Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on January 18, 2009

I thought I’d update all of you on my heartburn issues. I got into the doctor on Friday morning. After reading all your comments, I figured it was best to go in and see her, even if all I got was a prescription for Prilosec or something.

I actually had a bit of a stomachache Thursday night into Friday and pretty bad acid reflux, so I was glad I made the appointment. And then I woke up nauseous on Friday morning, so I was pretty sure something more than heartburn was going on.

Turns out, there is.

I like this doctor, but hate going to the doctor in general. I’m not sure why. I’ve never had a bad experience at the doctor. I told my doctor all my symptoms. She kind of asked me, with a raised eyebrow, about me having these symptoms since the beginning of December. I tried to defend myself, but really, I had no excuse. I thought it was heartburn and why pay a $20 co-pay for what I already knew?

But the reason I went in is because it has gotten BAD. Like all of a sudden, with no major changes to my weight or diet, it got to be annoying and really hard to deal with. And she agreed that it was weird. It doesn’t normally come on like that if there isn’t some issue somewhere else.

So the diagnosis is that I have some sort of stomach issue. It could be some big, long name of some sort of stomach infection, it could be an ulcer, it could be some sort of irritation of the stomach lining. She took blood work to see if there is an infection. But in the meantime, I’m on a powerful acid reducer for six weeks. And I’m supposed to follow an acid reflux diet in that time. Which means no SPICY TACOS for awhile.

But it also means NO COFFEE. Or NO CAFFEINE. Which means, I might have to ask her for a prescription for naps because these next few days are going to be a struggle. Plus, when I get a caffeine headache, like I did today, I can’t take Advil or Aleve to make it go away. I can take Tylenol, so at least that’s good. But taking Tylenol is like taking Smarties. It doesn’t do much.

At my appointment she asked about my Advil intake. And I mentioned that I take it regularly, and that up until September, I was taking it like candy. Because of all my teeth problems. (It all comes back to my craptastic old dentist.)

I had such pain with the two teeth that I eventually had root canals on that I was taking a lot of Advil. A LOT. I was popping 4 Advil every 3 1/2 hours for months on end. There might be a few weeks in there where I didn’t follow that routine, weeks where I had gone to the dentist and they thought they had solved the problem. But then just a few days after that, the pain would flare up again and I would go back to taking Advil like candy.

This whole thing goes back to late 2007. Which means, it was almost a whole year of this going on in one way or another. THAT IS A LOT OF ADVIL.

I’m not sure this is the reason for my issues right now. Even my doctor said it seems odd for it to hit me a few months later. My tooth was fixed in September, so I have been almost Advil-free since then. (I tend to take it when Aunt Flo comes to town each month and strangles my uterus.) But she said it could have been deteriorating over time and has just gotten worse. And since I did just take Advil about a week and a half ago, maybe that triggered it. Who knows?

But you know this is just another reason for me to want to sue the pants off that old Shitty McShitterson dentist.

In the meantime, I’m taking my medicine, hoping it will make me feel better in a few days and watching what I eat. I admit that what I made for dinner tonight wasn’t 100% acid-causing-free. But I’m trying. And thankfully my stomach reminds me when HEY YOU! YOU SHOULD NOT EAT THAT. Who knew mustard could be so mean?

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Medical Mishaps | 31 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 14, 2009

I apparently either can’t come up with titles, or I come up with the longest titles in the history of man. It reminds me of when I worked at an old job and my boss would send me emails asking me to do something and he would type the WHOLE THING in the subject line. So then I would respond back, writing my response in the subject line. And this would go on for days. It’s a wonder I didn’t get fired.

Remember back after Thanksgiving when I was having issues breathing? And I went and freaked the fuck out while they gave me an EKG. And I turned as red as a tomato because that was a bad day to NOT shave my legs? And then nothing was wrong?

Well since then, I’ve had the worst heartburn. And did you know that shortness of breath is a symptom of heartburn? And did you also know that I’ve turned into an 80 year old man who can eat nothing besides rice and bananas, lest the acid reflux flares up?

I’ve seen all those heartburn commercials. I never paid a lick of attention to them. I’ve eaten spicy foods, acidic foods, you name it. I’ve never had a problem. Now, WATER GIVES ME HEARTBURN.

(No, people, don’t even ask if I’m pregnant. I’ve just put on a little weight and you need to actually have sex to get preggo.)

Yesterday I was convinced that the water in my office was the culprit. Because in the last few weeks, I’ve gotten bad bursts of acid reflux from peanut butter, English muffins, string cheese, chicken noodle soup and other equally bland foods. I’m a frequent visitor to the heartburn portion of WebMD.com because every time something completely bland lights a fire in my belly, I check to see if I missed something and that bread really is an acid trigger. It’s not. Except in me.

My office doesn’t have a water cooler, which is fine. Except the tap water tastes like it ran through a cat’s asshole before it comes out the faucet. Which is odd since Chicago tap water is tasty. That’s what I drink at home. So I invested in this water bottle with a filter built into it. So it takes the kitty asshole taste away. The only problem is that it isn’t ever that cold. But I’m still not convinced that the piss-poor taste isn’t caused by some acid causing ingredient. Or maybe I should cut out the caffeine, which is a acid reflux trigger. But how would I even make it to 11 AM without a cup of coffee?

I never had any sympathy for heartburn sufferers. I could never figure out that if SPICY TACOS gave you horrible heartburn, why would you continue to eat SPICY TACOS? I mean, I love tacos, but if they made me all burny, I’d have to stop eating them. But what do you do when everything you eat and drinks give you that horrible burning feeling in your esophagus. Apparently karma showed me for making fun of those spicy taco lovers.

I have been taking medicine, Zantac or whatever. But the relief isn’t as quick as those commercials make it out to seem. For instance, I took one this morning at 10 AM and I still had a little heartburny twinge at 3 PM. That’s not normal, right? I should have some relief, no? Where are all my old folks who can answer these BURNING (ba dum dum) questions?

I guess I have to call the doctor. And see if there is something else going on here. Before I start shooting flames out of my mouth. Which won’t be good for anyone.

And now I have to bang on the floor because those young whippersnappers below me are making a hell of a racket.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Land of Random | 33 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 13, 2009

Winter has come on full force in Chicago. We had a blizzard warning today, which meant basically that it was going to be really windy and snow was going to blow around like we were Rudolf and that misfit elf Hermie who wanted to be a dentist walking around the North Pole. That didn’t happen, but it was windy and cold today. And it is supposed to be a HIGH of four on Thursday. With wind chills hovering around minus 25 degrees. Which basically means your boogers freeze. And that walking four blocks means you’ll fall up the stairs because you can no longer feel your extremities.

So all the snow we got over the weekend is going to freeze, which means my car is probably going to be stuck. So I’m not even going to try and get it out and just take public transportation to work every day this week. It gives me some exercise, but also makes me want to crawl into the carcass of a dead animal to keep warm.

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I never wrote about any resolutions this new year. I didn’t really make any. Mostly because whenever I do, it ends up being a big FAIL WHALE. So I figured if I didn’t make any and didn’t write them down, I couldn’t go back a year later and be all “oh, well, um yeah, I didn’t do any of those things.” And then I dwell on the failure, which hi! Not productive!

This year I made little goals. Nothing big. The main was that I need to get back into the habit of washing my face every night before bed. Some time, months ago, I got out of the habit because unless you’re new here, it’s not a fucking newsflash that I AM LAZY.

Thankfully, my skin hasn’t been really effected noticeably. I haven’t really broken out too bad or anything. But I battled acne REALLY bad when I graduated college, so bad I have the scars to prove it, and I don’t want to go through that again. So I need to wash my damn face. Plus, I’m old now and I am getting wrinkles and I think I read somewhere that not washing your face makes it all settle into fine lines or something and it is just bad. I don’t need reasons to wash my face. I need to just wash my damn face.

I didn’t start out 2009 on the best foot on the face-washing front. I mean I got drunk on NYE and wasn’t about to waste precious passing out time on washing my face. Especially since I was just going to drool all over it anyway. But I’ve gotten better. I’m at least doing it every weekday, so far. (It is only the 13th.) The weekends are my next step.

My other goal was to finally get healthy. I’m making a goal to get back to eating healthy and not inhaling burritos the size of my femur on a near daily basis. This isn’t a new thing. I was very successful at Weight Watchers back in 2003. So I know what it takes. I also want to get back in shape. Because now that I’m over 30, I’ve noticed that just eating right doesn’t make the pounds melt off. I actually have to be active and make my belly shake like a bowl full of jelly to help burn some calories.

So I’ve joined Weight Watchers again. I know the rules. I don’t need the program for the rules. I can do it on my own. I need it to make myself keep track of everything I eat during the day. It’s very easy to fudge when you aren’t writing it down or logging it online. I started last Thursday and I’m doing pretty well. But I’m not patting myself on the back yet, because it hasn’t even been 7 days.

I also am getting shredded with Jillian Michaels. I’m doing her 30 Day Shred DVD and hoping all her promises will come true and I’ll be dropping inches and pounds in 30 days. It’s a good time to start when my car will be stuck on the street until March, so I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. What else to I have to be doing?

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My final goal of 2009 is to become a homeowner. (OK, this is a BIG goal.) Which translates to BECOMING AN ADULT! OMG! The world might stop spinning on its axis!

Obviously the buyer’s market is good right now. And I’m thankful for that. And with some of my extra severance left over, I paid down some of my debt, so financially, I think I’m in good place to buy. But overall, I’m freaking the fuck out.

This economy is scary. I mean, I don’t feel like anyone’s job is secure. Except Barack Obama. He’s pretty set. Unless he pulls a Blagojevich and sinks himself. WHICH HE WILL NOT. (How much do I love that Blago’s name is in the WordPress dictionary. Because clearly no one is talking about him.) So I’m scared that I will make this ginormous purchase and then I’ll lose my job. And then how will I pay my mortgage? Where will I live? Where will the cats throw up at?

I know that you can really lose your job at any time. If anyone knows that, it’s the girl who has lost her job three times. But this whole economy situation we are in right now, it is scary. And since the cats don’t even pull their own damn weight, I’ve got no one to lean on if that does happen. Seriously cats, get a job.

But I’m going to take the plunge anyway. For no other reason than to get away from the pot heads who live below me that I would like to strangle with a hemp necklace. (Another reason I like doing the Shred? Jumping jacks. It has to annoy them.)

I want my own place. I want to own something. And I doubt we’ll have a market like this again for a long time. Not with our man Barack in office. I don’t want to have to climb three flights of stairs to do laundry. I don’t want to have to call the apartment office THREE TIMES to have something fixed. I don’t want to deal with waiting for someone to decide to turn on the heat when clearly it is cold because my lips are blue. I want to be an adult and own a condo in the city.

I don’t know much about any of this house stuff. Which means if you know me and you own a residence, I will be bombarding you with questions. But at least I have a realtor. That’s step one, right?

Category: Land of Random, Weather dot com, WW | 34 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 12, 2009

Back in the fall, probably about the time I got laid off from that old company, I decided I was going to grow my hair out. I wanted to donate it to Locks of Love or one of the other counterparts. I wanted to help and I figured donating my hair for a wig would be a great way to help and would make me feel good. And let’s be honest, it’s all about me feeling good. (I kid, people, I kid.)

I told my stylist and she was excited for me. And she told me that if I changed my mind, I could always cut my hair. I told her it wouldn’t happen because I was doing this! I was going to donate my locks!

The thing is, I haven’t really had long hair since high school. My hair is flat, has no body and doesn’t do much, so that much hair around my face just looks so blah. Well, at least it did in high school when I didn’t blow dry it and wore it in a pony tail every day, tied back with a Notre Dame scrunchie. Yes, really. I much prefer shorter, shoulder-length hair. I like layers and color and highlights! Oh my!

So the reason I wanted to do Locks of Love is because it truly would be a sacrifice for me. Growing my hair out is going to be a huge pain in the ass. It was something that I knew wasn’t going to be easy, especially when summer came around and I just wanted that hair off my neck. But that’s why I wanted to do it. Because really, the sacrifice of growing your hair, DOES NOT EVER COMPARE to having cancer. Not even in the same galaxy. But this, this was a way I could help and feel good about it and feel like I did something.

And then one day I was talking to Nic about it. And she decided that it was her job to RUIN MY PLAN. She’s like that sometimes. She sent me the link to this article about hair donations. The fact of the matter is that so few hair donations are actually used in the making of wigs. Because human hair has to be pristine to make a wig, donated hair cannot be damaged or bleached or imperfect at all. So a vast majority of all those ponytails? They get sold by the Locks of Love people for money. Money which goes to cover the costs of running the organization and sometimes buying hair to actually make the wigs.

So then I was torn. It’s nice to know that even if your hair doesn’t make a wig, it can help out somehow. But I wasn’t sure it was going to be enough. Was it worth it to go through all of it to donate it, where maybe someone could use it for a wig or sell it? I agree with Amalah and think it is better to donate money.

But I’m bummed. Like I said, growing my hair would be an enormous pain in my ass. I know it will. It’s already starting to at its at my shoulders. I wanted to go through that annoyance to make a difference. Yes, I can write a check. But so can everyone. I feel like I wanted to do something more. I want to give money, but I want to make myself do something for that money.

So I’m thinking of running a little donation on my site. I’m thinking of still growing out my hair. But when I get to the point where I want to cut it off, I’ll donate $10 for every inch cut off. Or maybe I’ll give $1 to charity for every comment on a selected post in the future. Or, something else?

This is where all you creative people come in. What do you all think? What would be a fun contest/donation to have here? Obviously I’m not made of money, but I want to help. And at the same time, I want to do something that may not be the most fun thing, or simple thing, to do. And maybe the Hotfessional will even make a pretty little button for my site!

Leave your suggestions in the comments! All ideas are subject to my discretion, so naked cartwheeling in center field during a Cubs game this spring is not an option.

Category: Charity | 23 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 11, 2009

I just took two Benedryl to help me sleep tonight, so if you get to the end of this post and it makes no sense, or there are sentences consisting of OMGncidOMKDLSvnfeuigni, then you know the reason.

So those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I had an 80s party to attend this weekend. I twittered all my woes in finding something to wear because I wasn’t willing to pay $45 for a neon shirt. And I’m fat and tall, so I didn’t have any luck at the vintage stores.

Anyway, so I went to an 80s party on Friday night. It was at her house. I haven’t really mentioned it to a lot of people because I don’t want to brag, but yeah, I went to a party at Jen Lancaster’s house! And I was actually invited! SQUEEE! And there were other bloggers there! I met Poppy! And Susie Sunshine! And Blackbird! And we talked about our general dislike of Dooce and her ugly book cover!

Jen’s house was fabulous and she was an excellent host, of course. Except when she tells you to say something funny on cue, otherwise NO CHAMPAGNE FOR YOU! And then I distracted her with something shiny so I wouldn’t have to come up with something funny when all I could think of was “mmmm, champagne. I can has?”

One funny thing about Jen Lancaster parties is that when you meet people, the natural question is to ask how you know Jen and/or Fletch. And then I tell the story about how she was awesome and came to our book club and actually liked us and still talks to me and now invites me to parties! And then I mention that she wrote about our book club in her third book. And then usually the person you’re talking to will be all “oh, I’m so-and-so in the books.” It was like all the characters of her books gathering in one place!

So I struggled with what to wear. I wanted something that screamed 80s, but didn’t want to spend a small fortune. So this is what I ended up with.

I think I did pretty well. Once I found those electric blue tights, I had to somehow work the outfit them around them. So I added a side ponytail, big hoop earrings and some canvas shoes and I was good to go.

Here are a few other photos.

It was so much fun! Looking at everyone’s outfits was such a blast from the past. You forget how many bad, bad fashion trends the 80s gave us. There were a lot of loud colors and tight-rolled jeans and big hair. And then you remember how many bad, bad fashion trends have come back into style. (Hello! You can buy electric blue tights and leg warmers at Walmart!)

And now I’m going to go to bed before this Benedryl makes me start drooling on my computer. Otherwise my alarm won’t be able to wake me up before I go-go to work tomorrow.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging | 39 Comments »
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