I Do Look Good In Red

Posted By on June 10, 2008

Yesterday my good blogging pal Jodifur wrote a post about how her three year old little boy, Michael, came home and informed her that communists were bad. And she’s wracking her brain wondering where on Earth he heard it because how does that come up in conversation? With a three year old?

So I was emailing with her yesterday about it because I find it absolutely hilarious, especially since her little guy blamed the day care provider, who adamantly denies teaching three year olds about Communism.

Here is how our conversation went:

Jodifur: But I have no idea where he heard that.

KJ: Russian cartoons?

J: I think someone said something in daycare. Maybe GI Joe?

KJ: The funny thing is, how does that come up in conversation? I never say communist in normal daily conversation.

J: I know. It is weird.

KJ: I’m going to talk about communists tomorrow.

J: Just drop it in – I know a 3 year old who says communists are bad guys.

KJ: And then I’ll be all “I think he is wrong. Let’s discuss.”

J: That’s hysterical. Let me know how that goes.

KJ: I’m excited to have something to do tomorrow!

J: You should blog about it.

KJ: You are a genius.

Well, needless to say I did not talk about communists today. I actually didn’t even actually remember until the end of the day and didn’t want to be one of the other crazy people on my bus yelling and flailing their arms and eating their own hair. I actually try to draw the least amount of attention to myself on the bus because I already draw a lot of stares being like the only white person on the bus who gets off/on deep in the heart of the south side of Chicago.

But then I decided, what would it be like if I were to do it? What if I made my goal for the day to non-chalantly bring up communists in every day conversation with everyone I talk to? And then I realized I could just fake it and it would probably be funnier. Because if I did it at work I would get blank stares and people fleeing.

Example #1

Me: Hey co-worker, what do you think of my new shirt? Don’t I look good in red?

Co-Worker: Yeah. It really goes with your hair and skin tone.

Me: Good, because I have a feeling I’m going to be wearing a lot of red when I become a Communist. See you later, alligator!

Co-Worker: *blink blink*

~~~~~

Example #2

Boss: Hey Kristin, would you mind proofreading this document?

Me: Of course. Although, you even asking me is blatantly exploiting me.

Boss: What? It is YOUR JOB.

Me: It’s OK. I’m a communist. And apparently am catching on quickly in my Communism 101 classes at the Y! But don’t you worry, I won’t let it affect my job.

~~~~~

Example #3

Me: (holding out a pair of jeans) Excuse me, would you like these?

Homeless woman at bus stop: Um, are you offering me your PANTS?

Me: Yep. Do you want them?

Woman: Can I ask WHY you are offering me your pants?

Me: I’m living as a communist.

Woman: And what do jeans have to do with it?

Me: All I remember about the Soviet Union from the 80s was how the government ran up the price on denim and normal, everyday people could not afford such a luxury. So I’m giving up my jeans.

Woman: I don’t think that makes you a Communist. I think it makes you an idiot.

~~~~~

Example #4

Me: Man, that Joseph McCarthy was quite a tool.

Neighbor: That teeny bopper singer? Yeah, he’s kind of a tool, I guess.

Me: No, that is Jesse McCartney. I’m talking about Joseph McCarthy.

Neighbor: Drawing a blank, sorry.

Me: Why the fuck can’t you just be a communist so we can have a normal conversation?

~~~~~

Example #5

Me: That Marx guy was one funny dude.

Mom: Yeah, I know. I loved the Marx brothers. Groucho was my favorite.

Me: I like Karl best.

~~~~~

I think these fake conversations went better than any real life one could have gone. Do you think this puts me on some list with the government?

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

27 Responses to “I Do Look Good In Red”

  1. Dingo says:

    Now all you have to do is bring back the whole commie army look that was popular several years ago. You will be fashion forward by looking back. Aaah, yes, I with sayings like that I will be launching my own fashion show in no time. No. Time.

    Dingo’s last blog post..Old Dog Teaches New Tricks

  2. Melissa says:

    The FBI should be showing up at your door right about…NOW!

    Melissa’s last blog post..Gone Crazy….Are You Coming?

  3. witchypoo says:

    I think that communists are low on the watchlist right now. But with all the buzz about Obama, there are going to be a lot of hits from those looking for Osama.

    witchypoo’s last blog post..Ask Witchypoo: Cyber Energy and the Afterlife

  4. Raven says:

    Aren’t commies also called “pinkos”? Why the switch to pink, I wonder? Was that to make them seem less threatening?

    Raven’s last blog post..mistaken identity

  5. Kristabella the Commie. It has a nice ring!

  6. Mahnee says:

    Groucho will always be my favorite!

  7. I thought I was going to get put on the FBI’s Blog Roll with my use of plutonium in a post, glad to see I’ll have some company!

    I found you through a link in Ok, Where Was I and am so happy I did! Thanks for cracking me up this morning!

  8. jodifur says:

    Hey, Michael’s famous! You know what’s funny, we watched Charlie Wilson’s war last night and i could think of was Michael’s comment.

    jodifur’s last blog post..It Takes An Awful Lot To Bribe This Kid

  9. Ashmystir says:

    You’ve now been added to the TSA no fly list. Sorry.

    You are a freaking riot! LMAO!

    =)

    Ashmystir’s last blog post..you know the drill…

  10. Jenn says:

    Apparently I ended up on some kind of government list when I bought The Hubster “The Anarachist Cookbook”, so welcome to the club. There are no membership dues and you will learn to ignore the random shocks from the electrodes that were implanted in your brain while you slept last night. Enjoy!

    Jenn’s last blog post..Hi Ho. Hi Ho. It’s Off To WORDPRESS I go!

  11. Katie says:

    Ha ha! You need to drop Castro’s name somewhere in there too!

    Katie’s last blog post..The Post in Which I Still Don’t Recap our European Adventure, but Write About Geese Instead

  12. Noelle says:

    You could probably work in some talk about the 2008 Olympics being in Communist China.

    Noelle’s last blog post..Wordless(ish) Wednesday

  13. Laurel says:

    I would love it if you did this.

    Pretty sure the government is far more concerned with Arabs than communists these days. You’re probably safe to use the C-word as many times as possible!

    Laurel’s last blog post..Roommate Week: Part Two

  14. Nancy says:

    You’re in good company … Lucille Ball was on the “commie” watch list.

    It was found she really wasn’t, but the FBI was checking her out)

    Nancy’s last blog post..No Humping

  15. Candy says:

    You whipper snappers don’t remember the day when those blasted commies were a real threat! How dare you throw the word “communism” about like it’s nothing?? Why I oughta…

    Sorry…was channeling my father there…that was scary.

    Candy’s last blog post..Talk About Leaving You Hanging…

  16. Lys says:

    I’m sure that your FBI file got just a wee bit bigger with this post.

    Then again, if you have a cute agent that shows up on your doorstep, can you tell him I’m starting a section here in Orlando and that Mickey Mouse is also a secret Commie? Jus’ sayin’…

    Lys’s last blog post..Blog 365

  17. The Muse says:

    Look back through some of your other posts.

    (I’ll wait.)
    (Still waiting.)
    (Ah, there you are.)

    Are you sure *this* is the post that’s going to put you on some government watch-list? Yeah, I’m sure they’ve had your name for some time, girl.

    If nothing else, but for having any sort of contact with me. 😉

    The Muse’s last blog post..NYC, Part Deuce

  18. Coast Rat says:

    I spent about 3 weeks in the old U.S.S.R. in April of 1973, and it’s a wonder myself and several of my student cohorts were ever allowed to leave, with all the stuff we pulled on that trip. What I found over there was that the people are just like us; it’s the politicos who are wacko and screw everything up between the two countries. However, being an actual, card-carrying party member then did have its special privileges.

    Coast Rat’s last blog post..ANOTHER YEAR GONE – BIRTHDAY TIME!

  19. Scarlet says:

    Hahah speaking of red…my name is SCARLET.

    I wanna go to Russia. HEY CIA…HIRE ME!

    Scarlet’s last blog post..Seconds

  20. LarryLilly says:

    F^ck castro.

    Start wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt. Castro is so 20th century! Che still rulz!

    LarryLilly’s last blog post..Great, now I am being told I am a woman

  21. Senor Beavis says:

    Don’t hassle The Hoff!!!!!!!!

    Also, I need to work out a comment transcription contract with you if you keep having these issues. And yay Steph!

    Senor Beavis’s last blog post..Is this the Whale Section?

  22. While I can’t guess how a three year old learns about communism, I can tell you that my husband once described politics in North and South Korea to our four-year-old daughter. And it made sense to him at that moment.

    Jen on the Edge’s last blog post..Details and stuff

  23. Vanessa says:

    Nah, no list with the government. If it does, just tell them you are repeating what a 3 year old said!

  24. girlplease says:

    No, you didn’t say the magic words “Commie Pinko” 3 times and click your heels.

    Besides, Bush having the name Bush puts him on the list of obscenities. I think that is more important than your Commie Pinko ways.

    Pinko.

    girlplease’s last blog post..Buy me

  25. You kill me! I love you two!!

    Kimberly/ MommaK’s last blog post..The Evolution of Blogship

  26. slynnro says:

    The Joseph McCarthy one was most certainly the best.

    slynnro’s last blog post..In which I discuss something other than my thighs.