Loaves and Fishes
Posted By Kristabella on February 25, 2009
So today is Ash Wednesday. You know what that means, right? It means that people walk around with dirt on their foreheads all day today. But you can’t say anything, lest ye look like an asshole. And it also means that it is the start of Lent. And what is Lent? Well it’s a period of 40 days when you can’t eat meat on Fridays and people give up chocolate and booze. And that’s all I know about Lent because I am a bad Catholic. And I also don’t pay attention in church. I’m too busy critiquing people’s outfits. And remembering when to sit and stand and not wanting to shake the person’s hand in front of me who just sneezed snot all over it not two seconds earlier. Peace be with you, but I’m keeping my hands to myself, thankyouverymuch.
So the big thing people are talking about is what they are giving up for Lent. Because you’re supposed to sacrifice like Jesus did, or something. I was never much into giving anything up for Lent when I was growing up because I AM WEAK. I always said I was giving up broccoli because that was easy. I wasn’t eating broccoli anyway. Take that, Jesus!
When I lived in California, I never really gave it much thought. But one of my friends who I worked with, Carri, she always pressured me to give up something. One year I was going to give up Mexican food, but then only gave up “everything but burritos” which was HARD since I love me some tacos. Another year I gave up candy. And since I know my weakness for candy, especially Starburst jelly beans, I made a promise that if I slipped up, I would donate money to a charity after Easter. I didn’t slip up once. My co-workers at the time had other ideas because I had a Twix cookie. It was a COOKIE. And I didn’t give up cookies. It isn’t my fault that the COOKIE was like a piece of candy. Like being the operative word. It was shortbread topped with caramel and chocolate. A COOKIE.
That year, the night before Easter, I went out on the town with some friends. I went to Walgreens beforehand and at midnight, I ate more candy than any one person should eat in a month, let alone 30 minutes. I paid for it for days.
And that, my friends, is why I don’t give up things like candy and Mexican food for Lent.
But this year, I thought I should. See, you don’t have to only give something up. You could do something charitable or good. Or so I have always been told. But don’t trust me. I am a bad Catholic and come from a family where my Grandma says that Sundays during Lent are “free” days, so you’re allowed to eat/have whatever you’ve given up. Which, I’m pretty sure is NOT IN THE BIBLE. But my Grandma, she is weak and she likes candy too.
So my first Lenten resolution is that I am giving up being lazy. And I am going to work out and get back in shape. I may not work out every day (I still have pub trivia night, people. Priorities) but I will work out a majority of the time. Like tonight, I did some walking, to the store and around the neighborhood, because it was so nice out.
The other thing I’m giving up for Lent is my snooze button on my alarm clock. (I know. Genius, right?) You see, I hit snooze no less that 5 times every morning. And every morning, I’m rushing around trying not to miss the bus. Because 40 minutes earlier I convinced myself that I could so hit snooze one more time and “sleep” for seven more minutes.
But NO MORE! I am setting my alarm for the last possible time that I can get up in the morning. I am no longer going to try to get a cat nap in in five minute increments. I will get up when the alarm goes off! TAKE THAT SNOOZE BUTTON! I don’t NEED YOU!
So we’ll see how this goes. I’m hoping come Easter I won’t even think twice about getting right up when the alarm goes off.
But I’m still eating meat on Fridays. Because I don’t really see that as a sacrifice when we have CHEESE, which is better than meat anyway. Make it tough Jesus, make us give up cheese for 40 days. And really, when I’m at the pearly gates, is eating meat during Lent going to be God’s biggest issue with me. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say no.
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Haha~ “take that, Jesus!” Nice one, trying to fool Him with the broccoli.
I also hit Snooze like, 42 times in the morning. It’s insane, and I need to grow up already. Maybe the solution is going to bed earlier than 12:30, but maybe it’s NOT, and that’s a chance I’m not willing to take.
metalias last blog post..Put the Wind Away
I am giving up french fries for Lent. I’m Presbyterian and we actually don’t put much emphasis on giving things up for Lent, but I figure making a sacrifice (and I promise you, this is a PAINFUL sacrifice for me and my butt) might help me focus on the significance of the season. And if I lose a pound or two, bonus! And since you seem to be an expert, would eating tater tots technically be slipping up?
Cyndis last blog post..25 Things
Giving up being lazy is, like, the most insanely brave thing ever. I don’t think I could ever do that! BTW, did you read my latest post? I think you’ll appreciate… Hope everything else is good!
HouseofJuless last blog post..Making an Ash of Myself
My church didn’t observe Lent, but the magic of Catholic guilt is that I felt bad for eating chocolate during those 40 days while my friends were abstaining. Sometimes I hated them for that.
And feel free to give up meat for as many days as you can take it! The Earth will be even more grateful than God, I bet.
I’m impressed by your giving up being lazy. I’m only giving up soda, and I’m afraid that’s going to kill me.
tutugirl1345s last blog post..The sun’s a little brighter now
I don’t think I could give up the snooze button. Just this morning I hit snooze for 55 minutes.
Juliennes last blog post..Julienne and Alex – Part 2.
“Take that Jesus”???????????? Be careful crossing the street cuz I am so sure a CTA bus is aiming to hit you.
I will now make the sign of the cross several times. I don’t know why…it’s like my arms and hands are operating separate from my body.
Technically I’m not Catholic. I was brought up Christian – but catholics are christian too right? So yea anyway – I’m giving up snacking for lent. 3 meals a day – no in between grazing. No late night munching. No “hey since I skipped breakfast let me eat (insert yummy snacky junky food here)”. Hopefully my pants will thank me at easter.
I just read an article that said tons of people are giving up Facebook to Lent. And to that I say, Catholics are foolish. Who would give up FACEBOOK as their vice? Christ would never ask that of anyone.
nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…
My last year of college, I gave up chocolate for Lent, which was really hard. Shortly after midnight on Easter, Pete gave me a candy bar … followed by an engagement ring. I honestly couldn’t tell you which one I was more excited about.
Jen on the Edges last blog post..Hello neighbors
I decided to go to the gym….which means that I have to well go to the gym. Once I am home after work I rarely want to leave so I am making an effort to go to the gym at least twice a week.
Starting this weekend.
Baby steps.
I am a lapsed Catholic!
Christinas last blog post..The beat goes on
I used to date a guy who was Catholic. Every Friday during Lent, he ate a Filet o’ Fish from McDonalds. I never understood.
Rhis last blog post..One Year
So we totally need to be like friends and stuff. Because I wrote this same post (except for the part where it’s the opposite) yesterday. About the giving stuff away rather than giving stuff up. And why in God’s name we make these kinds of sacrifices anyway.
I truly think that God has bigger fish to fry (get it?? Fish to fry? Cuz fish isn’t meat! No? Never mind) than whether or not I have a hot dog on Friday. But if I can find some way to make that sacrifice/thoughtfulness make *me* think about God when I reach for the mac and cheese instead, then it’s probably doing *me* some good. Know what I mean?
Me and my snooze button fight every morning! You’ll have to share with me your strategy for breaking the habit.
tmcs last blog post..Sing-along Thursday: I’m blacking out, but it’s been fun
Damn it girl, why do you have to be so dang funny.
I promise I won’t bother you ALL the time with my comments. But I was rollin over here with the “Take that Jesus”. I am not Catholic, however, my husband is. Very much so. However, last night he ate dinner at a BBQ restaurant because he forgot it was Ash Wednesday. Granted he had other more important things to worry about, so I don’t blame him. I am of the mind set that, God won’t really care whether or not I ate meat. It just doesn’t make sense to me. He is going to love me for who I am, even if that includes a love for bacon at all times of the year. Growing up in the south only a couple people observed Lent, and I was like ooooh what is this weird thing you were doing. Now I am like the only non Catholic in this city and EVERYONE is doing it. So now it’s fish on fridays for half of my household.
And FYI, I don’t really love the Peace Be With You part of mass, because I don’t know where other people’s hands have been. I usually just do the sign of peace with the people I am with.
I could also never give up what you are giving up for Lent. Right now I am about four and a half months pregnant and feel super lazy all the time. So there goes that. I mean I am TIRED. And I am a lazy person in general. So kudos to you for attempting to cut laziness out. When I get home from work all I want to so it sit on the couch.
Also, the snooze button. Yea I have three alarms and I often sleep through them all. And I am addicted to the snooze button.
I think that I could never give up cheese.
What’s Bacon giving up for Lent??? And what does he eat on Fridays? Is Bacon Catholic??
Inquiring minds need to know.
Good job with the snooze alarm. I would do the same thing. But now my alarm clocks will come into my room and sit on me. So, I’m screwed.
Sheris last blog post..Sickety Sick Sick
I once heard that the reason that people don’t eat meat on Fridays in Lent is because the fishing industry was doing poorly in Rome, so the Pope said that it was a sin to eat meat on Fridays in Lent. I’m not a fan of the Church’s willy-nilly rules, so I eat what I please. Which happened to be a vegetarian burrito. But whatever.
Anonymous New Yorks last blog post..When You Have Nothing Nice to Say…
i am also an abuser of the snooze button…sigh…but, alas, i’m jewish, so no having to give it up! huzzah!
alis last blog post..an awfully big adventure (or: bomb. dropped.)
That’s pretty funny – I enjoy your blog, even though I’m just found it randomly and will probably never meet you… Catholic guilt leads me to do the whole Lent thing. One year I gave up SHOPPING – yeah, crazy.
And by the way, your grandma wasn’t cheating, Sundays ARE free days! They’re like a Mini Easter and the Pope says it’s okay. So hit the Snooze button all you want on Sunday mornings!!
Staceys last blog post..You do Lent YOUR way, and I’ll do it the RIGHT way…
Oh my god, if we had to give up cheese, I would totally fail.
La Petite Chics last blog post..Grace in 40 Days
I tried giving up chocolate once for Lent. That…was a really bad year. lol
Giggle Pixies last blog post..Hands Off, Ladies! He’s Mine!
“Take that, Jesus!”
I laughed out loud.
And I could NOT give up cheese. That’s just crazy talk.
I have never given up anything because I’m not catholic so it was never a big thing in my church. I also thought my friends were crazy to give up goodness when they could just read the Bible every day (was that an alternative for all Catholics or just the ones around me?). I also enjoy eating meat on Friday and (figuratively) rubbing it in the faces of my friends who can’t. MUHAHAHA…it’s funny, though, because I’m much more kind when friends of mine go through Ramadan. I still think that’s crazy, though, because I could never go all day without water.
OMG Starburst Jelly Beans!!!!
Lent is one of the reasons I enjoy being an agnostic – I’m giving up nothing (although I probably should…).
Ambers last blog post..Everybody Hurts. Especially in February.
The great thing about being Episcopalian (eg Catholicism Lite) is that their official stance on lent is “None must, some should, all may”. No guilt if you don’t give anything up!
I’ve given up the internet after 7 pm before and that was hard, but rewarding, but let me tell you – I’m glad your Grandmother is right! Sundays aren’t a part of lent. No really!
Go take your calendar and count the days from Ash Wednesday up to and including the Saturday before Easter (You’ll find there are 46 days). Now count the number of Sundays (6). if you remove the Sundays you’ll get 40 days of lent! Genius! Who has heard of the 46 days of lent? 🙂
The church actually moved Ash Wednesday back a week just to work that out – pretty cool, huh?
So that pub quiz thing is working out! Hopefully they have cheap beer on trivia night (I’m a sucker for $4 pints).
I’m always too busy in church critiquing people’s outfits to pay attention too. Hahaha!
Stacy Quartys last blog post..Mommy’s Role
I am so proud of you!
I think what your doing is great.
Just remember Jesus didn’t really care about that one Twix CANDY/COOKIE!!
You were just a lot of fun to mess with!
We always gave up ice cream for Lent (us good Catholic/Muslim children, y’know) – and then ate sundaes for Easter dinner.
Now that I’ve been excommunicated, I don’t think I have to give anything up. Hey. They don’t want me anymore? I’m eating a hamburger every Friday.
Rees last blog post..I’m thinking of spiking my coffee.
Starburst jelly beans are the BEST – I actually swayed last week and bought Sweetart jelly beans because I figured the idea was tranferable. It’s not. They hit the trash can after my second blue one.
And there is definitely something wrong with a “season of sacrifice” that brings to mind this though – YEA! An excuse to have pizza EVERY Friday. 🙂
TUWABVBs last blog post..Dreams are illustrations… from the book your soul is writing about you.
Dude, you’re a stronger bad Catholic than I am Southern-Baptist-turned-non-church-going-delinquent. I NEVER give up anything for Lent. And I’m pretty sure Jesus still loves me.
Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Photo Friday: Big Sur, California
My son’s church is very strict for Lent, strictly vegan. And at Easter, they have an all meat party.
With booze. In the church hall. Crazy,huh?
witchypoos last blog post..Skinny Bitch Gets Hers
Thank you for the give-up-snooze-button-for-Lent idea! The snooze button has become a major problem for me, and I too, end up running around the house like a mad woman because I am always running late! This will be a good thing for me. It’s not going to be easy though. I may need a support group to get through it.