At Least I Was Wearing Clean Underwear
Posted By Kristabella on December 2, 2008
I’m sorry I’ve been a little non-existent on here lately. I have no real excuses. And I do want to go back to my old five-night a week blogging habit, but I have had a hard time keeping up with it. I’m in a bit of a funk with my writing and I have been choosing sleep over blogging on most occasions. Which, I’m not really upset about because I love me some sleep. Even if I am always tired.
(Like last night when I took my typical Sunday night Benadryl (because I have trouble falling asleep on Sunday nights from all the sleeping in over the weekend) and instead of it taking two hours to kick in, it took two minutes and I was drooling on the couch at 8 PM.)
Anyway, that isn’t the whole point of this post. The point of this post is to tell you about my fun times at the Urgent Care Center on Friday night.
First, I need to point out I am not a hypochondriac. I am the complete opposite of it. I hate going to the doctor. I really wait until the last possible moment to go if I’m having health issues. I am so the person that would show up with a tumor the size of a three year old growing on my neck and be all “it’s just a little swollen. I have large glands.”
So in the last week I was having some issues with my breathing. I was a little short of breath, like a toddler was sitting on my chest at ALL TIMES. I didn’t think much of it. (See: hating the doctor above.) I figured it was because I was chubby and out of shape. But then one morning I woke up and just couldn’t take a deep breath. Like I was yawning all the time because I couldn’t get oxygen. And then there was this little twinge behind my shoulder blade on the right side. That’s when I realized “hmmm, maybe I should go to the doctor.” (Only after people yelled at me to.)
That was on Wednesday afternoon. But when I called the doctor’s office, they were closed. Because apparently people don’t get sick the day before Thanksgiving. So I planned to complain more about it, add a little wheezing, get some sympathy on Thanksgiving and call the doctor on Friday morning.
Except, I had to work on Friday. Something I haven’t done since my NFL days when the day after Thanksgiving is just Friday. And since Friday marked only my second week at the job, I didn’t want to be that girl who had to take off to go to the doctor. So I decided to go to the Urgent Care place near my house that surprisingly never has a long wait and costs the same co-pay as my doctor’s office. (Thank you old company for the severance that gave me 6 months of health insurance.)
So after Googling symptoms and figuring I either had cancer, pneumonia or acid reflux, I went to find out. There wasn’t anyone waiting and I got right in. I explained to the doctor all my symptoms and he checked me out. He listened to my chest and nothing. Everything checked out normal.
But because it involved breathing and the lungs he figured he should probably check my heart. And give me an EKG.
And then I? Lost my shit. There were tears and some shaking and hair pulling. Because that’s like straight out of a TV show where you go in for what you think is pneumonia and end up with a TUMOR ON YOUR HEART! JUST LIKE DR. GOOGLE SAID!
So I had to get ready for the nurse to put all the electrodes on me. All while trying to regain my shit. With the nurse constantly reminding me “you need to calm down.” NOT GOING TO HAPPEN LADY!
Did you know that when you have an EKG they attach those electrode things to your legs? Did you know I haven’t shaved my legs since I don’t even want to admit? Because it is winter and no one is seeing my legs. And the cats like something soft and furry to cuddle with.
So not only was I getting an EKG, freaking the fuck out, crying, I also had the world’s hairiest legs! COMMENCE RED-FACED EMBARRASSMENT!
Thankfully it was fine. I’m fine. Nothing is wrong with me. So since Dr. Google mentioned possible acid reflux, I just bought some Zantac and moved on. I feel better. So it was either heartburn (that didn’t burn AT ALL) or stress.
And my legs are still hairy.
About the author
Better than a toddler sitting IN your chest, I say.
Every time I feel the onset of something, anything, I call my mom, and her immediate reaction is always: “Well, did you Google it? Look on WebMD?” And I NEVER do anymore, because I almost always am diagnosed with cancer or some flesh-eating bacteria like that chick from Terra Haute who was on Top Model in the early years. Then, like you, I almost always turn out to be perfectly healthy.
Camels & Chocolates last blog post..On the First Day of Christmas…
I gotta say, I do NOT get the whole no shaving in winter thing. Doesn’t it still bug you? I am totally grossed out by hairy legs.
And uh, glad you’re okay and all that.
slynnros last blog post..Scenes From a Marriage: If you were a fly on the wall, you’d hear this. And then likely fly away Ed.
Awwwwww, honey!!! Whenever I am faced with an embarrassing doctor situation, like your hairy leg worry, I think about all of the the old people private parts this doctor must have seen over the years. Really, a little hair is not going to upset him/her. His eyes are glad to see you, I’m sure.
I’m happy you’re feeling better. xoxo
Kimberlys last blog post..Thankful to Stay Put
Glad it’s nothing serious. If it keeps happening … gallbladder (I went through that last July).
What? We’re SUPPOSED to shave our legs in the winter? I learn something new every day =)
Nancys last blog post..December? Already?
So glad that you are ok, hairy legs and all.
Sounds like stress or anxiety, neither of which are probably helped by attaching EKG electrodes to your body.
nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…
I second the vote for stress or anxiety. Because I have that ALL THE TIME. And, that was QUITE an expensive test I had done to find out it was just anxiety.
Rhis last blog post..True Baby Shower Confessions
That guy that I live with has that problem, too. Asthma caused by acid reflux. And sometimes, acid reflux caused by asthma.
I’m so out of practice shaving my legs, if I ever have to again, I’m sure I’ll slice through an important artery or something.
Rees last blog post..Mute Monday – Q
i’m with slynnro on this one…i can’t handle hairy legs. i shave mine every single day.
but i’m glad after all that, you are fine. i’m so like you. i NEVER go to the doctor. i HATE doctors and hospitals and am convinced that i’d get SICKER if i go see one.
but, at the same time, i’m a total hypochondriac. one symptom and i’m all over google finding out what’s wrong with me. and i always think it’s a tumor. always.
alis last blog post..broken limbs and apple-themed decor
Interesting fun fact, the path of least resistance for gas to leave your body is out your shoulder blade, did you know that? So the pain there is totally supporting your acid issue (you may have had really bad gas!)
Ravens last blog post..let’s talk trees
I’m sorry for laughing, but that was hysterical.
Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..You Lost Him At Hello
Glad you are ok!
Adam has GERD (which is basically acid reflux on speed0, which caused us to go to the ER more than once, thinking it was a heart attack. Awful, awful stuff. So glad you’re okay.
Also, I’m normally the sort who shaves her legs every day, even in the winter, but I gotta say, I am no longer able to bend over enough to do them. And sorry, but no matter how annoying hairy legs are, it’s not worth wheezing and dying over. Man.
jonnikers last blog post..Cold Water
I am glad that everything worked out fine and you are a-okay. I had an EKG and I find it funny that they expect you to stay calm when you are getting electrodes hooked up to you in order to test your heart, because something might be wrong with it-and I am supposed to relax?!puh-lease
sensibly sassys last blog post..Britney Spears and I Have One Thing In Common
So scary. I am glad you checked out OK and also very glad you went in (and were seen right away – that never happens)… Always better safe than sorry. Take care!
Ambien, stat.
I would have shuddered at hairy legs while in Southern California but now that I live somewhere COLD, I support the hairy leg movement. I’m constantly in pants and giant wool socks, so I never notice them anyway.
thecoconutdiariess last blog post..The Thanksgiving Story: The Departure
Sounds like my trip for my EMG…and lets just say it waan’t the legs…I didn’t trim the hedges. Yeah, major red face moment…who knew?
I’m glad that it was nothing and I hope your feeling better now!
Melissas last blog post..Just A Little Extra Protein, Honey….
Poor Kristabella I hate those traumatizing trips!!
By the way Daily Shaver Here! Hairy legs yucky, what if you met Mr.Wonderful and he has a leg fetish or something just like clean underwear never get caught! SHAVE YOUR LEGS!!!!
Isn’t that the damn irony of it all: when you have all the time in the world to go to the doctor, all is well, and when you don’t have time, Dr. Google says you’re dying.
(If it’s any consolation, I can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs…)
Noelles last blog post..December Second!
I’m not an every day shaver, but I do plan the days I shave based on my schedule for that week (like when I’m teaching at the studio or seeing the bf). I like to be efficient. 😉
Oh, and totes glad you’re ok. I know how stress can exacerbate those issues… I remember thinking that I had a heart murmur… and it was just gas. 😛
You’re making me laugh over here – STOP IT! See, I have an appointment at the rheumatologist tomorrow and one of my knees is giving me fits and I need to have her look at it and not even an hour ago I was sitting here obsessing because my hands are hurting too bad right now to weild a razor. I was actually thinking I might have to ask Hubby to shave my legs so she can look at my knee tomorrow!!
Screw that. She’s gonna see my fat, dimpled, lumpy, HAIRY FUCKING LEGS and she’s gonna LIKE IT!! Okay, she might not like it, but she’s gonna see them anyway.
Glad to hear that everything is ok with you. And now you can feel better about your hairy legs ’cause someone else is going to be baring theirs tomorrow. 🙂
Giggle Pixies last blog post..For the Love of Random
I actually prefer Dr. Google over many of doctors I have seen.
Denises last blog post..2008 Best of Reality TV
I’m glad you’re not dying.
When I was pregnant with both of my girls, I had heartburn so bad that it felt more like a heart attack or possibly a bomb going off in my rib cage. Either way, it sucked. I’m glad you’re not feeling too much pain.
Jen on the Edges last blog post..Holiday giveaway!
Glad you’re OK!
(And secretly hoping you shaved your legs)
🙂
Angellas last blog post..Mine Are In The Middle
Zak freaked me out too!! i am single and older than you (by maybe 10 years)..every time i look at the men on those sights i cant see any that thrill me…i MUST be picky!! hmm…i think i could have handled the hairy stomach guy!?? ok..change me from picky to desperate?? good luck!!
Eeek! Now,I actually AM a hypochondriac, so I understand the fear that the good Doctor Google can cause. And I would totally have lost my shit over the EKG too – glad to hear you’re OK.
Ambers last blog post..It’s like raaaaiiiin, on your wedding day…
How scary for you!! Glad things are okay though. I almost missed my last visit to my OB/GYN because I got my days mixed up…this resulted in my racing there with hairy legs and a uhh, hairy, well you know. I could have sworn my appointment was the next day and oh, I was so embarrassed about my ungroomed everything!
La Petite Chics last blog post..Metal Mouth
I am SO GLAD that I am not the only one who has to wait a couple of hours for Benadryl to kick in.
I am so glad you went to the doctor. Don’t let this experience influence you into not going again for something similar! Happy to hear you are well!! Call if you need anything!!! Kim
You got hairy legs and I can’t see past my preggo belly. My husband said that I look like Chewbacca in the nether-regions.
Oh yea the resident OB will love me during labor. I’m guessing I’ll have to sign a waver for him to use the weedwacker.