And I Don’t Think I Said Fuck Once

Posted By on June 18, 2008

Did you guys know I start a lot of sentences with and? I didn’t realize it until I started writing for Betty Confidential and got my edited pieces back with all the Ands taken out. I’m like a fucking indecisive kid in a candy store. “I want gum drops. And I want pixie sticks. And I want wax lips. And I want candy cigarettes. And I want vodka-filled chocolate. And…”

So then one time at work I was all “I start all my sentences with and.” And my boss was all “I’ve never noticed that. Ever, actually.” If you could have seen me backpedal out of that one, boy howdy would you have been impressed. Because I don’t do it at work. Ever actually. She was right.

That was so not the point of this post. And by the way (I did it again right there), trying to submit posts to BlogHer for their open mic thing is really difficult when 99 percent of your posts start off with me rambling about baubles or stupid Yahoo! mail for a half-page before even getting to THE POINT. Kind of takes away from the funny. But I’m hoping they will move past that and let me just read when the funny starts.

And I know you all just said “AND WHEN WILL THAT BE????”

And now I just keep doing it on purpose.

Anyhootie, tonight I had my first appointment with my new therapist. I picked her randomly off a page of therapists that were close to my house. And I really like her. She seems very cool and she just let me ramble on like an asshole for a whole 45 minutes before cutting me off and telling me “hey! I do have other patients.”

And I’m all “oh, but I forgot to tell you about the one time when my dad hung up on me. Oh! And I have two cats! And I’ll have some Swedish Fish! And some Milk Duds.”

It was good. I wouldn’t say I walked out of there feeling good. I mean, I basically put my whole life and all the batshit crazy issues out on the table ALL AT ONCE. And after seeing all that, it is amazing I’m able to get dressed every day and not have to wear a bib from the drool.

But! I do like her. She was easy to talk to. (That is not saying much, my throw pillows are easy to talk to. So is the one-eyed man on the bus. Even though I’m not quite sure who he is looking at.) I told her about getting fired for the blog. She laughed. She thinks I’m wacky from living in fear of someone from work finding it. She called me honey a lot. I think she thought I was younger.

She also told me there’s depression there. She’s not thinking I need to go on medication just yet, she needs a few more sessions. But it is there. And noticeable.

I’m not surprised. More and more, I feel that way. I don’t feel nearly as bad as my lowest point the last time, but I almost started crying for no reason in her office. And that’s not normal. I went to therapy before for almost a year and I don’t think I cried once.

So I’m going to start to see her weekly for the time being. And I’m going to try to get to the bottom of this and work through all these issues that I’m having. It is nice to be able to talk to someone again. So I’m glad I finally called and got in.

And in the meantime, I’m going to stop showering, wear mismatched clothes and speak in tongues to channel the crazy.

Which is also known as a “typical weekend” in Kristabellikstan.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


37 Responses to “And I Don’t Think I Said Fuck Once”

  1. Nancy says:

    And, those therapy sessions are great little buggers that keep working with your mind during the week until the next one. And stay strong girl … things will get better. And I look forward to meeting you at BlogHer! (((hugs)))

  2. Raven says:

    I call bullshit, is it really therapy if you didn’t cuss?


    I’m glad you found one that you like and can talk to! Having you on a on a good path again is a good thing.

    Raven’s last blog post..guests?

  3. Deirdre says:

    I think you are fuckin fantastic. And I am an english teachers nightmare when it comes to putting my thoughts in writing. But you make me laugh so hard I’ve started wearing a diaper when I read your website. And I’m ok with that.

    Deirdre’s last blog post..Lets talk about weiners.

  4. Dingo says:

    I,too, write differently on my blog than I do IRL. I use run-on sentences and start sentences with AND a lot. I live in fear of students finding my blog, not because it would out me at work but because they’d be pissed off that I am so hard on them about their grammar and syntax but throw all rules to the wind when writing myself.

    Glad you found a therapist you like. Sometimes, that’s the toughest part. Everything’s downhill and uphill and downhill and uphill after that. But I am so glad you are heading in the right direction for getting better (I seem to start a lot of sentences with “but”).

    Dingo’s last blog post..What’s Black and White and Green All Over?

  5. moo says:

    And I LOVE starting sentences with and … and using poor grammar. And writin’ funny.

    Glad you like your new therapist!

    moo’s last blog post..California TV

  6. Jenn says:

    Urgh! I was in therapy for “body issues” and my therapist says “what?!? i think your beautiful!”. I think that’s psychology 101 of shit NOT to do, so I canned her. Watch out for the “honey” business. It may be cute now, but when you hit some heavy stuff you may end up wanting to hold a spork to her neck to get her to stop.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Visit to The Lady Doctor

  7. Andria says:

    Does BC link to you? That was one of the main reasons I decided not to write for them. I was informed by email that they would not link to the writers blogs at the end of the post or wherever, because they didn’t want people to click out to read the writers blog. Ugh.

    Andria’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday- Sibling Symmetry

  8. Ree says:

    Personally, I want to move to Kristabelikstan, because it’s a hella lot more sane right now than Hotfessionalville.

    Ree’s last blog post..While I’m Updating the Lust Links

  9. I’m glad you like her! And I hope it only gets better. (Look! I did it too! With the beginning sentences with “and”!)

    Anyway, I was going to say I randomly picked my OB/GYN by like closing my eyes and waving my finger around before settling on someone close to me on the screen and SHE IS SO AWESOME. I kind of want to invite her over for dinner parties and such, but that would just be awkward, I know. I think we’re on to something—we should tell everyone to pick their doctors with absolutely no research or knowledge whatsoever.

    She Likes Purple’s last blog post..Summer In Texas And The Laziness Is Palpable

  10. -R- says:

    I randomly pick all my doctors. And library books. And pretty much everything.

    I’m glad the first session went well!

    -R-‘s last blog post..Sharing Your Blog

  11. Michelle says:

    Totally normal to cry in therapy. In fact, crying = good.

  12. Noelle says:

    There’s such a fine line between making a stylistic choice to start sentences with “and” and having bad grammar.

    Noelle’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Birminghaaaaammm!

  13. Mahnee says:

    I agree…cry is good…cleansing, all that stuff. Atleast you cried in her office..I was doing it for no apparent reason at my desk last week. I am sooooooo glad you like the therapist. One big hurdle over with!

  14. Ashmystir says:

    And after your post…I looked but could not find Kristabellikstan on the map. Anywhere.


    Glad you’re going to get help. Might just need to get a few things off your chest to a outside unbias person.


    Ashmystir’s last blog post..stirring the pot…

  15. ali says:

    i start every sentence with and too. and i really want some candy.
    just saying.

    ali’s last blog post..a real mystery and a question for YOU!

  16. Laurel says:

    Your therapist sounds great! I have always had the the kind who is like “Bullshit. Get off your ass.” But a nice “honey”-saying one sounds good, too. Different attitudes work for different situations, I think.

    Laurel’s last blog post..Best Bachelorette Party Ever

  17. Kristie says:

    I hope that you get the help you need. Sometimes we need a little extra help. You might bring up Bacon in one of the sessions, too. He’s seems a bit angry at times. 😉

    Kristie’s last blog post..I’m fascinated by these and I have no idea why

  18. The Muse says:

    If it makes you laugh (and therefore feel better), I think I just blew my nose and had snot come out my ears from all the pressure in my head.


    The Muse’s last blog post..Cravings

  19. JRM says:

    I’ve cried many, many times while on the couch.

    One of my doctors told me that its a good thing to cry in therapy. His theory was that it shows that you are getting in touch with your feelings. Also, its a sign that you feel comfortable in your therapists office.

    JRM’s last blog post..Book Reading

  20. Vanessa says:

    Hooray for a good therapist! I looked for a while before finding one where I felt like I could just talk. Glad you got a good one right out of the gate.

  21. Jackee says:

    And I can’t believe that you got fired for your blog! This is my first time here, so bear with me, how’d that happen, what was their reasoning?

    On a positive, it’s good that you like your therapist, hope it all works out for you. But, I find the f word so Fullfilling, when it comes to Feelings. Just say it for cripes sake.

    Jackee’s last blog post..Peek A BOO – I SEE YOU

  22. jen says:

    You could always use the ever faithful “However,” of course, it’s just a fancy “But,” but…

    I totally admit to stealing that, but can’t remember what from.

  23. Katie says:

    I used to see a therapist and I swear, just being in her office made me want to cry. It wasn’t her, she was a very kind lady, it was just being there. Oh, and I start sentences with “and” a lot too. Who cares if it’s not gramatically correct? 🙂

    Katie’s last blog post..The Year of Still Here

  24. Sarah says:

    I’m glad you’re doing something active to make yourself feel better—most people don’t.
    I’ve seen therapists on and off in my life. I kind of feel like I’m holding them hostage with my crazy.

  25. slynnro says:

    I said “bitch” at the gynecologist yesterday.

    slynnro’s last blog post..Scenes from a Marriage: I Could Hit You But I Won’t Because That Would Be Wrong Ed.

  26. Coast Rat says:

    KB: what a great post, so many positive vibes there coming out of you. One session and it is helping already; neat! I like the “and” thing about you – it makes you more unique AND that is groovy!


  27. Melissa says:

    So that’s how you channel the crazy…thanks for letting me know…off to mismatch my clothes…

    Melissa’s last blog post..My Haunted Little Pony….

  28. Danielle-Lee says:

    I seem to say And a lot too. It’s a crutch, isn’t it?

    And (ah HA!) it sounds like you had a good first session. I really hope it goes well.

    Danielle-Lee’s last blog post..Two good friends

  29. You know what..I am really glad you wrote this post. I have suffored the same fate. You know, I am not a writer, but I love to write. I often write when I talk… and I always use elipses often..

    anyway.. my first book by editor said “Michael, did you ever pay attention in 8th grade english class?” Yea… fucker. “Just edit tha damn book I said!”

    Michael Tragic’s last blog post..“Do you want some too?” the kid asked. I just smiled 🙂

  30. Angella says:

    I use And more than I should.

    I am happy that you found a good therapist. And that you feel better 😉

    Angella’s last blog post..I Lost My Gift

  31. girlplease says:

    Glad you found someone you’re comfortable with. My former therapist was a godsend. However, it was like playing Russian Roulette in finding her.

    Other therapists:

    1. fell asleep
    2. skipped their appointment yet wanted me to still pay
    3. as soon as I walked in and said anything of substance she said “you need Wellbutrin”.

    I think 90% of them are full of shit and are there just for the money because the mental health system is in a huge mess.

    girlplease’s last blog post..How do you spell relief?

  32. Cats are great for speaking in tongues. 🙂

    I’m glad you’re feeling a little better about going. Maybe a trip to Boston would cheer you up some?

  33. Lori says:

    I’m glad you’re taking steps that may help you feel better. You are fabulous.

  34. Lara says:

    I definitely cuss at therapy.

    I’m so so so proud of you for going and for deciding to stick wtih it. Therapy can be hard, but also very rewarding. And also: big hugs for the depression. I’m right there with ya, sister.

    Lara’s last blog post..Friday Folderol

  35. Well, I thinks you’re marvelous, “ands” and all.

    And I love a sentence starting with and. It’s like a fisty f-you to all those years of Catholic school English class.

    And I love therapists. Any therapists. I love anyone who will listen to me for 45 minutes straight without dozing off. Congrats on finding a good one.

  36. Sheri says:

    Ahhhh, therapy.

    I’ve been, and oh, how I do miss. Cept for my last therapist, who was a little off kilter herself, and she wouldn’t let me talk. Isn’t thta what they do????

    AW fuck.

    Glad to hear you are working on yourself. Enjoy.

  37. Mae says:

    Good for you for actually talking to your therapist! Mine has to drag info from me word by word. The whole session I hear one brain cell yelling, “It’s none of his business! How dare he ask such personal questions!” Then my other brain cell wakes up and answers, “Because you’re paying him to, dumbass.”

    First brain cell likes it better when second brain cell is asleep.