Not Blinded By The Light. Anymore.

Posted By on June 21, 2009

I had a very grown-up weekend. I showered. I put on make-up. I WORE A DRESS. And then I drove the entire state of Illinois in my beat up car that has no air conditioning. And did I mention, it is summer now and it was 90 degrees and humid while I was doing all this driving? And that I now have a sunburnt left arm to show for my troubles? Good thing I’m a different shade of pale, so that arm will go back to being stark white in a few days.

Saturday I had a hair appointment in the morning. After my hair appointment, which is basically in Indiana, I had to drive to my friend Jenn’s bridal shower, which was practically in Iowa. All during the heat of the day. Did I mention that I don’t have air conditioning? BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING IN MY CAR!

(It has a leak. I fill it up with coolant and it usually lasts for about 2 weeks. But I haven’t filled it up yet this year because we’ve not been having summer like weather for all of June. Until now, of course.)

Needless to say, once I got to the shower, I needed a drink. Good thing I did my recognizance and found out there would be no booze at this shower. So I came prepared with a flask full of vodka. (Hi Jenn! Yes, I brought a flask to your shower! But I didn’t get out of control! I bet you didn’t even notice! Love ya!)

I made sure that it was indeed OK to bring a flask to a shower by doing what normal people do in this situation when you have perplexing question. No, not asking the bride-to-be. I asked Twitter.

Twitter-flask

Twitter responded with a resounding YES! And Nic was overruled! Which is OK because she’s just mad that she has to buy her alcohol from the state and pays more and can’t get it in the grocery store. I still love her, though. And her bid to turn me sober. If she had witnessed Drunkabella in action, she would reconsider.

There was actually champagne for a toast at the shower. And punch. Which I added the vodka too. Which later was a bad idea because there was citrus in the punch and my stomach was being ripped to shreds after a few glasses, so I switched to water. All in all, it was a decent shower. I won’t go into my thoughts about bridal showers (HATE THEM!) and what I will do at mine, in the event I ever get married, which isn’t likely (BOOZE! NO GAMES! NO PRESENTS OPENING! MORE LIKE A BACHELORETTE PARTY WITH CHINA AND PIZZA STONES!). But Jenn did a good job with the gifts. Her and her soon-to-be-hubby (I always spell fiancee like finance) Jerry were very fast and efficient. And the food was excellent and it was good to catch up with friends.

Anyway, that was more time that I planned to devote to the shower. I had to rush out of the shower to sit in traffic and drive back from almost-Iowa so I could be home for my blinds to be installed! REAL BLINDS! No more fitted Red Sheet of Brothelville! I was going to wake up to normal colored light and no longer think that I was living life in rose-colored glasses. Literally.

They took all of 10 minutes to install them. This is why I paid people to do it. Because 1) they did it right and 2) it would have taken me three hours to do it myself. We even bonded over the fact that they too had no A/C in their car. Weather – the Great Equalizer.

After they were installed, we had a ceremonious folding of the Red Sheet of Brothelville.

red sheet

The red sheet now goes to join his other compatriots in the Box of Sheets and Towels Which Has Yet To Be Unpacked. Before we put the Red Sheet of Brothelville away, I made sure the cats gave it a proper salute.

cat salute

Kitty Kitty, of course, wasn’t convinced that Red Sheet needed all this pomp and circumstance.

kitty-sheet2

Whatever CAT, you are now afraid of BLINDS! Add that to your fucking list, you pussy.

But aren’t they pretty?

blinds

blinds-closed

Wow, yet another post about my cats and about blinds. I can’t believe I don’t have suitors knocking on my door to ask for my hand in marriage. I’m sure Jason would agree.

But hey, then at least that’s one less bridal shower I have to sit through.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

20 Responses to “Not Blinded By The Light. Anymore.”

  1. Scarlet says:

    weather is not my equalizer because not many people are with me in my praying for fall to be here quicker.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..A Movie Script Ending =-.

  2. Jen says:

    Urgh! No a/c in the car is no small thing – my car is black w/black interior; it gets unbearably hot in these summer months! I think bringing a flask to a dry bridal shower = genius. Ah, I love the blinds and I have to say that I don’t think it’s a small thing – it really does affect your quality of sleep, plus, hey, now you will not accidentally flash your neighbours! (If you do flash anyone, it will be entirely deliberate:)!)

  3. Mahnee says:

    I think your feeling about showers goes back to when you were about 4 years old & I dragged you to a family bridal shower…only you were convinced we were all going to someone’s house to TAKE showers. We still laugh about that. I also bet you knew I was going to comment about it!!!

    Love you too!

  4. Libby says:

    I think flasks are actually required at bridal showers, unless there is an open bar…
    .-= Libby´s last blog ..Happy Birthday, Ryan! =-.

  5. jcristg says:

    I hate bridal showers too. And I’ve never understood the couple showers — especially ones without booze. None of the women want to be there, why in the world does anyone think the men do?!

  6. -R- says:

    I hate bridal showers too. I think we may have discussed this before, actually.

    Anyway, the blinds look good.
    .-= -R-´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day =-.

  7. TUWABVB says:

    I can’t imagine getting through a bridal shower, including my own, without the crutch of alchohol. I would have brought along three flasks!

    Love the blinds – but even more? Love the commentary from the cat. 🙂
    .-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..Pbbbbtttt to Last Week =-.

  8. ali says:

    if it makes you feel better, g hasn’t turned on the a/c in our house yet. gross.

    also? no more red sheet of brothelville! my god! real blinds! they look great, even if they aren’t as funny as the sheet. heh.
    .-= ali´s last blog ..He could very well be the new Dentist Kid =-.

  9. michele says:

    ha! i love the captions on the cat pics. and those blinds looks really nice and you for sure made the right decision to hire people to install them so it would be 1. done 2. not aggravating. money well spent! and again, looks really nice. you proud homeowner you.
    .-= michele´s last blog ..Jen Lancaster Book Signing! =-.

  10. I’m with Scarlet — I wish fall were here sooner.

    I hate bridal showers, including my own, which I agreed to only after getting a serious amount of pressure from my parents, grandmothers, aunts, and apparently every other person related to me.

    The new blinds are great!
    .-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..Eating crow and swatting flies =-.

  11. Ree says:

    Are they wood? The blinds, silly…geez.

    And you know you can drink with me whenever you want.
    .-= Ree´s last blog ..MM – Vision =-.

  12. Darcey says:

    The only reason I want Fall to hurry up is to bring FOOTBALL back into my life! I mean, I’m enjoying some of the Summer weather (I liked it more while I was sipping MaiTais in Hawaii), and want to work on my tan before it starts getting cool again. Sadly, however, its going to get MUCH WORSE before it gets better here.

  13. I went to a dry wedding once (it’s true! they exist!), and for the toasts they poured us SPARKLING LEMONADE. And no, it wasn’t a pretend wedding for a five-year-old’s two guinea pigs.
    .-= Amanda Nicole´s last blog ..honesty policy =-.

  14. Julie K says:

    The blinds look great! I hate bridal showers with a burning passion as well and, being a learning kind of gal, will never hit another one without emergency backup flask. Good call!

  15. The Tutugirl says:

    The blinds look great! Yay for sneakily drinking at the shower, and for the internet being a bunch of lushes.
    .-= The Tutugirl´s last blog ..Yay weekends! =-.

  16. Angella says:

    Bridal showers are AWFUL. So are baby showers. I hate the ones that were in my honor even more because I’m all, “I’M SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO BE HERE.”
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Balancing Everything =-.

  17. jen says:

    Hell, I once filled a flask w/Chardonnay and brought it with me to a production of Godspell in a church basement. Why yes, a buffet dinner was also involved, how did you know!

  18. slynnro says:

    God I hated my own wedding shower. UGH.

  19. metalia says:

    Yeah, what Slynnro said. Also, as a rule, any time I’m opening a box of pricey lingerie, I prefer my mother and MIL to NOT be in the room. But hey, that’s me, you know?
    .-= metalia´s last blog ..My Girl =-.

  20. Melissa says:

    Tell Jason to suck it…I happen to like your cat posts.

    And what’s my excuse? I’m alone and I don’t even have a fish. I do have dust bunnies…maybe that’s why.