Posted By Kristabella on June 21, 2009
I had a very grown-up weekend. I showered. I put on make-up. I WORE A DRESS. And then I drove the entire state of Illinois in my beat up car that has no air conditioning. And did I mention, it is summer now and it was 90 degrees and humid while I was doing all this driving? And that I now have a sunburnt left arm to show for my troubles? Good thing I’m a different shade of pale, so that arm will go back to being stark white in a few days.
Saturday I had a hair appointment in the morning. After my hair appointment, which is basically in Indiana, I had to drive to my friend Jenn’s bridal shower, which was practically in Iowa. All during the heat of the day. Did I mention that I don’t have air conditioning? BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING IN MY CAR!
(It has a leak. I fill it up with coolant and it usually lasts for about 2 weeks. But I haven’t filled it up yet this year because we’ve not been having summer like weather for all of June. Until now, of course.)
Needless to say, once I got to the shower, I needed a drink. Good thing I did my recognizance and found out there would be no booze at this shower. So I came prepared with a flask full of vodka. (Hi Jenn! Yes, I brought a flask to your shower! But I didn’t get out of control! I bet you didn’t even notice! Love ya!)
I made sure that it was indeed OK to bring a flask to a shower by doing what normal people do in this situation when you have perplexing question. No, not asking the bride-to-be. I asked Twitter.
Twitter responded with a resounding YES! And Nic was overruled! Which is OK because she’s just mad that she has to buy her alcohol from the state and pays more and can’t get it in the grocery store. I still love her, though. And her bid to turn me sober. If she had witnessed Drunkabella in action, she would reconsider.
There was actually champagne for a toast at the shower. And punch. Which I added the vodka too. Which later was a bad idea because there was citrus in the punch and my stomach was being ripped to shreds after a few glasses, so I switched to water. All in all, it was a decent shower. I won’t go into my thoughts about bridal showers (HATE THEM!) and what I will do at mine, in the event I ever get married, which isn’t likely (BOOZE! NO GAMES! NO PRESENTS OPENING! MORE LIKE A BACHELORETTE PARTY WITH CHINA AND PIZZA STONES!). But Jenn did a good job with the gifts. Her and her soon-to-be-hubby (I always spell fiancee like finance) Jerry were very fast and efficient. And the food was excellent and it was good to catch up with friends.
Anyway, that was more time that I planned to devote to the shower. I had to rush out of the shower to sit in traffic and drive back from almost-Iowa so I could be home for my blinds to be installed! REAL BLINDS! No more fitted Red Sheet of Brothelville! I was going to wake up to normal colored light and no longer think that I was living life in rose-colored glasses. Literally.
They took all of 10 minutes to install them. This is why I paid people to do it. Because 1) they did it right and 2) it would have taken me three hours to do it myself. We even bonded over the fact that they too had no A/C in their car. Weather – the Great Equalizer.
After they were installed, we had a ceremonious folding of the Red Sheet of Brothelville.
The red sheet now goes to join his other compatriots in the Box of Sheets and Towels Which Has Yet To Be Unpacked. Before we put the Red Sheet of Brothelville away, I made sure the cats gave it a proper salute.
Kitty Kitty, of course, wasn’t convinced that Red Sheet needed all this pomp and circumstance.
Whatever CAT, you are now afraid of BLINDS! Add that to your fucking list, you pussy.
But aren’t they pretty?
Wow, yet another post about my cats and about blinds. I can’t believe I don’t have suitors knocking on my door to ask for my hand in marriage. I’m sure Jason would agree.
But hey, then at least that’s one less bridal shower I have to sit through.