I Love Reality TV
Posted By Kristabella on July 7, 2008
I am guest blogging today over at Jodifur’s site today, so go check it out. I tell you all about what it would be like if I were to ever be on a reality show.
So go, read, laugh and comment.
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Miss Independence
Posted By Kristabella on July 6, 2008
Did everyone have a nice long weekend, celebrating America’s birthday by stuffing your face full of hot dogs, apple pie and a keg of beer, all while watching fireworks? If I’m America, I’m mad because can we do something else for my birthday? For fuck’s sake, ENOUGH WITH THE FIREWORKS, HOT DOGS AND BEER.
To which I say to America, shut your fucking country face, you’re old. You should be happy we’re even still celebrating.
I did nothing to celebrate this weekend. Well, scratch that. I celebrated by stuffing my face full of grilled cheese, because it was the only thing I had in the house. I also celebrated by sleeping A LOT, watching TV and drinking beers. So really, a typical Kristabella birthday celebration. Or typical weekend for that matter.
I didn’t watch any fireworks. I could see some out of my window as I was lazily dozing off on the couch Friday night. Because apparently I’m as old as the good ol’ U S of A, because I was falling asleep while it was still light out.
I’m not a big fan of fireworks, mostly because I’ve seen my fair share in my life. During my summers in college I worked for a minor league baseball team and we did fireworks shows every Saturday night home game in the summer. So in two summers working for them, I’ve seen every possible pyrotechnics. And I’ve oohed and ahhed enough over burning pieces of colored fire in the sky.
Saturday I spent the day at the Taste of Chicago. Where I promptly used my 60 tickets on beer and 1/2 a Chicago style hot dog. Priorities people. Although, do not go with your friend that can do MATH IN HER HEAD because she’ll tell you just how much each ticket is worth. And that the half of hot dog I got, was like $7 or something. I prefer to think it was three tickets, which is like three pennies in my small, drunk brain.
And then Sunday I proved my independence by sleeping in, watching TV and napping on the couch. I showed my independence by getting off the couch only when absolutely necessary, which was to pee in a glass because the bathroom was too far and it was hot in my house and my independence did not involve breaking a sweat. (No. Not really. Even though my friend Schwerer told me urine is sterile. That is not a theory I want to test.)
But then the real world slapped me in the face and reminded me that I had no clean clothes and no food in the house, so I had to actually move a muscle and go to the grocery store and do laundry.
So then I gave the finger to the real world and, after doing the grown-up things, parked my fat ass on the couch and watched the premiere of I Love Moneyon VH1 while gchatting with Darcey. Since we have been waiting for this day for MONTHS, which is one of the many reasons why I love her.
Nothing says America like sleeping, being lazy, drinking beer and watching trashy reality television.
How Not To Start A Morning
Posted By Kristabella on July 2, 2008
I thought for sure today would be a great day, coming off my awesome Canada Day high (literally and figuratively). And then I got on the bus. And then my day just started on a shitty note.
This morning when I got on the bus, I put my nose deep in my book and got ready for my lovely commute to work with crazy bus people and loving that I didn’t have to drive in city traffic. (Even though I have to get up earlier, I do actually enjoy taking the bus. Most days.)
This morning’s ride was horrible. It was a little after 7 AM, which will always be an early time to get up for me or a late time to go to bed. I’m not a morning person. Especially when I went to bed with a pot headache and had to get up and shower for work. And I didn’t get to sleep for 14 hours like I want to every day. So little things set me off in the morning – cat puke on my shoe, spilling make-up on my one clean pair of pants and my hair not cooperating. One thing that will make me want to get all stabby? Screaming babies on a bus.
OK mommies, before you send out the lynch mob, let me explain. First off, this little girl was crying FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Which, yeah, I get it, that’s what kids do. But my problem was that the mother paid absolutely no attention. And was totally set on making everyone on the bus STABBY HATE. Clearly this little SCREAMER didn’t want to be strapped in the stroller. Then take her out. Or bring a toy. Or actually look at her because that little girl probably just wants some attention! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SHUT HER UP!
Mom (or sister or babysitter or whoever she was) was so NOT attentive that when the bus driver had to slam on the brakes, her baby in the stroller with the back towards the front of the bus rolled to the front of the bus backwards and then her weight took over and she fell backward and SMACKED her head on the ground of the bus.
Mom didn’t even flinch. The guy next to me flinched even. Or stifled a laugh. (OK, that was me. Falling anything is always funny. I can’t help it.) DO SOMETHING!
I gave Screaming Baby full permission to cry after this. Which she did. And when mom paid her some attention and gave her some love? Quiet as a mouse. But that lasted about two hot seconds. And then the SCREAMING. And my ear drums were BLEEDING. And all I wanted was a calm ride to work to read my book and relax.
They got off not soon enough, at Division, which is about 30 blocks from my house. That is a lot of blocks. A LOT OF BLOCKS OF SCREAMING.
On top of that, there was a man with Tourettes yelling some nonsensical things REALLY LOUD every now and then. But that was OK because it wasn’t for long. It mostly scared me because he always seemed to yell in the two seconds when Screaming Baby took a deep breath to let out another PIERCING CRY.
And yes, I realize I should probably never have kids. Although, screaming kids are less annoying when they are related to you. Probably because you can slap the scream right out of them. (I kid.)
But then I had the world’s best refried beans at lunch, found out I get to ditch most of Monday for a going away lunch and all was right in the world. Because if REALLY FUCKING AWESOME refried beans cannot make you happy, then what can?
It’s Canada Day
Posted By Kristabella on July 1, 2008
And what is Canada Day? I have no idea. But because I’m in charge of proofing the company calendar at work, I know that it is always on July 1. One of my co-workers and I think it is Canada’s 4th of July. Not Independence Day. But basically Canada’s day in the beginning of July to take time off from work that isn’t July 4. She says it is because Canadians have the same holidays as us, they just do it before the U.S. (like Thanksgiving in October) and call it different names. Or just something weird altogether like Boxing Day.
(And I’m sure Ali (my BlogHer roomie!) and Angella will tell us what the day actually means. Because they are Canadians they should know, right?)
I have nothing to write. I’m too tired to think of anything funny. I think this whole “not gonna have a job in 2 months” thing is bothering me more than I’d like to let on. Or I just didn’t get enough sleep last night after 4 beers at the Taste.
Plus, I’m currently choking on the pot smoke coming up from my neighbors below me. It is a daily occurrence to smell pot wafting up from their apartment. I mean, I don’t think they work and both the girl and guy who live there have matching Jason Castro dreads. But they did remove the bird’s nest I was housing on my back porch, so I can’t hate on them too much.
In theory. Right now I am choking. ON THE AIR. IN MY APARTMENT. Look, for one thing, you’re not supposed to smoke anything in your apartment. It says so in the lease. And me choking on the air has made me want to be the LEASE STICKLER. And go third grade on your ass and TELL ON YOU. I’m literally hacking up a lung like I just swallowed, oh I don’t know, a joint’s worth of pot smoke. AND I DID NOT. Which is nice because I don’t have the munchies (yet), but also NOT NICE because I like to be able to breathe. Imagine that.
So I actually just yelled, LOUDLY, “STOP SMOKING POT!” I’m such a grown up.
I have only smoked pot once in my life. (Don’t worry, I don’t plan on running for public office. Unless that is the Office of the Public Drunk. And I would hope that the above information would only help my campaign.) I was pretty drunk and the people across the street from my friends were habitual pot smokers (like my fucking neighbors), so I was all “hey! I’ll try it!” So I did and I got crazy sleepy. And I was like “I’m sleepy enough sober, I don’t need to make myself SLEEPIER.” So I’ve never done it again.
(And just re-reading that paragraph makes me sound TOTALLY STONED. Where’s mah Cheetoes, bitch?)
I’ve never done it since, until tonight. Because I’m convinced that I’ve inhaled enough of the stuff they have blown out their OPEN windows that has wafted into mine to fail a drug test. And now I’m even sleepier. And have I mentioned the CHOKING? On the AIR in my apartment? Supposedly fresh air from the outside? What the fuck, stoner hippies?
This is no fucking way to spend Canada Day, let me tell you.
I Feel Fine
Posted By Kristabella on June 30, 2008
First off, I cannot thank all of you enough for all your comments on my last post. It is times like that when you reach out to the interweb and get a big collective hug that remind me why I enjoy doing this. Because of all the friends I’ve made that I may not have ever met in person, but that I feel collectively have my back when need be. You guys rock!
So I didn’t post on Sunday night. I usually always post on Sunday nights, only because I have no excuse to not post and because it is a good way to start the week off. But I think the way I’m handling this whole losing my job thing is by sleeping. I took a two-hour nap on Sunday afternoon, woke up at 6:45 and decided I was tired enough to go right back to bed. So I brushed my teeth and took out my contacts and hunkered down for a good 10 hours of sleep. Going to bed before 8 PM I was convinced I’d wake up at 3 AM and be wide awake. I figured I’d blog then. And make my lunch. And do all the things I didn’t do Sunday night.
I slept until the alarm went off at 6 AM.
Not that I had a shitload to write about anyway. I got laid off at work. That was pretty much the highlight of my weekend. It’s funny how I had all these posts to write, all these ideas in my head and when a bombshell like that is dropped, you kind of forget aboout all that other stuff. And sleep, apparently.
I spent the weekend at my brother’s house, hanging out with him and my sister-in-law and my niece and nephew. It was the perfect way to spend a weekend and just what I needed. I drank beer and ate pizza and played with Noah and Skyler. After dinner the neighbors had a bonfire and we sat outside and drank more beer, until the mosquitoes ate OUR FACES. So we went inside and drank more beer. Just what I needed.
I did get to see my nephew in his second to last T-ball game. Which means I got to try out my new camera. Not too shabby, huh?
I’m so glad he got a good team to play for, and not the Cardinals or something.
And this was the shirt I wore all day!
And we can’t forget my favorite niece.
Who CLEARLY takes after her Auntie.
You can see the rest of the photos here.
And the tonight, my mom and I headed down to The Taste of Chicago because cast members from the Broadway in Chicago shows were performing tonight. Which means that our favorite boys from Jersey were performing at the show! And! Jarrod Spector, who is the main Frankie Valli, performed tonight. Which made me squee with glee like a school girl!
We were way far away, but I zoomed to try and get him. And just looking at this photo makes my heart got a-flutter. And made my mom and I decide we HAVE to go see it again. I love it THAT. MUCH.
That’s my fake Frankie Valli in the red shirt on the left. And Fake Frankie Valli, if you’re reading, I may or may not start stalking you and your lovely falsetto. You’ve been warned.
And then I sat behind a hot guy on the train home and almost licked his neck. One, because I thought “hmmm, this will be good blog material” and two, he was yummy. But then the train was kind of full and well, I had a few beers at the Taste, but not that many.
And now it is time for bed. Because almost-jobless Kristabella = sleepy Kristabella. I’m sure my therapist is going to love this.
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