My Story, Let Me Tell It. At Least The First Part.

Posted By on November 12, 2007

I’m pretty sure this is going to more anti-climactic than if had I just wrote this back when I got fired. But I said I’d tell the story, and let’s face it, it needs to be told.

Plus, I have new readers who weren’t around in April and have no idea that I got fired for my blog. Yes. For my blog. So, since it is a long-ass story, here is part one of Why I’m Glad I Don’t Work In IT Consulting Anymore.

If you search through my archives (I know you do because I am teh awesome), you’ll notice that there are posts at the end of March and nothing until April 19. And not only are there no posts, people here that were reading back then can tell you that the site was blocked. Like you weren’t even able to see a thing. Because I was found.

If you go back to the last post of March?(there was actually another one that I later deleted that joked about being found. I think the title was “Surprise!?I Have A Blog!”) you’ll see the offending post. I?talked about it a little here.

So here is what happened. For most of the month of March, we had all this shit going on with the launching of the new name of the company. We were supposed to try and guess. And I seriously didn’t care. But the girl I worked with, she REALLY cared and in turn got me totally hyped up about it. In a meeting a few days before the launch, someone told us the new name was Slalom Consulting. (Yes, I’m putting the whole name in there.) That’s the name. Slalom Consulting. We were told it started with S and had two syllables. Slapdick Consulting would have been more fitting.

Anyway, I posted that post at the end of March, a few days before the launch, and thought nothing of it. Until that day, when?I got a comment from someone I didn’t know. Without a blog. And their IP address was in Washington. At Microsoft. Where we had a ton of consultants on site. And the comment was asking about whether I found the hidden clue under something or other.

I panicked. But probably not as much as I should have. At this point, I’m not sure I deleted the post yet. That night I wrote another post that was all “hey! I have a blog! Surprise! So do 17 million other people! No big deal.”

Or so?I thought.

So this was Friday. The night of the launch party in Seattle. The great unveiling. We actually found out the name before the party. So did pretty much everyone. And what did people do when they found out the name? They Googled it, of course. To make sure they were right. And to see the new website.

Well, it turns out that they decided NOT to launch the new website until after the launch party that night. They wanted something to unveil at the party. And they were so damn proud of their stupid name.

So what came up on Google when you searched “slalom consulting”? My blog. Yes. I was number one on the search results. I don’t even think I’m number one when you search Kristabella.

What happened was floods of people going to my blog. I’d imagine that most of them were like “what hilarious writing!” or “someone give this woman a book deal” or “who the hell is that chick?” Sadly, those aren’t the people that mattered.

Meanwhile, back in Chicago, this was when I freaked out. I deleted the posts. Possibly did some editing. And I tried SO, SO hard to get me off the number one result on Google. I thank all that is good and holy that no one in my office, the wide-open bullpen office, Googled the new name. Because I don’t know what I would have done if they were looking at it with me sitting right there. (Actually, I do know. They would have laughed. Because those people are all good people.)

It was near the end of the day Friday and I was glad I got out of there. I seriously didn’t think anything of it. I think, while at work that Friday, I went though and took out all the references to Tom Brokaw (one of the VPs) as a pompous ass. Because pompous asses usually get offended when you call them that. But other than that, I went on about my weekend. Getting excited about our party Saturday night at Wrigley Field.

That Friday night, I went over to a friend’s house to drink mass quantities of wine. I regaled stories of “whoops! Some consultant found my blog! Hee hee! I guessed their stupid name.” And then we helped Jenny make penis cookies for a bachelorette party. But mostly, we ate the broken penises and drank wine. And I? Mostly drank wine.

On my walk home about midnight, I checked my cell phone. I had about 10 texts from a co-worker. One of the VPs in Seattle was trying to get a hold of me. And then I listened to my voicemail. And my worst nightmare hit me smack dab in the face. They found the blog. And I was to call VP as soon as possible. Regardless of time.

Still, at this point, I didn’t freak out too bad. I’m sure it was because of the wine. So at a very inappropriate time to be calling someone from work, let alone with a bottle of wine in your belly, I called. And I sobered up immediately.

He told me they found it. And that people were printing things out. And highlighting things I had said. And passing them around the party in Seattle. I was the talk of the Seattle launch party. ME! And my silly blog. And the CEO? He was not pleased. One. Bit.

I immediately logged on and edited old posts. There wasn’t a lot to edit, but I took out the Pompous Ass posts. I tried to erase my utter dislike of Changepoint. It didn’t matter. It was too late. The damage was done. The posts were printed. And did you all know about Google cache? And that it doesn’t matter if that site doesn’t exist anymore. You can always get the cached version of it. Yeah, neither did I.

Even when you lock it. Which is what I did. And I had a ton of hits for the cached pages. That you shouldn’t have been able to see because the site was locked. And I was even the site of the day on Yet, I was not celebrating.

I was up late on Friday night. I was editing and then locking and then freaking out. I was sending text messages, panicking. Asking everyone who was up at 1:30 AM if they thought I would get fired. Too bad they all fell asleep before they could answer that question. Which means, I didn’t sleep much that night. Because I figured my friends couldn’t even lie to me and I was SO going to get the boot.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s dramatic end to the story! Because I’m sure you haven’t figured out how it ends!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to β€œHey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


18 Responses to “My Story, Let Me Tell It. At Least The First Part.”

  1. Jules says:

    Looks like I picked a good week to subscribe to your RSS!
    House of Jules

  2. Jenn says:

    Wow. The memories…It has been great watching you emerge stronger from that experience. Down with Slapdick Consulting!

    Slalom Consulting is a dumb name…Hey everyone, don’t ya know, Jamaica has a bob sled team. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

  3. Swishy says:

    I STILL think they’re bastards! πŸ™‚

  4. Katie says:

    Oh lord, that made my stomach churn for you! I also had an “outing” experience, but it wasn’t as bad because it had nothing to do with work and everything to do with my husband’s asshole friends. I can only imagine the anxiety you must have went through.

  5. Mahnee says:

    I think my blood pressure just rose 50 points when I saw the full name of the company. I know it’s OK, but it briefly scared the snot out of me.

  6. Amber says:

    I can’t remember if I’ve already mentioned this or not, but I also went through the whole “employers find blog/employers are pissed” thing, years ago, when I was on livejournal. It made my stomach churn all over again reading this.

    It IS a stupid name, though πŸ™‚

  7. Schwerer says:

    Um I can’t apologize enough for falling asleep that night, you can slap me on Saturday!

  8. Mouncie says:

    Oh this story really makes my heart sink for you. Had a situation like that myself and always try to forget it.

  9. Candy says:

    Ah holy crap. This is like the biggest fear of my life. I purposely DON’T mention work on my blog, but I blog FROM work. Mostly because I’m not busy, if I had work to do I would not be doing it. Still, every day I worry…can they find this thing just by checking my cookies or something. Now you’re making me all paranoid. Like I don’t have enough problems, Kristin!

    Anyway…you and Dooce…how come she’s making a million a year and you’re not. Or are you?? I hope you are. I like you better.

  10. It IS the stupidest name ever.

    And I heart the heck out of your blog if I haven’t mentioned that lately.

  11. Laurel says:

    It really freaks me out how much secrecy and thought goes into stupid ass corporate secrets like the company name! Shudder.

  12. blackberrie says:

    Screw them for screwing you for having an opinion!

  13. Kristie says:

    I’m anxiously waiting for the climax!

  14. Ree says:

    I know this story and it still freaks me out!

  15. Marianne says:

    Love the new template.

    Okay, I agree with Ms. Ree up there: I know how this ends and I’m still stressed.

  16. alyndabear says:

    Yikes… I am actually enjoying reading this, even though it’s making me squirm in my seat. You poor thing!

  17. Idetrorce says:

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

  18. […] The topic has come up a lot lately between my wife and I. It’s hard not to tell all, but some of us have definitely learned our lesson when it comes to disclosing company […]