A New Way For The Cats To Mess With Me

Posted By on June 3, 2009

First off, thank you, ALL OF YOU, for your comments and emails regarding my last post. It means so, so much to me to have such a supportive group of people, people I consider friends even though I’ve never met most of you, who read my blog and really care about my well-being. I appreciate all of you listening to my whining and complaining on the subsequent emails. So seriously, from the bottom of my pickled liver, THANK YOU.

And that’s about all I can write, because I’m currently sitting on the couch in immense pain. Because I threw my back out. It was like straight out of a sitcom. I walked in the door, set down the 50 pounds of cat stuff I was carrying from the car and BAM! I WAS NO LONGER ABLE TO WALK. Funny in sitcoms? Yes. Funny in real life? Fuck no.

At first I figured I was overreacting. Because hello, have you met me? I’m the Queen of Overreaction. I am the person who was convinced I was bleeding from the inside because I was overly tired. So I popped some Advil and went about my business of feeding the cats and continuing to lug the cat food and litter around. Like a fucking idiot. WHY would someone continue to lift heavy things and bend down to pick things up when clearly, something was not right with her back?

So then I yelled at the cats. Because I knew they wouldn’t even appreciate the fact I lugged their 20-pound bag of cat food AND a 30-pound tub of cat litter into the house at the same time. FOR THEM! They didn’t care because they were all “meow, meow, MEOW WOMAN! IT IS TIME TO BE FED!”

Then when I tried to walk over to the couch to sit down and COULD NOT because the PAIN! IT WAS BAD! I was like “Hmmm, something is definitely wrong. I feel like someone took the lower part of my spine and tied it in a knot and then ran over me with a steamroller.”

So I cried. Because, really, what else is there to do but cry? You can’t throw a tantrum because it hurts to move. You can’t punch a wall, you can’t throw things, all you can do is cry. Crying is good. It is therapeutic.

And then I searched through one of the many still-packed boxes and found my leftover Vicodin from my tooth drama. I actually thanked that asshole dentist OUT LOUD for being so shitty that I required better pain pills than Advil. So I’m going to take my pain meds, sit my ass in my whirlpool tub, pray for the pain to get better and hope I don’t drown.

Because if those fucking cats don’t care about my effort in procuring them food and a clean place to piss and shit, they sure as hell won’t care if I drown in the bathtub. They’ll just throw a party and invite their kitty friends over to feast on my blubbery remains.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to β€œHey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

24 Responses to “A New Way For The Cats To Mess With Me”

  1. slynnro says:

    Sure, Kristabella. you just had a vicodin laying around. BECAUSE YOU DEAL NARCOTICS.

  2. Janice says:

    In April I spent most of a day planting my garden… and then noticed I couldn’t straighten my back up. One would expect that I went to lie down, but no, I went and planted all the flowers in the front of the house. I actually aranged the plants and dirt so I could work all hunched over.
    Turns out I had herniated a disc in my back.
    But I am sure the flowers appreciated the effort.

    Janices last blog post..wordless wednesday: lots of pie

  3. Mahnee says:

    Hope it feels better today! A month or so ago, when I did something to mine, I happened to see my doctor after it wsa better for a regular visit & mentioned THE PAIN. When I showed him where the pain had been located, he said it was my sacroiliac. I started laughing. Leave it to me to have a Three Stooges disease.

  4. I recommend drugs, a heating pad, whatever you have in your TiVo, and chocolate. Hang in there.

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..It happened overnight

  5. Kate says:

    I have been there…the only thing that helps is drugs, heat, and possibly someone hitting you in the head so you forget about your back!

    Your last post was so honest, sometimes I think us single girls all feel that way though we are included we are left out. I hope you feel better all around soon.

  6. Corey says:

    I’m so sorry! I have back trouble here and there (and no, I’m not an 84 year old woman). If you can go to the doctor, you might could get some muscle relaxers. That might help out too.

  7. Ree says:

    You had me at Vicodin. πŸ˜‰

    Get well soon.

    Rees last blog post..Snippets

  8. Aww, that sucks! Maybe the cats somehow orchestrated you throwing your back out, so you could be home with them during the day like when you were looking for a job. Jerks.

    Amanda Nicoles last blog post..thrifting, for goodness: the home

  9. ali says:

    I am the queen of overreaction. I cannot count on both hands how many times I’ve convinced myself that there’s something seriously wrong with me…just think week alone.

    enjoy the medication. i hope it helps!!

    alis last blog post..GREAT SCOTT!

  10. jen says:

    Vicoden and a whirlpool bath – sounds like a fantastic evening to me!

    On another note – never sneeze while bending from the waist. I realized I was old (at 37!) that day.

  11. bikerchick says:

    ::there there KJ:: So sorry about the back sitch. I recommend a “Bed Buddy” (git cher head outta the gutter and lookie here available at any Osco or CVS and *yes* they deliver http://tinyurl.com/59rvdv). One word for the kitty litter/food delivery: Peapod.

    Stoicism is overrated– my motto? “Better Living Through Chemistry.” Get better soonest.

  12. -R- says:

    Are you feeling any better? Yikes. That sounds horribly painful.

    -R-s last blog post..Watch Out!

  13. Amber says:

    ooh, ouch! No suggestions for the back pain, but the whirlpool tub sounds like a good call. And maybe wine?

    Ambers last blog post..Things I Did While the Internet Was Down

  14. Melissa says:

    From one back pain sufferer to another…ouch! I hope the Vicodin kick in quickly and you feel better soon…no drowning it’s so totally not allowed in your new tub!!

    Melissas last blog post..Reuse, Reycle, Renew….

  15. Carri says:

    Drug store press on heating pads truley help so you can move.

  16. paperdiva says:

    Don’t forget to ice it too. Alternate ice & heat. And no drinking wine with vicodin. Sorry to sound like your Mom, but someone has to say it!

  17. Eileen says:

    dang. I think you should get dogs. They can rush off and get help. I’ve seen Lassie do it. Cats, not so much.

    Eileens last blog post..Behold! It is a thing of BEAUTY

  18. Deidre says:

    I hope you feel better! I bet the cats care more than you think, maybe. it can be so hard to say.

    Deidres last blog post..A Love Letter

  19. Jennifer R says:

    Oh girrrrllllll, I feel your pain right about now.
    My back has been killing me ALL DAMN DAY
    It’s a knot on the left side of my back. Right in the damn middle. The Dr says that it’s just where the baby is hitting. He’s laying on something, apparently. But I hurt oh so bad. So you take the pain meds cause I can’t. I can take a tylenol. HA!

    I think I am going to go lay down and stretch myself out.

  20. gorillabuns says:

    I’m all out of Percocet but I’d gladly share my Xanax. It doesn’t relieve pain but after a few you don’t give a shit about anything and if you are really lucky, you can sleep for days.

    gorillabunss last blog post..russian roulette

  21. Angella says:

    I hope you’re feeling better!!

    Angellas last blog post..For Love or Money

  22. auntie says:

    i was gonna say the same thing as paperdiva: make sure you aren’t using heat all the time. it sounds weird, but ice will make back problems feel better too. just 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. i usually like that more than heat. hope you’re upright again soon!!

    aunties last blog post..Inside Out

  23. TUWABVB says:

    Vicodin is love. Love is vicodin.

    Seriously, it PISSES me off how useless I am with the giant bag of dog food we buy. And it costs so much more to buy a bunch of little bags. There should be a weak person’s discount for the tiny bags. I’m asking Petco about that next time I’m in there. Helping me to my car? Pshaw. Drag it into my apartment and dump it in the food container, then I’ll thank you.

    TUWABVBs last blog post..Hell is Other People***

  24. Gail Keller says:

    I know what you mean about cats. I think if they were bigger they would eat us.

    I hope ya didn’t drown in the tub. I’m sure when I take my next bath in my Whirlpool Tub I’ll be envisioning your story. Aaahh!