Insignificant
Posted By Kristabella on July 24, 2008
For those of you new here (and by new, I mean since November 2007 or those who have not read my novel of an About page) about a year and a half ago, I was fired for my blog. It was probably one of the toughest things I’ve ever gone through because Hey You! Girl Who Doesn’t Trust! Here’s something to make you NEVER TRUST AGAIN.
You can read all about it here and here. But what I want to talk about is how after the word came down that I was indeed losing my job because Slalom Consulting is a stupid name and I blogged about it, I had to work at my job for almost a month more, knowing full well that I was just biding my time until they kicked me out. I knew I wasn’t getting a severance and that the time I spent there biding my time, was time they were paying me to find a job. I got really lucky and only spent about a month on unemployment before I got my current job.
You would think that going in to work every damn day to a job that was firing you for something so silly would be hard. It wasn’t easy, but I put my big girl panties on every day and went to work. I liked the people. And I knew that my bosses in Chicago had nothing to do with the decision. I went in every day, worked and made an effort to teach people things so that I didn’t leave them hanging when I left.
Fast forward to now. I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been notified that I will no longer have a job after a period of time. I have to come in every day and go through the motions because I need the money. Just ask Stara, she saw my bank balance. (Hello embarrassing!) I have to bust my ass, take orders from people and work as if nothing had changed.
This time? I’m having a fucking difficult time with it. Like I wish I could call in sick every day, I am procrastinating like I’ve never procrastinated before, difficult.
Sixty days is a long time. I’m like halfway through it and I can’t take it anymore. People there expect me to go on like nothing is changed. And guess what? I cannot. I can’t do it anymore.
Wednesday afternoon we had an off-site meeting. I get invited because I think my boss wants to keep me involved and wants to keep things normal and PRETEND LIKE I’M STILL GOING TO WORK THERE. The other meetings I’ve been in I have spent my time formulating posts in my head, doodling and sleeping with my eyes open. They haven’t been a big deal.
This meeting on Wednesday was different. This was a meeting about moving forward. It was a meeting about the status of the department after I am gone. I had to sit for two hours and hear about all the work they are going to have without me, how they are going to do great things and how they are just going to easily move on without me like I was just a blip on the radar.
I almost cried. Seriously, I almost came to tears in that meeting because it was like I wasn’t even sitting there. I had no purpose in the meeting. The stuff they are meeting about will take place either right before I leave or right after I leave. It was fucking heartbreaking that I just didn’t matter any more.
It wasn’t intentional. I know this. I was in their position for the last three months. You just don’t understand what it is like for those people who have gotten their notice. You don’t know how hard it is until you are actually in their shoes.
Now that I am in their shoes, it is hard. And I hope that I didn’t make any of the other people who have left the department feel as insignificant as I feel every damn day when I go in to work. Because this fucking blows.
About the author
Awww KJ, that sucks so hard (and not in the good way. RIMSHOT!). I totally feel for you, having been in that position before. It IS rough. That meeting must have made you woozy.
Are you friendly enough with your superiors to meet with them & ask if they have connections to other companies in your industry? Especially after the awkwardness that was the previous company meeting, you have the perfect icebreaker to open the conversation with in that they’re mapping their plan on how they’ll go on once you’re gone, and you’d like to start doing the same thing. Just a thought…. though now that I’ve typed it out I wonder if this will come across as assvice. I hope not, I don’t mean it like that.
Anyway, keep your chin up, sista. Sending you lots of good vibes.
Jules
House of Jules
HouseofJuless last blog post..Robert Frost said it best
I guess it’s nice that they gave you such long notice to find another job, but that’s like breaking up with someone but still hanging out every day for two months. Seems kind of shitty. Why not just give you a couple of weeks notice to tie up loose ends and a month pay as severance and make a clean break. Great big fucking kudos to you for going in every day.
That sucks that they had you sit in on that. I remember when I was leaving a job and the same sort of thing happened and when I asked a question to clarify for my “replacement” all I got was attitude. Fuck ’em, they will realize their loss soon enough.
It will get better, sweetie. Hang in there. xo
TALKING about doing “great” things in your department after you’re gone and actually DOING great things after you’re gone are two entirely different things. They can talk all they want but I’d put money on them NEVER implementing any of these supposed great things. If change was going to come about, why are they first TALKING about it now? Why not months ago when the downsizing & layoffs started? IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!
You hang in there, kiddo. (I just spelled “there” as “their”…seeing it was like nails on the old blackboard for me!) Anyhow, you are just too good for the asshats you work for.
Yeah, it seems like maybe they might want to reconsider making you go to meetings. Insensitive jerks.
Can you have a discussion with your boss? They, like you mentioned, probably don’t realize what they are doing and how hard it would be for you to go through on a regular basis.
Do you have any prospects? Any interviews? Maybe getting out there on other things would help the mood?
Ravens last blog post..bits and pieces
I am so sorry you are going through this.
jodifurs last blog post..Can We Just Take A Minute
move. to. toronto.
canadians are so much nicer.
Oh hon, you have every right to be feeling the way you are feeling. It sounds like they are being completely insenstive and you deserve a lot better.
That sucks. I’m sorry they’re making you feel that way. I agree with the other comments. Can you talk to your boss about it?
I feel your pain though. I am procrastinating like you wouldn’t believe. Why do work when you can read blogs?
Hang in there. Yes, it’s going to suck going into work for the next month or so but at least you are getting paid to figure out your next move.
WTF! Why did they make you come to the meeting. Seems sucky to me. Sorry about the mess you’re going through but things should get better.
Just ask bacon!
Jeez, that sucks. I’m sorry.
I don’t suppose you can just go now? Would that disrupt the severence?
Candys last blog post..Pearls of Wisdom?
I am so sorry you are going through this again. That was rather rude of them to make you come to the meeting. WTF? But, on the other hand, think of all the things you can do on their dime. Any movies you want to see? A long lunch you want to take? Blog writing, internet surfing, job hunting?
While you are there, if you have any connections in the industry, give them a call and let them know you are looking.
Good luck with everything, hun.
Dingos last blog post..Not So Friendly Skies
I’m so sorry. It’s hurtful and it sucks. Any luck finding a new position yet? (or deciding about your writing?)
I understand what its like to leave a place and wish that it crumbled after you left. The fact that they’re letting you go is a clear example of how they are not doing well at all so, in a way, they won’t be as successful without you. Kill ’em with kindness. Be your everyday fabulous self and make them regret the day they let you go (even if doing all this gives you a little tug in your heart).
I like the breakup analogy. So this is the part in the relationship where you looking fabulous and acting like you can do without them. Strut you shit, lady!
thecoconutdiariess last blog post..Dr. Sugarcoat
Just today I cried at work. It was awful. Because it takes months of getting over crying at work.
I’m sure they didn’t mean to make you feel bad, but that was still really insensitive of them. I would ask your boss if you could be excused from any further meetings, if they are going to be run like that! You are a good employee, and business just sucks right now. You were great at that company and will be great at another.
Well, you have to stick it out cause if you leave, then they say that you quit, and you will be denied any unemployment benies.
Been there, done that, 4 times in fact.
It suxs, but hey, it allows you time to look while getting paid, and the new employer doesnt know your being sacked, so that helps also.
yet, it still suxs
Did I say it suxs?
yes, its suxs.
Hang in there, smile alot, let them wonder what you are up to,
but
it still suxs!
Oh, I am so sorry about how hard it has been for you. I am so impressed by how mature you’ve been about losing your job, yet you still go into work and do what you need to do.
🙁
That’s ridiculous that they would ask you to come to that meeting. I mean, honestly.
Here’s to bigger and better things on a much bigger and cooler radar.
*HUG*
I know it sucks. Terribly.
But like you’ve said, at least you are getting paid to search for a new job. That is a huge plus.
Even if you are bored silly most days and want to send Laser Cats after people who make you attend stupid meetings.
The Muses last blog post..Whip it Up III – Gnocchi
I’m not much of a hugger, and I’m not sure if you’re much of a hugger, but you seem like you need a hug. Or maybe a shot of tequila. Yeah, let’s go the tequila route.
And how dare they invite you to that meeting knowing it would be about the future of the dept without you. That’s as bad as talking about some cool blogger party in front of people that haven’t been invited.
Ouch! I so have no advice but I did want to send you some gentle (((hugs))) you could never be insignificant to us!
Oh dear. I know this all too well, my position was elimiated from a job I worked at about 3 years ago – I stayed an additional 3 months to help transition, but the day after the “news” came, we had a lunch meeting (the whole company) and our CEO talked about going public and how well the company was doing. I left IN TEARS. Then, later in the pizza line. My RUDE ASSISTANT had the nerve to say to me, “I’m really glad you’re leaving because Kevin (our boss) said that I could have your laptop.” CUE RHI CRYING.
At that point, I decided the gloves were off – I told my boss that I loved my job and that I was willing to help transistion but, I’d need that bitch to steer clear of me. Because, RUDE!
Rhis last blog post..This post is not about BlogHer, but rather my kidneys
Been there, done that. You’re totally right, it blows the big wet one. I’m so sorry you’re stuck in this situation, but I know you’ll come out of it just fine. And stronger. Definitely stronger for the experience. And the next job you land is going to be something bigger, better, sexier, and it may even have cheetos and drink tickets.
(((Hugs)))
Oh hun, that really really sucks. You’d think they would have some foresight to not bring you to that particular meeting. Asshats. That’s what I think of them.
Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We’re all behind you and sending good vibes. They’ll regret it when you’re gone and they’re screwed. I agree this is super crap, they should give you severance and let you go.
Celias last blog post..Book Club Update
I can’t imagine how hard that must be to sit in a meeting like that. There is a book that comes to mind, it’s called the Disposable American by Louis Uchtelle (sp?) It’s well written account of the emotional toll on people when they are laid off. I think employers look at the bottom line and forget that decisions affect more than money, they affect people. I’ve often thought every manager should read this book and realize the true impact of their decisions.
That really does suck. Workplaces often are insensitive to their people.
And I second the idea of having a talk with your manager about this.
Nicoles last blog post..Loss and Return; Principle and Faith
aww honey buns I am sorry, I don’t know how you are able to go through that every day. Keep your head up you are halfway through
I think you are pretty significant.
xo
Angellas last blog post..Photo Walking
I haven’t been in the workforce for almost 14 years…well, cept for a couple of months when I was pregnant with Nate. So, it has been awhile, but I agree with talking to your boss. It is obvious that you won’t be there, and since you won’t have anything to do with their future, why waste your time with the meetings??? And it does sound like you are working for a bunch of insensitive idiots.
Sheris last blog post..Snippets of My Day
wow- that sounds so stressful. I would hate to have to work in such a hostile environment. Especially when it is so passive agressive.
but on the upside- those big girl panties sound hot. you should start your own line of big girl lingerie. (to be distinguished from plus girl lingerie.)
sunnys last blog post..ode to chloe
Hey. You know where I am. I’m right there with you. The crap that I have to do on a daily basis is fucking amazing. An email that says, “You have to take this career planning seminar.” (WHY?) The 3 day seminar where everyone was told, “Y’all are so great and we’re going to take XXX Bank forward.” when 90% of us in the room knew what our layoff dates were.
It fucking sucks.
Rees last blog post..Visit with the Goldens
I can’t believe they make you stay on for 60 days when you know you have to leave. Can’t you take some sickies?
jens last blog post..Prison – only visiting
That sounds BRUTAL. I only have the next four days to deal with my replacement being here, right in front of me and I am NOT looking forward to it.
Hang in there.
Laurels last blog post..Is 27 Your "Early Late 20s" or "Late Mid 20s?"
Yes, man… that is no fun. I can’t imagine – 60 days! Gah! Truly – I’m thinking that place is not so smart… yeah… any sick days???
jennyonthespots last blog post..Mother to Mother
*hug* I’m sorry hon! I know things will work out for you, and in a few months you will be saying ‘why the hell was I all upset about that shit-hole place??’
Danielle-lees last blog post..The saga of the blankie