Miss Independence
Posted By Kristabella on July 6, 2008
Did everyone have a nice long weekend, celebrating America’s birthday by stuffing your face full of hot dogs, apple pie and a keg of beer, all while watching fireworks? If I’m America, I’m mad because can we do something else for my birthday? For fuck’s sake, ENOUGH WITH THE FIREWORKS, HOT DOGS AND BEER.
To which I say to America, shut your fucking country face, you’re old. You should be happy we’re even still celebrating.
I did nothing to celebrate this weekend. Well, scratch that. I celebrated by stuffing my face full of grilled cheese, because it was the only thing I had in the house. I also celebrated by sleeping A LOT, watching TV and drinking beers. So really, a typical Kristabella birthday celebration. Or typical weekend for that matter.
I didn’t watch any fireworks. I could see some out of my window as I was lazily dozing off on the couch Friday night. Because apparently I’m as old as the good ol’ U S of A, because I was falling asleep while it was still light out.
I’m not a big fan of fireworks, mostly because I’ve seen my fair share in my life. During my summers in college I worked for a minor league baseball team and we did fireworks shows every Saturday night home game in the summer. So in two summers working for them, I’ve seen every possible pyrotechnics. And I’ve oohed and ahhed enough over burning pieces of colored fire in the sky.
Saturday I spent the day at the Taste of Chicago. Where I promptly used my 60 tickets on beer and 1/2 a Chicago style hot dog. Priorities people. Although, do not go with your friend that can do MATH IN HER HEAD because she’ll tell you just how much each ticket is worth. And that the half of hot dog I got, was like $7 or something. I prefer to think it was three tickets, which is like three pennies in my small, drunk brain.
And then Sunday I proved my independence by sleeping in, watching TV and napping on the couch. I showed my independence by getting off the couch only when absolutely necessary, which was to pee in a glass because the bathroom was too far and it was hot in my house and my independence did not involve breaking a sweat. (No. Not really. Even though my friend Schwerer told me urine is sterile. That is not a theory I want to test.)
But then the real world slapped me in the face and reminded me that I had no clean clothes and no food in the house, so I had to actually move a muscle and go to the grocery store and do laundry.
So then I gave the finger to the real world and, after doing the grown-up things, parked my fat ass on the couch and watched the premiere of I Love Moneyon VH1 while gchatting with Darcey. Since we have been waiting for this day for MONTHS, which is one of the many reasons why I love her.
Nothing says America like sleeping, being lazy, drinking beer and watching trashy reality television.
About the author
here here! I caught up on Tori and Dean. A weekend well spent!
Once I peed in an empty yogurt container because my son was in the bathroom. Now if he occupies it and I knock, he pleads with me not to pee in the yogurt container, he’ll be right out. Who knew?
witchypoo’s last blog post..Skinny Bitch Gets Felt Up
I spent the weekend sleeping, wishing I were sleep, or getting ready to go sleep. Fireworks? Who can stay up late enough to watch those? Sleeeeepppp…..
Dingo’s last blog post..I’ve Gathered Moss
Your celebrations were entirely America-approved. Kudos.
I am bummed I missed that show on the first run, I’ll have to catch it on the one of the numerous reruns today.
Raven’s last blog post..the rest of the trip
LOL.
Ashmystir’s last blog post..Photo Friday… These colors don’t run
I made the apple pie this year. I felt all patriotic and stuff.
Kristie’s last blog post..Sensibility be damned
sounds a lot like my weekend! although the reason i didn’t move off the couch on sunday probably had a lot to do with the severe hangover i was experiencing.
Alice’s last blog post..winner!!
I Love Money is on? Is that Rock of Love skank on there, Megan? Man, looks like mamma found her new trainwreck of hate-filled snark. Sweet.
The weekend for me was great until the white trash RV neighbors kids decided that my dogs are the coolest in the world and now won’t go away. The boy is literally Ralph Wiggum.
girlplease’s last blog post..Kids say the darndest things
Between hanging out at the lake, watching the Braves game that would. not. end. (17 innings, people!), watching the bf flail around the apartment with aloe, and g-chatting with you about I Love Money (All Dramaz All the Timez.), it was the perfect Sunday!
The Muse’s last blog post..From the kitchen…
Grilled cheese and sleep totally counts as “celebrating” in our house….
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I need a second Independence Day weekend so I can celebrate it your way. My girls weekend of weddings and fun was awesome, but I am exhausted and miss my couch.
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The best part about my math abilities on Saturday, they were wrong! I was off by eight cents, I am a dumbass, so instead of those beers being $6 like I thought they were, they were only $5.36, and yes, I did that in my head. Right?
I did the fireworks and beer on separate nights, and then I spent most of Saturday sleeping, being grateful for America.
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Well, America spat on me. What I thought was a, let’s face it, pretty good weekend will now be thought of the weekend where nature bitch-slapped me. I woke myself up at 3:00 AM this morning scratching the top of my foot on the end of the bed – bug bite she thinks to herself and goes back to sleep. When she reawakens at the more reasonable hour of 6:30, she finds the entire top of her foot, both forearms & between the fingers of both hands covered in poison ivy – stupid f*cking blueberries, no one else got it. To make it a super fun poison ivy time – mother nature is due to pay me a visit starting today. Anyone what to switch places?
Fireworks are overrated. Especially when your neighbors shoot them off at 11PM on July FIFTH.
Idiots.
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ha! shut your face country! should be glad we are still celebrating! ha! i have been yelled at by an old lady b/c she thought i didn’t respect all the people who died for our freedom. i was confused, but i let it go. i think she just needed to vent at the time. i didn’t watch fireworks either! who cares? drinking with friends beats fire.
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Pam Anderson called America a whore for eating hotdogs on her birthday so now America is a vegan. She decided next year she wants us all to walk around naked wearing Crocs and eating tofu and drinking organic wine. Oh, and she’s mad that no one carded her when she went to the store to buy beer.
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So glad I’m not the only one with the lazy-tastic 4th. You are my kind of lady.
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Sleeping drinking beer and watching tv is all American! I say you’ve got it down!
I’m exhausted just reading that.
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Weekend – had family in town and actually behaved when shopping. Shush – I know. I must have been sick.
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Your weekend sounds alot like most of my weekends. Well, that, alternating with grocery shopping and house cleaning and playing with two ornery cats, playing around on the computer, and possibly culminating in some wine consumption. But otherwise, pretty much the same. Ha!
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Sounds like you and I had almost an identical holiday weekend. Pretty much nice and peaceful…
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