Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on August 17, 2008

Dude, I just showed my nerdiness right there by pulling out a Star Trek reference. To be clear, I love The Next Generation. I only like the Tribbles episode in the original series.

Ahem.

So this is my 400th post! Are you all so excited? I mean, it only took me about 2 years to reach this elusive level. A level a lot of bloggers reach in a little over a year because they write everyday or close to it. They don’t write about being overwhelmed and then FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

I’m still here. I was not swallowed up by the FIVE HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH. (I told them to shove their interview up their assholes.) I’m still overwhelmed and I’m trying to deal with it. A job would really help that situation.

Anyway, I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to celebrate my 400th POST OF AWESOMENESS! Where awesomeness = LOTS OF CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!

Oh, and Bacon!

So in honor of my 400th post, I wanted to do something special for all of you. All of you who continue to come here and read these posts for God only knows what reason.

Nic suggested that I give out gifts. And we both agreed, the prize should involve bacon. Because what more would all of you want than a Bacon gift?

The correct answer is nothing.

I’m giving away not one, but TWO, prizes to TWO lucky readers.

First prize will be this lovely prize, of Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu.

And second prize will be Bacon band-aids!

I know you’re all going to be fighting over these fabulous prizes. Who wouldn’t want BACON BAND-AIDS?

To enter, leave a comment and tell me why you deserve to win. Bonus points awarded for saying nice things about me and/or Bacon. Or your creative uses for one of the prizes, i.e. going to work with a Bacon band-aid on your nose or photographing Monsieur Tofu stealing bacon from the fridge in the middle of the night.

I’ll keep the contest open until Wednesday night at 10 PM CST.

Good luck! Comment away!

Category: All Things Blogging, Bacon, Charity | 50 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 13, 2008

I’m in this weird funk lately. Not like down-in-the-dumps funk, but more of a how-am-I-going-to-find-time-to-get-everything-done kind of funk. I’m a bit overwhelmed, as if you couldn’t tell by my post title.

I have about 16 days left of work. Not that I’m counting or anything. And in that time we have another sales conference (see how they worked that? Making sure that I was there right up until they had no more conferences in Chicago so they wouldn’t have to do any work?) So I’m busy trying to wrap things up, get those old invoices off my desk and finish up any last minute projects, since I’ve got just about 2 weeks left in the actual office. (Yes, I am too nice and should just “forget” to do these things before I leave but I JUST CAN’T.)

On top of that, I’m trying to find my ass a job. I’ve been spending a lot of time working on my resume, sending it out and crafting the perfect cover letters to go along with each position. Cover letters like the one I sent out that I actually typed “would make me an excellent candidate for YOUR OPENING AT JOB NAME.” Because when I typed the letter the first time, I figured I was smart enough to remember to change that one line before I sent it out. And yet clearly, I am not smart enough.

I’ve had some response to my applications. I have an interview scheduled for Friday morning and another one on Monday morning. I have yet to hear back about the FIVE-HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH and I think I’m OK with it. To be honest, in my two conversations with HR Guy, we’ve discussed salary and he hasn’t come close to what I’m asking for. I’m thinking the FIVE-HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH is to get me all worn down so I’ll agree to the measly salary he’s offering because I’ll just want to get out of there and have a glass of water.

Part of me doesn’t even want to schedule the FIVE-HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH if they are still interested. Yes, it will be good practice. And come on, I could just make up ridiculous answers and get a good blog post out of it. But I don’t really want this job. But I feel like I can’t turn down an interview, even a FIVE-HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH, when I’m 16 working days away from being unemployed. Not that I’m counting or anything.

So the job hunting thing is keeping me busy (and subsequently keeping me awake at night NOT dreaming about hot, half-naked, long-armed swimmers). There’s a wee part of my brain that wishes I would have started looking for a job a little bit later in August so that I could take some time off before starting a new job in September. But then the not-so-wee part of me knows that these opportunities might not be there in a week and that wee part of me should shut the hell up. Because then you know what we can use our severance on, wee part? A new flat-screen TV. Boo. Yah.

Looking for a job is a full-time job. Especially when you’re doing it at work and the phone rings and then people stop by at your desk or you have to answer actual work-related emails. It is hard to keep track of which jobs you’ve applied for, since Monster and Career Builder list a lot of the same positions. That alone is overwhelming enough for me.

And then I add in my blog reading and my emailing and my blog writing and my awesome chats on IM and blogging drama and the OLYMPICS and I’m having a hard time keeping up with EVERYTHING. And things are starting to suffer. I think my writing here has suffered the most. My mind is so full of things I have to do, things that can be quite stressful, thinking about every interview, wanting to NOT send the WRONG cover letter out, so I can’t fit much more in my brain. And that means that I don’t have room in my wee little brain to come up with creative posts.

But I have to write as much as I can. I’m easily distracted and if I take more than a few days off from writing, I can easily talk myself into not doing it ever again. Talk to my gym membership. He knows what I’m talking about.

So until the Olympics end, or until I get a job or until the FIVE-HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH, you are going to have to deal with the crap I write here.

You may just want to go Google images of half-naked swimmers. It’s much more entertaining. 

And let’s be honest, that’s really what I’ve been “overwhelmed” with.

Category: Job Search, Land of Random | 36 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 12, 2008

The Olympics are giving me ADD. I started writing two posts yesterday and had to give up because they were just CRAP! If it’s not Scottish, it’s CRAP!

I wanted to tell you about how I spent my weekend as a cat. How I got home Friday from work, earlier than normal, and took a two-hour nap. And how after getting my eyebrows waxed on Saturday morning, I came home and took a three-hour nap. And how I spent most of Sunday on the couch, alternating between reading my book and taking hour-long naps.

But then I was like well, yeah, people will believe that cats nap. But people won’t believe that cats would wax off their hair. ON PURPOSE.

And then I was going to tell you about the new business that moved into a strip mall on Montrose that I pass on my walk home from the bus. Apparently these people are mad about people passing by and looking in the window. So they put a note on the window that said “Dear people passing by, STOP STARING! WE ARE NOT A ZOO. AND WE HAVE GUNS.”

So I decided I would leave a note the next day that said “Dear asshats who decided to start a business in a strip mall that is MADE OF WINDOWS, they are called blinds. Or curtains. And guns are illegal in the city of Chicago. Don’t worry, I already alerted the police. You’re welcome. And we’re soooo glad you’re in the neighborhood.”

But then I saw they got blinds. And I was a little sad. Because I was proud of my note.

So then I was going to tell you about my growing obsession with the Olympics and hot, young swimmers. But then I didn’t think you needed to see that side of my crazy and how I kill time on nbcolympics.com looking at the bios of athletes. And reading up on my new boyfriend. Good thing I didn’t mention that.

And then I was going to ask if anyone else giggles that the swimming announcer’s name is Rowdy. And if anyone else thinks to themselves “R-O-W-D-I-E that’s the way we spell ROWDIE. ROWDIE. Let’s get ROWDIE. WOO!”

Just me then?

But I will tell you that crazy HR person from last week told me they would like to bring me in for an interview. And he said I should prepare for a FIVE-HOUR INTERVIEW. And he wasn’t kidding. And then I mistakenly asked if he was considering me for CEO because why would an Account Coordinator need to be interviewed for FIVE HOURS? And what can I tell them that I haven’t already told them? Because I’m wondering if there will be a lie detector and if I will finally give up in tears and yell out “I WAS FIRED FOR MY BLOG!” And then storm out of the room.

But then I figured no one really needed to hear any of this. Good thing I never mentioned any of it.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, Job Search, Land of Random, Sports | 28 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 11, 2008

I am obsessed with the Olympics.

Every two years, I get sucked in and am constantly wondering how the US is faring, how many medals we’ve won, how the favorites have done. I spend my time watching events on TV and following it on the internet because I get super crazy patriotic and hold my breath and hope that every one of our athletes does their very best and obviously that they win a medal. It breaks my heart to see people stumble or get injured and not get to be able to fulfill their one goal of not only making it to the Olympics, but doing their best and putting everything out there.

To me, there is no higher goal than participating in the Olympics and getting to represent your country. I don’t know that there is a greater honor for an athlete.

And then there is NBC and their sappy stories featuring certain athletes, which makes me cry. Or when they show any of the athlete’s parents in the audience, just thinking about the sacrifice those parents made to get their child to the Olympics will make me tear up every time. Or watching an athlete get emotional on the medal stand. It’s like two weeks of tugging at my heart strings!

And every two years I tell myself that I probably won’t get as sucked in to the Olympics as I have in the past. And every two years I watch the Opening Ceremonies and get teary with all those athletes in one place, seeing some countries allow women athletes to compete for the first time or countries with only two athletes being as excited as an athlete from one of the powerhouse countries. Even seeing George Bush in the stands was awesome, having him there all giddy and waving to the athletes like a fool.

Chicago is a finalist for the Olympics in 2016. It would be so awesome if we were to be the host. It is one of my dreams to go to an Olympics and get to be a spectator, at both the summer and the winter games.

Plus, staring at half-naked, hairless swimmers isn’t really a bad thing to be looking at on my television.

Category: All Things Blogging | 24 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 7, 2008

Last night on my bus ride home I got a call from someone about a possible job. He had found my resume online and was really interested in talking to me. I was very excited, even more so after Katie told me that recruiters don’t call unless they are really interested.

This morning when I got in, I checked out the company’s site and it seemed like a really great company, kind of cutting edge and something that sounds like I would enjoy.

So I went into an empty office (we have a lot of them at work) and called this guy back. He didn’t answer so I left a message with my name and that I was returning his call from the previous evening. About 10 minutes later he called. My first clue that isn’t wasn’t going to be the best phone call was when he was all “who are you again? Did I call you? What is your name? Can you just email me your resume?”

Dude, I LEFT YOU A MESSAGE. Get your ass prepared with my info BEFORE you call me back.

Anyway, I didn’t hang up on him and he discussed the job opening. And then he asked if I had time to talk. And then I proceeded to have a 40-minute phone interview with this guy. It went petty well. I think I do better when I’m unprepared and don’t know it is coming. I was almost like chit-chatting with him, which can either help or harm me.

One of his first questions was the typical “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” question. He actually made it more complicated and wanted to know about one year from now, five years from now and what my opinion of my life would be 10 years from now.

Since I’m looking for a job, not a career (but can’t really say that to someone), I tend to go with my vague answer that I want to be in a position where I am constantly learning and in a job that I enjoy and that makes me happy and makes me want to get out of bed in the morning.

The thing is I have no goals of being a VP or a CEO or anything like that. I have no aspirations. I do not want to climb the corporate ladder. Climbing is exercise.

I know I want to write. I want to be published. I want to get married. And I want to be a stay at home mom. I know what I want to be. It’s just that none of these things make me really desirable as a prospective employee.

Normally my vague answer suffices. I can talk out of my ass if I have to, but that generally gives them enough. They get sucked into my world of puppies and rainbows and working at jobs we love and enjoy getting up for.

Not this guy. He brought it up three more times in the conversation. He kept saying “I still don’t really understand what your goals are? Do you want to be in marketing? What do you want to do? Where will you be in five years? WHERE?”

And then I said “I will be 36, single and have eight cats!” and hung up on his ass!

Actually I danced around it again and finally said “yeah, I love marketing. It makes my heart race. And my panties moist! Yay marketing! Capital M to the A to the R-K-E-T-I-N-G! Yay marketing!”

But seriously, I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to lie. But I’m thinking I may have to stretch the truth a little otherwise I will never get a job.

Which is where you all come in – what would you guys say to that question? Would you lie? Stretch the truth? Do you think the vague answer should suffice? And then after that just tell them what they want to hear? I need your HALP! Kthxbai.

Category: Job Search | 52 Comments »
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