Free Is My Middle Name
Posted By Kristabella on April 14, 2008
In true Jen Lancaster style:
Scene: My living room couch on Friday night, hanging out with my mother. She was over because we had to get up at zero-dark-thirty to go straight to Hell Chuck E. Cheese Saturday morning. We were watching The Wedding Singer on ABC Family, enjoying some pizza and beer/wine. On comes a commercial for Father of the Bride II, which was airing this weekend.
Me: Oh, hahaha, I need to remember to tell that story on my blog…hahahaha. You know which one I’m talking about? (insert incessant cackling from the mere thought of the story)
Mom: Yeah. I know the one. With the shirt?
Me: Hahahahaha. YES! Hahahaha! It is so funny! I HAVE to tell my blog readers.
Mom: It’s not that funny.
Me: Shut up woman. Drink you beer and sit there quietly. It IS funny.
~~~~~~~~~~~
So I love free things. Especially if they fill a need. For instance, one time during my freshman year in college during an ASU basketball game, I won free wings and a large Coke. It was the Cluck U “Scream For Your Wings” contest.
I actually only wanted the Coke and had no money on me because I had just finished working part of the game for my job as an usher. I saw the Coke, saw what I had to do it, and went about “screaming for my wings.” I won. Got the Coke and gave the wings to my friends and enjoyed the rest of the game properly hydrated.
In addition to loving free things, I also love drawing attention to myself. I am an attention-seeking famewhore most days, particularly when I was younger when I was without a care in the world.
On campus at Arizona State, we were constantly bombarded with free passes to movie screenings. Because apparently movie makers like to hear what drunk students on college campuses have to think.
So one year we were offered tickets to Father of the Bride II. You know, the one about the pregnancies. So we got to the theatre, found our seats and listened to the little spiel from Movie Guy. And then he asks if there are any pregnant women in the audience. A few noticeably pregnant women stand up. And Movie Guy is giving them free T-shirts!
Me: Shit! I want a free shirt!
Amber and her sister Amy: *crouching in seats pretending not to know me* No. Please don’t.
Well, there was no talking me out of it. I stood up, took my free shirt and sat my ass down. I have no shame. And as a bigger girl, I had more of a claim to being pregnant than the stick figure of a woman who decided to stand up and get a free shirt too. I told this fact to EVERYONE around me. “I look more pregnant than that anorexic chick! Take her shirt away! I could be pregnant!”
Anyway, the movie was good and I held on to that shirt for years.
Nowadays I usually only tend to make an ass out of myself like that when free alcohol is involved.
About the author
It’s never funny to the rellies. They call it embarrassing. We know better though. The free stuff, it calls to us…
witchypoo’s last blog post..April 14 Puzzle
You are one interesting woman.
I dont know too many that would proclaim that they were prego when they werent, unless of course it got them free beer, or T-shirts.
Its obvious that they werent giving out free birth control devices LOL
LarryLilly’s last blog post..Its been a long time….
Hillarious. Your statements in the theater were absolutely. I have never been one for pandering for free things but Free alcohol – I can’t resist.
MidwestGent’s last blog post..BRUTAL!!
OK, it IS that funny of a story!!!!!
I think it’s funny that they were at a college all “okay who’s pregnant?”
Now I know who to sit by when the free shit starts flowing!
Raven’s last blog post..sprog ed
Good- then you can get all the free shit I hear they have to offer at BlogHer. I knew I chose roommates wisely.
slynnro’s last blog post..In which I continue to paint myself in an Oh-So-Positive light.
I love free. Whenever there is a public giveaway, I get goosebumps because I am so excited. Like when you are playing hide and seek and you feel like you’re gonna pee your pants. Yeah, like that.
Kimberly/ MommaK’s last blog post..In the Dirt
Although I am not pregnant, I regularly park in the “for pregnant woman” spots at the local grocery store. I also have no shame.
Sometimes it pays to be an apple shaped bigger girl.
moo’s last blog post..Ye Olde Sundaye Afternoone
This would only be funnier if there had been a recent ex-boyfriend in the audience when you claimed to be pregnant.
Moo, do not park in the pregnant lady spot!
-R-‘s last blog post..Finally
I love your response to your mom when she didn’t think it was that funny. ha. ha.
I love free things too but not as crazy as you seem in how you go about getting it.
Note to self: drink first then speak your mind.
=)
Ashmystir’s last blog post..just not myself today…
I disagree with your mother as I do think that is a funny story. But I think I’d be right along there with your friends, slouching down in my chair and being totally embarrassed! 🙂
Allison’s last blog post..411
Ha! Hooray for free stuff!!! I think there is NO SHAME in pretending to be pregnant for free clothing. In fact, I need to find some positive pregnancy tests to carry in my purse for just such an occasion.
“No? You don’t believe me? Take a look at THIS!”
Laurel’s last blog post..How To Sell Me Wine
Ya Kook!
But, of it was coll T … I’d probably do the same.
Nancy’s last blog post..Does Comerica Park Need Excavating?
*cool
Nancy’s last blog post..Does Comerica Park Need Excavating?
It’s nice to see you’ve grown up and only whore yourself out for the good shit now. Lol!
Lela’s last blog post..I’m So Bad
If I had known you when you were younger, we would both be in jail now.
Candy’s last blog post..Just what the hell does magneto bold too even mean??
I am intrigued by the Scream For Your Wings contest- how much did you have to scream? For how long? Could anyone do it? I NEED TO KNOW!
You crack me up.
I’m a sucker for office supplies. Comes from working in government. Whenever you had the opportunity to new supplies, you did it, even it was a midnight requisition.
Of course, I didn’t need to pretend I was pregnant to get the good legal pads.
But it might have helped.
Hank’s last blog post..What Veaj Did To Me Once
I love free…
Ahhh alcohol it contributes such a big part in someone making a fool out of themselves. I love watching drunk people when I’m sober lol.
Lauren’s last blog post..Tax Day = No Fun
That’s priceless. I park in the “Expectant Mother” parking spots at drug stores. Why not? I expect to be a mother…. someday. Besides, it’s not MY fault that she got knocked up and why should she be rewarded for not practicing safe sex. Hell if she had gone to the drug store in the first place she wouldn’t need a special parking spot. Oh crap, I think I feel a blog about this coming on…..
Lisa-tastrophie’s last blog post..Some Give All to Those Who Simply Give Love
hahha That’s amazing. Good for you.
Scarlet’s last blog post..Crash
LOLOL I probably would have gone for the t-shirt too
Nic’s last blog post..I hate dress shopping.