DINAO Round 10 – The Culinary Edition

Posted By on July 25, 2008

Before we get to another installment of Death Is Not An Option, I have to share this email exchange I had with someone at work today regarding our upcoming sales training session next week.

Him: Is the conference still on?

Me: Yes. Did you not get your email confirmation?

Him: No. I DID NOT.

Me: No need to shout, I will re-send it.

Him: No shouting here.

Me: When you type in all caps, it is SHOUTING on email.

Him: Not in Kentucky.

The sad thing is he’s probably right.



So here’s the deal, for those of you who may be new and have not ever played this game at parties or at a bar: I will give you two choices and the object of the game is to pick one of the two people that you would have sex with, with death NOT being an option. As revolting as some may be, you have to pick one of the two.

I swear, it is fun!

To see old versions, click here. (And on a weird note, I have NO idea where Week 4 went, which was the political edition and the most vomit inducing. It disappeared when I imported my old posts from my old site and I can’t get it back. DAMN YOU GEORGE W! STAY OUT OF MY BLAWG!)

And on with the show…

Round 10 – The Culinary Edition

The Chef Enemy Edition

Rocco Douchebag DiSpirito vs. Anthony Bourdain


The Annoying TV Chef Edition

Emeril vs. Gordon Ramsay


The Food Network Edition

Bobby Flay vs. Alton Brown


The Rachel Ray Should NOT Be Your Answer Edition

Rachel Ray vs. Julia Child


The Highest Gross-Out Factor Edition

Mario Batali vs. Wolfgang Puck


The I Needed An Excuse To Look At Tom Colicchio Photos Edition

James Beard vs. Tom Colicchio


And also, this is a warning for all you, DO NOT EVER do a search for Rachel Ray on Google Images. Your eyes will be burning for the rest of your life.

OK, leave your choices in the comments!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


47 Responses to “DINAO Round 10 – The Culinary Edition”

  1. HouseofJules says:

    So funny! After I read your tweet I was wondering why in the hell you were googling Rachel Ray images. YAY for this DINAO! I say that every time, though. Love it.

    1) Rocco: He’s a total douche, but I’m picking based on actual sexual attractiveness here. Earlier this week I had a conversation w/ one of my friends about BOURDAIN’S hotness factor. I think he’s sexy with all that knowledge and his New York-ness, but he’s a total chain smoker and weighs 100 pounds. If he put down the smoky treats and gained some weight, it would have been him in a New York Minute.

    2) Gordon: I actually TOTALLY (yes, I’m yelling!) love him. I have a real thing for GR. Have you ever seen his BBC show, F Word? He’s actually really charming when he’s not yelling his fucking meat face off. I love him. Did I mention that I love him? Him and his fucking meat face.

    3) Bobby: I didn’t like his persona at all until he started doing that Throwdown show. Then I heard angels singing. Love him.

    4) Julia: You could have put anyone against Rachel and I would have picked them. Anyone except Flavor Flav.

    5) Mario: But only because I bet it would be over really quickly. Wolfgang skeezes me out. Of course, there might be some Spago pizza in it for me afterwards. Okay, that did it. Woflgang, it is!

    6) Tom Colicchio: I don’t even have to put a reason here.

    Suggestion for the next DINAO: Comedians! You know Jim Gaffigan does a whole thing on bacon, don’t you?

    House of Jules

  2. Dingo says:

    Tom Colicchio? Really? Is that supposed to be a difficult choice? I’d put him on the menu EVERY night — unless, of course, his Quick Fire challenge is not just limited to the kitchen. We could have issues with that.

  3. slynnro says:

    I have LOUDLY professed my love of the Bourdain.


    Flay’s a douche, but Alton Brown? GAG.

    Rachel Ray (You are sick)

    Wolfgang- OBVIOUSLY.

    Tom Colichio is totally hot.

  4. Raven says:

    Bourdain: He has quit smoking for his daughter and is just sexy.
    Ramsey: Even though he would probably be horribly critical of technique and make me cry
    *sigh* This one is so evil and nefarious that it pains me. PAINS ME. I should not have to say Julia.
    The little Puck: though it’d be hard not to crack up over his accent at least he wouldn’t come with the CLOGS.

  5. Mahnee says:

    YAY for DINAO!!!
    1. Bourdain – hot, just hot
    2. I heart Gordon Ramsay & when he calls someone an effing donkey, I’m in heaven. When Television Without Pity recaps his shows, they have a Gordon Ramsay fuck-o-meter for how many times he used the word. Gotta love him.
    3. Bobby – he’s just cute
    4. Rachael Ray – she does not bother me like she seems to bother other people. When she first came on TV you sister kept calling her Tina Ray…which has nothing to do with anything but still cracks me up.
    5. Mario – Wolfie creeps me out
    6. Tom – yum!

  6. DeeMarie says:

    Rocco, Emeril, Bobby, Julia (ABSOLUTELY NOT RACHEL!!) Wolfgang, and Tom (of course!!)

  7. Beej says:


    1. Anthony Bourdain. He’ll eat ANYTHING!

    2. Gordon. He’s got to be a dirty talker.

    3. Iron Chef Bobby Flay, the secret ingredient is BEEJ!

    4. Julia Child. There isn’t enough sherry in the world to fuck Rachel Ray.

    5. Wolfgang Puck. He’s richer.

    6. I don’t know who that Tom guy is, but he’s not James Beard, so he wins.

  8. Bailey says:

    Rocco- He may be a douche, but you just have to sleep with him right? You don’t need to actually talk to him or anything
    Gordon- He doesn’t say “Bam”
    Bobby- I do think Bobby Flay is pretty damn attractive.
    Wolfgang- I think he’d be the lesser of two evils here. Again, you would just have to sleep with him and get out.
    Tom- He’s way hotter than James Beard.

  9. moo says:

    HOORAY! I’ve been missing DINAO.

    And I hate you at the same time.
    Alton (PK would kill me otherwise)
    Julia (NEVER RR … NEVER)

  10. 1. Bourdain
    2. Emeril, so I can hear him yell BAM!
    3. Alton Brown, obvs.
    4. You are sick, dude. Julia Child is DEAD. I’ll have to go with Rachel.
    5. Wolfgang. Mario looks like he just swallowed an entire bowl of gnocchi.
    6.Colicchio, I guess.

  11. K says:

    Just found your site but have to play…

    1. Rocco- I don’t know those guys but Rocco has an awesome name and he’s pretty attractive.
    2. Gordon- I hate Emeril!!
    3. Flay- I like Alton but I prefer Flay.
    4. RR- but only if I can gag her.
    5. Mario- I LOVE Mario. Not exactly in a sexual way but he’s great and therefore I’d definitely pick him.
    6. Tom- Don’t know these guys either… thought I knew more foodies than I actually do.

  12. Melissa says:

    Again, I’m with Jules….she has pretty good taste!

    Who knew that using caps in Kentucky was not considered yelling! LOL! That is hysterical!

  13. Sheri says:

    Rocco is cuter and I can’t stand chain smoking…
    Emeril….I love when he says “yeah, baby”….
    I love Alton Brown, nuff said there.
    Um, really death isn’t an option, because I’m a chick and I’m not gay, ok, Rachael.
    I’ll take Mario for the next one.
    And the Tom guy is cuter for the last one.

    My husband looks like Drew Carrey, so with the exception of the Rachael Ray/Julia Child pick, none of these bothered me too much…..

  14. ali says:

    totally RAchael Ray over Julia Child…but only if she promised to shut the fuck up…

  15. First, can I say that at BlogHer, I tried to crash the “Lunch with Rocco.” I walked into the room and someone rushed over to ask for my name and I said, “I should be on the list.” I thought it was like THE lunch. She politely corrected me.

    Now, Rocco, Gordon, Bobby, Rachael, Wolfgang and definitely Tom. Tom isn’t even a contest. I have a little crush on that man. And Spike (from Top Chef).

  16. Noelle says:

    I don’t know why, but I’d totally sleep with Julia Child.

  17. 1. BORDAIN: He travels, has an NYC accent, and does not have mommy-issues.

    2) EMERIL: Because I want him to say “BAM!” when he slaps my booty and then make me some bread pudding.

    3) BOBBY: Because I have no idea who Alton is and his photo creeps me out. He looks like Doc Brown from “Back to the Future”, but with food.

    4) RACHEL: I got sucked in by her E! True Hollywood story, but I’d still gag her like they did in “Pulp Fiction”.

    5) Wolfgang: Because it would be awesome to do it on a table in Vegas!

    6) Tom: That’s kind of a no-brainer, isn’t it. Since Montel Williams, we’ve been hurting for a hot bald guy.

  18. Kristie says:

    1.) Rocco vs. Anthony
    I’m going to be greedy and say BOTH PLEASE! Rocco is hot and Anthony’s voice is all sexy and shit.

    2.)Emeril vs. Gordon
    I choose Emeril (eeew) because at least I’m hoping he’d say BAM! a few times.

    3.) Bobby vs. Alton
    I have a thing for redheads so I just have to choose Bobby. I totally have a crush on him. Hush it.

    4.) Rachel Ray vs. Julia Child
    NOW I know why you were googling Rachel Ray last night! I’d choose Rachel, just with tape over her mouth. Which I realize defeats the purpose, but whatever. EVOO!!

    5.)Mario Batali vs. Wolfgang Puck
    I think I threw up a little in my mouth. I’d choose Mario, even though he sweats like a pig.

    6.)James Beard vs. Tom Colicchio
    Oh Tom…SWOON. I had a thing for bald dudes, too. YUMMY.

    Kristies last blog post..All it take is a little perseverance, right?

  19. Moose says:

    “Not in Kentucky” = Trouble in CubeVille because I laughed out loud – laughter that echoed through the cavernous room. “No, no! Your legal document is the last word in hilarity!” (Well, the punctuation is, but I probably shouldn’t point that out.)

  20. Rhi says:

    I’m having so much fun already!

    1) Rocco – even though Sizzle says he has no ass.
    2) Emeril – but only if he says, “BAM! when he climaxes
    3) Flay – but he’s not allowed to speak to me, OR make eye contact. I’d feel too dirty.
    4) Rachael – I’m sorry, I feel like Julia Child is my grandma.
    5) Wolfgang – Batali grosses my shit out.
    6) DUH. Tom Colicchio, totally sexy.

    Rhis last blog post..Friday Bullets!

  21. Vanessa says:

    He’s a dumbass that perpetuates the stereotype that folks in the middle, or KY more specifically are stupid. Sorry you have to be exposed to him on a daily basis. Sorry, no votes for DINAO.

  22. Lori says:

    1. Tony Bourdain, yes yes yes!
    2. Emeril because I’ve had his fried chicken and would hope he would make it for me afterward.
    3. Bobby; Alton is waaaay too annoying.
    4. Julia
    5. Wolfgang
    6. And, puhlease. No contest here. Tom.

  23. Nic says:

    I feel that I have to end our friendship because you put a picture of Rachael Ray on your blog.

    Nics last blog post..Giving advice

  24. Cobwebs says:

    1. Rocco. I’ve read Bourdain’s books. I know where that mouth has been.

    2. Gordon. Emeril is a caricature of himself.

    3. I find Alton oddly hot.

    4. Personalities aside, Rachel Ray and her many happy teeth are much cuter than Julia.

    5. Egad. Wolfgang, I guess. At least he’s got the accent going for him.

    6. Tom. Woof.

    Cobwebss last blog post..Scream House Needlework Case

  25. Candy says:

    This one wasn’t even that tough. I would totally do half those guys. So long as they cook for me afterwards.

    So here goes:

    1. Anthony Bourdain, because there’s nothing he won’t eat.
    2. Gordon Ramsay. Because Emeril is scary and I don’t want him bamming me.
    3. Alton Brown. I have a serious crush on Alton Brown.
    4. Julia Child. Because Rachael Ray is the vomit comet.
    5. Mario Batali. I’m not sure why, but I kinda like him. Go figure.
    6. Tom Colicchio, because HELLO! He’s adorable.

    Candys last blog post..Empty Garden

  26. Issy says:

    Hmmmm…throw one more choice up there and I could have sex and a home cooked meal 7 nights a week. Or maybe just the meal and then pretend I’m too tired for sex.

    1. Bourdain – as long as he brushed his teeth first. I’d hate to kiss a man who just ate a fried chicken butt.
    2. Ramsey – as long as he didn’t call me a donkey.
    3. Bobby Flay – I don’t know either one of them, but do you think Bobby would spank me with his giant spatula?
    4. Rachel Ray – but only by default since something about that picture make me think Julia smells like fish.
    5. Wolfgang Puck – because the other guy looks like the kind of guy who might have a heart attack while having sex.
    6. Tom Colicchio – James looks like he might be gay.

    And dammit, now I have to go google Rachel Ray just because you said not too.

  27. Angella says:

    It’s like Quiz Friday on the Internet. I CAN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE.

    How about if I just answer “All of the above”?

    Angellas last blog post..Permanent Vacation

  28. Sarah says:

    1. Rocco
    2. Emeril- cuz I wonder if he’d say “BAM” the whole time.
    3. Bobby Flay, but Alton wouldn’t be terrible
    4. Rachel Ray…only because Julia is DEAD and I’m not creepy like that.
    5. Wolfgang even though he’s a little scary
    6. Definately Tom Colicchio

    You should post YOUR choices!

    Sarahs last blog post..Your Questions Answered!

  29. Heather B. says:

    YOU LOST THE POLITICAL ONE??? That’s the day I realized how much I love you. Obviously we’ve broken up since then and SFho wasn’t all that great for our relationship (no wedding) but still! I have to go catch a flight but I’ll be back to answer this later.

    Heather B.s last blog post..This Calls for Cupcakes

  30. Ree says:

    Rocco, Gordon, Alton, Rachel, Wolfgang, Tom. Dude. I’m sorry, but Julia is not an option. That’s just so wrong. It would be like saying I’d have sex with Jack Lalanne.

    Okay, maybe.

    Rees last blog post..Visit with the Goldens

  31. Anndi says:

    I totally love the chefs!

    1) I have to say Rocco… but he isn’t allowed to speak.

    2) Oh.My.Gordon!

    3) Bobby Flay because he isn’t Alton.

    4) You’re evil… Julia

    5) I’m going to have nightmares because of this… Wolfgang (just because I know he’ll sweat less)

    6) Tom… come on!

    Anndis last blog post..I *hic* can’t…

  32. Erin says:

    1). Anthony Bourdain…hands down!
    2). Gordon Ramsay
    3). Bobby Flay
    4). Rachel Ray…even though I’m curious to see what you saw on Google images. Not curious enough to actually look mind you, just curious!
    5). Wolfgang Puck
    6). Tom Colicchio…duh.

    Erins last blog post..Knock Knock

  33. She She says:

    1. Rocco – I saw Bourdain swallow a still beating cobra heart, so there is no way I am having sex with him.

    2. Ramsey – I am always up for good angry sex!

    3. Flay – I picture us “grillin and drillin” or at least I am ready for a “throw down” on his bed!

    4. Rachel Ray – If we needed lube we could use a little EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil). She loves garlic, so she can’t be that bad! Yumm-o

    5. Batali – Although the sex may be uncomfortable, sweaty and life threatening – I picture him whipping me up a huge bowl of amazing pasta afterwards to eat in bed!

    6. Colicchio – Well, isn’t it obvious?

    Love you KJ – you rock!

  34. regan says:

    1. Rocco. Partly because he’s cute and partly because I imagine saying”Rocco!” during sex would be hot.
    2. Ramsey. I would have to turn in my NOLA resident card if I slept with the Emeril
    3. AB.
    4. I hate myself, but Rachel Ray
    5. Wolfgang
    6. Colicchio as Bravo owns me.

    regans last blog post..live blogging my commute home

  35. Lys says:

    I’m going to need a sleeping pill to keep away the nightmares from what I’m going to type to a couple of these…

    1) Tony Bourdain – Of course. Love him.
    2) ::sigh::: Emeril – he’s much nicer than the hellacious one.
    3) Bobby Flay, of course. Let’s just hope his wife wouldn’t try to kill me and turn it into an ep. of L&O: SVU
    4) *choking* Rachael Ray. I’m going to die for typing that.
    5) Wolfgang Puck
    6) Tom Colicchio.

    Lyss last blog post..My Confession…

  36. Erin says:

    The only set of choices that really gives me the quivers is the Wolfgang Puck vs. Mario set…but here are my answers:

    1. Definitely Anthony Bourdain. He’s a fabulous bad boy, I’m sure he’s equally entertaining under the covers or on a counter etc…

    2. Gordon Ramsey – I’m a sucker for an accent, even if he’s calling me a fat Sloaney cow.

    3. Definitely Mr. Brown. Geeks are way better in bed. Didn’t you get the memo?

    4. Rachael Ray – I’m sorry but I draw the line at having girl on girl action with someone my grandmother’s age.

    5. Ugh…Wolfgang Puck. Here’s to hoping he’s quick.

    6. Tom Colicchio. I just love that judgmental, elitist baldy too much.

    Erins last blog post..XOXO Ice Cream Sandwiches

  37. Kim says:

    Yay! I LOVE this game!!!!!! 🙂

    1 – Tony Bourdain. No question. I love him and guess that he would be an animal in the sack.

    2 – Gordon Ramsay. This is a little tricky . . but Gordon wins because of his accent and his snarkiness and cursing.

    3 – Bobby Flay. This was REALLY HARD. I love Alton becaue if his uber-geekiness. But Bobby is so darn cute.

    4 – Rachel Ray. Dammit.

    5 – Mario. And yes, that is pretty gross. Let’s just move along shall we?

    6 – Tom Colicchio. OMG, I am so much in love with Tom. And yes, I immediately did a search for him on Google Images. Only after I did one for Rachel Ray. I also am attracted to dismembering car accidents.

    Kims last blog post..Annoying-icious

  38. Dawn says:


    1. Bourdain. He’s sexy, worldly and likes to eat all kinds of things.
    2. Emeril. Maybe he’d give me a discount on his cookware.
    3. Flay. Alton would try to analyze everything and break it down to the chemical components and I wouldn’t find that too sexy.
    4. Ray. She’s so damn perky and energetic, maybe she could teach me a few things?
    5. Wolfgang. Just so I could whisper “Wolfie” in his ear. That’s hot.
    6. Colicchio. His bald head drives me wild.

    Dawns last blog post..a little levity

  39. Melina says:

    1. Bourdain- he’s not as hot as Rocco but he’s just so f’ing cool. I would hope his coolness is catching, because I need to be more cool.
    2. Gordo- I like men who curse constantly, it makes me giggle.
    3. Bobby Flay even though he married Stephanie March from Law and Order and I think she looks like Eric Stoltz from Mask when she doesn’t have her glasses on.
    4. I’m going to go with Rachel here…I hate her but I think I’d hate Julia’s cankles more.
    5. The Puckster–the other guy (whom I’ve never seen before) reminds me of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers.
    6. OMG TOM! I love him sooo much.

  40. Alice says:

    omg. love.

    1. rocco. i dislike them both; at least rocco’s a little better to look at.

    2. emeril. my mom interviewed him once, and apparently he’s all laid back & quiet when not being his “BAM! I’M EMERIL!” persona.

    3. alton brown! he’s awesome!

    4. sadly, although i totally hate her, i think rachel would be more fun in bed.

    5. GAAAH. wolfy. but it pains me.

    6. james beard! sure, he’s dead and gay, but i bet he would be TOTALLY FUN.

    Alices last blog post..push up, push up real good

  41. Kerri Anne says:

    I am in mad love with this game right now. OK:

    1. Rocco Di Douchebag-O
    2. Chef Ramsey: I like it HOT, as in: HELLISH. Or something.
    3. Bobby Flay: Is he not gay? Go gay sex!
    4. Rachel Ray: * shudder *
    5. Wolfgang!
    6. Oh, Mr. Colicchio, talk desserts to me.

  42. Laurel says:

    Hooray for DINAO!

    1. Anthony Bourdain
    2. Emeril… Bam! hahaha
    3. Alton Brown, of course. Nerds 4ever.
    4. I pick Rachael. I like her. SO SUE ME.
    5. Mario Batali cause his food is so good. I’d just close my eyes until it’s all over and he’s made me breakfast.
    6. Colicchio for sure. Yum.

    Laurels last blog post..Is 27 Your "Early Late 20s" or "Late Mid 20s?"

  43. 1. Although a douche, he’s a hot douche–Rocco.
    2. This is a lesser of 2 evils kind of question. Emeril is physically repulsive and Gordon is named, well, Gordon. I can’t really see myself screaming “Oh Gordon,” in the heat of passion, but I will venture outside “the box,” and go with Gordon.
    3. Bobby. He’s so cute. But points to Alton because he’s a University of Georgia alum. Go Dogs!
    4. Neither. I’m a straight chick. And neither are hot enough to “experiment.”
    5. Gross and gross.
    6. Tom, but I probably won’t like it.

    curlatini, esq.s last blog post..Dear Mariah

  44. I am from and reside in Kentucky. I definitely view all caps use as screaming. haha.

  45. Evil Genius says:

    Can’t I just do Tom six times and call it even?


    Evil Geniuss last blog post..Same Sex Marriage – Divorce of the Political from the Religious

  46. pseudostoops says:

    Egad… the choices are tough!
    1. Rocco – cute cute cute. Know nothing of his tv personality, and from the comments section I gather this may be an advantage.

    2. Ramsey – he appears to have a good tongue.

    3. Bobby Flay, though in my imagination he’s like an awkward fumbling Boston frat boy.

    4. Julia. Obvs.

    5. Mario, if I must. I think the little old man german accent would be too much for Wolfgang to be a real option. But ew. This “death is not an option” thing is tough.

    6. I’m tempted to say James Beard just to be contrary, but I’d clearly be lying.

  47. 1) Bourdain (duh, love him)
    2) Ramsay (see above)
    3) Flay (I like Brown more, but I bet Bobby would be better in bed)
    4) Julia (just following orders ma’am)
    5) Puck
    6) I love me some Colicchio

    And just for fun: Sam Talbot

    Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..All That and a Baggie Full of Ham