Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on November 12, 2007

I’m pretty sure this is going to more anti-climactic than if had I just wrote this back when I got fired. But I said I’d tell the story, and let’s face it, it needs to be told.

Plus, I have new readers who weren’t around in April and have no idea that I got fired for my blog. Yes. For my blog. So, since it is a long-ass story, here is part one of Why I’m Glad I Don’t Work In IT Consulting Anymore.

If you search through my archives (I know you do because I am teh awesome), you’ll notice that there are posts at the end of March and nothing until April 19. And not only are there no posts, people here that were reading back then can tell you that the site was blocked. Like you weren’t even able to see a thing. Because I was found.

If you go back to the last post of March?(there was actually another one that I later deleted that joked about being found. I think the title was “Surprise!?I Have A Blog!”) you’ll see the offending post. I?talked about it a little here.

So here is what happened. For most of the month of March, we had all this shit going on with the launching of the new name of the company. We were supposed to try and guess. And I seriously didn’t care. But the girl I worked with, she REALLY cared and in turn got me totally hyped up about it. In a meeting a few days before the launch, someone told us the new name was Slalom Consulting. (Yes, I’m putting the whole name in there.) That’s the name. Slalom Consulting. We were told it started with S and had two syllables. Slapdick Consulting would have been more fitting.

Anyway, I posted that post at the end of March, a few days before the launch, and thought nothing of it. Until that day, when?I got a comment from someone I didn’t know. Without a blog. And their IP address was in Washington. At Microsoft. Where we had a ton of consultants on site. And the comment was asking about whether I found the hidden clue under something or other.

I panicked. But probably not as much as I should have. At this point, I’m not sure I deleted the post yet. That night I wrote another post that was all “hey! I have a blog! Surprise! So do 17 million other people! No big deal.”

Or so?I thought.

So this was Friday. The night of the launch party in Seattle. The great unveiling. We actually found out the name before the party. So did pretty much everyone. And what did people do when they found out the name? They Googled it, of course. To make sure they were right. And to see the new website.

Well, it turns out that they decided NOT to launch the new website until after the launch party that night. They wanted something to unveil at the party. And they were so damn proud of their stupid name.

So what came up on Google when you searched “slalom consulting”? My blog. Yes. I was number one on the search results. I don’t even think I’m number one when you search Kristabella.

What happened was floods of people going to my blog. I’d imagine that most of them were like “what hilarious writing!” or “someone give this woman a book deal” or “who the hell is that chick?” Sadly, those aren’t the people that mattered.

Meanwhile, back in Chicago, this was when I freaked out. I deleted the posts. Possibly did some editing. And I tried SO, SO hard to get me off the number one result on Google. I thank all that is good and holy that no one in my office, the wide-open bullpen office, Googled the new name. Because I don’t know what I would have done if they were looking at it with me sitting right there. (Actually, I do know. They would have laughed. Because those people are all good people.)

It was near the end of the day Friday and I was glad I got out of there. I seriously didn’t think anything of it. I think, while at work that Friday, I went though and took out all the references to Tom Brokaw (one of the VPs) as a pompous ass. Because pompous asses usually get offended when you call them that. But other than that, I went on about my weekend. Getting excited about our party Saturday night at Wrigley Field.

That Friday night, I went over to a friend’s house to drink mass quantities of wine. I regaled stories of “whoops! Some consultant found my blog! Hee hee! I guessed their stupid name.” And then we helped Jenny make penis cookies for a bachelorette party. But mostly, we ate the broken penises and drank wine. And I? Mostly drank wine.

On my walk home about midnight, I checked my cell phone. I had about 10 texts from a co-worker. One of the VPs in Seattle was trying to get a hold of me. And then I listened to my voicemail. And my worst nightmare hit me smack dab in the face. They found the blog. And I was to call VP as soon as possible. Regardless of time.

Still, at this point, I didn’t freak out too bad. I’m sure it was because of the wine. So at a very inappropriate time to be calling someone from work, let alone with a bottle of wine in your belly, I called. And I sobered up immediately.

He told me they found it. And that people were printing things out. And highlighting things I had said. And passing them around the party in Seattle. I was the talk of the Seattle launch party. ME! And my silly blog. And the CEO? He was not pleased. One. Bit.

I immediately logged on and edited old posts. There wasn’t a lot to edit, but I took out the Pompous Ass posts. I tried to erase my utter dislike of Changepoint. It didn’t matter. It was too late. The damage was done. The posts were printed. And did you all know about Google cache? And that it doesn’t matter if that site doesn’t exist anymore. You can always get the cached version of it. Yeah, neither did I.

Even when you lock it. Which is what I did. And I had a ton of hits for the cached pages. That you shouldn’t have been able to see because the site was locked. And I was even the site of the day on WordPress.com. Yet, I was not celebrating.

I was up late on Friday night. I was editing and then locking and then freaking out. I was sending text messages, panicking. Asking everyone who was up at 1:30 AM if they thought I would get fired. Too bad they all fell asleep before they could answer that question. Which means, I didn’t sleep much that night. Because I figured my friends couldn’t even lie to me and I was SO going to get the boot.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s dramatic end to the story! Because I’m sure you haven’t figured out how it ends!

Categories: All Things Blogging, NaBloPoMo, Worky Work
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