Kate Harding. http://www.kateharding.net. She is fat, and is all about just accepting it and moving on and living well. She talks about the “fantasy of thinness” — which is this idea that your “real” and “wonderful” life will start “when you’re thin.” The thing is, this is real life, and it’s already started. And you can have a wonderful life as a fat person or thin person. Really.
I know you know all this already, but I just wanted to say these things and say that you’re awesome and that you’re not alone.
Rambling over. 🙂
The whole “Hey! Look at me…fat girl trying to date” thing is something I can identify with. I recently joined Match.Com (it’s EVIL) and all of those cyber dickweeds have clicked “toned, slender, curvy”. Curvy is the highest those bastards will go! And apparently, “curvy” is not a euphemism for “a few extra pounds.” What’s wrong with “few extra pounds”? Most of those guys aren’t perfect (getting to the point…REALLY). Many of them need helmets and training wheels, so I don’t see what the big deal is!
Anywho…guess what I’m getting at is…phuck em! Do you! Recently, I have begun a rigid workout regime (5 days of cardio) and half-assed Weight Watchers because I want to get totally skinny…only to blow off the same phucktards who ignored me before (petty for a woman who’s 34, i know. I never professed to be perfect!
You hang in there! I think you’re funny as hell! And, for what it’s worth, you don’t have the arm of a “fat” person.
Muahs dahling!
.-= 4badgirlzonly´s last blog ..11 – More Match Madness…But Nothin’ a Little Shag Can’t Cure! =-.
I don’t think I believe in psychics, yet I refuse to visit one. I think it’s just that I don’t want them putting ideas in my head, creating some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. Is that the right term? Whatever. Anyway, I’m glad you had a good experience. I’m still hoping you end up with the Careerfinder guy though. =)
.-= -R-´s last blog ..Old Lady =-.
I read Tarot – or I used to anyway. I quit it because it started to be too much information about people I knew. That’s neither here nor there. There’s something I want to say as a red-blooded American male. I have met you. You are a very attractive young woman. Mentally AND Physically. Don’t you EVER look in the mirror and tell yourself otherwise. Don’t sell yourself short. If I was 30 years younger … well, anyway. You just need to know how lovely you truly are.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..A little STUFF =-.
I got as far as “an older Robert Pattinson” and then I couldn’t see the screen for the green mist of jealousy that descended. But seriously, it sounds intriguing!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Nuthin’ mo’ betta =-.
I’ve always wanted to go to a palm reader and Aaron laughs at me.
.-= slynnro´s last blog ..Scenes From a Marriage: My Endless Crunch Ed. =-.
Annnnnnd, I’ll be waiting for my wedding invite and the chance to hold babies. 😉
.-= Ree´s last blog ..A Letter from Monday & Miscellaneous Miscellany =-.
Whoever it will be, as long as he makes you happy and treats you well, I’ll be thrilled for you. And will happily buy something off your registry.
.-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..This is why I can’t marry James Bond =-.
Dude! I’ve never been to a psychic. Can we go in Chicago? Perhaps she’ll be all, “Metalia? You in DANGER, girl.” 😉
.-= metalia´s last blog ..This one goes out to anyone who was ever punished as a teenager. Or says "haha" a lot. Or compares themselves to a rubber band. =-.
What do you mean by old 39? Like mature? I’m unfamiliar with this because I date a 37 year old who spends hours playing pirate games on his iPhone. (which I find totally charming, by the way).
.-= Rhi´s last blog ..Maybe my doctor’s office knows something I don’t =-.
“I’m too fat.” OK, I’m your facebook friend…look at me. Seriously, look. I’m freaking huge. Huge enough that when I went to Marshall Fields to buy a wedding gown (had no budget, if I loved it I would have sold a kidney to get it) I was told the dresses they sold only went up to size 20. I got married in a size 22 dress. You aren’t fat. You are funny and pretty and creative and talented. Now go out with anti artificial sweetener man and have some fun.
.-= Sheri´s last blog ..Oops He did it again =-.
I love palm readers! I went to one in NOLA and just got a huge kick out of it – but I’m old now and I can’t remember if anything was accurate. However, my very own tiny-sweet-off-the-boat-from-Ireland grand mother was a KICK ass tea leaf reader. When she would visit, people would flock to our house to have their leaves read – and she was always accurate. It was weird.
I’m happy to hear that you’ll be getting married and popping out kids starting in two years. Know when people pry in your personal life, you can just tell them that you saw a psychic and they should back off.
Did she have any predictions for Bacon? 🙂
.-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..5 Star Friday =-.
Hmmmm . . . I’m not convinced the psychic doesn’t pull randomly from a list of broad questions that would apply to most people, but that being said – I can’t wait to read your novel one day! And have fun with Mr. C.M.! Hooray for SIL’s! 🙂
My best friend and I had a yearly tradition of heading to Jackson Square and getting our tarot cards read. It started out as a fun thing to say we did, but eventually we were really becoming hooked on one older guy that always seemed dead on. And even though we only went once a year, he always remembered us. Like by name and everything! It was very sad when we went one year and he was gone. We tried another reader, but it wasn’t the same.
.-= regan´s last blog ..celebrating three years of wedded bliss. also, mini doughnuts! =-.
dude… you HAVE to get your palm/cards read when you’re in nawlins.. it’s like tradition!!! i met a really great couple who both did readings when i was there. when my friend ditched me and headed home after one day, they totally took me in and took me out to dinner and hung out with me and stuff. they were great. 🙂
.-= jennster´s last blog ..your life’s list- =-.
The guy could totally be “sponge-worthy” so go for it!
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..My New J.O.B. =-.