My Therapist Might Have A Point

Posted By on July 23, 2008

Monday night I went to my appointment with my therapist. And I told her all about BlogHer and such fun and OMG my internet friends are THE BEST.

Somehow later in the conversation, she asked if I thought I spent too much time on the internet. And I was all “pshaw, woman! There is no such thing!”

She thinks I should make sure I am not avoiding real life by spending all my time inside my little computer box. To which I said “Real life is a fucking FAIL WHALE.”

I told her I don’t think I avoid doing things to spend time on the internet. I am an inherently lazy person, so it isn’t like I’d be taking long walks on the beach if I wasn’t on the internet. I would be sitting my ass on the couch watching TV or reading. The Lazies, I has them.

And then she tried to tell me that there is something wrong with watching TV and then I was all “if you only KNEW the crap I watch lady” and then I stabbed her with her pen. Because TV is GOOD. I’m not paying you a $20 co-pay each week to TELL ME DIFFERENTLY.

Then on Tuesday, I drove into work (I didn’t go in Monday. My ceiling was destroyed, which means I got to sleep in and catch up on my feed reader! Yay for leaky roofs!) and as soon as I pulled into the parking lot, I saw someone that I work with and was like “hey, you’re not wearing you’re BlogHer badge. This isn’t BlogHer. Where are my internet peeps? WAH.”

When I got into the office, people were all excited to ask me about my trip. The trip I took to San Francisco to visit friends, which really isn’t that much of a lie. Here’s a sample conversation:

Dude I work with: How was your trip?


DIWW: Yeah? That’s cool. What did you do?

Me: Oh. Um, I like, hung out and stuff.

DIWW: Cool. Where did you go to eat?

Me: Macy’s, I mean we went to some Italian place.

DIWW: Macy’s?

Me: Oh, I thought you asked where I got the shoes that are on my feet.

DIWW: *blink blink* Did you go to Napa?


Whew. I cannot lie to people. I almost slipped several times like talking about parties and bloggers and drink tickets, oh my! But they would not understand. I don’t think they even know what a blog is. And they definitely don’t know what a fail whale is.

And then on my way home, I taked to her on the phone. And we talked about the weekend and bitched about certain things and emails and talked about our sadness that we were not still in SF and that we had to be at work and we were not given 2 free drink tickets or free Cheetos at work. We had sadness times four. A Sadness Quad, if you will.

And while we talked on the phone, we talked about emails and blog posts and bloggers and then we got off the phone and we emailed and emailed some more. And then I was like “hmmm, maybe I do spend too much time on the internet.”

So then I took a break and hooked up my new DVR (FUCKING FANTASTIC NEWS!) and watched some TV and went about setting all my timers for all my trashy reality shows that I have missed in the last week. Which I then Twittered about.

Well, OK, she does have a point. I spend a lot of time online. Probably too much. But I’m fine with it. Because of my time on the internet, I’ve found that I have a passion for writing, I’ve written some stuff over here, I’ve read a lot of blogs by amazing writers and most of all, because of my time on the interweb, I met a ton of amazing people this last weekend.

To which Bacon says maybe my therapist should Liven Up A Salad and shut her internet-hating meat face.

(She’s so going to find this one day and fire me as a client.)

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


37 Responses to “My Therapist Might Have A Point”

  1. Katie says:

    All of my co-workers kept asking how my “creative writing” conference went. I’m not a good liar either so I quickly changed the subject!

    Katie’s last blog post..Why I Do What I Do

  2. Just never, ever give her the blog address!

  3. moo says:

    If you have a community of friends and collegues, where does it matter where it is? If you were into S&M and attended conferences, would she disapprove about that too?

    I understand she thinks you’re avoiding real life. But I don’t think she understands what blogging really IS.

    moo’s last blog post..I keep getting carded

  4. Cara says:

    Therapist shmerapist. TV and interweb ARE life.

    Cara’s last blog post..Speedbumps

  5. Ashmystir says:

    I wondered that about me too. I play alot with my camera, Flickr, photoshop and my blog.


    Ashmystir’s last blog post..Just died laughing!!

  6. Candy says:

    Snort. Yeah she may have a point. A pointy head! She’s just jealous of you and all your cool friends.

    Candy’s last blog post..The Right Stuff?

  7. Rhi says:

    Dude. I like my people inside the box better than my real life friends. BUT YOU DID NOT HEAR THAT FROM ME.

    Rhi’s last blog post..Because you were hoping for another BlogHer Update Post, and I always deliver

  8. Noelle says:

    I don’t understand why being online is a problem. Isn’t it a problem to not do things that you enjoy? I think she needs to read up on therapy: 2008.

    Noelle’s last blog post..You know, I worked on an Ashton Kutcher movie once…

  9. As long as your not pandering your homemade porn, ordering Russian brides, or buying the at-home weapons of mass destruction kit; you’re probably fine. Plus, she doesn’t know that you’re kind of a big deal and she will shutherfuckingtherapistface when the blog makes you rich and famous!

    thecoconutdiaries’s last blog post..The Corruptor

  10. Melissa says:

    Better be careful…she’s gonna quit ya! 😉

    I think it’s just the generation…we all spend a lot of time on the internet and watching tv…what is your shrink like 80?

    Melissa’s last blog post..Are You Happy to See Me?

  11. EmilyPie says:

    OK, for reals, my work cronies knew what was up. I can’t lie. So I was all… hey, I’m going to a blogging conference for wimenz! And my boss was like, “blogging?” I shit you not, 17 times over the next 5 months, she would ask, “So what is the purpose of a bl-og?” So when I got back, everyone asked me, “How was your blogging?”
    Not, how was your blogging conference …. but just blogging. I couldn’t help but laugh and say great and walk away. They like to make me feel like a nerdy-nerdy-pants for doing this… but I know the real truths …. they are nerds for not being apart of this.

  12. slynnro says:

    Dude. I so LOLd times FOUR about SADNESS QUAD.

    Like, people came into my office and were like WTF about it.


    slynnro’s last blog post..My Tuesday, In Photographs, or Why I Love the Internet

  13. Laurel says:

    I think it’s definitely a balance. Sometimes I feel too sucked in to the internet, but it’s so fun!!

    Laurel’s last blog post..Whip It Up #3: Crispy Scallion and Asiago Potato Pancakes

  14. Sarah says:

    It’s so interesting you say that because I noticed this past weekend how women kept saying they were so overwhelmed and nervous (myself included) I wonder if blogging is a big ole safety blanket for all of us? hmm

    Sarah’s last blog post..Such Great Heights

  15. LarryLilly says:

    Lets face it, the internet is a great place to meet people with similar interests; normal or weird.

    But it isnt real life. And when you live in the box, soon your “can” looks like the chair its sitting on.

    So like all things in life, a balance is best. Now, the blogher convention is great to actually get out and test the waters as to how “real” your outward personality is. Here, sitting behind the screen, we are all witty, clever, award winning writers. Out there, maybe we arent as good, and maybe the people that read our blogs are equally demented as us, and its hard to judge if your witty, clever and worthy of awards when the entire universe is equally delusional.

    Just saying…….

    LarryLilly’s last blog post..Great, now I am being told I am a woman

  16. regan says:

    I told Slynnro last night (via email) “FAIL WHALE indeed, my friend. Real life sucks”

    And my therapist says te same thing about spending time on the internet. I blame it on the fact that she’s older and therefore just doesn’t understand.

    regan’s last blog post..maybe I should have donated money to NPR

  17. Sheri says:

    Just wanted to let you know my silence can be bought……

    Sheri’s last blog post..Where Did it All Go???

  18. jennster says:

    all my co-workers know about my blog and the conference !~ha!!!

    your therapist is just jellus. tell her that next time you see her. JELL-US.

    jennster’s last blog wanna do what tonight? ha!

  19. Wendy says:

    If i wasn’t on the net, I would just be eating something….anything. So, I ask you which is worse?

    Wendy’s last blog post..Which Cubie You Be?

  20. Amber says:

    Dude, you got linked on Amalah! Excited!

    Ok, so I DEFINITELY spend too much time on the internet. But I would stab anyone in the eye who tried to tell me that was a bad thing, so it’s all good.

    Amber’s last blog post..List-tastic, baby!

  21. amanda says:

    I think your therapist needs a blog, or some drink tickets.

    amanda’s last blog post..Journal of a Traveler

  22. girlplease says:

    Maybe she spends too much time judging people for pay?

    girlplease’s last blog post..Kids say the darndest things

  23. girlplease says:

    Hey, kids say the darndest things isn’t my latest blog. WTF with your ‘hey read my latest cool post’ gadget?

    girlplease’s last blog post..Kids say the darndest things

  24. Angella says:

    I wish MY ceiling had crashed in and I had a day with my feed reader. I love my real-life friends and all, but arriving the day after I got home was BAD TIMING.

    I miss you, dude.

    Angella’s last blog post..Back To Life, Back To Reality

  25. Sarah says:

    It’s not like you’re an antisocial computer nerd playing fantasy computer games all day long. You’re making FRIENDS on the computer. I bet your therapist doesn’t even know how to use the internet!

    Sarah’s last blog post..Ask Sarah

  26. Bailey says:

    Sounds like you had fun at Blogher!

    BTW, since you spend all that time on the internet anyway, I’ve tagged you for a meme 🙂

    Bailey’s last blog post..Six Things

  27. Kerri Anne says:

    1. It was great! to meet you.
    2. We did NOT have enough time to hang out.
    3. Your writing is hilarious.
    4. I LOVE Cheetos.
    5. And, um, numbered lists.
    6. Ahem.

    Kerri Anne’s last blog post..Weekend Update, Pre-Vacation Edition

  28. Vanessa says:

    I love the internet, it’s officially the best invention evah! Also, think about all the people you have connected with over blogs, twitter, etc. That’s awesome and would not have happened just walking around your neighborhood.

  29. andi says:

    Like Katie, I went to a “writing conference.” And OMFG, this line – “Real life is a fucking FAIL WHALE.” I’m going to put that on a t-shirt.

    andi’s last blog post..Common sense and impeccable timing: I have neither

  30. Kristie says:

    There is no such thing as too much Internet. I say so.

    Kristies last blog post..Parenting is tough sometimes.

  31. Um, yeah, I think I spend WAY too much time on the Internet. And all my friends in SF? I MET ONLINE. Try explaining that to all your friends back home.

    “How did you make friends so quickly when you moved out to SF a few months ago?”

    “Umm…through my blog…”


    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Oh, Canada

  32. Evil Genius says:

    Therapist-Schmerapist. What does she know? 🙂

    Evil Geniuss last blog post..My Own Little Conundrum

  33. Poppy Buxom says:

    See, everyone makes fun of housewives, but at least we don’t have to explain trips. “I’m getting the fuck out of here to visit friends, and you’re paying for it!” is all I needed to say.

  34. Manic Mommy says:

    Hahah. This was funny! I want to hear more about the pilfered cheetos! I saw the photo of you hailing a taxi with the bowl in hand!

    Manic Mommys last blog post..Life Is A Highway …

  35. heather says:

    you need to get your ass to urban dictionary RIGHT NOW and coin “Fail Whale.” That is the funniest shit I’ve heard in DAYS.

    Let’s go back to BlogCamp!

    heathers last blog post..My Daughter, The Dress Up Doll

  36. Dude. I think that’s why I don’t have a therapist anymore. I “pshaw” all over that witcha.