The Fabulous Life Of Kristabella
Posted By Kristabella on July 30, 2008
No, I am not drunk right now. I am a little buzzed, but not drunk. In fact, I left a half-full (because I’m SO optimistic) glass of red wine on the table at dinner because DO NOT WANT. (And yes, those of you on Twitter, I totally repeated the same line. I’m a one trick pony for Pete’s sake.)
So I want to tell you all about how famous I am. Because I’m not sure you are aware of my famous status and my all-around fabulousness. And because I am famous, I will tell you all about my being famous. Because my being grouped into a bunch of famous people is only because I gave Amalah my business card. (The nerve of some people!)
Over the weekend, some jaded mommyblogger (I hate that term because we are ALL personal bloggers) (but I don’t like her, so there you go) decided to send a mass email out to like every popular blogger in the world asking them to go to her site and comment on a post she had written. She wanted to know how all of us famous bloggers kept our writing real, even though we were all making a living off our ads on our blogs. Because how could you possibly keep writing the same inane details when you were making a LIVING off of it?
At first, drunkenly on Friday night, I laughed at this idiot who apparently emailed the entire blogging universe. And she not only emailed us once, she emailed us TWICE because she FORGOT THE LINK in the first email.
On Saturday, I saw that a lot of people commented, so I figured I would add my two cents. Seeing how I was living the dream and all. You know, living the dream of working at a job that has eliminated my position and spending my working hours looking for a job so I can pay the bills. Yeah, honey, being famous is exhausting work.
And I told her, “hey, maybe do your homework. I don’t EVEN HAVE ADS on my site. And also, BlogHer is for everyone. And really, if you want to see how famous all these bloggers are in the real world, come to my office. My office where no one has even heard of blogs.”
Let’s be honest here people, for all the BlogHer haters – we are all women with websites. That’s it. If you are afraid to talk to someone or any of that high school bullshit, it is because you have built that person up to be something THEY ARE NOT. We have fucking websites, for the love of God.
And on top of it, we aren’t going to like everyone. That’s what makes us human and not robots. We’re going to get along better with some people. For instance, you might might get lucky and get along with the most awesomest roommates who will be all Judgey McJudgeypants with you. And really mesh well with your Full Of Snark self.
To top it all off, the only reason I got lumped into this group was because I gave my card to Amalah and she linked to me on her site. Because I gave her my card. That makes me so unfamous I can’t even tell you.
And to the person starting this drama, please don’t lump me into your crazy anymore. And tell me I’m a bad blogger because I don’t read your blog or respond to your comments when you have NEVER commented on my site. I’m a good, nice blogger. So there! *sticks tongue out*
But to piggyback off all my new-found famousness and life in the fast lane, I did indeed live the fabulous life for a few hours on Sunday. As soon as my new-found famous status was confirmed by the Committe of Famous People (CFP), I immediately hopped on a private jet and flew a grand total of seven miles and then back again. BECAUSE I COULD!
After my flight, I tried to live like a commoner and take the CTA to the Cubs game. But I grew impatient. And sweaty. So I hoofed my famous ass two miles from my house to Wrigley, where I met my famous friend Jen Lancaster. (Because what do you do when you find out you are famous overnight? You call your famous friend.) We were going to a rooftop by Wrigley to watch the Cubs game.
I also met another famous new friend, Gina, who writes for the Red Eye. She confirmed my status as a famous person by talking to me. Repeatedly.
After getting along famously, we then served our purpose at the Cubs game, which was to be on the Travel Channel with Samantha Brown. Don’t be jealous. You’re all not famous enough to live my life. (But watch Samantha’s show because she’s just the nicest person you will ever meet.)
And then I lost my fabulous, famous status by showing the world my white skin that MATCHES MY WHITE TANK TOP.
So I celebrated my record rise and fall from famous status like any normal schlub would do, I ate Taco Bell and took a nap on the couch.
It’s OK to touch me the next time you see me. I hear the fabulous famousness rubs off.
About the author
OMG. I actually gasped out loud by the time I got to the photo of you guys at the Cubs game. Not only did I gasp, but after the gasp I actually said OUT LOUD (and to myself), “Samantha! Fucking! Brown!” because I have a total girl crush on her. Well, maybe not a girl crush, but I definitely want her job. Okay, maybe I do have a little bit of a girl crush. But she’s so charming, how could anyone blame me? I’m so jealous you met her!
Jules
House of Jules
HouseofJuless last blog post..Robert Frost said it best
Dude. this is so not the post in which you should claim not to be famous! When I come visit do you promise I can meet Jen? And Fletch? For I love him too.
slynnros last blog post..Girl meets centipede. Hilarity ensues.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE.
Also? Where do I send the check for the good writing? And, also? Is yours to me in the mail? Because I’ve not received it yet.
Rhis last blog post..Big Mouth Strikes Again
With every post I am more upset we were not hanging out! in San Francisco. We shall remedy that someday, but until then: can I have your famous autograph?
Kerri Annes last blog post..Portrait Of A Tuesday Night
Did you go to the bell on addison? That is possibly one of the few places more popular than target on elston
Whew…so glad you are my bitch already or it looks like I would have some work to do. Rock on with your famous self, sister!
I hate baseball but that is awesome. And I have to know who sent that email.
jodifurs last blog post..Well, Shiver Me Timber
To aide your fame, I am going to tell 2 friends to read your blog; then they’ll tell 2 friends, then they’ll tell 2 friends, then they’ll tell 2 friends…..
Wendys last blog post..I Haz Gots the Blahz
Roof deck?! Very jealous. How does one finagle an invite to watch a game on the roofdeck? (Oh, that’s right, you have to be famous. I am filled with woe at my obscurity, as I am forced to watch Cubs games from my couch.)
That’s my girl!
Can I have your autograph?
As someone whose gay-makeover-show-recap-snarkfest was once Yahoo’s link of the day and written up in USA Today, please allow me to give you some pointers on how to handle your new-found internetty famousity.
First of all, you need to be cautious about flaunting your fame. The last thing you should do is start bragging to the internets. Unless you’ve already done that. Then it should not be the last thing you do, because you won’t do anything more ever, and as internet fame is fleeting, you’ll just be screwed.
So disregard that first pointer. Perhaps the most important thing that a new celebwerty should know is that there is a second, more secret and more faster internet that only the upper echelons of the digerati get to use. I’m guessing you’ll probably be getting an email with signup instructions soon. Since this stuff is top secret, they will be sending it to you in the guise of an email advertising an adult website. Look for the secret tipoff code of “Britney still has great hangers”.
And finally, don’t forget that as a newly minted member of the blogging elite, you get free WordPress updates for life.
Matts last blog post..Today I had a flashback to the summer of my junior year in high school
In my preceding post, please replace “celebwerty” with “cewebrity”, as it is funnier. kthxbye
Matts last blog post..Today I had a flashback to the summer of my junior year in high school
Can I be you?
moos last blog post..the things we don’t talk about
whatever. you are so famous. you are the cheeto girl! 😉
alis last blog post..made famous well before Ashton Kutcher…
So I shouldn’t bow down repeatedly stating “I’m not worthy?” Nope, sorry. Still will.
I get to say I’m right now, right?
Hmmm…now that you’re famous, are you still going to talk to us commoners?? I’m quite jealous you got to meet Samantha Brown though…she just seems so sweet!!
Erins last blog post..Avoiding "It"
I wish I would have known you were so famous before I just stared acting like you were a regular person.
Next time I promise to cower more.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..All That and a Baggie Full of Ham
Thanks for keeping it real Krista…I love reading your blog…it makes me laugh. Ok, so that sounded not quite right…I’m not laughing at you and your life, but you posts entertain me. I give up. If you want to experience my pathetic life, come over and read the letter to my dentist 😉
janelles last blog post..A Letter To My Dentist
You met Jen Lancaster? *squee*
I happen to think you look every bit as fabulous in that photo as the other two ladies!
I LOVE Samantha Brown. The whole time I was looking at that photo I was thinking…”hey, I know that woman.”
So can I say I knew you before you were famous…
Can I touch you? Maybe your fame will rub off on me.
lol.
=D
Ashmystirs last blog post..It’s Mon… yaaaawn… Monday
I have received e-mails from you AND you have commented on my blog, so I am now going to claim that I am famous too.
If you find out when your episode will be on the Travel Channel, you have to let us know!
-R-s last blog post..Fancy Schmancy
All famousness is good! Keep it up.
I’m starting to see a pattern here. I want to become a famous blogger but I have the wrong plumbing for BlogHer…That’s it…I’m calling to see if my medical flex spending plan will cover a vagina surgery…stay tuned…
Helmets last blog post..Lucky 13 and a new job posting…
So how did this fabulously famous Travel Channel hook-up happen? Are you going to be on her Great Weekends – Chicago show? You should have taken her to Rockit for martinis!
You forgot to mention the part about talking into my cleavage. You get extra fame points there.
Also? Note to self: Burn Empire-waist, only-looks-good-when-standing shirt before one more person asks me when I’m due.
Jens last blog post..Worst Tablescape Ever
I don’t know if I dare comment your bog you’re so famous now! 🙂
But really…yay for Jen Lancaster and Samatha Brown and the Travel Channel!! WOOHOO!!!
Allisons last blog post..First Date Follies
oh my oh my-you met Samantha Brown AAAAAAhhhh I LOVE her! Wow totally impressed!
Sarahs last blog post..Dancin’ Machine
i was going to say something about rubbing you if i ever meet you to get some contact famous, but it kept sounding dirty.
Alices last blog post..tickled
You get all famous on us and forget about the pork products who helped you get there? No Bacon at the Cubs game? No Bacon mentioned in this post at all. Well, there was that reference to the mean mommyblogger but we won’t call her a pig and hurt Bacon’s feelings now, will we?
Dingos last blog post..Geckos Ruined My Life
I think we should all pay to be allowed to even read your blog, Famous Girl.
Candys last blog post..Sister2
It hurts my feelings that you’re too famous to associate with the likes of me. Will you pay attention if I flash my boobs? I’ve got nice boobs.
Nics last blog post..The truth.
Okay, now that you’ve hung w/ Samantha Brown, I definitely want to be you. Which just proves your innate celebrityness that much more. BTW, I LOVE Samantha Brown and am extremely jealous of you.
PS- which show/episode/date/time will that be??
Marys last blog post..Shameless Thievery
If you sign my bra, I promise not to force you to eat bacon ice cream… 😉
The Muses last blog post..Frozen Treats
You really ARE fabulous you know. At least in MY humble opinion.
xo
Angellas last blog post..Wait. Where Was I?
You are too kewl for your own good dammit. I’m hoping one day to be half the woman you are now…..and for at least half a glass of wine.
Just wondering, did this blogger want Bacon’s two cents too????
Sheris last blog post..Everything Started Out OK, and Then…..
I want some Chi-town pizza right now. And a true Chicago dog. Living 1000 miles from the lake is killing me.
namaste
Phils last blog post..Can you hear me now?
Did you tell Sam Brown about your affinity for beer and taxi drivers? That is like 2 whole episodes you can guest host for her!!
thecoconutdiariess last blog post..Some of My Best Friends Are Disabled!
All I can say is that when I meet you, the FAMOUS KRISTABELLA, I am going to swipe the wine glass after you’re finished drinking it. Then I am going to sell it, and your DNA, on eBay and make a FORTUNE.
Rock on with your famous self!
I might need a link to the crazy jaded mommyblogger who started all this, though so I can check her crazy ass out myself.
Wow, we once exchanged emails! I’m SO FUCKING FAMOUS RIGHT NOW IT FUCKING HURTS MY FUCKING MEATFUCKINGFACE.
Also? Forward me that email? Cause we’re famous friends and stuff.
Exs last blog post..I Sank Your Battleship.
Um, just after I get used to you hobnobbing with authors you start hanging out with fabulous tv celebs? Sheesh! If you meet Billy Corgan I’m moving in with you.
Scarlets last blog post..House Of Cards
I’m with Rhi. I don’t even know you anymore. Rhi. Ree. Get it?
Rees last blog post..Just saying…
I had no idea you were so famous! So the book you sent me was TOUCHED by a famous person!!?!?! Must call the Enquirer!
😉
Kristies last blog post..Story time, part 1 : My most embarrassing moment as a teenager
I’m so jealous. I can even overlook the white t on pearly white skin (which, by the way, is to die for). But geez louise, when is it time for MY 15 minutes of fame?
I know, maybe I should give my card to that blogger….
“-)
Evil Geniuss last blog post..My Craptastic Day’s Bullets
Holds on! You met Samantha Brown?!?! The Targo and I are HUGE Samantha Brown fans! I’m a Kristabella fan too 🙂
You rock, lady.
Mariannes last blog post..Worth
So the interview I did with you I can now sell for millions because you’re famous? Coooool….
jens last blog post..My first blogger meetup/s
OK. I did not get the “Come to the Cubs game with us” memo or email. A little hurt here, my friends! LOL! Looks like you had a great time!
Also, I did not get the famous blogger email that everyone got. I am soooo yesterday. I am going back to bed where I will weep into my pillow.
So sad I am.
Waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
manic mommys last blog post..Prize Winners & Mamma Mia!