Mind The Douchebag

Posted By on November 3, 2014

I recently switched to taking Metra to and from work. That’s our commuter rail system that goes all the way to the burbs, Indiana and even Wisconsin! I only go two stops and it is so much faster than taking the other form of public transit.

Metra is PACKED during rush hour, especially in the last two cars. That’s because I swear 90% of the train gets off at my stop, and that door is closest to the only set of stairs. So it is not weird to have people standing in the aisles and in the doorways. I try to get there with enough time to get me a seat. Because even though it is only two stops, I’m still a lazy motherfucker.

Today I took the 6 PM train and my friend happened to be taking the same train home. We actually boarded at almost the same time and took seats next to each other across the aisle. I was nice and chose to sit next to the dude who was trying to take up the space of two people in the seat, even though it was already packed and you don’t get your own seat at rush hour! At least not until after the second or third stop.

So I wedged my large ass into the seat next to his large ass. And then my friend asked me a question and we proceeded to chit chat while we waited for the train to leave. This wasn’t a quiet car; we weren’t doing anything that most of the people around us were doing.

Mid-conversation with my friend, this dude interrupts me and says “excuse me, but I just saw my wife up there, would you mind switching with her?” And since I am really a nice person, besides wanting Nik Wallenda to fall off the wire, I begrudgingly gave up my seat. The douche guy was like “come on, it’s my wife” and so I acquiesced.

I should have know something was up when the “wife” was in no hurry to sit next to him. She even was like “it’s OK, I can stay here.” But being the stupidly nice person that I am, I insisted I take her seat. I mean, it’s just two stops to my stop, I could talk to my friend any time.

Then my friend started texting me about said couple.


The douchebag didn’t even talk to his “wife”! After making me move, mid-conversation!

My friend didn’t say anything when we got off, but we both gave him a dirty look. And talked about him in not-hushed voices. Something along the lines of:

Her: I totally don’t think they are married. They are just friends.

Me: I don’t think she even LIKES him.

Public transit, man.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


3 Responses to “Mind The Douchebag”

  1. april says:

    Ha! I wish we had public transportation. I really hate to drive.
    april´s last blog post ..Books I read: October

  2. alimartell says:

    I swear, when I took public transit every day I had the weirdest experience of my life…but also the best blog fodder 🙂
    alimartell´s last blog post ..Frutta A Guscio

  3. Angella says:


    It’s like Christmas in November. 🙂
    Angella´s last blog post ..In Disguise