How Not To Start A Morning

Posted By on July 2, 2008

I thought for sure today would be a great day, coming off my awesome Canada Day high (literally and figuratively). And then I got on the bus. And then my day just started on a shitty note.

This morning when I got on the bus, I put my nose deep in my book and got ready for my lovely commute to work with crazy bus people and loving that I didn’t have to drive in city traffic. (Even though I have to get up earlier, I do actually enjoy taking the bus. Most days.)

This morning’s ride was horrible. It was a little after 7 AM, which will always be an early time to get up for me or a late time to go to bed. I’m not a morning person. Especially when I went to bed with a pot headache and had to get up and shower for work. And I didn’t get to sleep for 14 hours like I want to every day. So little things set me off in the morning – cat puke on my shoe, spilling make-up on my one clean pair of pants and my hair not cooperating. One thing that will make me want to get all stabby? Screaming babies on a bus.

OK mommies, before you send out the lynch mob, let me explain. First off, this little girl was crying FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Which, yeah, I get it, that’s what kids do. But my problem was that the mother paid absolutely no attention. And was totally set on making everyone on the bus STABBY HATE. Clearly this little SCREAMER didn’t want to be strapped in the stroller. Then take her out. Or bring a toy. Or actually look at her because that little girl probably just wants some attention! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SHUT HER UP!

Mom (or sister or babysitter or whoever she was) was so NOT attentive that when the bus driver had to slam on the brakes, her baby in the stroller with the back towards the front of the bus rolled to the front of the bus backwards and then her weight took over and she fell backward and SMACKED her head on the ground of the bus.

Mom didn’t even flinch. The guy next to me flinched even. Or stifled a laugh. (OK, that was me. Falling anything is always funny. I can’t help it.) DO SOMETHING!

I gave Screaming Baby full permission to cry after this. Which she did. And when mom paid her some attention and gave her some love? Quiet as a mouse. But that lasted about two hot seconds. And then the SCREAMING. And my ear drums were BLEEDING. And all I wanted was a calm ride to work to read my book and relax.

They got off not soon enough, at Division, which is about 30 blocks from my house. That is a lot of blocks. A LOT OF BLOCKS OF SCREAMING.

On top of that, there was a man with Tourettes yelling some nonsensical things REALLY LOUD every now and then. But that was OK because it wasn’t for long. It mostly scared me because he always seemed to yell in the two seconds when Screaming Baby took a deep breath to let out another PIERCING CRY.

And yes, I realize I should probably never have kids. Although, screaming kids are less annoying when they are related to you. Probably because you can slap the scream right out of them. (I kid.)

But then I had the world’s best refried beans at lunch, found out I get to ditch most of Monday for a going away lunch and all was right in the world. Because if REALLY FUCKING AWESOME refried beans cannot make you happy, then what can?

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


27 Responses to “How Not To Start A Morning”

  1. Vanessa says:

    You know what I call bus rides like that? Birth control.

    Hope tomorrow is better. Or you have noise elimination head phones.

  2. Dingo says:

    I don’t think the man had Tourettes. I think he was shouting what everyone on the bus was thinking, “Shut your fucking meat face!”

    Dingo’s last blog post..I’ll Make My Own Lemonade

  3. I don’t get parents like that. I never let my kids scream like that and always tried to keep them quiet and nearly invisible. So, I’m extra judgmental when I see lazy ass parents who clearly don’t give a shit.

    We flew from DC to London on a plane with a little girl who said, “Mommy!” approximately every 10 second for seven hours and Mommy sat there and ignored the child the entire time. Too busy reading her Cosmo, I guess. If I hadn’t been plugged into my iPod, I would have totally lost my shit somewhere over Greenland.

    Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..The work-at-home-mom with ADD

  4. That would have caused me to get off the bus and get on the next one. Because I could NOT DEAL.

  5. michele says:

    yea. i know those moms. i makes me stabby as well. and not to be a total ahole here, but there are definitely certain ethnicities that let their kids do that more than others. i have had a woman tell me that people from “her country” (trying to not be too specific here, for fear of the hate mail) allow their kids to run rampant all over without doing anythign about it. GAH! WTF people! my mother would have killed me if i had behaved that way.

    michele’s last blog post..West Coast vs. East Coast

  6. Mouncie123 says:

    I’m a Mommy and I would be all apologetic if that was happening with my kid. Let me just say it doesn’t happen with my kids and apparently that Mommy doesn’t have the I’ll beat you when we get out of hear look down pat yet. (JK)
    It was OK for you to have the stabby attitude.

  7. Bethy says:

    I don’t blame you for being pissed off. A few months ago my work transportation situation entailed 2 buses. Sometimes you board a smooth trip, other times you find yourself riding Murphy’s Law Bus, with loud cell phone talkers, teenagers, babies, and crazies. Usually the latter happens on days when you already have a splitting headache and have been fantasizing about vodka since you woke up. Or is that just me?

    Bethy’s last blog post..Indonesian Torture

  8. ali says:

    kids crying is annoying as hell…even when it’s your own kid..:)

    ali’s last blog post..i’m a television whore. and i need your help.

  9. Ree says:

    Start carrying duct tape in your purse. The rest of the bus will applaud. The mother won’t notice.

    Ree’s last blog post..WW – Fast Times at Norwalk Ohio

  10. Ashmystir says:

    Can’t compete with awesome refried beans! =D

    Ashmystir’s last blog post..if you like jude law…

  11. Laurel says:

    I hate children who cry. Do you think they can genetically engineer a noncrying baby by the time I am ready to reproduce?

    Laurel’s last blog post..Secrets, Secrets!

  12. Raven says:

    I am a mommy and screaming babies make me want to SHAKE THE BABY. Heh.

    Raven’s last blog post..half-assery will get you everywhere

  13. JRM says:

    Tourettes and a screaming baby? Only on the bus.

    JRM’s last blog post..Things Observed, No. 2

  14. Kristie says:

    That’s the great thing about being a parent. You have the ability to ignore your own kids.

    I do it everyday.

    (Ok, not really, but I have the ability to ignore.)

    Kristie’s last blog post..A drop in the bucket

  15. Sheri says:

    I hate when parents ignore their kids.

    I have 3 crazy boys and have dealt with more than my fair share of screaming for no apparent reason, but at least when I’m in public, I try to be apoligetic and figure out what the hell is up. Jeez, was that a run on sentence or what…..

    Anywhooo, sounds like you need an ipod or something to shut out the noise. Or bring Bacon with you on the bus, he’ll shut the kid up, or the guy with whatever he has. And then he could slap the mom too.

    Love beans…..the magical fruit you know.

    Sheri’s last blog post..The Great Abyss

  16. Nic says:

    Ugh, I hate when there are crying kids and the parents are doing nothing. Even if they’re trying to let the kids cry it out and teach them a lesson, there are other people out there feeling stabby and stressed.

    Nic’s last blog post..Home v. Home

  17. Angella says:

    I find crying kids annoying and I have three of them. Nothing cheeses me more than when parents ignore it.

    Angella’s last blog post..Another $250 Giveaway For BlogHer

  18. Danielle-Lee says:

    I hate parents like that. It makes you wonder if they pay attention to the kid at home…..
    Mmmmmm Refried beans. 🙂

    Danielle-Lee’s last blog post..Tying up some loose ends

  19. Also, I just read this and thought you’d enjoy it…

  20. Melina says:

    almost completely unrelated. John and I are were in Chicago last year for our anniversary. I was so drunk I couldn’t walk and and so I crawled down Division St.

    Melina’s last blog post..In the Most Unexpected Places

  21. Melina says:

    I’m yeah, I don’t know what I did to that sentence up there…but um, I’m an English teacher for Heaven’s sake!

    Melina’s last blog post..In the Most Unexpected Places

  22. My favorite thing on the bus are stinky homeless guys who yell at each other. One guy starts saying crap like “I didn’t think Obama would support the death penalty. I think all child molesters should be killed. Because I was molested…” and the other one starts shouting “No one wants to hear that shit! Obama is an idiot-” then they proceeded to have, what I’m sure they felt, was witty political banter. Loudly. Still, I’ll take this over a screaming kid any day.

    thecoconutdiaries’s last blog post..Being A Bitch Is Hard Work, Part III

  23. Teri says:

    I’m certain that the same stupid, screaming baby has followed me to work as well. What makes it even MORE INFURIATING is that the mom didn’t give a shit. Often I stare at them in hopes that they realize what selfish itdiots they are and then they will do what they should do….shut up their (often ugly) fucking kid ! ! !

  24. Coast Rat says:

    When a parent completely ignores a screaming child, especially out in a crowded public arena, then something in wrong with that parent. The parent may not be successful in getting the screaming child to quiet down, but at least an effort must be made. The mother obviously has other priorities.

    Coast Rat’s last blog post..REESE STOPPED BY

  25. Nicole says:

    That’s what iPods are for. They help avoid the stabbiness.

    And your buses sound like ours. There’s a reason I don’t like public transportation (although, our commuter train is much better – more suits and ties, few children with the exception of the odd field trip).

    Nicole’s last blog post..Overheard – Two Conversations

  26. Evil Genius says:

    No, no, no, you’ve got your tactic all wrong. You eat the refried beans BEFORE you get on the bus with the crying baby. Then you sit RIGHT NEXT TO THE MOMMY and pass gas just as long as you like. Either she’ll get off the bus to get away from you, or she’ll think it’s the kid and pick it up to check its diaper, thus giving it some much needed attention. See? Win-win. LOL

    Evil Genius’s last blog post..Starbucks Schadenfreude

  27. Katie says:

    Does it make me a terrible person if I think Tourettes is kind of funny?

    Katie’s last blog post..More Beautiful Than Fireworks…